Do you (insert name) take your SO's name....etc etc
- Thread starter Yummy Mummy
- Start date
I kept my last name, much to the embarassment of my in-laws. Before the wedding, they pressured him to 'make me' change it! There are only two girls left in my family and for other reasons I won't go into, I felt very strongly about keeping my name. It was me! The thought of being called Mrs. X felt really, really odd to me-- I couldn't do it. However, it causes a lot of awkward moments when we in public; I think he's embarassed. . . As for our children (if we have any), they'll take his name.
L
L
Eminenz, my only pet-peeve are those who hyphenate. Truly. I am divorced now but I keep my married name because of vanity . It is cool to me.
I also LOVE Polish names. It keeps me on my toes. I am so proud when I can half-way pronounce them. They have never sounded ugly to me.
Marla
I also LOVE Polish names. It keeps me on my toes. I am so proud when I can half-way pronounce them. They have never sounded ugly to me.
Marla
Ms_Fitness
Member
I am getting married this year and plan on keeping my own last name. None of this hyphenated garbage. Although I believe it is a step in the right direction, it doesn't go far enough (unless your husband hyphenates his last name as well). Taking on your husband's last name is antiquated, sexist, and outdated. Fortunately, my fiance' is both progressive and liberal in his thinking. Which is why I picked him. I plan on remaining a "Ms." after I'm married as well.
Samantha
Samantha
wendymin72
Cathlete
I am a 30-something and I just don't understand why it's so important for so many women to keep their names today (unless it's for a professional/career reason)...I took my DH's name and in no way feel like I have "given up my identity". I believe that who I am comes from inside of me and not from my last name. JMO.
As I posted earlier,I thought about hyphenating my name for my deceased father/in his memory but I feel that is very different from the reason given here for not changing it at all or for hyphenating it.
If someone could explain the other side of this to me, I'd be interested in hearing your thoughts!
Have a great work out!
~Wendy~
I smoked my last cigarette on March 17, 2004 at 10:00 pm!
http://www.picturetrail.com/gallery/view?WENDYMIN
http://lilypie.com/days/050519/1/0/1/-5/.png[/img][/url]
As I posted earlier,I thought about hyphenating my name for my deceased father/in his memory but I feel that is very different from the reason given here for not changing it at all or for hyphenating it.
If someone could explain the other side of this to me, I'd be interested in hearing your thoughts!
Have a great work out!
~Wendy~
I smoked my last cigarette on March 17, 2004 at 10:00 pm!
http://www.picturetrail.com/gallery/view?WENDYMIN
http://lilypie.com/days/050519/1/0/1/-5/.png[/img][/url]
nancy324
Cathlete
Wendy,
Why does the woman always take the man's name? Have you ever thought about it? Why does the man always carry on his family name but the woman doesn't? It's left over from the days when woman were considered chattel. The law was so sexist, it considered a woman to belong to a man, almost like a piece of property.
Young women today don't remember those times, and may not even have grandmothers anymore who remember those times so much, but less than 100 years ago women didn't even have the right to vote and couldn't own property. I think it is important for us, as women today, not to lose sight of where we come from such a short time ago, and to continue to keep equality uppermost in our minds.
My nieces are the very first generation to face a world where they can do anything they want to. You are probably also that generation. Please don't allow yourself to be ignorant of where you come from, and please don't ever take it for granted. Those of earlier generations fought long and hard for you to enjoy the life you have today. With each generation it gets a little easier. It's very important not to ever go back.
Why does the woman always take the man's name? Have you ever thought about it? Why does the man always carry on his family name but the woman doesn't? It's left over from the days when woman were considered chattel. The law was so sexist, it considered a woman to belong to a man, almost like a piece of property.
Young women today don't remember those times, and may not even have grandmothers anymore who remember those times so much, but less than 100 years ago women didn't even have the right to vote and couldn't own property. I think it is important for us, as women today, not to lose sight of where we come from such a short time ago, and to continue to keep equality uppermost in our minds.
My nieces are the very first generation to face a world where they can do anything they want to. You are probably also that generation. Please don't allow yourself to be ignorant of where you come from, and please don't ever take it for granted. Those of earlier generations fought long and hard for you to enjoy the life you have today. With each generation it gets a little easier. It's very important not to ever go back.
You know, I would rather not to get this thread into political debate because it's about to happen. What I noticed about a lot of women is they don't like to share. Especially the children of the 70's. Can we please just not get political about it because it's just a bomb waiting to happen and I'm not too thrilled about where this is heading. Women can be conservative without having to give up a piece of themselves. I am conservative and I have not given up a piece of myself. Just because I took my husband's last name doesn't make me an idiot, a lap dog, etc.... It makes a lot of things easier. It's easier for the children. I also feel people like you have no respect for people like me. You seem to be very persistent about this subject, Nancy. Maybe being that kind of an attorney is a wrong legal path for you. You should go into another legal path like Women's Rights, etc.
scrichlow03
Cathlete
This is a really interesting topic. I am not married yet and I am not sure what I would do but I have this friend from China and she got married. So I asked her what her last name is now. She imformed me that in China women don't take the name of their husbands.
Shawna
Shawna
wendymin72
Cathlete
TY, Nancy.
I understand the reason behind it now...though, if I had to do it over again, I'd still take my DH's name...call me a traditional gal.
Don't get me wrong though-I AM my own person & my DH does not "rule" over me in the least. I would NOT stand for that one.
Have a great work out!
~Wendy~
I smoked my last cigarette on March 17, 2004 at 10:00 pm!
http://www.picturetrail.com/gallery/view?WENDYMIN
http://lilypie.com/days/050519/1/0/1/-5/.png[/img][/url]
I understand the reason behind it now...though, if I had to do it over again, I'd still take my DH's name...call me a traditional gal.
Don't get me wrong though-I AM my own person & my DH does not "rule" over me in the least. I would NOT stand for that one.
Have a great work out!
~Wendy~
I smoked my last cigarette on March 17, 2004 at 10:00 pm!
http://www.picturetrail.com/gallery/view?WENDYMIN
http://lilypie.com/days/050519/1/0/1/-5/.png[/img][/url]
kathryn
Cathlete
>Taking on your husband's last name is antiquated, sexist, and
>outdated.
I agree.
There is a male professor in the English department here who changed HIS last name to "her last name his last name," while his wife kept her last name. Pretty cool, I think.
Most women I know have kept their last names. The only problem I see with that is what last name do you give to the children?
The Hispanic tradition of changing a woman's name to "her last name 'de' his last name" very clearly shows the possessive nature ("de"= of) of the name change.
>outdated.
I agree.
There is a male professor in the English department here who changed HIS last name to "her last name his last name," while his wife kept her last name. Pretty cool, I think.
Most women I know have kept their last names. The only problem I see with that is what last name do you give to the children?
The Hispanic tradition of changing a woman's name to "her last name 'de' his last name" very clearly shows the possessive nature ("de"= of) of the name change.
You don't find it sexist that women want their husband to take their last name?? Also, I've always wondered about something....If women don't want to take their husband's last name, why bother getting married? There's something called common in law marriage which I am sure is legal here. When a man and a woman get married, they become each other's property no matter what. If you're not married, you're not each other's property.
nancy324
Cathlete
ZT-
I have to apologize. In reading what I wrote, I realize that it sounds like I'm equating taking the husband's name with flying in the face of feminism. That is NOT what I meant to say. I think it is perfectly reasonable for a family to all have the same name, and the husband's name is often a good choice for various reasons. Obviously, this does not make the wife a throw-back to the early nineteen hundreds. I was just trying to answer Wendy's question about the meaning behind it all, because it seemed like she genuinely didn't know. If I had had kids I might even have done the same thing. Sharing a family identity with your kids is important too.
I have to apologize. In reading what I wrote, I realize that it sounds like I'm equating taking the husband's name with flying in the face of feminism. That is NOT what I meant to say. I think it is perfectly reasonable for a family to all have the same name, and the husband's name is often a good choice for various reasons. Obviously, this does not make the wife a throw-back to the early nineteen hundreds. I was just trying to answer Wendy's question about the meaning behind it all, because it seemed like she genuinely didn't know. If I had had kids I might even have done the same thing. Sharing a family identity with your kids is important too.
needsmotivation
Cathlete
Changed my name the first time....kept it the second! So I actually use my ex-husbands last name in my current marriage:+ }( :+
Ms_Fitness
Member
Hi Nancy,
Yep, you guessed right. I am 36 years old and marriage has never been high on my priority list. This will be my first marriage. I have been independent and self-sufficient for over 15 years now. Getting an education and financially being able to support myself in a comfortable manner - without the help of a man, has been my priority ever since I can remember. I am marrying a physician and I'm sure many women would jump at the chance to be referred to as a "Dr.& Mrs. John Doe". Not me. Where am I in that? Where did my identity/name go? And how come a man is referred to as a "Mr." whether he's married or not? And women are either a Miss or a Mrs. Why is it so important to differentiate married women, but not married men??? Think about this stuff people. Don't just blindly follow "tradition" for tradition's sake. Get a backbone. We've come a long way baby, but we've still go work to do. I think 20 years from now it will be the "norm" for women to keep their names, it won't be a question. At least, this is my hope.
Sam
Yep, you guessed right. I am 36 years old and marriage has never been high on my priority list. This will be my first marriage. I have been independent and self-sufficient for over 15 years now. Getting an education and financially being able to support myself in a comfortable manner - without the help of a man, has been my priority ever since I can remember. I am marrying a physician and I'm sure many women would jump at the chance to be referred to as a "Dr.& Mrs. John Doe". Not me. Where am I in that? Where did my identity/name go? And how come a man is referred to as a "Mr." whether he's married or not? And women are either a Miss or a Mrs. Why is it so important to differentiate married women, but not married men??? Think about this stuff people. Don't just blindly follow "tradition" for tradition's sake. Get a backbone. We've come a long way baby, but we've still go work to do. I think 20 years from now it will be the "norm" for women to keep their names, it won't be a question. At least, this is my hope.
Sam
Ms_Fitness
Member
>Wendy,
>
>Why does the woman always take the man's name? Have you ever
>thought about it? Why does the man always carry on his family
>name but the woman doesn't? It's left over from the days when
>woman were considered chattel. The law was so sexist, it
>considered a woman to belong to a man, almost like a piece of
>property.
>
>Young women today don't remember those times, and may not even
>have grandmothers anymore who remember those times so much,
>but less than 100 years ago women didn't even have the right
>to vote and couldn't own property. I think it is important
>for us, as women today, not to lose sight of where we come
>from such a short time ago, and to continue to keep equality
>uppermost in our minds.
>
>My nieces are the very first generation to face a world where
>they can do anything they want to. You are probably also that
>generation. Please don't allow yourself to be ignorant of
>where you come from, and please don't ever take it for
>granted. Those of earlier generations fought long and hard
>for you to enjoy the life you have today. With each generation
>it gets a little easier. It's very important not to ever go
>back.
Amen to that, Nancy!! This is exactly my point. I could not live with myself if I switched my name. Fortunatley my fiance' thinks the tradition is equally as silly and outdated as I do. He could care less what "others" think. I love him even more for this!!
>
>Why does the woman always take the man's name? Have you ever
>thought about it? Why does the man always carry on his family
>name but the woman doesn't? It's left over from the days when
>woman were considered chattel. The law was so sexist, it
>considered a woman to belong to a man, almost like a piece of
>property.
>
>Young women today don't remember those times, and may not even
>have grandmothers anymore who remember those times so much,
>but less than 100 years ago women didn't even have the right
>to vote and couldn't own property. I think it is important
>for us, as women today, not to lose sight of where we come
>from such a short time ago, and to continue to keep equality
>uppermost in our minds.
>
>My nieces are the very first generation to face a world where
>they can do anything they want to. You are probably also that
>generation. Please don't allow yourself to be ignorant of
>where you come from, and please don't ever take it for
>granted. Those of earlier generations fought long and hard
>for you to enjoy the life you have today. With each generation
>it gets a little easier. It's very important not to ever go
>back.
Amen to that, Nancy!! This is exactly my point. I could not live with myself if I switched my name. Fortunatley my fiance' thinks the tradition is equally as silly and outdated as I do. He could care less what "others" think. I love him even more for this!!