Help! My husband is criticizing me

isuretri

Cathlete
I'm going to put myself out on the line here because I know how several of the women feel about this topic but.....I had breast augmentation (a year ago June 1) and I had a problem with one of my implants. I went to the doctor 2 weeks ago and dr said I have an infection in one implant - it was very hard and lots of swelling. I was told not to do any physical exercise except ride a stationary bike. I had a recheck yesterday and was given the go ahead to exercise with the exception of bouncing! So, hubby says...when you going to start exercising again? I said on Friday because I have two FULL days ahead of me. I said, "I've been watching what I eat to counter not exercising." He gave me a look like I was a liar.
This just really bugs me. Before this I had been training for a figure competion and I think I was overtraining. Why can't he just stop harrassing me about the way I look? I've lost 45 pounds in the past year and I actually wore a bikini to the beach last weekend for the first time EVER!!
I'm sorry I just had to vent. I'm so tired of him getting on to me about the food and exercise. Sometimes it just throws me in the other direction of wanting to do the opposite!
I will be back exercising tomorrow. I had been doing some DVD's with a group of women on Monday nights and will continue that and I am going to hit the gym starting on Friday.
Thanks for listening! Does anyone else have this problem or is their hubby's supportive?????
 

Fit_mommy

Cathlete
I am sorry you are going through this.

I can't say I know where you are coming from or how you feel b/c I do not have this issue but I feel for you. It's terrible that your DH is acting this way. He should SUPPORT you and be PROUD of you for your efforts thus far and what you have accomplished. He should also not push you to do something your body is not ready for and consequently take the chance of injuring yourself and creating even more problems! Tell me, is your husband in perfect shape? Does he exercise every day? Does he watch every morsel of food he puts in his mouth? Did he have any children!? :p If the answer is not an absolute YES to every question then he needs to keep quiet. Like my mom always taught me "If you can't say something nice then don't say anything at all!"

JMHO!
 

Dela

Cathlete
Not sure if you want opinions or just a sympathetic ear. My father did this to my mother (and me growing up) the entire time they were together, it didn't matter how thin or heavy she was (lots of fluctuations) it never stopped. Hopefully your DH is more reasonable and maybe you can address this head on in, not an argument, and not in reaction to after he makes these comments. But bring it up with him, ask him why he is always on you, tell him you DO look good, and you are happy looking good, and exercise and eating well should be a positive experience, but he is making it negative for you and it's hard to continue with all of his negativity, you need to make it clear he needs to stop with the comments, that it's NOT OK and it upsets you.

I'll withhold some harsher comments I have about this, it kind of strikes a nerve. ;)
 

mlmccauley

Cathlete
Hi isuretri,

I could have totally written your post - with the exception of the breast augmentation ;)

First off, CONGRATULATIONS on losing 45 pounds. That in of itself is a huge feat.

Second, way to go on trainng for a figure comp that tells me you are committed to fitness. I'm sorry you were sidelined.

I get the same attitude from my husband, the looks, the comments etc. I eat healthy 80-90% of the time. The few times I do indulge in ice cream or some other not-so-healthy food it is always met with, "why do you bother exercising if you are going to eat that?" I am a true believer of everything in moderation. I indulge so I don't feel deprived. It is when I deprive myself that I go overboard on indulgences. I try not to give him power over my feelings, I try not to make him make me feel guilty, angry or upset. Because like you it makes me want to not bother with eating right or exercising etc. I eat right for me. I exercise for me. I am by no means saying my husband is a mean, awful, unsupportive man, he is just has an all or nothing approach to things. Hope this helps to let you know you are not alone.

Maria
 

Govtgirl

Cathlete
I'm sorry you're going through this. Was he like this before you were married? If so, I'm afraid you're stuck with it; he won't change, and you will have to find your support elsewhere.

I almost feel like I need to apoligize when I say my husband is an absolute doll; he's wonderful and very supportive.
 

NY25

Cathlete
This makes me glad I'm not married. I can't see being in a relationship with anyone who makes you feel badly about yourself. Marriages should be based on support. Anything less is not acceptable for me. I would let him know, in very clear terms. (but that's me)
 

isuretri

Cathlete
Thanks for all the wonderful words. I do eat clean 90% of the time so when he does see me eat something, he will give me a look or make a comment. Like last night I made raspberry-mango sundae with no sugar added fat free ice cream, fresh raspberries and mango.
He is very thin and doesn't have to worry about what he eats. So, that in itself is very hard on me. I have to make two meals every night. One for him and the two kids and one for me.
I have to agree that I do the workouts and eating clean for me and no one else.
I was really just upset and seeing if anyone else goes through the same thing???
Thanks a bunch, I feel better!
 

double t

Cathlete
Thanks for all the wonderful words. I do eat clean 90% of the time so when he does see me eat something, he will give me a look or make a comment. Like last night I made raspberry-mango sundae with no sugar added fat free ice cream, fresh raspberries and mango.
He is very thin and doesn't have to worry about what he eats. So, that in itself is very hard on me. I have to make two meals every night. One for him and the two kids and one for me.
I have to agree that I do the workouts and eating clean for me and no one else.
I was really just upset and seeing if anyone else goes through the same thing???
Thanks a bunch, I feel better!
I think he should lay off of you to be honest. It sounds like you are doing a great job. He's a lucky guy actually. I mean, maybe he'd like to be with someone who doesn't care at all about what kind of shape they are in.
You say he is thin----being thin and being in shape are 2 different things. He still needs to think about what he's eating.
Keep up the good work.
Trevor
 
I just wanted to say that just because he is thin doesn't mean he is healthier than you. Kudos for working out and watching what you eat!!
 

Fit_mommy

Cathlete
I just wanted to say that just because he is thin doesn't mean he is healthier than you.
This is very true! My DH is naturally thin. The only time he watches his diet is when he is FORCED because I am the one doing the cooking! He doesn't really exercise either. :rolleyes: Even if I were considered "overweight" I'd STILL be healthier then him by virtue of my diet and physical activity! He knows it, admits it and gives me kudos for it. :)
 

janie1234

Cathlete
Sorry he sounds like an ass.
Borderlines on verbal abuse if you ask me. Spouses are supposed to be supportive not make you think less of yourself.
Your stronger than you think.
(((hugs))))
 

cakebaker

Cathlete
Ditto, janie1234

Sorry he sounds like an ass.
Borderlines on verbal abuse if you ask me. Spouses are supposed to be supportive not make you think less of yourself.
Your stronger than you think.
(((hugs))))

I agree. Verbal abuse is just as distructive as physical abuse - I've lived with both in my past.
 

janie1234

Cathlete
He wouldn't last in my house, either. Talk about jab-cross-jab! And then TKO!
Janis that is funny.

In all seriousness you are obviously really hurt by the fact that your husband does not really show support and is more critical than loving. I know that marriage can be tough BUT you should be able to tell him how you feel. Marriage typically means the rest of your life (at least in my dictionary it does) don't hold back how you feel, . . .and remember what Janis has to say about having the jab-cross-jab ready to get his listening ears ready.
 

isuretri

Cathlete
Thanks everyone. This past two years has had its ups and downs. Along with losing weight, doing 4 rounds of STS along with cardio; I opened a non-profit organization - Pregnancy Resource Center - that helps women/teens with unplanned pregnancies, work full time and am a wife and mother, volunteer at the center, Girl Scout leader, youth worker at church, Bible study teacher..... Its been a FULL two years.
Most of the time he is supportive and then sometimes like this I am ready for the jab-cross-jab!
Don't get me wrong, I love him very much but it hurts me when he knows how hard I have been working!
I will let him know exactly how I feel tonight! Pray for me!!!!!
 

JoanC

Cathlete
I'm sorry but I have a different opinion. I think he thinks he is helping you. If he believes You want to look a certain way and asking you about exercise might be the way to help you achieve that goal. Of course that is MAN thinking, you know they are clueless.
 

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