How do you know when its time to end a friendship!

[punka274]

Weve been friends for about 6 yrs,we live about an hour and a half from each other,so we haven't seen each other for atleast 3 yrs,we just talk on the phone and email.

lately,I've been really considering just not talking to her anymore! I feel that sometimes she seems to "takes me the wrong way" when I joke around with her. I'll tell her Im "just kidding" ,later she'll send me an email with a p.s at the end and tells me I was being rude!
This was one situation,Another one was.. she asked my opinion on a personal subject between her and her husband,and I gave it and she let me go really quick.didn't talk for 6mnths.she finally sent me a letter and apoligized.

My sister and my mother tells me to not answer the phone when she calls and not respond to her emails.I'm just not sure what to do!

appreciate any advise!

 

[Georgia]

Hi there!

My way to handle it would be let it die a natural death. I wouldn't call/email her anymore and just let it slowly die. People move on and change, nothing wrong with that. But that's just me, others may have better advice.

 

[endorphin_junkie]

Breaking up is hard to do, even with friends! I connected with an old school mate a few years ago and we started to hang out, the friendship blossomed and we spent a lot of time together with our kids. It was good but then it felt like we'd run out of common ground and it was an effort so I did the wrong thing and just let it slide, didn't return calls, put her off if she called. Two years later I still feel crummy when I think about it, I treated her shabbily and she didn't deserve it. I regret not speaking to her directly and dread running into her some day. Recently I was in a waiting room and there was an article in it about this very thing. It suggested that it's best to talk to the person directly about it, to formally break off the friendship. This way the other person isn't left hanging and wondering. I think it gives everyone as much dignity as can be preserved in these awkward circumstances. It's nobody's fault, people grow in different ways, true friendships are one of life's precious gifts, forced friendships are a stressor and we have enough of that in our lives already!! Good Luck to you!

Take Care
Laurie

 

[JeanneMarie]

My advice is to consider if her friendship contributes any positive aspect to your life. It doesn't sound like it does. What's the point?

Let it go!

 

[fitatfifty]

Sorry to hear about your dilema. But take heart literally to the situation. Ignoring the friend will not change anything really.
You owe her your honesty as she does you. Afterward perhaps the both of you can resolve the situation by making right choices for both of you.
It's more then ok to not gel with everyone. This is being true to yourself and you will feel a burden lifted.

 

[aseay]

i have a friend i rarely call or if i do i make it brief. i got tired of her bragging and a no-it-all and the best at everything. she would talk continuously about the same thing every time i called her. she has also made me upset but appologizes later. but i do enjoy her company. we havent been able to get together for lunch in a long time because of work. when i did call her after many months, i found out that she was having health problems and had gained alot of wieght. maybe you should atleast call her to see how shes doing and maybe your argument will be forgive and forget.

laura

 

[angie_nrs]

I've found that it's really hard to keep a friendship on the same level when something major happens to disrupt it - like a move away. It takes away a major component of comomon ground for you both. It then becomes almost uncomfortable to talk with someone when you really don't know that much about what's going on with them and they don't know what's going on with you. Then, it seems like you read more into their comments and things just go downhill from there.

I'll bet if you are honest with her, she will agree that the situation as it is, is pretty awkward. I guess you'll have to be honest with yourself and decide if the friendship is something that can serve a rewarding purpose for both of you. How would you feel about the situation if something tragic happened. Sometimes it takes a serious situation like that to truly uncover how we feel. Just think about it and see what you come up with. We all grow and change and sometimes it just isn't in the same direction. Don't be hard on yourself if that happens. It is life.

Good Luck figuring this out;-)

Angie

 

[alsrnbsn]

Several years ago, I was absolute best friends with a co-worker. On our day's off we were always together shopping or just hanging out. DH and I had a cookout that she kept saying that she's show up for, but never did and after that, I started realizing that everything we did together was for her benefit. When it came to helping me out, she'd bail. I also started realizing that she was mentally sucking me dry! I was still friends with her at work, but the socializing outside of the workplace slowly died a naturaly death. I have been a lot happier since!

 

[jgarr44460]

I ended a long time friendship years ago by not calling or responding to the person. We had been very close. She attended the birth of my first child. It had reached a point where I felt she was sucking the life out of me. She was very needy at the time or that is how I perceived it. That was almost 20 years ago. I regret terribly HOW I ended it but not necessarily that I did end it. I found the following book recently and goofy cover aside, think it is very good. I was able to find it at my local library but may end up purchasing it.
What Did I Do Wrong?: When Women Don't Tell Each Other the Friendship is Over by Liz Pryor
It was very enlightening from both womens perspectives, the "dumper" and the "dumpee". I wish I had read it before I decided how to end that friendship.

 

[seeking_guns]

I love hearing everyone's different perspectives. Such thoughtful points have been made. This is a tough situation to address...I think the easiest way to handle a friendship you've outgrown -- the way most people approach it -- is to just let it fade away. I think I would rather have her think you just fell out of touch b/c of the distance than think that she worked your nerves and you cut her loose.

That being said, if her oversensitivty is really your only beef, I would consider trying to salvage the friendship. Just have a heart-to-heart about your concerns. If things are still awkward or the drama continues after that, then move on. Sometimes it does have to happen. But, one other thing... don't forget - that joking via email can be easily misinterpreted. It'd be a shame to end a friendship b/c of misunderstandings. Life is short, and true friends are worth hanging onto.

The friendship-at-work thing can be a really sticky situation if it sours (as I've learned the hard way). I'm now much more reserved & careful about whom I befriend in the workplace.

Cathy

 

[eminenz2]

A very close friendship that I was hoping would go away recently ended very badly for me because I talked when I should have kept my mouth shut. Bad feelings all around, bridges burned.

If I had any cojones, I would have ended it sooner. We both are in the horse world and live fairly near to each other but luckily, I haven't had and contact with her.

The hardest part was actually trying to forgive myself for being such an a$$.

Susan L.G.

 

[punka274]

Thank you so much Ladies,Im so greatful for all the responses!

I will take all advice and consider it carefully!

Amy