Mean Co-Workers

D

dogs2birds

Cathlete
I work with this gal who is 48 (I'm 45) and she is kind of mean. She is single (has been divorced for the 2nd time for probably 7 years or so, NOT that there's anything wrong with that), she has 3 grown kids who she has had LOTS of trouble with (substance abuse, etc.), lots of men trouble, recovering alcoholic (I applaud her for being recovered for 2 years now - I've worked with her for 5 and it has been a roller coaster), she smokes and has tried to quit 100 times, she is always trying to lose weight but keeps falling off the wagon, she's in a financially bad place b/c she couldn't quit spending and finally went to credit counseling so is trying to get that back on track...and on it goes. I always support her and try to help when she asks. She really only has about 15 or 20 pounds to lose and just needs to get on a workout schedule and eat right (you know, do it all). But I really try to support her on everything whenever she asks. I'm always nice to her.

ANYWAY, she'll say things to me like how lucky I am to have such a wonderful husband and a normal marriage and how I give her hope. She'll tell me I'm the most beautiful person she's ever known. Then she'll go stab me in the back and tell my boss I'm showing too much cleavage at work (AS IF!!! I'm pretty conservative - you should SEE what people wear around here - but as long as they're overweight they can show their whole entire boob and it doesn't matter!) and try to get me in big trouble. Then she'll tell me I have flabby triceps. Then she'll tell me I've lost too much weight and I'm too skinny. Then yesterday there are these other co-workers around and she says, "Oh, look at your legs. Even though they're so skinny even you have that fat above your knees like I do. That makes me feel better."

Nice. Real nice! What is WRONG with people???

Suz

"Until one has loved an animal, a part of one's soul remains unawakened." - Anatole France

http://www.picturetrail.com/dogs2birds
 
She definately has issues. I would try to stay away from her as much as possible. People like that only feel better when they put another person down or try to create friction in the workplace.

Kim
 
Her issues even have issues!!

Having good co-workers is as close to a must for me as you can get. After all, we spend most of our adult lives working, so workplace harmony is pretty crucial to me.

I certainly can't retire on the money I make at my present job, but I would trust all of my co-workers with my life, should the situation arise, which means the world to me!!

Believe me, that hasn't always been the case, as I'm sure most everyone has a workplace story or two of their own!

Jerry
 
Suz - My sister n' law had a coworker that sounds very much like yours. She would go out of her way to be nice to her just to have her stab her in the back. The coworker even went as far as to plant the rumor that my sister n' law was having an affair! She ended up getting fired for planting additional rumors about other people in the office. I would stay as far away from your mean coworker as possible. People like that delight in making other people miserable.
 
>>"Oh, look at your legs. Even though they're so skinny even you have that fat above your knees like I do. That makes me feel better." <<

I would have said "oh, but you have WAY more fat above your knees than I do!"

But then, I'm kind of bitchy like that. Sorry you have to work with such a hag.

Lori
 
She's jealous and fasinated by you at the same time. She thinks you have it all and wishes she could be like you, but at the same time, her life is a mess so she wants to mess yours up too...you know, the ole "If I ain't happy ain't nobody gonna be happy" thing. Just keep doing what you do and she will just have to live with her inner demons of wondering how you do it and why she can't. She's searching for even the tiniest flaws in you to make herself feel better. She's going to have to dig deep because you are so much cooler than she is. }(


http://www.thesmilies.com/smilies/sports/barbell.gif ~Dallys~

www.picturetrail.com/keeponthesunnyside
 
she is TOXIC! stay away from her. after all the support and kindness that you have given her...and she still treats you like that...well there is no sincere future with her and friendship
 
Thanks you guys. I do have to be very careful with her. Unfortunately we have to work together but I do watch her like a hawk. I don't ever trust her. When she does mean things I always just try to remember how blessed I am in my life and how unhappy her life has been. At least that explains a little bit of it.

Suz

"Until one has loved an animal, a part of one's soul remains unawakened." - Anatole France

http://www.picturetrail.com/dogs2birds
 
Just wanted to say sorry you have to deal with this. I think you must be a great person b/c even though she is ugly to you, you are able to see the things in her life that cause her to be so mean. I agree to watch your back, but I applaud the effort you have put forth, and hope one day she can become more like you.

Kelli
 
I just checked out your picture trail and I can tell ya' why she is a mean person...she's jealous as hades. That's what it is I guarantee it. You are gorgeous.
 
Yep, this sounds like RAGING insecurities meets the real world to me! And unfotunately, she's chosen you try to compensate for them.

I work with someone like this. I've learned to avoid her as much as I possibly can. And when I have to interact with her, it's very short sentences that give her nothing to take back to anyone to crab/gossip/etc... about. It's sad that you have to put up with this.

Please don't let her own issues make you feel bad about anything you have or do!
 
I'm not a professional counselor but I do work in a hospital with patients who are dealing with depression.

Suz I've worked with people just like that and unfortunately most of her problems stem from her own lack of self control. She is very envious of you and other people. She may be resentful because of her past mistakes or even depressed. She is a recovering alcoholic so depression may be a big factor in how she treats other people.


I'm not sure if you are a religious person but in my situation with people like that I pray for them. Sometimes people like that need professional or spiritual counseling, but don't suggest it. Let her bring up the topic.

Sometimes when people criticize other people (fat above your knee) they are really criticizing themselves (self-hatred). This is just my non-professional advice. I see that you feel sorry for her but on the other hand you want to smack her too ;-) That is understandable.
 
If I in your shoes I would stay as far away from this chick as possible, even if it meant a transfer of some sort. At the very least, I would be very guarded with what I say around her and reveal nothing about my personal life.
 
My experience with mean coworkers (I have 3 in my department) is that they have low self-esteem and try to knock others down to make them feel better. She is jealous of you (obviously) and is trying to bring you down to her level. Our Mean Girls don't say anything to your face, or out in the open like yours does, but they are back-and-forth between themselves on our Instant Messaging system all day.

I choose to just let it roll.
 
Pure envy....and the green eyed monster is a mean one!

I went back to work last year after taking time off to be with my kids. The one thing I have changed about my work life is dealing with people like this. You know a heck of a lot about her...I don't "share" the way I did before my kids were born. When other people "share" way too much I don't listen or move the subject over. It has increased my work production, gotten me home at 5 and I don't have to listen to how bad someone else's life is.

I think it is also hard to be around people who have had poor relationships at home and you have a husband who is pretty good. Mine is not always perfect but we have an enviable relationship and sometimes I feel that envy from others when he is clearly being supportive of me working late, having to travel, or coming in to fix something in my office on his own time and not complaining about it.


I am so sorry - she must be really draining to work with and I know how you feel when you've worked really hard and you get a slam about being "fat" somewhere!
 
Hi Suz,

I agree with what everyone else has said already. Your co-worker is definitely jealous of you & that's why she says such mean things to you. It sounds like she has self-esteem issues, along with issues from her past so she is trying to displace the bad feelings she has about herself by attempting to make you feel bad about yourself too. You are fit & beautiful so please don't let it get to you. It's her problem, not yours. Honestly, it's quite sad that she feels so bad about herself that she says such ugly things to you in order to try & make herself feel better. But in a way, it's sort of a compliment too because you have your act together & she's envious of that. It's good that she has beaten her alcohol addiction & I hope she can quit smoking too. Hopefully, your influence will help her make even more positive changes in her life.

Good quote: "People rain on your parade because they don't have a parade of their own."

Sorry she's saying such hurtufl things to you. You certainly don't deserve it at all.
 
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