Feeling like a failure...

[Dela]

Hi all, I must be over reacting, but I can't help to feel like a total failure right now and so defeated. I've never felt like this since I started working out, but right now I just want to quit, to stop, and that's ridiculous, but I can't help it, and I'm sitting here crying, and I don't really know why I'm over reacting so badly to today's events.

So...
I was very excited to go workout today with a kettlebell expert in south jersey, I didn't really mind the 3 hours of driving time, or even the $160. I really believe this guy knows his stuff, and he had nothing to gain or lose by telling me what he did... He knows how far I live, and it's unlikely I would return very often if at all.

But after doing a few swings and some cleans, he said, so you have hip problems, I said, 'not that I am aware of', he's like, "well, you do". And we didn't continue with the kb instruction, we went through a series of exercises to point out the issues with my hip and why I feel things a certain way in my lower back. He gave me reasons for it, and suggestions for improvement, I mean, it's not his fault, and he didn't leave me high and dry, but there was so much wrong and so much information, I can't get it all straight in my head, and not sure where to start to fix it.

He told me not to proceed with kettlebells, and don't do squats, lunges, or crunches, and other stuff. And I mainly do kickbox for cardio, because I enjoy it, and he didn't seem thrilled with that as my cardio choice.

So I was all hyped up to go get some instruction on KBs, and came away with weak hip flexors, and what feels like a host of other things wrong with me. I thought I was strong and pretty fit (even with my layer of fat). But it's been pointed out to me today that I can't even do a squat the right way because my weak hip is preventing it (I'm 36 btw).

I feel like I've worked so hard to make fitness a part of me, I still have fat to lose and am kind of frustrated, but I haven't let that frustration prevent me from trying to improve and do more. I just added kettlebells to my routine, and thought I was doing this great thing by going to get instruction, and I guess I'm too weak to even start.

I can't even really verbalize right now all that is in my head, and let me apologize now for how long this is, and if this just sounds like a bunch of craziness.

I'm trying so hard to find the positive side of what happened today, but I can't. I guess I'm just hoping for someone to read this with a clearer head and set my perspective straight.

Thanks for listening.

 

[spyrosmom]

I have no help or suggestion to offer, just {{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}

Nan

 

[Dela]

I have no help or suggestion to offer, just {{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}

Nan

Thanks Nan,

 

[janiejoey]

Dela,

WHAT? He is an instructor, yes? If that's the case, he has no right telling you those things at all. He should be concentrating on teaching you the kettlebell. He should leave the rest to your health provider.

If it makes you feel any better, get a check up with your doctor and tell what the instructor noticed and said to you.

Please don't feel sad or dreary/confused, there is no call for that. It's one persons opinion, that is all and not a professional either. IMO if you are not hurting then don't worry about it. Pain tells you if you have a problem. I think that was so uncalled for!

Continue on the way you are doing, Cathe's workouts are the best anyway, so do them as best you can and watch your beautiful body develop. Cathe has wonderful rotations just for people that want to get fit, and her rotations work. Dang, most are hard too.

I'm disgusted at the instructor that told you those things, and based on What? It doesn't make any since to me.

Take care of yourself and enjoy your workouts unless your health provider says otherwise.

Janie

 

[janie1234]

Oh Dela, . . .I am so sorry. I am sending you good vibes. Try no to take it to hard. Here's the thing, . . . experts in any field of work (I work for a dentist) tend to seek perfection. So this guy probably thought, . . .hey she's making the trip and paying me the money I'm going to give her my professional advice. So there was his advice and maybe it wasn't what you wanted to hear but there are some positives to this although you may not think that there is, . . first, you made it over there and showed the effort. Second you did the workout that he gave you and sounds like he gave you some pointers on form. Third, and if not most importantly your a Cathe girl, . . you do her workouts, have fun doing them and have made it a point to adopt a healthy lifestyle please oh please give yourself credit for that. I know people who couldn't get through a single Cathe DVD and there are so many people out there who don't even make an effort. Fitness is about setting goals for yourself and having fun doing it. Sure sometimes it ain't pretty, but like Cathe always says "It's all in your mind, . . you have to push yourself." I took pictures of myself for the past year to track my progress and every month I would feel so darn discouraged at the fact that the camera never lies and was telling me that I had oh so much work to do. I could have given up and said, . . I quit. I just did what I could do and most importantly found workouts that I enjoyed doing. Fitness and a healthy lifestyle is just that a lifestyle and not a temporary diet thing, . . . there are some people here that love marathons and cardio coach, . .heck I don't, everyone is different. You have to really just ask yourself, . . . can I take this advice to heart and challenge myself to show myself that I can do it??? Oh yes, you can. Or is this type of workout not for you and are you just going to do what you enjoy, . . .there is no wrong answer to this. You have to take it a day at a time.
By the way I only mentioned that I work for a dentist because I always have to remind the Dr. that I work for that not every patient can afford a "Hollywood" smile and that most people are happy with healthy teeth. The Dr. wanting to make sure that everyone has a picture perfect smile is not a bad thing but for many not so realistic. I just think that this PT kettle dude probably thinks the same way. I really think that he just wants you to succeed, . . and hopefully come back and say to him, . . "Hey that advice you gave me worked." Of course he could also be a complete jerk, . . since I've never met him I wouldn't know. I do know this for sure this won't be the first or the last time in your life that something will challenge your will to go on with your fitness goals, . . you do just have to do what Cathe always says "You have to push yourself and listen to your body." Hang in there.

 

[Dela]

Thank you Janie and Janie, I really appreciate you taking the time to post your replies, your words made me cry again but in a good way.

His comments mainly came from my form, it appears as if my body compensates for the hip thing by doing things wrong, especially in the squat. As I'm calming down, I'm trying to remember the helpful parts, he was talking about "joint mobility" exercises, so I'm trying to focus on that, and doing some googling now.

I think to your point, he is a perfectionist, you should see him, and as I'm googling the joint mobility, I'm finding this is a very popular practice within the kettlebell world. It certainly can't hurt from what I've seen, but he is like the dentist who thinks no one is happy unless they have perfectly white hollywood teeth.

Again, thank you both.

 

[crazystepr]

This guy sounds like a total egotistical jackass.

And you deserve your money back. PLUS compensation for your driving time.

I am so sick of how some personal trainers think they're doctors and have the right to diagnose stuff that they have no business diagnosing.

Ignore his comments. I'm so sorry he said those things and did what he did. You should call the place (gym?) tomorrow where you went and voice your upset. They need to know that his method of "training" and "instructing" is unacceptable. He has no business doing what he did. You are strong, smart, and healthy. Do NOT give up on Kettlebells--not because of this moron.

Please don't give up your fitness journey--and don't let this shmuck make you any more upset than he already has.

(((HUGS))) to you, darlin'.

 

[Dela]

This guy sounds like a total egotistical jackass.

And you deserve your money back. PLUS compensation for your driving time.

I am so sick of how some personal trainers think they're doctors and have the right to diagnose stuff that they have no business diagnosing.

Ignore his comments. I'm so sorry he said those things and did what he did. You should call the place (gym?) tomorrow where you went and voice your upset. They need to know that his method of "training" and "instructing" is unacceptable. He has no business doing what he did. You are strong, smart, and healthy. Do NOT give up on Kettlebells--not because of this moron.

Please don't give up your fitness journey--and don't let this shmuck make you any more upset than he already has.

(((HUGS))) to you, darlin'.

Thanks Jackie, I really needed to hear this, and everything everyone has had to say. My husband just got home, and pretty much said the same thing. I really am starting to feel better, wow I have no idea how I let him get to me this way! He owns the gym, so no likely recourse for this. But you are right, I'm not going to give up the KBs, I'll just have to read up more. The more I think about it, the angrier I'm getting at not learning ANYTHING that I went there for.

 

[Aquajock]

I totally agree with the posters who challenged this trainer's delusion that he has the professional capacity to diagnose physical problems. That is one of the most intransigent problems in the commercial fitness industry - GFX instructors thinking they have the standing to give personal training or physical therapy advice, personal trainers who thing they have the standing to give physical therapy or nutritional advice, etc. Stepping out of one's scope of practice is fairly rampant, and it does potential clients absolutely no good. And that is one of the many reasons I'm damned glad I'm no longer in the business, even to the extremely limited part-time degree I once was.

Did it ever occur to this douchebag that he might not be a good trainer? That he might have started you off with too intense a set of drills? Did he do any sort of physical pre-screen to determine your skill level?

Dela - IMHO you got a bad session. If you are concerned that you might have some truly unhealthy physical limitations, there are trainers and physical therapists (preferably with formal university / college degrees, not just some bubblegum weekend or online certification) who can help you spot them and correct them. Dry your tears, pick out your favorite Cathe workout/s, and shake it off.

A-Jock

 

[crazystepr]

Did it ever occur to this douchebag that he might not be a good trainer? That he might have started you off with too intense a set of drills? Did he do any sort of physical pre-screen to determine your skill level?
A-Jock

I agree completely. Mr. Douchebag is WAY off base and obviously has no idea what he's doing.

 

[Dela]

Did it ever occur to this douchebag that he might not be a good trainer? That he might have started you off with too intense a set of drills? Did he do any sort of physical pre-screen to determine your skill level?

A-Jock

Thanks A-Jock, I don't know where my head was at, I just could not see this for what is was at the time, crap! I guess the disappointment of leaving with absolutely no training combined with the feeling like I'm some decrepit old lady, just muddied up my thinking.

But no, he barely started me with anything. I did some swings, then towel swings, then a couple of cleans, and the comments started, then we veered off into a whole different direction. And there was no pre-screen and the only info I gave about my workout history was that I had just started with kettlebells with the Providence DVD, and have gone through it 4 times.

I am sooooo glad I posted, I almost did not, was a bit embarrassed, but the insight everyone has given has helped tremendously to clear my head and see this clearly. I really can't thank you all enough.

 

[jennifer-in-mi]

I agree with some previous posts, get a second opinion if you feel you need one from your health provider. He had no reason to say any of that to you. I would find another instructor and file a complaint to whom he's certified through.

 

[ImFiddY]

Don't let one person sour you on something that you want to do. Maybe you are unable to do it 100% perfect to this instructors perfection but you can still learn to do kettlebells to the best of your ability.

If your hips/back start to hurt then I would consult a doc.

Sorry this guy was a downer. Don't let him pee on your leg and tell you it's raining (judge judy)

 

[MarieCLS]

I can't offer anything better than what everyone else has posted, but I too would say to ignore what this trainer has said. I used to have some interest in bodybuilding techniques and would browse articles from professionals, and I could sense that the attitude was if you couldn't do their way perfectly, you're wrong and inferior, at that. That was depressing but I eventually shrugged it off. Perhaps the trainer you visited is the same way? But the others are absolutely right in that you should find another opinion--or more than one! It seems so common for "experts" to always disagree.

Best of luck to you!

 

[Dela]

Thanks again all, I am going to ignore his comments, and try to just wipe this experience out from my memory. It's unfair that this guy made me feel weak, and stupid of me that I let him.

 

[Pearlstrand]

Second opinion

Dela,
Have you had hip troubles at all? Do members of your immediate family have problems? I ask because my best friend his having her second hip replacement (the other hip, not the same one twice!) next month, and she told me that both of her sisters and her brother have had their hips replaced. It appears to be a family thing, but they're all much older than you are.

If you're worried, you may want to get the opinion of some medical professional who knows what s/he is talking about. It would put your mind at ease and also alert you to any potential problems and ways you could prevent them. If you get a clean bill of health, you can exercise on without worrying about it. Because this guy -- however well-meaning -- has planted a seed of doubt in your mind. He's not an expert; this is just his opinion.

Maybe you just need to do some yoga or stretching. Maybe you need to do nothing different. But you do need peace of mind so you won't be worried. Don't feel bad about yourself, but do check it out if you think it would help. Knoweldge is power!

Wishing you well!

 

[NinjaMom]

Dela~

I'm so sorry to hear you had such an upsetting and disappointing session. I would like to share my experience and hope it helps. I had my first session with Andrea Ducane ( Kettlebell Goddess dvd & a master rkc instructor) a few weeks ago. I did not touch a kb the entire 90 minutes that first time and only got to do a few swings on the second session. She spent the whole time on fitness and functional mobility testing. She gave me a number of exercises to improve joint mobility and I definitely felt a change in how I walked & moved...much smoother and free. When I finally got to swing, I realized that most of the power comes from your hips first and legs second. Therefore, it would seem wise to correct any issues you might have with your hips before you start kb's otherwise you could injure yourself. I have no idea what education/certification your instructor had but it is possible that just watching you perform various moves, he could see an issue. Maybe he got a little extreme with his advice but it might be a good time for you to meet with a physical therapist. Why a physical therapist? Read on......

I met with a physical therapist who specialized in postural restoration after I tore my hamstring. I'd been strength training for over 10 years and thought I was strong. Imagine my surprise when I was told I had weak adductors & glutes, muscle imbalances and was too flexible I spent so many years out of neutral pelvis that I learned to compensate which kept everything out of whack. It took many months of PT to get myself straightened out because I had to retrain my body back to proper alignment and strengthen my weaknesses.

Sorry this got so long but I really think if there is a chance you have structural imbalances, it would be worth it to see someone (with the proper credentials) and have a diagnosis. Get any issues corrected first so you can continue to workout and stay injury free. HTH

JJ

 

[lcobb2]

This guy sounds like a total egotistical jackass.

And you deserve your money back. PLUS compensation for your driving time.

I am so sick of how some personal trainers think they're doctors and have the right to diagnose stuff that they have no business diagnosing.

Ignore his comments. I'm so sorry he said those things and did what he did. You should call the place (gym?) tomorrow where you went and voice your upset. They need to know that his method of "training" and "instructing" is unacceptable. He has no business doing what he did. You are strong, smart, and healthy. Do NOT give up on Kettlebells--not because of this moron.

Please don't give up your fitness journey--and don't let this shmuck make you any more upset than he already has.

(((HUGS))) to you, darlin'.

I agree with Allison 100%. I'm a trainer and work with a woman who has polio. In no way would I EVER comment on her inabilities to do something. Rather--it's about positive reinforcement!!! Focus on what people CAN do! Allison is right as well--this guy isn't a medical doctor. Please don't listen to him!!! He's an egotistical jacka$$!!!

 

[Dela]

Dela,
Have you had hip troubles at all? Do members of your immediate family have problems? I ask because my best friend his having her second hip replacement (the other hip, not the same one twice!) next month, and she told me that both of her sisters and her brother have had their hips replaced. It appears to be a family thing, but they're all much older than you are.

Hi again, up for work, I'm exhausted, should be done soon.

Thanks so much for your support and concern.

No one in my family ever had hip issues, and I had a sharp pain in my hip flexors about 4 years ago from a specific ab exercise, it was like when you over strain a hamstring. And there are some ab exercises I just will not do now because of that. As I have more time to think, I just don't think there is anything wrong.

I never have had hip or back pain during my workouts, and I have never felt a need before today to see a doctor about any joint issues.

His reasoning for my problems were along the lines of sitting at a computer too long, creating stress by slouching, etc.

Ninjamom mentioned the mobility exercises she was sent home with, that's exactly what this guy did, I think it's a kettlebell instructor thing. Not knocking it, but it might be their "M.O." so to speak.

Reading Ninja's comments makes me believe he knew all along that he would not just give instruction, as my session too was exactly a 90 minute session of mobility testing and take away joint mobility exercises (with the exception of the beginning 10 minutes of KB exercises). I would have been fine if the guy had said up front that he would not just go into KB technique right away, and honestly, I just would not have gone knowing this.

I really appreciate all the time and thought you all have put into this, without this board, I really would not have been able to share this with people who understand to get the correct perspective on the situation.

 

[teddy16410]

I second the 2nd opinion

Your original post said that you were trying to find the positive Dela...Maybe the positive is, that although this guy may have beeen out of line diagnosisng you- perhaps a medical set of tests w/ a qualified person will help you discover something that could be a problem down the road.

Get yourself to a specialist...Get the right tests.....Then- either your mind will be completely at rest or you'll have accurate information so you can keep your body & mind healthy for years to come.

Dela~

I'm so sorry to hear you had such an upsetting and disappointing session. I would like to share my experience and hope it helps. I had my first session with Andrea Ducane ( Kettlebell Goddess dvd & a master rkc instructor) a few weeks ago. I did not touch a kb the entire 90 minutes that first time and only got to do a few swings on the second session. She spent the whole time on fitness and functional mobility testing. She gave me a number of exercises to improve joint mobility and I definitely felt a change in how I walked & moved...much smoother and free. When I finally got to swing, I realized that most of the power comes from your hips first and legs second. Therefore, it would seem wise to correct any issues you might have with your hips before you start kb's otherwise you could injure yourself. I have no idea what education/certification your instructor had but it is possible that just watching you perform various moves, he could see an issue. Maybe he got a little extreme with his advice but it might be a good time for you to meet with a physical therapist. Why a physical therapist? Read on......

I met with a physical therapist who specialized in postural restoration after I tore my hamstring. I'd been strength training for over 10 years and thought I was strong. Imagine my surprise when I was told I had weak adductors & glutes, muscle imbalances and was too flexible I spent so many years out of neutral pelvis that I learned to compensate which kept everything out of whack. It took many months of PT to get myself straightened out because I had to retrain my body back to proper alignment and strengthen my weaknesses.

Sorry this got so long but I really think if there is a chance you have structural imbalances, it would be worth it to see someone (with the proper credentials) and have a diagnosis. Get any issues corrected first so you can continue to workout and stay injury free. HTH

JJ