Is this selfish?

J

jgarr44460

Cathlete
You are all so supportive and honest and I would appreciate any thoughts you might have about my desire to change careers. I am 45,stayed at home until my 3 sons went to school,have and am still working as a cook/manager in a school kitchen and due to the school politics HATE MY JOB. This job enabled me to stay home with my children on their school schedule while they were young, but now 2 are in college and I need a change. Due to our relatively small income, the kids in college etc.,I would need to take out a loan for MY education. I have researched the school,a SLM loan(career training loan),need to sell the idea to my DH( my biggest challenge)and make things a little tighter for all of us for a short time. Am I being selfish? The only thing I do for me at this point is my Cathe DVD's which I look forward to after 8 hours in the school kitchen. Has anyone else changed directions at 45? Sorry this is so long -
 
This is absolutely not selfish. Seems it is now time to take care of you...you have done for others so long. Although I haven't changed tracks, my sister did at the age of about 41. She had her BS in accounting and was an accountant for about 19 yrs. Due to the small job market where she lives and the amount of politics she had to deal with at several of her accounting jobs, she decided to change careers. She went to nursing school and needed to take out a loan. She just graduated last month and just passed her nursing boards. She already has two job offres and accepted one of them. She was struggling for awhile, no money coming in from her end, a lot of at home studying, plus a loan. BUT...the payoff now is good, she has a great paycheck coming in, a great health insurance (more benefits, less money she has to contribute) a great 401K where the hospital matches and she is HAPPY doing what she is doing. Go for it. You need to be happy doing what you are doing. Forgot to mention, she had a husband she had to convince too plus two teenagers.
 
GO FOR IT! Life is too short NOT to give it a try. Do something for yourself and I bet you will be surprised at how well it goes.

Good Luck! BE HAPPY!!!! You are the only one who can make YOU happy, so DO IT!!! :)

GOOD LUCK, keep us posted, too!

~Marcia~
 
Do it! It's a wonderful opportunity to go into the next phase of your life without making the compromises necessary to adapt to your life as mom and I think you'd be cheating yourself not to! :) Just for you!
Bobbi http://www.handykult.de/plaudersmilies.de/chicken.gif "Chick's rule!"

Tell me, what it is you plan to do with your one wild and precious life? -Mary Oliver
 
If wanting to better ourselves is selfish, then I know an awful lot of selfish people (myself included)! Seriously though, wanting more education and desiring a more rewarding career is hardly selfish. I would never discourage anyone from obtaining more education. You might struggle financially in the short run, which will undoubtedly be rough, but I would imagine your long term gains might be better than if you stayed in your current position. I say go for it.

Shelbygirl
 
Of course this is not selfish! You are doing something wonderful for yourself, yes, but you are also an excellent example for your children, showing them with your actions as well as your words the value of education and hard work. You did what you felt was right for them when they were young, putting off what you might have envisioned for your own future. That is also very unselfish. Go for it, girl!

Shari
 
Wow! You guys are great. I can't tell you what your support means to me. My close friends have moved away over the years and family members have all passed away so I have had no one to "talk" to. I guess now it's time to bite the bullet and approach my husband.
 
Jen:

you are absolutely not selfish in your goals and dreams for a new chapter of your life. You have spent so long accommodating your time and energies to the needs of others. You simply do not need to do that any more. Enough already.

In fact, you owe it to yourself as a worthwhile human being to continue to grow and challenge yourself and continue to become the person you were always destined to be. You aren't there yet. Keep going!

Best of luck with your new career,

Clare
 
I definitely don't think that self-improvement is selfish. In the long run, it can increase your earning potential and increase your self-satisfaction - which can only spill over into the lives of your family. I am all for furthering your education!
 
Just chiming in to agree with everyone else. Things may be tight for awhile, but in the end the degree will pay for itself. You've made a lot of sacrifices so that your boys could build a life for themselves. Now it's your turn.

Gee, I'm chatty today. I just had to edit to mention that, to the contrary, what you are contemplating will benefit your entire family both financially and, more importantly, by having a happier you to live with. Also, people who hate their jobs are more prone to many illnesses. And who has to take care of you if you're ill? Your family of course. My point: What you contemplate is the opposite of selfish.
Okay, done now.

Lots of luck!!
-Nancy
 
I am not you age, but I can tell you that life is all about growing. You need to grow and to move on to other things. Don't get stuck in this trap called life. When you get older, you will regret it. Take the chance and do it for yourself. Let us know what you decided!!!
 
It's not at all selfish to get an education that will allow you to support yourself if need be. You may have a great marriage now, but you never know if and when you any get divorced or become a widow. My sister is in a pickle now because she has no job skills. She got divorced after about 30 years of marriage, and is a waitress because she can't do anything else. You HAVE to be prepared, and we must teach our kids this, too. You can't count on anyone else to take care of you when you get older. I got my degree at age 45 and it took me just under 4 years. My brain is still fried after all that(10 years later) but it was worth it.
Just Do It! :)
 
Honeybunch, you'd love my Mom!

In 1972 she noticed that some of her friends were starting to go through divorces, so she decided that she needed to have a career "just in case". She went out and started as a temporary worker, and eventually worked her way up to a full-time, senior-level, highly paid position. She retired 9 years ago with fabulous benefits.

Of course, my parents were happily married until the day my Dad died last year. But I think my mother's financial independence really strengthened their marriage. My Dad was able to leave the corporate world and explore other options that made him much happier, while my mother supported him for awhile.

My Mom really set a great example for me, and I have the utmost respect and admiration for her.

And, by the way Jen, my Mom was close to 40 when she started. Not that much younger than you.

-Nancy
 
its not a question of "selfish"


is this going to destroy your marriage? put you in a financial bind you may not be able to get out of? wreck any life plans your husband has made? the fact that you say you have to "sell" it to your DH indicated to me that somewhere in there theres a problem

its very easy for a bunch of strangers to be supportive and say "you go girl" when its not their life that hangs in the balance

by all means do it, but please make sure you've thought through all of the consequences to you AND your husband before you proceed

my 2 cents for what it's worth

dana
 
I don't think it's selfish at all. You have given a lot to your family and to the school. Go with your heart, but in the middle of the stress, keep up the Cathe workouts! They are a godsend, aren't they?
 
HoneyBunch
That was a very good point - the need to be able to support myself. I plan on using that in my discussion with my husband.Timing is everything on this - I need to know he is really listening before I start the conversation. Believe it or not, I am a very independent person but feel the need to include him in this decision.(Especially when I need him to co-sign):)Thanks for all your thoughts,I have been dreaming of this for years and just let the kids/life take over.
Dana -
I appreciate your thoughts also. The sell to my husband and where the "selfish" part comes in is that he is also unhappy in his job. He has worked at a family owned hardware store for the last 23 years.
(not his family) He wants to make money as an artist. He does fabulous portraits.I have tried for at least 15 of those years to get him to leave while he was young enough to do it.He does NOT like change of any kind. So I am concerned that when I tell him I need/want to do this it will bring up his feelings of unhappiness and a " what about me" thing. Well, I am no longer willing to wait for me to move on - maybe my doing it will motivate him in some way - who knows. Financially - it won't destroy us,it's the going into debt that will bother him. I would never do anything I hadn't researched and have been doing that for a few years now.
 
I received a BS in Marketing in 1990 and have worked full time for 15 years in copier sales. I am entered to go back to school in 4 weeks for nursing!

Fortunately my husband is supporting me and yes, money is going to be very tight but I have a goal and I always accomplish what I set out to do. My husband knows this. We are going to have to buy private health insurance too. My job was going nowhere and I just didn't see my future in it. Nursing I do.

If you know it's the right thing to do then your hubby will support you.

~Chrissy~
 
Good for you! You're not being selfish at all! One option I don't know if you've considered is grants/scholarships. I've run across a few here and there that are only for women over the age of 30/35 who want to go back to school. You might do a Google search or check the website at the university you are interested in attending. Their financial aid site should have links to outside funding, or a financial aid office could tell you more. Also, local organizations tend to offer smaller scholarships ($500ish) which you might check into.

Best of luck!
L
 
Seems to be a unanimous opinion that you wouldn't be one bit selfish to further your education/career options. I'll just chime in to say that education is always an investment that pays off in one way or another.
 
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