kid advice

[janie1234]

Hello everyone. How old do you think a child should be before they can walk themselves home from school? My son is 9 and I also have a 7 year old. We live in a small town, but now a days you just never know. He wants to ride his bike to school this year my husband thinks that it is okay but I'm not quite ready, . . I must add that I am a little on the over protective paranoid side. Also I know kids nowadays have phones how old do you feel that a child should be to have a phone? My kids don't have one but I was curious. BTW the school is 1/4 of a mile from our house, . . it is so close you can actually hear the kids during recess. It is only seperated from our house by a church and a baseball field. Thanks everyone.

 

[pink_fortitude]

I actually think having them walk to and from school is a great idea! You are soooooo close; most kids have to ride the bus, and that is where kids pick up the really bad things. If you are at all worried about them, all you would have to do is stand at the end of the driveway to keep an eye on them. You could also let the school officials know that your children are walking home so that whoever is out there while the kids are loading on their buses will know they aren't to get in a car or go home with anyone. Since it is a small town, you could also talk to your neighbors and have them help keep an eye out as well. I really don't think it's a big deal. Things do happen, but we can't live our lives in fear of all of the "could happens". If you and others are keeping a look out for them, you have nothing to worry about. FWIW, if we lived that close to my daughter's school, she would be walking.

Melissa

 

[Boingo1]

I'm very paranoid and over protective as a mom! I just recently started letting my 13 yr old son ride to places with his friends on his bike this past year.

Not sure if I'd do it if I were you, but the reasons I might is that you are SO close to the school!! But I'd have to MAKE SURE they were always together. The other thing that worries me about my 2 younger boys (they are 9 and 7 too!) is they are so immature and always fight with each other. I just worry they wouldn't be paying attention while riding their bikes.

Oh, the other thing is, do you have sidewalks? It'd be a DEFINITE no if there were no sidewalks...

Probably not what you wanted to hear! LOL!

 

[janie1234]

Hi Chris and Melissa. Thanks! Wow two different perspectives, . . both of which I agree with this is why I came here to ask which was the majority. There are sidewalks. I love that it requires them to move, . . but my kids love to move around anyway although a little extra never hurt anyone.

I love walking them to school but here is the selfish thing on my part, .. . .ho hum taking a deep breath here, . . I am severely anti social. It takes a lot out of me to socialize with the other moms and dads. I'll be dropping off my kids and the moms will want to talk for hours after school is out, . . . I say talk but what I should have said is gossip. They hate the principal (whom I love) they hate the curiculum (which I have had no problems with) they hate the Little League coach (whom I love) and none of them, . . not a single one of them eats healthy or understands why I work out. I'm the constant topic of ridicule, . . not mean making fun of ridicule but they make fun of me, . .call me a rabbit because I'm always running and eating veggies. I am tired of explaining why my kids don't drink soda or have a 1 hour video game time limit. I'll lose sleep at night worring about who I'll run into when I walk my kids to school. Maybe I just need a thicker skin.

 

[Boingo1]

Hmmm... tough situation. I might want to walk them PART WAY a few times to see how they behave and then meet them 1/2 way on the way home? And then see how things progress....

 

[janie1234]

Hmmm... tough situation. I might want to walk them PART WAY a few times to see how they behave and then meet them 1/2 way on the way home? And then see how things progress....

Great idea Chris thanks a bunch, . .maybe I'll go on my run after walking them there so that way I can just walk them to baseball field (the baseball field is on school property) and run away. I hate that the worry of talking to people takes away from the joy of walking my kids to and from school.

 

[pink_fortitude]

I'm the constant topic of ridicule, . . not mean making fun of ridicule but they make fun of me, . .call me a rabbit because I'm always running and eating veggies. I am tired of explaining why my kids don't drink soda or have a 1 hour video game time limit.

I wouldn't worry or lose sleep over it; I would proudly walk myself over to school with the boys, showing my hot little bod off, and smile as I walked past the gossipers. Take the jealousy as a compliment and let them see how happy you are because of your decisions and show them that they are not going to get you down. Just think: Tawanda! (have you seen Fried Green Tomatoes? YOU SHOULD!!! ) I admit that I am a little more bold than many.

I also like Chris's suggestion.

Melissa

 

[LaughingWater]

I'm a serious Mother Bear , so I know how you feel. You want to give the kids their freedom, but your instincts say otherwise.

I just started letting my 14 y/o daughter ride her bike around the neighborhood by herself. And even then, she has a predetermined route (away from the railroad tracks, near homes, a school, and the firehouse), and she carries a cell phone and pepper spray (in a holster on her hip).

My 10 y/o cannot ride the neighborhood by herself yet. Fortunately for me, both girls like to ride with me, so most of the time we are together.

I like Chris's idea too. Do things in stages and see how it goes. Keep the conversation about how to deal with strangers going. I try very hard not to scare my kids, but I remind them from time to time to keep their eyes open and their Creep Meter "on".

I also like what Melissa said about strutting your stuff proudly.

 

[dorothyrd]

I live in a small town. I let both my kids start biking and walking in 3rd grade. The school is a little over half mile away. They both survived, now being 16 and 21. BTW, by the time they get to middle school they want to be carted around again, and I said too bad, so sad.
I used to walk to school in kindergarten and it was 1.5 miles from my house, so let them walk!

 

[coloradomama]

I say let them ride their bike. It is close enough and if you lay down the rules ahead of time, then all should be fine. I agree with another poster that you can't live in fear of the 'could happen' scenario. They are old enough to go on their own and as they reach that age, they don't want to have their mom hover over them constantly. My DD (10) has been walking to school on her own since 2nd grade. For a little while I would walk way behind her (she did not know) and then kind of watch from the corner to see how she did on her way to school. Half the time she sees friends from school and walks with them.

As far as cell phones, my DD got one last year, but only because I had started working. Now I really like her having it as we can keep in touch with her when she's out, and she can have a little more freedom than I might let her have otherwise. As I'm typing this, she and her friend (a year younger) are walking around her school to get outside. I don't feel any worry because she knows my rules and she can call me/visa versa if there's a problem.

It's hard to know when to loosen the reigns a little bit, and I think that it is different with each child. DD knows that when she checks in to let us know she's doing something different, that kind of behavior reinforces our trust in her and she gets a little more freedom than she might otherwise. Give your boys a little bit of trust...if they break the rules, then that privilege can easily be revoked.

 

[janie1234]

Just think: Tawanda!
I admit that I am a little more bold than many.

TAWANDA! I loved that scene where she hits the heck out of the car and says "Face it girls I'm older so I have better insurance." Love that.
Can you bottle up that boldness and sell me some?
I actually wish that since I have nothing bad to say they would just give up talking to me.

 

[janie1234]

Thanks everyone. I am a bit paranoid, . . but I also realize that I can't put them in a glass jar. I think I'll take a little bit of everyone's advice. I'll probably start the year with jogging along side them while they ride their bikes, . . . and slowly let them go ahead of me. Then let them walk home alone. My kids are really great about following directions, . . almost to a fault. My son is a late in the year birthday so technically he should be in 4th grade but we waited till he was 6 to put in him kindergarden, . .he's very responsible for his sister esp since he's scared I'll take away his video game play time, he gets 1 hour on Friday and Saturday. Again thank you everyone for the input. It is a shame I have to worry at all. I know when I was a kid I walked to and from school all the way up until high school of course I also never had to use a car seat, . .computers did not exist, and I could go to the movies for a double feature for under $5.

 

[soon2bfit]

Get them cell phones with a chaperon service. They can call you on the way if you like. IMHO I could not do it unless I walked with them. I would be a wreck. Ultimately you have to do what works fpr you and your family and while it is good to get opinions I would not do anyting unless you are comfortable with it.

 

[LaughingWater]

To echo Soon2bfit, while opinions are helpful, you should follow your instincts. Mine have never let me down.

Good luck with whatever you decide. As they get older, it will get easier. I promise!

 

[janie1234]

As they get older, it will get easier. I promise!

Really? Hmm, . . I thought it got worse. Puberty and high school, . . .ugh I don't look forward to that. Funny yesterday we took a walk through town and we saw several kids from school in my son's grade riding their bikes around unsupervised, . .doing what I used to do as a kid. Times have changed though and I don't know maybe it is because of the media and the news that I always think, . . ."What if that happened to me?"
Anyhow I thought more about it and I think I'll hold off till my son starts 5th grade, . . and see how it goes. My husband usually drops them off just because his work is a block away, . . literally down the block so it was mostly about the walk/bike ride home.
Well, . . again thanks everyone!

 

[LaughingWater]

Even with puberty, I have found the kids easier to deal with as they've gotten older. They understand more, and you can really explain things and reason with them.

Plus it's nice not to have to do the physical stuff anymore. You can tell them, "We're leaving at 5pm. Be ready!" And they run off and shower, blow dry their own hair, pick out their outfits, etc. I do not miss having to chase after them and get them plus myself ready before walking out the door.

Yeah, there's drama. Like anything else, you deal with it. (I homeschool my kids, so their biggest influences are family and close, well-picked friends. That keeps a lot of the peer pressure crap away.) This is going to sound funny, but in all seriousness: Put aside money for some good counseling sessions. Sometimes kids just need someone completely unrelated and unbiased to talk to. This helps a great deal!

I know what you mean about the news though. Watching it is very depressing and certainly enough to create extra anxiety.