Do you have distorted body image?

I was fat when I was kid... then I lost a lot of weight when I became a teen because I was tired of being fatso I worked out every single day with Gilad... Then when I started college, I went up like 15-20lbs... And people who hadn't seen me in a while would tell me to my face "I can't believe how fat you've gotten!" or "What happened? You used to be so thin!"... What did they think - that was gonna make me feel good about myself? It still amazes me how people can be so cruel! I've lost the weight since then and am "happy" now (or as happy as one can be!);-), but I still can't get over how cruel people can be...and those people were family or friends of the family! I would never go up to someone and say something like that...
 
I was amazed at reading this at how many of us can point to a comment that was made at/to us and how years later, it's remembered word for word. For me, it was Christmas Day of my sophomore year of high school. We had dinner at our home and I, unknowingly, drank the last bit of Ginger Ale. My brother, also getting a drink and seeing that I finished the bottle said to me, "You drank all the soda, you fat pig." The first part of the sentence I can't remember verbatim, but the "fat pig" is exactly what he said. It's now about 20 years later, and I still remember that day and the feeling that it gave me. I'm sure my brother wasn't intentionally trying to hurt me, but the words really stuck!
 
Yeah, I forgot to mention that - I don't think they did it intentionally either, so I guess "cruel" may be a bit harsh - but it seems sometimes people let whatever's on their mind just roll off their tongues.... In any case, the comments weren't appreciated...
 
I diffently don't see myself as others see me.It is getting better b/c I have gotten over alot of food issues that I use to have.SOmetimes I look at myself in the mirror and I think....try to pitcure yourself as everyone else sees you...it doesn't work well, but it all depends on how others see themseleves to.
I ran into a friend from highschool last friday and her husband said, "Lori,your still getting fat", I just laughed as I said "I try".Then I ran into my friend at the check out (I saw him before I saw her)and she said" Lori I think your smaller then ever". So...you never know how people see you.In highschool (when she knre me) I was 118 lbs (small enough) now I am 127 lbs so I can't be smaller.
Anyway,I think it is something ever women goes through, weather they work out or not.
Lori
 
Don't get me started on Courtney Cox. Her body is hideous to me. It reminds me so much of my body when I was anorexic, that I have an extreme reaction to seeing her on TV. I remember being a size 0 and thinking I was so cool, but I couldn't sit down in a chair without a cushion because I had no padding and it hurt to sit directly on butt bones. Yuck. I think I heard she had trouble conceiving. Why am I not surprised???

Trust me, Courtney Cox probably carries a butt cushion with her wherever she goes just so she can sit. How glamorous is that?
 
>And people who hadn't seen
>me in a while would tell me to my face "I can't believe how
>fat you've gotten!" or "What happened? You used to be so
>thin!"... What did they think - that was gonna make me feel
>good about myself? It still amazes me how people can be so
>cruel!

Reminds me of the time when my SIL's mother said something to her about me in Chinese (which I don't understand) and my SIL so "GRACIOUSLY" translated for me - "She said you've gotten really fat."

Thank you! I feel SO much better!

I wish I had the balls to say "I can lose the fat, but you'll always be ugly, inside AND out." }(
 
I have had the privilege of actually meeting Sung everyone and she looks awesome. Not to mention that she does have the guts to say that to someone and am really shocked she didn't! Hey Sung - I'll email ya later.

Let's just hope our kids don't catch this horrid way of thinking. My 11 year old comes home from school with tales of girlfriends using paper towels to wipe off their pizzas, reading labels for fat grams etc.
 
I have had such a bad image of my body all my life. Still do up to a point. Now that I’m in my 40s I’ve accept it a little better. Don’t get me wrong I still have issues, still see myself as fat and always tell myself… if only I could have thinner arms, thinner thighs, or none of the fat around my abdomen.

Growing up I was made fun by my brothers and sisters and made feel so uncomfortable about my body and the way I looked. I remember one of my older sisters when I was about 11 years old -- she was very beautiful green eyes, black hair, hour glass figure, and big boobs the kind of girls that guys trip over their shoes to go out with – she told her friends right in front of me how fat I was and they all laughed, as you can imagined I felt bad and cried the rest of the afternoon.

What that experience made me straggle with my weight, however, now a days I have learned to accept it better, not completely - mind you. It also, made me more sensitive to others’ feelings and weight issues. Last but not least, it made me aware of exercise and being healthy. I’m healthy and able to do so many things that others my age can’t do and that’s what is important.

Not to sound mean, now my sister is not even a shadow of what she used to be... funny how things worked out.
 
I'm sure that I do too. When I go shopping it's always with my sil and she is 5'8" wieghs around 125. Well, I'm only 5'2" tall, and next to her I feel so fat! I come home and feel worse about myself then I did the day before.
Last spring I was going to try the Susan Summers diet and dh told me flat out that I don't need to diet, I look better than he ever expected me to look after having our son. To this day he's always telling me how hot I am. But I just don't believe him. I am always thinking I could look better.
One thing that I have tried to realize is that even the stars that make us think, "Oh their so thin and perfect", don't think they look good. I guess that Jennifer Aniston thinks she has a big butt. I heard that on VH1 Rock Bodies, I think. I was in shock, but it makes sence, we're our own worse critics.
DH is always saying how skinny he is, because his entire life he's been long and skinny. Now he's not skinny, he's got broad shoulders, and smaller waist, and nicely builty arms. Granted he doesn't workout, but moves around 1 ton rolls of paper all day long. So, he's gotten muscle because of that. But I sure don't see him as skinny, I think he looks awesome for a 30 year old.
That reminds me I have to go start a new thread. Excuse me..

Kathy
 
>One thing that I have tried to realize is that even the stars
>that make us think, "Oh their so thin and perfect", don't
>think they look good. I guess that Jennifer Aniston thinks
>she has a big butt. I heard that on VH1 Rock Bodies, I think.
> I was in shock, but it makes sence, we're our own worse
>critics.


That's why I like to pick up the "Star" when they have articles like "Stars without their makeup on" or "stars with cellulite" or something else that shows they they really don't look the way the do on TV all the time. (Though the "Stars with cellulite" article was rather brutal, with close-ups of actrices like Kim Cattrel sitting with cellulite showing).
 
I've deliberately stayed away from contributing to this thread for a number of reasons, although I've been lurking the responses.

I do not have what I consider a distorted body image now, but I well remember the days when I did. It's been the work of my adult lifetime to shake off not only the self-criticism and comparison with ostensible "ideal", but also simply the self-analysis. My body is what it is, and what I pay attention to far more is its athletic capabilities, and how good I'm feeling physically as opposed to how good I might be looking.

In all candor, I sincerely believe women are their own worst enemies AND each others' when it comes to the body self image game. I have never lost my absolute astonishment over the fact that people seem to think discussion about one's physique, its attributes, faults, what have you, are considered appropriate conversation. Not only pointed comments directed to the woman herself, but also discussions ABOUT that person in print or other conversation. One thing I always find very distressing, and distasteful, are the threads here on the Cathe forums that deconstruct the physiques of Cathe and her crew.

Further, I can recite chapter and verse the pointed comments and harsh criticisms about my physique in my formative years, my teen years especially . . . and they almost all came from my mother, my older sister, my aunt, female teachers, women all. I think we as women need to look very carefully at how we speak to each other and about each other. And women with daughters need to examine themselves very closely, to determine what messages their sending their daughters not only with their spoken comments but with their own self-absorption about their physiques. Children indeed learn what they live, especially from their same-sex parent.

I do not believe it has to be this way. I think we have choices in what we choose to accept, reject and/or internalize in terms of what we value, or simply pay attention to, in our lives. It's not always easy, but it is possible to break away from body-image obsession, and simply live our lives accepting ourselves for who we are.

A-Jock
 
Michele,

You're right! I didn't realize that I can remember many negative comments from way back but can't think of any positive ones.

I remember, a few years ago, I had on a a blue shirt and was so hot & sweaty that, yes, I'll admit it, I had "pit stains" and was mortified. I went to a friend's dorm room and she offered to lend me a shirt. It was this weird slinky see through thing that so wasn't my style. I can't remember what I said, but my friend replied, "Of course it'll fit you, it's from when I was fat." Granted, this girl always talked "out of her ass," but still, I could have cried.

On Dr. Phil today, there were all of these people who'd had plastic surgery but still weren't content with their appearance. Two girls in particular commented about how the remarks of complete strangers really hurt them. Isn't it amazing that we can let remarks from people, even if they are unfounded, impact us so much?

Gina
 
While I really don't have anything to add, I just wanted to say it was nice to see this thread. I think we all need to re-read it over and over to listen to how pathetic we sound. Annette has the right idea....paying more attention to how you feel physically and your athletic accomplishments is really where it is at. Even with a little pudge, we can all do more air-borne jacks than 90% of the population!!!!:)

Janice
 
I struggle but I think that being aware of your distorted body image is the first step in healing perfectionism. Change those expectations! I try to think of someone like myself, with my active lifestyle and a body like mine sitting with me and chopping on her body the way I do mine at times and how I would respond to her. Are you crazy? You are fit, strong, slim... And I AM she so I reassure myself I that sound like a nut when I say I'm fat and my body is awesome even if it does not conform to conventional standards of beauty. When I started working our again in October, I was using fitday to track my food intake and I noted I was very gradually lowering my calorie levels because I didn't like the numbers and that silly anorexic who inhabits a part of my brain was working her way out. I quit tracking. Do you know the upside to a rather sever depression? About 7 pounds. Shame on me! There is no bright side to a severe depression. I won't let myself get away with it. I remember vividly surveying my jutting hip bones and concave stomach when I weighed one hundred pounds and loving them but I looked like death warmed over and I was weak and pathetic, in control of nothing and in danger of damaging myself irreparably. I'll take a little meat on my bones and a healthy perspective on life over that idiocy any day because I may not have a six pack and may have little chance of ever getting one but I keep trying and I keep liking what muscle I have pulled off. My neice told me she loves my elephantine rib cage and it makes me look so slim when we do yoga and I loved her for it. I have some lovely new form fitting workout clothes that hug all my parts and I suck my gut in and get out there and see myself as beautiful and strong and I am beautiful and strong in my way. I have been so very self-conscious about my stomach my ribs, and I have small breast and no butt, endless legs, no waist but hey, on me, it works. Don't waste too many moments agonizing over your flaws. They are nothing. Life is short. Workout a kickass fitness plan and love the skin you are in. You can change your self-image. Start right this minute! Hang out with people who love you and see yourself through their eyes. Gorgeous!

And thanks for a great thread. I really needed this to remind myself that those feelings can and should be squelched and if the positive attitude is there, the positive feelings will follow!
Bobbi http://www.handykult.de/plaudersmilies.de/chicken.gif "Chick's rule!"
 
Bobbi-
What a great post! What a great idea to imagine what you would think of yourself if you were someone else listening to the noise in your head. Could you ever imagine saying, or even thinking, about someone else the awful things you say about yourself?

I have a co-worker who is obese. This week I was thinking to myself that she has a lovely, sexy shape in spite of being very overweight, and that it's a shame for her to hide it behind oversized sweaters. Yet, if I gain 5 lbs. I immediately start hiding myself in oversized black clothing. You see, her extra 75 pounds is a much more ATTRACTIVE 75 lbs. than my 5 lbs. is.

This is what goes on in my head. I ask you, where do I get this stuff???????


Editing to say: Hi, Janice! Where you been, girlfriend? :D
 
Bobbi, as usual, I LOVE your post. Wonderful insights you got there. I actually tried writing down every bit of food that passed through my lips, along with the caloric value and every macronutrient gram, then see how close every meal was to my 40/30/30 ratio. And you know what? After three days I threw out the darn notebook. It drove me CRAZY! I couldn't cater to my boy because I was busy crunching numbers. And for what? It's not like I need to lose any weight. If anything, I've been wanting to GAIN some.

Most everyone I know keeps telling me how much they would give up to have my body, and here I am wanting it bigger here, smaller there, tighter everywhere, when I should be happy and thankful about what I have. I've never worn a two-piece bikini in my whole life. And the one-piece suits I wear I make sure have enough fabric in the butt area to cover my cellulite. And then I wear an oversized shirt over it for good measure. A friend once asked me to join her pool party and I declined because I said I feel funny in a bathing suit. "With that body?" she asked, wide-eyed. "Are you pulling my leg? What size are you? A zero?" "A 4 or 2," I said. She looked at me and said bluntly, "Either way, I HATE you." I knew she was joking, but if she only knew how many times I've heard that...

Pinky
 
I laugh at myself all the time when it hits me how demented I've become. This FAT Phobia kick got worse after a conference in Philly.
I have a fridge magnet of Winnie the Pooh in all his chubby glory running in the woods with his belly exposed. I call my tummy " Winnie" on days when I don't refer to it as THE KEG or THE BUDDHA BELLY. I fit in an XS and call myself PIGLET. I am genuinely surprised when someone calls me beautiful and they're serious. I keep reaching for size 6 skirts and they slide off. I get vicious when I haven't logged in enough miles. I keep thinking about how much wasted time is invested trying to figure out rotations and which DVD to get or how many miles...what diet to go on...or how am I going to shrink my tummy. When other women my age worry about their kids or their marriages...while I am stuck on calorie counts. I remember laughing when I read this on one Pro Ana site: " Tell me, WHAT do normal people think about?"
Heck if I know, but I'm happy coz I did 5 miles today.
 
Nancy, I do the same thing. I also agonize over any junk I eat. Remember the Krispy Kreme? I beat myself up if I miss a workout and double up. That's why I felt awful yesterday. I did three workouts on Thursday because I'd opted to clean on Wednesday. And I know better but sometimes I slip. I was really bad last week, feeling HUGE but reading Sabine's post and knowing what I know, I've been talking myself down. A lot of my neurosis stems from my mom. She's been on a diet for 81 years. She's 81. :) Last night I asked my husband for an honest assessment of my body. He said I look great! He said I have "model" arms! I've been working hard on those babies and it shows. Of course, it shows! I chattered about feeling self-conscoious about my ribs. He said "You should. They are huge." So, I shot him!
A dirty look. But seriously, when I am around my family, friends and even perfect strangers who are negative about themselves, I am quick to offer encouragement so why shouldn't we all do that to ourselves? Sometimes I do have to fake it but overall, I am capable of FEELING it, self-confidence and strength. In the past 10 years that I've been working out, I am more and more capable of a healthy self-image and body acceptance. When that fails, it's pretty short-lived and I get back on track more easily. I think it can only get better because I won't go back to the insanity of self-starvation. I did have a crisis when I couldn't run. That was devastaing to me but I'm feeling like my old self again and I am leaner and more well muscled than ever so THAT"S the silver lining to the cloud. Running may never be my focal point again but if I hadn't lost it, I would never have been forced to take a second look at real strength work. Just as we can modify our lifestyles and our behavior, we can modify our thinking. Now everybody get naked and admire yourselves, flaws and all! LOL!
Bobbi http://www.handykult.de/plaudersmilies.de/chicken.gif "Chick's rule!"
 

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