I have to be overreacting...

I

Imafitnessfreak

Cathlete
So our daughter (just turned 4 years old) has been showing an extreme interest in letters, she can write every letter, say what it is and make the sound. She writes on her magnadoodle nonstop...lots of names, some words. She is showing an interest in reading and we are working with her one on one and with Leapfrog learning videos. So tonight, DH and I were watching her and enjoying her interest. I told him to not get too excited and think we have a "Doogie Houser" on our hands, that if more children were encouraged they would be doing the same. I have heard of younger kids doing the same thing. I am very proud of our daughter, I just don't want the husband setting unrealistic expectations of her just because our FIRST child is doing so well academically. At this point, he tells me all the things he was reading and doing at that age and what HIS nephew was doing at that age...exhibiting the same behavior as our daughter. He then asks me "Do you want to dump me because I use to read encyclopedias?" and I said "yes, but not because you use to read encyclopedias but because you are implying this behavior must come from your side of the family".

I am no way about to dump him, but I am offended and hurt at the implication. Am I over reacting? When I say he went "on and on" about what he and his nephew use to do, I really mean it!

SORRY SO LONG, need to vent and I am mad at my mother!:7
 
Howdy,

In my humbel opinion, you should tell him this. Good ole' communication. It's either in or its out. When it's out, a relationship can go on the rocks. When it's in and you're communicating well, it's like heaven, isn't it?

Marriages are built on communication -- good communication. Tell him, talk, let him talk, talk some more under you can both come to some kind of understanding. Sometimes the gift of gab is a wonderful thing.

By the way, my ex mother-in-law used to do this. Things that were right with my kids were from her side of the family, and anything wrong, was obviously from my side of the family...

I laughed about it then, I laugh about it now.

Have a good one. If you do talk, let me know how it goes.:)
 
In our house this can be funny because my DW and I are somewhat humble and blame the good things on the "other" side of the family.

Dave
 
Maybe I missed it...........but why are you mad at your mother?

Anyway, your DH has the classic case called "proud father" syndrome because his "fruit of his loins" is doing so well.............and you really wouldn't want him any other way. I doubt he is ready to enroll her in Harved just yet.

And I feel you a little "peeved" and "sensitive" because all the credit of how well she is doing is not being aknowledged towards you!. After all, you raise this child as well, so alot of sense and sesibility she has, DOES come from you also

If it really really bugs you, you need to tell him that SOME "showing of" is fine, but anything longer than 60 seconds, means he needs to "put a sock in it!"

As frustrating as it is, is it worth the attention your giving it?

Marion

:)
 
You know what? PLEASE don't get mad at me, but are you just being a little hormonal and over-reacting? He's just proud. Let him be proud. That's not to diminish anything you say or do. Unless... you left something out because you were so mad you forgot to type something.

Plus, you know men. All I can say from one confident woman to another is UGGGHHH!!! as I roll my eyes, then I smile.

Marla
 
Oh Dave, that is so cool! Actually, my DD is so cool to me, I ALWAYS admit she doesn't get it from me.

Marla
 
I really hope you are overreacting!

I think your husband is absolutely right. Children who start off that way, are that way. I know I was that way and yet my sister and brother are not. Do these things run in the family? I don't know, but I do know that usually attracts like. Therefore you could always argue that he would not have fallen for you if you were not his intellectual equal or somesuch.

However, and this is based solely on what you have written, I cannot see how his statement could in any way imply that his family are superior to yours.

Please do encourage your daughter and don't dismiss it as something that is "nice" but not the means to getting a well paid job. My parents would have dearly loved me to do something in finance so kept trying to steer me away from the things I am passionate about. Very few people were making money from science or creative pursuits when I was small and so they just didn't think it was worth nurturing my talents. Well it's 2005 now and I'm happy to say that they were wrong not to do so and I was right not to listen :)
ATB,
- Lisa :)
 
So, when your DD is "good" she's HIS DD, but when she's "bad" she's YOURS, right? I dont think you overreacted.
 
I think you overreacted a little bit. Let him enjoy it. I have two kids as well. One is going to be 3 and the other is going to be a year old. Also, intelligence is genetic 99% of the time. I wouldn't worry about your DH so much. Men are dopes at times. :) Just enjoy your daughter. They grow up so fast. :)
 
I can understand why first instinct would be to get upset and feel insulted or hurt but I don't think you DH had ANY intention of making you feel that way. I really have to agree and say that he is probably just BEAMING with pride right now. Okay, so maybe he was a smart kid and your daughter reminds him of himself but that's okay. Nothing wrong in that as long as, like I said, he's not saying these things to hurt you...and I honestly don't think that he is. I'd try not to take it so personally if I were you.:)

BTW-My DH was a little freakin' genius...he was so smart he didn't skip a grade-that wasn't enough...he switched schools entirely and got put in a grammar school for the gifted!!! When his nephew needs homework help-especially when it comes to math-there are times that my DH is the ONLY one that can help him! My SIL has called here to ask my DH for help coz she can not help her son herself! And ya know what? I'm happy about that coz now I always say that he is going to be dubbed the homework helper when are little one is in school! YEAY-finally a job that won't fall in mom's lap! lol :p

Have a great work out!

~Wendy~
Due Date: 5/19/05

http://www.bullmarketer.com/modules/coppermine/albums/userpics/Sports/exercise/thumb_exercise15.gif

http://www.picturetrail.com/gallery/view?WENDYMIN
 
I think he is just so excited to see some of his own characteristics in his daughter, that he didn't take time to think that what he was saying might have had hurtful implications for you. And if he does feel this "connection" to his daughter, he will be more likely to nurture and encourage her. Once he settles down and gets used to the idea, this could work in everyone's favor.

Shari
 
This is a very interesting concept- intelligence. I've been studying this in my college classes. You will be comforted to know that intelligence is a multi-factoral ability. There is a large genetic component and studies have shown that offspring reflect the intelligence level of the mother.

You sounded a little intimidated in your posting. Take comfort in knowing your daughter gets the majority of her intelligence from you! Of course your husbands genes appear to be giving her an advantage as well but the bulk of it does come from you.

Intelligence is ultimately an indicator of how well she will be performing academically. it shows an ability to solve novel problems. it is equally important to develop character and good social skills. It's nice to be important but it is more important to be nice.

I would spend some time cuddling up with your dh and celebrate what a great kid you have the opportunity of raising. You are both doing a good job!

Danna
 
Just enjoy what your daughter is doing. When visiting my nephew who just turned 6 on Christmas Eve, I was amazed at all the books he was reading. My sister homeschools him but he loves learning and has always loved to look at books. He reads everything! As a joke my husband called Zach over and opened up his Cisco(computer jargon) book and asked Zach to start reading. It was the funniest thing! Zach had no idea what he was reading but he was sounding out the words and reading and he would have kept on reading had we not stopped him. Enjoy this time of learning and discovery. I bet your hubby is just excited and remembering back is fun for him...tee hee. My hubby always teases me about how "smart" and "cute" my nephews are b/c he says everyone thinks their nephews are smart and cute. Well...my nephews really are smart and cute!
Angela:7
 
My 4 year old daughter does this too. She's known the entire alphabet, count to 10 and recognize shapes when she was 19 months. Now she can count to over 100. She can write her name and mine, can write all the letters. But they teach that in her preschool.

I, by no means, think she's "Doogie Houser". She's intelligent, but no genius. I would have to agree that more children could do all of this with encouragement. Teri was able to do the letters, numbers and shapes at such an early age because she's my only child and I was under the impression she was SUPPOSED to know all that stuff before she was two. So we worked on it together with the help of a nifty little computer game that Fisher-Price makes.

I think kids take after each parent in different areas. I have my mother's temperment, love for puzzles and reading, and my father's love for partying and his sense of humor. I believe that Teri will take after me with my mathematical skills (which are not anything to brag about, but better than the average bear's), probably will enjoy working on the computer and is a little adventurous once encouraged. She also seems to have some of her father's artistic ability (one can only hope), his wonderful sense of humor and his inborn sense of kindness.

If your daughter truly takes after your husband's intelligence - and I'm sure he's not trying to knock yours, don't worry. She's sure to take after some of your more impressive personality traits. Dad's just excited, that's all.
 
I remember hearing that girls learn words and reading MUCH earlier than boys. In fact, girls mature much faster and are usually better at all scholastic subjects earlier than boys. Then, at some point during the teen years, the boys catch up. So, her brilliance may in part be due to her being a girl, which is something that your DH can't possibly take credit for! }( }( }(
 
I have three kids and I've always encouraged academic and other types of learning at home early on, as long as my kids were interested. My youngest (a 4-yr-old girl) is also reading a bit, doing simple sums, etc. My other two children are 12 and 10 and I've noticed that those who are not as advanced academically (due to lack of interest on either the parents' or child's side or for developmental reasons) typically catch up in the third grade.

Everyone believes his/her own child is the cutest, most brilliant, most talented, etc -- and rightly so!

I can see how your husband's long-winded bragging could have annoyed you. Who wants to hear someone go on and on about how great s/he is?
 
If he really believes that good behaviour/ability comes only from his side of the family and is nothing to do with your contribution to her genetics and upbringing, then no, you are not over-reacting - I would be irritated by that too. However, from your decription of the conversation, I couldn't tell if he really meant that or whether you just thought he implied that. I say, talk to him and find out.

I don't have kids, but one other thought I had when I read this thread was something interesting I saw on a Doctor Phil show. He said that children develop at different rates, and that a child who seems to learn reading, writing or whatever very early isn't necessarily going to turn out more clever than a child who seems slow in the beginning. Apparently, in the end, the majority of kids even out. Problems could arise if parents push an early learner too hard, or assume that a late learner isn't bright. Don't know if this is relevant, just thought it was interesting!:)
 
>Intelligence is ultimately an indicator of how well she will
>be performing academically.

Some of my worst students academically are some of my most intelligent students. I don't think academic performance (including TEST SCORES) and intelligence necessarily correlate.

Besides, I truly believe in Howard Gardner's theory of multiple intelligences. Intelligence is too complicated and multifaceted to say in one fell swoop that this person is intelligent and this person is not.

However, having said that, defining intelligence is like defining what pornography - I may not be able to precisely define it, but I know it when I see it!!
 
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