Ladies ,I have a REAL problem .I'm so bummed!

[merrybaker]

Ladies ,I've slipped into a depression .and having trouble doing anything !! .My workouts are suffering terrible .I cant eat or sleep ... Its along story and PLease please dont hold it against ME . I really need hugs and support . Its My hubby ..... I've known for sometime now that things were not right with him ..things kept getting worse .etc etc ... Well I started snooping .So I figured it out and confronted him . Heres the scary part ... Hes been doing METH. I'm so broken hearted . Now that I got the cat out of the bag and ALL my suspions were right ,,,I can barely deal . I want OUT . I want to work it out the next second . If we didnt have kids and a home I would be gone . But theres so much more to it .Hes seeking treatment ,Its such a long hall I don't know if I can do it . I gotta get back to my workouts I've done 1 in 10 days !!! How do I get through this !!! ????? :-( :-( :-(

 

[darli ann]

I think you're going to get lots of hugs and support here, Mary, no one will fault you for feeling blue. You've had a big load dumped on you! Above all, take CARE of yourself, regardless of how it all turns out in the end. Take your time and deal with it and get some help from friends and family and maybe professionals before you make any big decisions. God bless you.

 

[fitxme]

Mary,

You have every reason to feel the way that you do...I don't think I could workout under those circumstances either.

Do you know how long you DH has hadd this habit? Do you think he will really seek treatment? I do know that this is a very hard habit to break and he will need a lot of love and support to get through it. You will have to make the choice of whether or not you can forgive him. If you are honest with yourself and find that you can't, then I think you will have to move on with your life. If he doesn't seek the treatment he needs, then I think the next move is obvious.

I will tell you that working out would be a very good way to help you through this...It will help you deal with the stress and frustration you are feeling. It will make you feel stronger and therefore will help you through all of this.

Hang in there...you will be in my prayers.


~Marietta
FITXME
http://www.picturetrail.com/fitxme

 

[kathryn]

{{{{Mary}}}}

I'm so sorry this is happening. And what an aweful time for it to happen.

Can you go somewhere with the kids? Or send DH (in this case, "D" might stand for "dumb"!) somewhere while he rehabs?

Take care of yourself and your kids, that's the important thing right now. And if you don't take care of yourself, how can you take care of your kids? Think about that, and perhaps that can help motivate you to workout.

 

[Kathy02]

Oh boy, that's really hard, I'm sorry to hear this. My best advice right now would be to be there for him as much as you can. Take care of yourself as well. This will be a very trying time on you because everyone in your family will need a little more than you can give. The kids need extra love, the husband and yourself. Where do you go first, right? I hope that he goes to a rehab clinic where he'll be staying there for a few weeks, if not a month or so. This will make it better for you and the kids to take care of yourselves and not make it seem as if you are deserting him in his time of need.
I would not beat yourself up for not working out right now. Do what feels good for you. Take baby steps to making you feel better. If one day just taking a warm bath feels good, do that. If the next day just going for a walk around the block to do some thinking and soul searching feels good than do that. Don't think that you can just jump back to where you were before all of this came down on you. It will take time for you to heal. Allow yourself to heal.
Good luck!

Kathy

 

[milagrosepul]

Mary, that is a really difficult situation. The good news is that he is seeking help! That is great. My best advice to you would be to support him in any way you can. Don't abandon him while he is seeking treatment, he will need you. Although, take care of yourself also! You are no good to him if you do not take care of you and your children. Make certain you make time for yourself even if you have to lock yourself in a room. Your workouts will come back when you get yourself strong mentally.

Good luck Mary. You always have us!

 

[fit_fairy]

(((((((((((Mary)))))))))))) So sorry. I agree with what the other ladies are saying- be sure to take care of yourself.

Catherine

 

[amyg]

Mary, I think you've gotten a lot of good words so far. Know that we are all thinking of you in your tough spot!! (even the lurkers, I'm sure!)

It never once occurred to me to hold anything against you! What would we be holding? That you love your husband and your family and you're struggling to make things work out? That's something we all do every day- although fortunately we don't all face this same problem you're facing right now.

My sister has been going to Al-Anon meetings for a few years now and thinks they have been a huge success in her life. Whether or not your DH does seek help, maybe you could check out a program like that around you. You get a personal sponsor who can help you out in crisis times and non-crisis times.

I agree, do what makes you feel good- if you miss working out, try and squeeze some into your day, and appreciate yourself for taking that time. If it's too much and you're feeling guilty for not working out "enough", try to reframe that thought and be grateful for what you CAN do- you're an amazing person and you're facing very heavy things right now.

Continue to find support here- we're all pulling for you!!! Take care!

 

[buffettgirl]

Mary, I have no advice for you, just lots and lots of prayers and hugs. I can't even imagine what you are going through. Try to stay strong and know this will all be in the past some day.

 

[lfcjasp]

Mary, you did the first thing perfectly: came here and asked for hugs and support (and you'll get that! Plus some prayers for you and your family.)! That's good that DH is seeking treatment. And it's true, you'll have a lot of demands on YOU from both DH and the children. So you do need to be a little selfish. Do whatever workout really appeals to you. Or go for a walk if possible. Be gentle with yourself until you get over the shock and feel you have a better handle on all this...it's a lot to deal with and will be a very long haul, Mary.

And for goodness sake, there's nothing to hold against you, girl!

Keep us posted on how things go.

 

[SRP]

Merry -
I sure am sorry to hear this, and I'll certainly keep you in my prayers. Remember that you need to stay strong, for yourself, your kids and your husband. If that means working out, then do it! If it means taking a break, then do it! Whatever works, to give you the most strength to get through this. How you choose to get through it is up to you - whether you take the kids and leave, or stay with your husband. It's a tough decision, but we're all here with you, because we know you'll make the right one. I hope you and your husband have talked, and that he will stick with treatment. Hang in there!

 

[lrhollid]

Sending hugs and good thoughts your way. I'm so sorry that you're going through this during the holidays. Is there anyone you could work out with? Perhaps some company would help right now.

Take care of yourself,
L

 

[endorphin_junkie]

>!!! How do I get through this !!! ????? :-( :-( :-(

One day at a time, one step at a time, one breath at a time....

My heart goes out to you Mary, you've got some rough times ahead of you but you are strong in your spirit. I have no advise but oceans of empathy for you. Your heart and mind are at odds and that internal battle can be exhausting unto itself. Be good to you, your children need you but you also need TLC and nurturing. I hope you have a friend or family member that you can talk at length with without fear of judgement, you need to spew out some of the anger and hurt swirling from within. We are here for you and hoping that you can remain hopeful for better days to come. Peace.

Take Care
Laurie

 

[Timber99]

that is a toughie, that is for sure. Butyou CAN get through this.

Is your H seeking help? Do you believe that he will follow through? Are you willing to stay if he does? What if he doesn't? I think that these are all very hard questions, but you need to try and answer at least thes so that you can decide how to proceed. Maybe he needs to check into a facility and spent some time there so that you can catch your breath and he can get some help.

Most of all, don't be afraid to reach out and get help from friends and family. Nobody will judge you for not knowing how to react or what to do. They will climb up right next to you and help.

Good luck - and always come here for support.

 

[kimmie2191]

Mary,

You have received lots of advice so just((((((hugs)))))))) and I will be praying for you and your family.

Kim

 

[merrybaker]

Thank you all your replies bring tears to my eyes .Hugs back to all of you

 

[allwildgirl]

I have nothing really to add to this except to say that you WILL get through this. Addiction isn't the end of the world and if your husband is willing to go for rehab, then he's on the right track.

However, this kind of thinking makes my blood boil:

"Or send DH (in this case, "D" might stand for "dumb"!) somewhere while he rehabs?"

Addiction has nothing whatsoever to do with being smart or dumb. It happens to all sorts of people, from college professors to high school dropouts. In the words of Everlast:

"God forbid you ever had to walk a mile in his shoes
'Cause then you really might know what it's like to sing the blues
Then you really might know what it's like"

Mary, if you need to talk about this, please feel free to PM me.

 

[Armywife]

Mary,

My sister was in sort of the same predicament as you except for the fact that she wasn't married, just engaged. She had been with her fiance for almost 4 years and then found out that he had been doing cocaine and some other things for the past two years of their relationship. She tried to work things out with him and be there to support him but it got to be too much when he would just keep signing himself out of rehab. There is only so much you can do for a person. I hope that your husband stays in rehab and continues on with after treatment. If he does the same stuff as my sister's fiance then it might be time to get a divorce. You should be there for him in his time of need because that is what you took a vow to do, but if he continues down that path then that is not healthy for yourself or your kids. I wish you the best of luck and I hope that your husband can get clean and that you can become a family again. Don't worry about working out right now. You have more important things to worry about but if you do have time, then it is a great stress reliever and will give you a little time out of the day to focus on something else. Best of luck.

Toni

 

[sparrow]

Mary,

Hugs and good thoughts from me. The days ahead may be tough. If things do get rough, remember that you can come here and vent and rage and cry with us. We're here for you!

Sparrow


Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming ‘Wow - what a ride!’ — Peter Sage

 

[andtckrtoo]

Mary - {{{HUGS}}} Wow! That's a load to have dropped on you honey! I'm sorry you're experiencing this. I really am.

You've gotten some great advice. I especially like the Al-anon - or some other support group. Meth is one of the hardest addictions to break and you need to be informed on what to expect. Maybe if you take action, you won't feel as helpless and you will feel more like exercising - just a thought. He can kick the habit - I have friends whose kids have done just that. It will be a rough road. You do need to be there for him, but you need to balance that with your own sanity.

Best of luck to you and your DH. Your whole family will be in my prayers.