Good Days, Bad Days, and Criticism

naughtoj

naughtoj

Cathlete
I hope you all can relate to this..


I almost put my fist through the wall today during P90X chest and back. I have noticed that lately I tend to get very angry and frustrated with myself when I can't do something. (P90X is great for making me feel like crap). I mean downright on the verge of tears, throwing my hands up in the air, and screaming "WHY, WHY!!!" "You should be better than this" and "you are such a weenie" are common things I say to myself...


Every day seems like it is a really "good" workout day or it is a really "bad" workout day. When the good is good it can't get any better, but when the bad is bad it can't possibly get any worse!!

Sometimes I think my quest for incessant workout perfection is somehow fed by this forum. No offense. It just seems like if I did not visit here I would not know what other people were doing and would therefore not feel like as much of a weenie. By the same token though, when you are advanced it is not acceptable to always be telling yourself, "well, you can do 5 push-ups. Some people can't do any". Maybe I should be thankful, but I am not.


I know, I know, I should not compare myself to other people but it is hard not to. And I get downright MAD when I can't do 4 successful assisted pull ups in P90X!! I think, "shouldn't you have gotten farther in all these years of exercising!!??".


How do I learn to turn off the negative, switch on the positive, and read posts here as healthy inspiration rather than competition? It probably has to do with my critical personality and I am my Number One critic, right?? I feel so petty posting this. We all know there are more important things in life, right?

Anybody feel like this often??
 
Try to look at the progress you have made for yourself. I can do 5 boy pushups and even though that is weenie for most on this forum, it's a huge accomplishment for me, since 3 years ago, I barely lifted weights. I know PX90 is not for me. Those who love it , great! I am not interested, especially in pull-ups/chin-ups and I know that I couldn't do even one.

So, look at how far you have come and not how much further you have to go. Just have fun. Isn't that what's really the most important? I guess that's what keeps me motivated. :)
 
We all have those days. I try and look back at when I did the Firm and felt 5 lbs was really heavy. Then I got 10 and really had to struggle. Then I read on their Forums that some were doing the tall bench step leg presses with 70 lbs. I worked and got there. Then I read someone had done 90. Now I tried but could nver get there. Also I discovered it did not fair well with my knees. I have also read that some bodybuilders work so hard that they literally vpmit. I have no desire to push myself to that point. To me that is the body fighting back. I have been doing the Super Sets blasts upper and lower for 3 weeks now. With some added stuff. Today I could not lift as heavy on the biceps as I have been. I tried. I have no inclination to beat myself up over it. I know I probably needed more rest between workouts or was just to tired. Maybe next time. I bet there is no one that does not have a low day. Even Cathe says somedays you are not just having it, or something like that. I just find that I get subtle improvements here and there and can look back and know I have come a long way from when I started.
Diane Sue
 
Please don't be so hard on yourself! Remember that the only person you are in competition with is yourself. If today you can only do 3 assisted pull-ups, then next time you'll do 4! If you have to do all the push-ups on your knees, so what?

I know what you mean about the forum sometimes feeding that "I'm a weenie if I can't do X," mentality. I've gotten to the point where most of the time I don't give a rat's patooty what other people can do (and who knows if they are telling the truth or not? Or if they are using correct form? Or what they are built like? Or how their muscles insert into their joints?) I read a quote somewhere (maybe in someone's signature on this forum?) about the folly of comparing ourselves to others when everyone is a unique individual (or as the Vulcans say: "I rejoice in our differences" and "Infinite diversity in infinite combinations").

I've found P90X to be a great motivator for me, but also a great test of humility. When I started Chest and Back, I could do very few push-ups on my toes, and I still am doing many on my knees (or one one knee, my way of stepping up from both knees to toes). When I started using my pullup tower, recently, I found I could do not one unassisted pull-up (even though I've gotten to the point of lifting pretty heavy on 1-arm lat rows). As Tony says "Do your best and forget the rest." I like that philosophy a lot, and it's a nice change from instructors who set a specific rep count or show only one version of an exercise (the most difficult) and make you feel like a weenie if you can't do it (even though that is not their intent).

Hang in there. Put things into perspective and embrace your weenieness. I am a pull-up weenie for now, but I'm getting better. As Tony says (I like to quote, or paraphrase, him) "Don't think 'I can't do X. Think 'X is currently difficult for me'"
 
Janice, Yes, I feel like that sometimes. Not often though. Kinda self-defeating, ya know? But let me get this straight. You thought you'd buy P90X and have it mastered in a couple weeks? Really?

I bought P90X with great fear and trepidation, but eventually said, "It'll be fun. What the heck." I've only been working out for about 1 1/2 years and only 1 year consistently. I joke with my friends that "I'm too stupid to know I can't do it." So I do what I can. Funny thing is, I'm pretty darn good at Ab Ripper X and a lot of people complain how hard it is. Haven't even tried a pull-up but I'm gaining strength to get there with the bands. I do push myself. And the beauty of P90X is that everyone sets there own goals. That's why we write it down. Forget about the German babe who is an animal at pushups and pullups. We hate her! LOL

You started by saying how angry you are and then it almost turned to tears. Do the tears. You'll release all that frustration and maybe figure out why you're so upset. My guess is that it isn't about P90X. Alexis
 
Hi Janice,

I can very much relate to all or nothing, only good or completely bad days. I've always been a perfectionist, and only in the past few years have I been able to lighten up on myself. Some days I feel like a complete wimp and get down on myself. Others I feel like really strong but then visit the boards and realize that many are much buffer than I! I try not to look at it as a comparison of my inability, though. I try to admire what others have been able to accomplish and hope to work toward my best as well. I often loose site of the fact that fitness should be a journey, not a race. Thinking that I wish I could do as much or be as strong as others does me no good. Sometimes, those thoughts cross my mind, and that's the perfect time to remind yourself that it's all about being your best. And if that doesn't help, remind yourself that probably 80% of the population doesn't work out at all!

You are not petty! Please try not to get mad at yourself!

Gina
 
Hi Janice. You've gotten so many great responses, especially from Kathryn. All you can do is your best and if you know you've given 100%, then it doesn't matter if didn't do 6 push ups or 5 pull ups. You gave 100% and that's what matters the most. Push ups and pull ups are tough. For the majority of my back work, I knew going into that workout if I was strong enough to get some pull ups in or not. The majority of the time, I was not, so I didn't even attempt one. I definitely didn't want to waste a workout trying to accomplish one pull up when I could do a set with bands or a modified version.

Janice, another thing to keep in mind is how lucky you are to be healthy. I know that this sounds corny, but until it's taken away, we really don't realize how lucky we are to be living in a healthy body. I've been down this road, and believe me, it's scary. So continue to work out to keep your body healthy and strong. With patience you will reach your personal goals. :)
 
Janice, you couldn't have posted this at a better time. Since late February/early March, I've been trying to get my legs back into shape after my knees crapped out on me. With my PT friend's help and advice, I got to the point where I can use a pair of 15-lb. DBs during LL. (I do wall squats instead of Cathe's regular ones but use the same counting patterns and sets.) I've been quite proud of myself but today I just couldn't get through the workout. My knees were fine. My legs weren't. Halfway through, they were simply jello. It was hard to stay standing. So I skipped the rest and did abs, feeling so crummy all along. Granted that this last month has been incredibly trying, professionally and personally, that my appetite has been shot. There are days when I hardly eat, and I know that that is where my loss of strength comes from. Add to that all this stress...

Anyway, I was reading WD's post up there and it hit me where she said that some bodybuilders train so hard they vomit. Something about the body fighting back. I know my body is doing some fighting back right now. It needs food, rest, lots of sleep, more than a perfect session of LL.

I think the option of reading posts here as inspiration instead of competition comes solely from the one doing the reading. There are posts here that make me incredulous sometimes -- like Kathryn says, how do you know it's all true anyway? -- but those are rare, and if I come across posts that make me raise a brow, I just skip it and move on.

I've been reading the threads on P90X and wish I had the motivation to do what you guys are doing. It's just not possible right now. Not a good time. But I continue to let read these threads because hey, if I can't get stronger like you guys, I can at least try to maintain the level I've achieved. I know I can never get my legs to do probably more than 40 lbs. because of my knees, and that used to feel like the end of the world, but I have to strike a balance between my petty vanity and my precious health here.

I was telling my husband about these pullups I keep reading about and I asked him how long he thought before I could do just one unassisted rep. He said, "I KNOW you can do one right off the bat. But the second or third will be a stretch." I asked him why he thought that and to my surprise, he said: "Because that's all I can do. By the third rep, I'm spent. Those pullups are HAAARD." It was a huge moment, realizing that my husband considers my strength on par with his. My point is, you may be your biggest critic, but there are people out there who think you're amazing. You're just having one bad session. It's no big deal.

Hugs,
Pinky
 
Yeah,I think we all have those days.I don't have them very often, b/c like WD said, I can remember when I used 20lbs barebell for chest press.
I had a moment a few monthes ago.I was doing either PH or ME and I couldn't lift nearly as much as normal and what I did use was taking the life right out of me! I was SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO mad at myself.And I didn't even contribute any of it to the way I ate the day before,or how much sleep I had the night before.It was all my fault...I was a weenie!
Alot of times I can forget that everything takes time.If someone I work with started dieting or exercising and then they got fustrated by the end of the week b/c they weren't seeing results, I would be telling them not to throw it down yet, b/c its only been a week.Sometimes I can forget that with myself.Everything takes time.
I am a true beleiver that when we have those off days, our body is trying to tell us something.We don't lose strength that fast.But it can still be fustrating as the sametime.
Lori:)
 
Hi, Janice! This is an interesting topic you've started.

This is going to go against the grain for many, but in all honesty I think the "negative" can actually be as much of a motivator for you - and me - to keep trying harder as is the "positive". Although I do not have the P90X system and have no intention of getting it, I certainly do know what it's like to try a workout routine that pushes me to physical failure, and what that physical failure feels like. It becomes not just a physical failure but an emotional failure-perception as well.

I call it my "inner drill sergeant", and I first met my IDS when I tried Interval Max Original for the first time. After having previewed it and feeling like it would be almost laughably simple, when I couldn't get through ANY of the mean intervals I was so furious at myself I could've just spit. I literally said to myself, "You absolute flaming weak-ass SLOB!" Well . . . I committed myself to doing I-Max twice per week (would've done it more frequently except that Cathe said not to), and got to getting through ALL the intervals with no modifications within 3 weeks. And when I did, I said, "Yes."

Same with the terrible squat-thrust-climber and extended ice-breaker intervals in "Boot Camp". Couldn't finish them the first time I tried them. Got furious with myself all over again. Did "Boot Camp" at least once a week until I could. And now I do those cardio intervals quite comfortably at least twice per week.

I've come to value my Inner Drill Sergeant, because she pushes me to find out where my limits are, and to expand them. Living in the negative certainly isn't productive, but the negative can have value in your life.

JMHO -

A-Jock
 
As always, there is great advice and encouragement from everyone, but I just wanted to add some of my thoughts as well if that is okay?
:)
I'm one that pushes my body too hard...I want to get muscular strength before the major aging process hits (54 this summmer ugh) and I'm also battling a major lupus flare going on 3 years now. Going into P90X, I knew I'd have trouble with pushups and I never have completed a pullup. I still can't do an overhand pullup and only 3-6 underhand depending on the day.

As far as good and bad days go....look at the ones doing pullups in P90X, some of them didn't meet their expectations either. Even Dreya stuggled on some.

Several posts stuck out to me over at Beachbody concerning P90X, these posters didn't see results until the end of Phase 3. While not major results, it was just enough to make them go on to ROUND 2 and the ROUND 3,s. The point I got was, this program is tough...and as it should be. There needs to be a tough program on the market that the Instructors use to get themselves in shape. Not all of them do their own videos. (a big revelation to me I found out)They use machines and the gym. Anyway, I figure if I can do Some pushups and a few pullups, even if it is underhand, there is always the next ROUND. The only competition I have is with myself.
These forums are for motivation and encouragement. And like one said above, there may be some posts that how do we know for sure they did what they said as they may have said it as a joke! :-(

I liked Lori's comment about when we have off days our body is trying to tell us something. Sometimes there may be an underlying inflammation going on that doesn't present itself until a long while later. When we lift heavy, as you know, we tear down before we build up. Bodies truly do need those rest days and fuel. No stress would be nice but we don't live in a perfect world.

I can understand your frustration as I know you from here for years now, and know how long you've been working out. I went into the P90X program with an attitude "Hey I do Cathe" This humbling program is really about Strength. It takes patience and the body all coordinating together. That is another one of the reasons for the Yoga in the program... it is to generate a calmness. Mind, Body and Spirit all working in harmony with each other. Another reason for writing things down is for us to see the small achievements as the major ones are longer in coming.
Hang on Janice. It will come. Patience.

Hugs from a cyberfriend. :D
 
Janice I feel like this a lot lately. My problem is different in that I keep getting humbled by injuries. Five years ago I was in the best shape of my life until I had two accidents in quick sucession. Two years ago I finally felt strong enough to start exercising for real again when I broke my foot. While recovering from my broken foot I discovered the Videofitness forum, Cathe and this forum. I went from zero to being able to do IMAX2 in a matter of months. I was fitter than I'd ever been even if I was bigger and all was well until I came down with flu. After flu was another back injury then I snapped the tendons in my foot and now I'm nursing broken toes. I know I need to go at a measured pace but I can't work out the way I want to so I don't enjoy the workout as much as I would normally. Three things help me get out of that "You're a bloody silly wimp" hate-myself stage: walking, yoga and meditation. Of the three, the walking is easier to do since this is mostly an issue of patience. I find the most effective walks happen when I'm in a foul mood so really they start out as high speed stomping :) Even if I'm just popping out at lunch time to buy a sandwich as long as I've got some walking done on my own or with a good friend who knows the score, it still helps. Once I've done the walking, my ability to focus is restored so I'm ready for the yoga and meditation again. Without that I would spend every day believing I am fat, too slow to improve, useless and destined to stay that way forever.

I know none of that is true but without that walk, the yoga and the meditation (YMMV :) ) I lose the ability to get an accurate measure of myself and my progress.

Personally I find these forums to be a source of inspiration and positive motivation. Most people will not comment on a persons efforts to get fit and/or lose weight until it has become obvious. It takes a long time to get from over weight to noticely smaller and that lack of notice can make your effort feel invisible. People like us can keep forging ahead even if nobody says a thing so think of perfectionism as a blessing even if it is a mixed one. :)
ATB,
- Lisa :)
 
Self-criticism can certainly be very valuable but it has to be tempered with realisitic expectations. Negativity can be the root of that lack of rhythym that brings on a bad workout. Sometimes I have to ask myself how important mastering something really is. I am extremely compulsive and I'll push myself to the point of exhaustion if I let myself. And I sometimes do. I accomplish what I set out to do but I become miserable because it requires constant attention, constant motion and added to a vigourous workout program, it's too much. Usually, it's not the fact that I am feeling miserable in spite of getting it all done that prompts me to rethink what my limits are. It's that I GET done and it eases up. Gee, that makes me an idiot becasue I know that if I paced myself, I could get the same results and not feel overly-tired, cranky and have no rhythym to my workouts! LOL! I feel that perfectionism is a two-edged sword because if nothing less than perfect is acceptable, I am going to be miserable when I come up against something that I can't be perfect at and there's always going to be something I can't be perfect at becasue as fabulous as I am, I can't do everthing! LOL! So I have the choice of lowering my expectations or being miserable. You'd think that'd be a no-brainer but it's something to strive for, accepting that everyone has limits, even goddesses like ourselves. My advice is try everything but tune in to yourself and if something is making you miserable, rethink it. Happily for me, doing pullups is something I don't care to master at all because my husband does a fine pull up. He does it from the negative, hanging with his arms straight, ankles crossed. I think that's great. But my husband doesn't work out and his days are so much less physically active than mine that the fact that I can do a mere two or three (badly) and definitely not from the negative, doesn't bother me much. By mere virtue of his gender, he has more muscle mass than I and greater upper body strength. Makes me wonder why it's me who's out in the yard, cutting back the palms and working like a day laborer! :) But it is. And I can stay in motion, working on the never-ending projects around here for 8, 10 and sometimes 15 hours a day all the while maintaining a vigorous workout program at least six days a week. Being that my husband can do those pullups, he'll often coax me to show him what I can do and, yes, he'll gently mock my pathetic attempts and the modifications I find necessary but I'll have the last laugh when I am pushing him in his wheel chair to pick up his heart medicine from Walgreens. I'll make his wait until I have finished my favorite workout from Cathe's Geriatric Series! :D

Bobbi http://www.handykult.de/plaudersmilies.de/chicken.gif "Chick's rule!"

Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?

- Mary Oliver
 
Hi Janice! Your not alone! Sometimes when I can't quite comprehend new choreography of Cathe's or whimp out myself on those dreaded pull-ups I actually start to cry! But then I give myself a pep talk shake myself & realize this is MY WORKOUT & only mine. DO YOUR BEST & FORGET THE REST!!!!!! Remember? You need to look at the workout sheet to see what you did last week & strive for 1 more rep or up the #s a little, something that will make it more challenging & if you can't, you can't. Please don't sweat it. Also let me tell you that my DH set up my pull-up bar WAY TOO HIGH for me to ever be able to do a chin up! Aarrgghh!!! So what I do is I have the chair (which isn't weighted BTW) & I lift myself up off the chair & pull up just as high as I possibly can. I still feel like I'm making some grounds. You just have to learn to give yourself more credit for all of your accomplishments that you've achieved already Janice!!!! You have come so far & your still reaching! We never stop. HTH, Kathy:D
 
Thank you all for some wonderful, encouraging words! Your posts made me laugh (Bobbi) and cry (Pinky). It is nice to know others feel this way as well.


I guess what bothers me is just that I don't seem to get any better at things. For instance, Lori comments that she "remembers when she could only bench press 20 pounds". Well, I can't remember that. In fact, in high school weightlifting I had the highest bench press weight, equal to my bodyweight. And that was with NO working out of significance at all! Fast forward ten years later and zillions of cardio and strength workouts under my belt and my bench press has DECREASED!! What is up with that?? I don't know. My memory is not too good of anything before I was 18 or so, so maybe I am just not remembering right. I definitly don't remember being a beginner...

But, I have not been strict with the P90X workout sheets. I know last week I did 13 consecutive big girl on the toe regular push ups and this week I was dying at 9. Since I only do Chest and Back once per week, it can be discouraging. Should I be doing the whole hour without exception?

And you all are right. People that don't workout see me as this ultrafit person. I posted on VF about how my girlfriend saw me doing Cathe cardio on my lunch hour and said it looked like I was a "cheerleader, flying through the air", and that I make it look "so easy", and she could "never start at that level". So, I understand what you all are saying.


I will try to be easier on myself and truly be thankful that I am NOT injured and I AM healthy. Besides, I need to stay in good shape to push MY hubby around in the wheelchair!!:)

You are all wonderful people!!
 
AJOCK!!

WHY oh WHY have you not gotten this series?? Atleast PLYO? Arrrghh..why do you have to be so non-trendy??? You would LOVE it.:)
 
What Kathryn said..But J, I can't say honestly that I see anything trendy about P90X..its just plain, old-fashioned, kickyourbuttwayhardtilyoucry, sweaty fun. :)
 
Janice,

I haven't read all the responses to your post, so I may be repeating some of it. First of all, you sound amazing already. Pullups are extremely difficult. To be able to do three is quite an accomplishment. That said, remember, as someone else stated, you're not in competition with anyone but yourself. Your goal should be to be the best as you can and want to be. Pinky mentioned that she just shakes her head at some of the posts. I read Cathe's rotation for July yesterday, and just shook my head at that, expecially the bonus (A-jock, is that one of your evil mish-moshes?) Probably a lot of people her will do that rotation, but as someone who works full time and has two young kids, I just can't, and probably will never be able to. I just do the best I can, in the time I can. Because of that, I don't see too many of the posts here, if any, as competition.

I guess the best way to view the posts as inspiration, instead of competition, is to read it, and say, I'd like to be there and be able to do that, and then make a plan to do it. If for whatever reason you don't feel like taking the time to make a plan, then it's not important, and you shouldn't worry about it.

One last thing, and I don't know if I'll get heckled on this or not, if it's getting to you too much, maybe it's time to take a week or so off, or do some active recovery. Maybe if you distance yourself some, you'll have a better point of view when you come back to it.

Good luck, and let us know how you do!
 
Hear hear to everything everyone said. You have to get a hold of irrational thinking. Count your blessings. The sensation that what you have is never good enough is a feeling that will be with you for the rest of your life. The only remedy I can think of is to laugh and celebrate what you can do. Enjoy the ride.

hang in there everyone.

Danna
 
RE: JANICE! re P90X . . .

Not only am I non-trendy, but I'm also cheap as homemade sin.

Actually, our own Briee was kind enough to lend me the P90X plyo workout and the ab workout, and I previewed them a few Sundays ago. The exercises themselves looked appealing, so I simply wrote them down and added them to my little Brownie Book of cool power moves for plyo+cardio and abs.

In all candor, to me the series seems overpriced. Maybe I'm just a One Producer kinda girl, and we all know who that producer is. Also, that Tony character would have me going for my gun within about 90 seconds - his camera persona just doesn't do it for me.

What I found inspiring, however, was the fact that one of Tony's participants in the plyo workout did almost the entire workout with no modifications - with one leg a prosthetic below the knee. When I saw that, I said, "No excuses here, A-J!"

A-J
 
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