husband's mess

M

melfitz

Cathlete
I know this is way OT, but it's the only place where I could solicit opinions from a large group of women.

Here's the situation...my DH makes a big mess on our dresser. He comes home, dumps all of his papers, receipts, change, pens, etc. on our dresser and it drives me crazy! I've think I've tried everything to try to control the mess. I've put bowls/jars for change. I've tried paper trays, baskets, plastic containers for all of his other stuff. Yet, it doesn't work. I'll clear off our dresser and within a day or two it's back to looking like a pile of mess. Every once in a while, I'll just clear everything off and stick it in a box. He doesn't like it, but what am I to do? Does anyone have any solutions? It's so frustrating. How can we expect our kids to keep a neat room when ours looks like a disaster, too? :(


Thanks!

-Melanie
 
Hi Melanie,

In my house, my dad is actually the neat one, and my mom always makes a mess. Even when she cleans, the room she works on gets straightened up, but another room in turn gets messier. He asked her once to stop leaving her clothes on the bathroom floor, and she got really insulted. We also have plenty of organizers, but she tends to just pile up stuff in random places.The only potentially helpful thing that comes to mind is getting him a nice box. I bought my dad a nice Nautica wooden box with velvet lining from Marshall's for like $20, and it looks very presentable on the outside, but it's big enough for him to throw whatever he wants on the inside. Maybe you can write to Dr. Phil lol???

Good luck-
Gina
 
Clutter drives me nuts! My wife is alot like your hubby actually. She believes in making huge messes and then blocking out time on the schedule to clean it up. I clean as I go. Often, if I am cooking, I wash dishes as I cook, for example. To me people who make constant messes are just disrespectful and lazy. Just my blunt opinion.
Nobody ever paid me any attention when I started railing about clutter. Neither the wife nor the kids gave a damn that crap was piled up on dressers, nightstands, tables, etc. And that I used to trip over junk piled on the steps when I got up at 3:30am to go to work. Sooooo......I just started throwing stuff away!! Everything! I would just pick it up and chuck it out. Doesn't matter what it was.....dishes(bone china), cd players, clothes, trucks, cars,ANYTHING! LOL! I paid for most of it so I didn't care. I tell ya, people start catching on REAL quick when they are hit over the head with that kind of thing and have to suffer a little for their actions. It's extreme but it works. And I told my wife if I start leaving stuff out, just throw it away. And next time I will remember to pick it up. :)
Trevor
 
Trevor, do you have garbage pickers in your neighborhood? You know ... those people in old trucks and cars that slowly cruise down the street the night before garbage pick-up day, looking for anything on your curb they can use to ... well ... I don't really know what they do with it ... never felt the need to ask, you know? Anyway ... if you do, they must love you!! LOL!! Sounds like they could have furnished a couple of houses with the things you've thrown away! LOL!!

Carol
:)
 
You silly girl!! LOL! I have thrown some good stuff out but that's life ya know? LOL!! It's alot less cluttered around here nowadays.....
Somewhere there's a bum living in a cardboard box eating off of his "everyday" Royal Doulton dish that he got from our trash! Probably wearing a pair of my jeans too!!
Man, that's unnerving.....:)
T.
 
Part of the reason your post struck me as so funny was because I would do the very same thing about once a month in Nik's room! She is SUCH a slob!! I would simply go in and clean it, and just throw things away I knew she never played with anymore. Mostly those annoying McDonald's Happy Meal toys!!! We had a small fortune of those things in our house over the years. My husband is quite the slob too, but I have him well-trained these days!! :D He wouldn't dare leave a mess laying around.

Carol
:)
 
I don't have a suggestion (however, FYI I'm the neat one and my husband is not-so-neat).

But here is my $.02. I guess I'm responding more to other opinions than your question:

You both live in your home, and you both contribute to acquiring your possessions, and you both have equal rights. I don't think it's fair for one person (the "neat" person) to assume that his/her way is the superior way to live, no matter how annoying messes are.

In my opinion both parties need to try to understand each other and compromise. That means your home will probably never be exactly the way you prefer it to be, but if you have a respectful relationship, maybe you can come closer to that ideal. Guess what? With a neat freak running around organizing things all the time, the house is never the way the more relaxed person wants it to be either!!!

Do we want children to learn to that keeping material possessions neat and orderly is most important thing in your family and in the world?

If you live alone (and if you are controlling and cantankerous enough, you may get that opportunity!), you can arrange your environment without regard to anyone else's feelings.

I'm stepping down off my soapbox now.
 
Well, I'm going to have to agree with Trevor on this one. I hate messes, and I have lived with slobs. I would just scoop up all the crap all over the house and throw it in a huge pile in their room. They would rant about things being lost. Of course in the long run, slobs will remain slobs, in my experience, but rather than just nagging and being ignored, I at least get to have some fun this way.

Slobs are kinda like smokers. The smoke, or the mess, doesn't just stay politely in their area, it goes all over mine. So, my house is a no-slob area and I very unceremoniously remove messes however they are made.

My teenage daughter was and is a slob, and I just threw stuff in her room. When she said "Mom, where is my hoody, or where is my sweater?", I didn't even bother thinking about it. "I don't know." I told her if she wants to know where something is, put it in its place.

Oh, I am one self-righteous neatnik, I'll tell you!
 
Is there another, less obvious place he can stash his mess? This is a huge bone of contention in my house. I clean and they mess and 99% of the cleaning is really putting things away. I have fantasized about buying a tazer and saying, "a place for everything and everything in it's place." and administering a shock. I am myself messy by nature and I make huge messes while I am sorting but I clean after I mess. With three kids, I know a certain amount of disorder is normal but my husband expects a clean house and quiet children at the end of the day.:7 I used to insist their rooms be clean but now I toss back packs and shoes and junk in and shut the door. Every now and again I become a raging virago and make them clean or they have to stay home with me.}( But in the end, I know that this is how it is and I try to maintain enough order to make him happy without feeling that I am indeed married to a house and it's my life's ambition to keep it clean. It ain't!

Good luck, Melanie! ;)
Bobbi http://www.handykult.de/plaudersmilies.de/chicken.gif "Chick's rule!"
 
For me...

it's a safety issue too. If I trip over piles of junk that have been put on the steps and fall, I could get seriously hurt. I actually have fallen and tripped over stuff many times. That goes for others in the house too. Anyone could get hurt on these items laying around. Plus I believe you have to respect your possessions and the space of others by keeping them picked up.
Just my opinion.
T. :)
 
RE: For me...

Hmmmm...
I used to think my husband's messiness was a way of telling me he did not respect my efforts. After all, he's so neat at work but he can't pick his unders up from behind the bathroom door? But sometimes a cigar is just a cigar and a slob just a slob. I don't get freaked out (much) when things go to pieces as they always do! I put in x amount of time cleaning and I head off to yoga class whether it's messy or not.

Now, where's my cattle prod? LOL!
Bobbi http://www.handykult.de/plaudersmilies.de/chicken.gif "Chick's rule!"
 
Mogambo, I had to laugh at your post too because the ONLY thing that finally made Nik (my daughter) even try to clean up her room was when I stopped dropping whatever I was doing to help her find something she had "lost"! LOL!! I knew it wasn't lost ... it was in the black hole she calls her room. When left to her own devices, she eventually found the lost item. Now, she honestly does try to keep it much neater, and she doesn't seem to "lose" things as often. What an amazing concept!!
:D

Carol
:)
 
RE: For me...

I can't throw useful things away but I have been known to make my 11 and 3 year old daughters put it in the rummage sale or give it to someone less fortunate AND if they cry....they have to give something additional away (but NEVER a prized possession!) It works great for the kids....now the husband.

He can't stand it when we are late and I can't stand things left out. I have this thing about not being able to leave the house if its not picked up, dishes put away, laundry up, beds made, etc. My husband teases me that I want a clean house in case someone breaks in. Soooo when we are getting ready to go somewhere and I start picking things up, he and the girls pitch in because they know I'm not leaving until everything is in its place....typically takes a couple minutes. We've been married almost 16 years and he knows I'd rather be late and have the house in order.

Believe me it didn't happen overnight and we had squabbles over my lateness and his stuff all over...but over the years we've compromised. I try to get around earlier and he helps pick up.

I bet all my rambling didn't help you did it?

Sami
 
I think so, Sami! We are back to the art of compromise and that's the key. I tell my kids that 5 minutes of picking up daily will save them from The Wicked Witch of the Southwest. I am also due for Spring Cleaning and that means getting rid of all the unnecessary stuff everyone hoards. It's amazing what they hold on to. My sister is always late and it used to surprise me because she is so organized but she is as you described yourself. I am always early. LOL!

Carol, Sydney is like Nik. Her room can become just mind-bogglingly messy. So much so, she has no idea where to begin. I help her out quite a bit. She's such a lovely slob! Lately, I have maintained order around here. It's never perfectly tidy but close enough. I quit stressing about it. Told Rich to lower his expectations since I can't hog-tie my kids to keep them from messing. Once I mellowed out, they have been a bit better about cleaning up. I do have a to remind them and I wish they would just do it, but nope!
Bobbi http://www.handykult.de/plaudersmilies.de/chicken.gif "Chick's rule!"
 
Bobbi it was really kind of funny to watch Nik the first time she finally figured out that if she simply put something back where it belongs, she'd find it again!! LOL!! It was like she had discovered the secret of life or something! All my harping on that did nothing. She had to figure it out on her own! As for my hubby, I think he just got tired of hearing me crab about the messes. I tried once to just stop cleaning it up, thinking if I didn't do it he eventually would, but then I realized it doesn't bother him!! LOL!!

Carol
:)
 
Ha! I look at this and say I just can't relate. As someone single.. it's funny I can't even imagine this ;) Single for 14 years!

I let my kids keep their room however they want.. they are 15 and 18. I remember reading that when they hit 12 / 13 let that be their castle.. I tell you it has saved soooo many battles. Only rules are they have to keep their door closed if its a mess and NO FOOD in their rooms and keep common areas moderatly neat.

This is great another reason to be happily single ;)
 
Hello all!

Thanks for your posts! This morning, I told DH that we have to set an example for our kids (like good manners) and that he should try to control his stuff. He agreed. I don't know why I posted my original. I usually have a tolerance for mess. Maybe I was in a weird mood last night. It was nice to vent, though.

I would love for the Clean Sweep team to come over and organize our house. I don't think our house is disorganized and cluttered enough. Does anyone else watch the show? Our house looks really neat (and we have 3 kids under 5 yrs., i.e. toys everywhere) compared to the homes they redo.


-Melanie
 
Melanie-
Those kids are too cute!!! :D
Thanks for starting a interesting topic that affects us all.

In my house, I'm the neatnik and my DH is the slob. He's pretty good about picking up after himself out of respect for me most of the time, but he just doesn't notice dirt and has no sense of how to keep things clean. It seems like all the surfaces of our house are always a little sticky and dirty. For example, he can come back from a trip and plop his suitcase, which has been all over the world, down right smack in the middle of the bed with the nice clean sheets! ARGGGGHH! The dirt makes me crazy!!! I guess more than a neat freak, I'm probably a dirt freak.

He understands the concept of not leaving his socks on the floor, but doesn't understand the concept of cleanliness. He's pretty trainable, so I just have to figure out a way of training him, but I haven't figured it out yet. If anyone else has this problem, I could use some suggestions.:)
 
Pocket the change and cash. This is your severance pay for having to deal with hubby's clutter. The rest, just sweep into a trash can and leave it by the dresser. If he hasn't emptied it out by the next time trash is to be collected, out it goes!
 
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