How do you deal with a "know it all"?

M

megs

Cathlete
My SO has always had a healthy regard for his own opinion, however, recently he has become a real "know it all". He will never admit to being wrong even when it is clear (later on) that he was - he will even claim that that is what he said all along!

Nobody can tell him anything - he already knows everything and it is his opinion alone that is right. I am now starting to feel like I am in competition with him - always trying to catch him up on one of his facts - I recognise this is not healthy. He is still a real sweetie but this behaviour is driving me nuts!! Does anyone have any advice on how I can deal with this?
Thanks, Meg
 
RE: How do you deal with a

That is such a difficult thing to deal with it is hard to give advice. You say he has worsened. Can you think why that may be? He's a sweetie. :) That's good. So why has your know it all sweetie started to drive you nuts? Are you mellow enough to just smile and let him get away with it until he realizes you aren't buying and his behaviour is just plain silly? Trying to make him realize the error of his ways could prove virtually impossible. Arguing with know it all is futile. Could it be a phase, a crisis? Is he under pressure at work and unable to get away with being a know it all so that he is bringing his frustrations home to you where he can? I have a know it all daughter and when she gets too bad, I play the overt dummy, and since I am not quite as dumb as she may at times act she believes I am, it lets her know that she's pushing and not only am I not dumb, she is to refuse to admit she's wrong at times. I thought I was wrong once, but I was mistaken, you know? Good luck. Be patient and don't let him chap your hide too much. If you mirror his attitude and let him get a taste of it, he could back off but real know it alls are such pains, it could be a no winner. The best advice is to come here and vent and we'll back you up and let you know we know and help you hone your sense of humor and just love his sweetness and put up with his know it all-ness. A hug from me and a hope this passes!
Bobbi "Chicks rule!"http://www.clicksmilies.com/s0105/tiere/animal-smiley-032.gif
Tell me what you plan to do with your one wild and precious life? -Mary Oliver
 
RE: How do you deal with a

How do you deal with it? Get some distance between you and him! Been there, done that, and it won't get any better. If you think you're going to change him, you're dreaming, so my advice would be to ask yourself if you can live with this behavior long term.

"It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt." Mark Twain ;-)
 
RE: How do you deal with a

I don't deal...I'm sorry...I just can't...I have tried...it doesn't work. That makes me CRAZY!
 
RE: How do you deal with a

Meg,

It's a very difficult problem. My brother became a Mr. Know-It-All and I challenged him once, and he has barely spoken to me ever since. His need to be right sometimes seems pathological to me. Sooner or later, everyone backs down with him because they can see that he just has a NEED to be right, and they usually don't care about it as much as he does. To me, my brother's absolute need to be right all the time is a symptom of a deeper problem. He used to have lots of friends, but only the diehards have remained. I can only hope this doesn't happen to your SO. I really think that something needs to be done about it before the problem gets worse.

Good luck,
Nancy
 
RE: How do you deal with a

I have the same problems sometimes with mine. I think its a reaction to some sort of insecurity - being right makes him feel better. Lots of times I just tune him out or let him know that I don't think he is even listening to what I have to say so I'm not interested in talking under those circumstances. This has the benefit of not being an argument about who is right, but a statement of how the situation makes me feel. If its a really bad one, and I'm really angry or upset and feeling like he is trying to make me feel stupid, I'll talk more directly about it (not angrily, but matter of factly), letting him know that sometimes I get the feeling he is not listening and the message to me is that he is smarter and that I don't know anything. Usually he has not realized it is coming across like this, and immediately he switches gears. Not forever, mind you, but I think the incidences have reduced and I can tell he's making an effort afterwards. Also, I find that being assertive and talking about it makes me feel more confident and innoculates me against doubting myself when he does this. Hope you work it out!
 
RE: How do you deal with a

what I do is tell them that if they say it is right then it must be right and not believe a word he says, if that doesn't work ear plugs LOL
 
RE: How do you deal with a

Say to him:

"Those of you who think you know everything are really annoying to those of us who do."
 
RE: How do you deal with a

I live with one .. and it is hard to swallow sometimes .. and me being the one that usually is right :7 99% of the time at least .. LOL ... ;-) ;-) have to bite my tongue a lot of the time ..

.. mine too is a sweetie but does try my patience at times .. I think (depending on the subject matter of course) .. my best bet is to just laugh and play it off .. and say .. oh yeah ... and walk off .. and later when the truth is realized .. I am quick to point out the fact that he was wrong ..

.. now is this healthy .. or the right thing to do ??? I don't know .. LOL .. it just works for my DH most of the time .. :D

hope that helps at all ..
 
RE: How do you deal with a

Thank you all for your replies - some great advice and quite a few giggles too to brighten my day. I'm not sure what my next step will be...as with most things some days are better than others. I'm absolutely positive he has no idea he comes across this way but on reflection it has became worse since he took on a managerial role at work about 8 months ago. Maybe he feels he needs to know the answer to everything to be a good manager.

Thanks again, Meg
 
RE: How do you deal with a

I was a manager for many years. I remember when I first started, that it seemed like everyone was always wanting me to make decision for them. I might have carried that over into my personal life as well. As I grew as a person and a manager, I became better at letting people participate in solutions, come up with their own answers and just keep me informed. Maybe this will come in time with him.

Good luck. Hope this behavior is not a dealbreaker.
Melissa
 
RE: How do you deal with a

Hi Melissa! How's my favorite paralegal? :)

Meg, I think Melissa makes a good point. If it's only been going on for 8 mos. and it came about as a result of a job change, then I think now is the time to nip it in the bud. It's understandable that your SO needs to be a know-it-all at work, but now is the time for him to realize that there is no need for him to bring his work home with him. Since it hasn't been going on for too long, it shouldn't be too difficult for him to make some changes. Good luck!
-Nancy
 
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