Do you have distorted body image?

Carol,

Interesting, uplifting post. I relate to a lot of the things you said. It was really a compliment when my 29 year old daughter says, "Mom, look at those muscles, you look great. I'm so glad I have your genes". But, by the same token, it's because I do work out as hard as I do, I want to look chiseled and defined.

I want to be healthy, and I am blessed because I am, but I do workout to look good, also. Funny thing, it's the only area of my life that I am a perfectionist.

I know where my stuff comes from. My sister and I were teased unmercifully by my father and my uncles when we were growing up because we were overweight. The comment "look at that butt!" when I walked into homeroom in 9th grade made one of the biggest impacts on me. I guess that moment shaped my body image for the rest of my life. But, at the same time, it also drives me to want to look my best.

I'm really not that obsessive, I don't think, cause I don't spend any more than an hour working out about six days per week. But people I work with think I am. Again, everything's relative.
 
I have had a distorted body image since my mid 20's. I have a very small frame and my weight is just less than 100 lbs. Years ago I worked part time at Casual Corner. A women's clothing store which at the time specialized in suits/career wear. I would look at the clothes and the customers and honestly swore I was the same size (6 to 16). When in reality I barely fit into a size 0. I look at myself and see a huge person. I dont know why. Recently I bought a bathing suit w/ a skirt attached.
Susan C.M.
 
Is it the media thats responsible? Or us? Or both? Funny ain't it. I think that with BDS its different. Its not a case of saying, well i don't like this and i don't like that, its really "hating" and not being able to see the "truth". Some days i look in the mirror and i swear all i see is the wall behind me. It's like my life without me. W x
 
I have been in the foulest mood since January because I can't seem to get back to 132 lbs. I am slowly creeping up to 140 no matter what I do. I have cut back on alcohol ( which I barely even touch ) and have exercised so viciously that for the past 5 days have had to stop because I know I pushed it. Doubled last months mileage in just 3 weeks. Couldn't buy anything at the mall yesterday because I kept thinking " TOO FAT " must get " SMALLER ". But it's crazy because I am not any bigger. I'm just probably putting on some lean weight from all the exercise but it still drives me nuts. The BF says I look thinner. Then the other day at work while in the lounge having dinner...one of the guys put his hand on my wrist. " I have a pulse " I laughed and he looked straight at me and said " it wasn't your pulse I was measuring ... are you eating? " This really made me stop and think.
 
R A C H

My mum once said to me that she would rather be 110lbs and 28% body fat than 130lbs and 10% body fat, because to her the 110lbs is better!!!
 
I'm trying not to think like this anymore, Wayne, but I know where your mum is coming from. It's psychologically engrained for a lot of us.

BTW, Wayne, I remember the pictures you posted awhile back and I think you are adorable.
 
I have never been happy with my body. Growing up I was rail thin and my close friends accused me of being bulemic because I ate a lot but never gained weight. I was always jealous of girls with curves and would give anything to look like them. Then in my 20's I started to develop womanly curves, I wasn't happy with that either. I was a serious runner and I would compete in road races that featured world class runners. In the locker room before the race, I would compare my body to these women who were tiny and stick thin and I would cringe. I felt like an Amazon next to them. I wore a size 4 at the time.

Now that I'm 40 I'm beginning to see things from a new perspective. I know there are areas I would love to fix, like my thighs, but I'm not taking drastic measures to change them. There is one thing that bothers me though. I work hard to stay in shape, but the only person who ever acknowledges it and tells me I look great is my husband. My family and friends never say anything. And sometimes I think if more compliments were handed out than criticisms, some of us wouldn't be feeling this way.
 
Candi, I think you hit the nail on the head when you said everything is relative. I believe people do workout for a variety of reasons, and looking good is certainly one of them - and it's a great perk too! :) It feels good to have people tell me I don't look my age, and a few of my coworkers have commented I lost ten years off my looks when I lost the weight. I grew up rail thin and only put on weight after nursing school and having my daughter, so I can't relate to being teased for being heavy. Kids can be so unbelievably cruel to each other. So can adults, for that matter. I think in the end, we have to decide to workout or not, just as we have to decide what we can or cannot accept in our own bodies. Even though I was able to get back into the size I was in college (and who knows if it's "really" that size anymore since clothing sizes have changed so much, you know?), I had to also accept the fact I would never again look like I was 21 years old. All the skin care products I religiously use won't give me the skin of a fifteen year old. But I believe women of all ages are beautiful in their own way, and I can only tell you I found such incredible peace when I finally accepted myself at this age - even if a few things do jiggle a bit, and even if the skin on my face does show it's age in the sunlight - LOL!! I'm still a vibrant, healthy, successful woman! We all are!! Aging is a fact of life - as is the gravity that pulls things down - LOL! But if we focus on the positives in and on our bodies - and in our lives - I think it makes the little imperfections not seem so monumental.

But ... I do think you have the right idea. We each have to do what we feel is best for ourselves!! Thanks for answering!! This is such an insightful thread!!

Carol
:)
 
You're right, Carol, focusing on the positive is the best therapy!


p.s. BTW, the tag says it's the size you wore in college so who are we to argue?! LOL
 
I justed wanted to point out something....not all models have perfect bodies. Did any of you watch America's next top model? Well, look at Yoanna for instance. How thin she looked untill they zoomed in on her "belly/back" hang. I must admit, I had no idea she had pooge. But, she still won the competition!
 
Sabine,

I would say I'm also critical of my body, but even more so after I became pregnant with my first child and went from 120, size 2 to 190, size 14.

My son is now almost 7 and I usually wear 4s, sometimes 2s but I still can't believe that I am not "fat."

I really admire women who can wear bathing suits in public. I am still too self-conscious to wear bathing suits around people I know (I'm okay on vacations), even though I know THEY have figure flaws, too.

I will be 38 this summer and I doubt this way of thinking about my body will ever change.
 
I have watched people of all different sizes and shapes. Some very obviously overweight. Yet, they possessed something I don't have; poise, charisma and confidence. I envy that. I train for many reasons, but I have a figure flaw that has bugged me for years and years. I diet, I obsess about it and when it comes right down to it, even if I got that part of me under control,(working those abs like crazy) I probably still wouldn't think I look right because....the lack of poise, charisma and confidence. Thing is, nobody notices the flaw but me. Kathyrn is right on the money about that stupid mirror. LOL.
Of all the things I have achieved in life, any talent I may have, these 3 virtures have escaped me. This definately has a bearing on my self image. Accepting who I am, and where I am is also part of my problem.
Talking about fashion models; Elle once said she dislikes the fact she is so short waisted and has long arms. So they have flaws as well. There personality is what shines through that the audience isn't aware.
Great thread and lots of interesting comments. :)
 
Thanks to everyone who has contributed to this thread. I am both relieved and disheartened by the fact that I am not the only one.

In the case I wrote about in my original post I was floored by two different things. First, that the criticism of myself was so engrained as to be unconscious. Had I not heard it said back to me I wouldn't have believed that I was being so hard on myself. I pride myself on being a caring, sensitive person and to extend these qualities to myself when it comes to accepting my body seems so difficult. It's not difficult in other areas of my life. Second, I had no idea the impact my comments had on another person. This self-criticism has always seemed so deeply personal and self centered I had no idea how it sounded to others. I was humbled by my friends comments because I am incredibly lucky to have my health and a body that reflects that commitment I have had to myself. I ignored that and only focused on what was lacking, what wasn't right, and in looking back, in some ways it seems selfish (although I'm not sure that's the right word but something better escapes me).

Anyway, thanks again. I especially appreciated hearing from Wayne that men struggle with this as well. Here's to being much kinder and gentler to ourselves!
 
I sometimes think I look decent. Not killer or bikin-ready mind you, but decent. Then a female co-worker who is fit looking and definitely a size similar or smaller than myself will walk by and my male co-workers will say, "Yowza, someone sure likes their snacks!" or "She's cute, but she's got such a big butt." At those times I think, 'geez I really am a huge ogre'. And don't even get me started on magazines and Hollywood. Courtney Cox says she was so chubby as a size 6. Gee, I'd love to be a size 6. Oh well. I'd say like most people, I have good body image days, and horrid body image days.
 
I saw that too and was shocked! Also, in the March 04 issue of Allure magazine (p. 178), Mario Testino, the photographer who "discovered" Gisele Bundchen, says, "Her proportions are pretty incredible, but I don't think Gisele's face is perfect. The eyes are a little close, the nose is a bit big, but all of it together looks great." Maybe we should try to view the whole package too! :)

Gina
 
Yes, the candid comments of coworkers do tend to give perspective, don't they? I think that's where a lot of our body image standards come from. Family members, media, coworkers.
 
LOL!! I like the way you think, Candi!! That's right ... the tag says size 6, so it's a 6!! LOL!! Thanks! I needed that!!

Carol
:)
 
That's a really good point! And, it's the time in which we live and our society that dictates what is considered beautiful or desirable. I don't know what gave way to the "bone thin is beautiful" era, but I do know Marilyn Monroe wore a size 14, but was considered very sexy in her day. That wasn't so long ago either. I think we are swinging back toward the collective opinion that curves are more sexy than rail thin bodies. But again, I also think each individual has to be happy in their own skin. If you're at peace with who you are and how you look, you won't let "society" dictate how you "should" look. I say use the fashion mags for kindling - LOL!!

Carol
:)
 
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