I need your help
- Thread starter bjbowers
- Start date
Govtgirl
Cathlete
This situation is hurting the child. It is hurting you too, but the kid comes first in this. If you have legal custody of the child, take him, get out, get a lawyer. If you don't have custody, call CPS, or find a sane family member on your husband's side that can take him in.
BTW, I know someone that was in a similar situtaion. Her husband had custody of his grandson. He was abusive, and she stayed to take care of the grandchild (again, not her relation at all). One day he said, "it's the kid or me."
So she left :7 adopted her step-grandchild, and the creep is out of the picture because he was dangerous to the child. She's a hero, in my book.
BTW, I know someone that was in a similar situtaion. Her husband had custody of his grandson. He was abusive, and she stayed to take care of the grandchild (again, not her relation at all). One day he said, "it's the kid or me."
So she left :7 adopted her step-grandchild, and the creep is out of the picture because he was dangerous to the child. She's a hero, in my book.
TarHeelMom
Cathlete
Brandi, you've gotten very good advice here and I'm so glad you came back to this wise community for some support and advice. You ARE a battered woman, Brandi, even though he's not physically abusive -- yet. I'm relieved to hear that you see that clearly. And I know you know that this child you're protecting and caring for is absorbing all of this unhealthy environment and is in danger, too.
I agree with everyone here: you really do need to get yourself carefully and safely out of this relationship, and that will require some planning. I know that might sound like it requires more energy than you have. But the very act of starting to make a plan will help you regain a little bit of your old feeling of being empowered about your own life, and I'm confident that you'll find the resolve and courage you need to do this.
That sweet little 12-year-old needs to be out of there, too. I hope you'll take charge of that. In the long run, you'll save this child's life in 1,000 ways (and perhaps even literally) by helping plan her exit.
Brandi, I'd say start with a phone call right away to a battered women's hotline or shelter. In my "young lawyer" days I did a lot of work with a couple of shelters in Atlanta, and I was and still am really impressed by the depth of their resources -- and resourcefulness. If you have that option, use it. If not, you can also find help for both of you by calling your local government agency for Family and Children's Services (whatever that may be called in your state).
Please stay in touch with us. I'll keep you both in my prayers!!!
(((((HUGS!!!)))))
http://www.clicksmilies.com/s1106/sport/sport-smiley-003.gif Kathy S. http://planetsmilies.net/sport-smiley-5536.gif
I agree with everyone here: you really do need to get yourself carefully and safely out of this relationship, and that will require some planning. I know that might sound like it requires more energy than you have. But the very act of starting to make a plan will help you regain a little bit of your old feeling of being empowered about your own life, and I'm confident that you'll find the resolve and courage you need to do this.
That sweet little 12-year-old needs to be out of there, too. I hope you'll take charge of that. In the long run, you'll save this child's life in 1,000 ways (and perhaps even literally) by helping plan her exit.
Brandi, I'd say start with a phone call right away to a battered women's hotline or shelter. In my "young lawyer" days I did a lot of work with a couple of shelters in Atlanta, and I was and still am really impressed by the depth of their resources -- and resourcefulness. If you have that option, use it. If not, you can also find help for both of you by calling your local government agency for Family and Children's Services (whatever that may be called in your state).
Please stay in touch with us. I'll keep you both in my prayers!!!
(((((HUGS!!!)))))
http://www.clicksmilies.com/s1106/sport/sport-smiley-003.gif Kathy S. http://planetsmilies.net/sport-smiley-5536.gif
janiejoey
Cathlete
Then you know what to do. Now is a good time to do it.
((((((hugs))))) NOW! Let us know how it goes.
Janie
The idea is to die young as late as possible
http://www.picturetrail.com/janiejoey
((((((hugs))))) NOW! Let us know how it goes.
Janie
The idea is to die young as late as possible
http://www.picturetrail.com/janiejoey
Sunshine 1528
Cathlete
Just one more to say BTDT and you need to live for yourself.
You called it a relationship and mentioned the two of you have custody of his child, does that mean marriage?
And the alcohol abuse will most likely never change if he is so dependent on it to make it through the day. Your story is so de ja vu.
From myself and others experience, when someone is so dependent and controlling, with the addition of alcohol present, things can get VERY VERY UGLY. And like Shelley mentioned, I still have flashbacks and dreams from nearly 15 years ago. I also have a hard time befriending people who have the same attributes as my ex because of what transpired for over 15 years. I so wish I hadn't spent so much time trying to make him like himself so he could like others. That was not my job, it was his.
Good luck and as others have mentioned, please let us know how things are going for you.
You called it a relationship and mentioned the two of you have custody of his child, does that mean marriage?
And the alcohol abuse will most likely never change if he is so dependent on it to make it through the day. Your story is so de ja vu.
From myself and others experience, when someone is so dependent and controlling, with the addition of alcohol present, things can get VERY VERY UGLY. And like Shelley mentioned, I still have flashbacks and dreams from nearly 15 years ago. I also have a hard time befriending people who have the same attributes as my ex because of what transpired for over 15 years. I so wish I hadn't spent so much time trying to make him like himself so he could like others. That was not my job, it was his.
Good luck and as others have mentioned, please let us know how things are going for you.