Do you ever feel incredibly loney?

I don't see how an eeny weeny speck of the total population of the planet saying they're incredibly lonely validates "loneliness is part of the human condition". I do agree we are social beings and need interaction with others but I don't understand being "lonely" when some form of interaction exists. I believe it's unique to each individual and not this general.
 
Wow - so it's not just me. I don't have any kids, no husband/boyfriend, and my family is all in another state. I have a job I despise (I'm looking, but haven't been able to find anything). I have friends, but everyone is busy, so we all get together only once every few weeks. I'm not the happiest person, as a result, which I think only adds to the problem. I do hold out hope, however, that things will get better. I'm hoping a new job will start that ball rolling, but need to find that job first. At least we have this forum!!
 
As a 28 year old, I see that that's exactly what my mom did- had kids to make her not feel lonely.

I think she feels worse now, and it hasn't been ideal for me either. I wonder if a lot of people do this?
 
"Eeny weeny speck of the total population of the planet" does not comport with my statistics. In my experience, a lot of people seem to feel this way.
 
I think it's perfectly normal. I feel the same way. I have two beautiful sons that are almost grown and have never given me a lick of trouble. A husband who works very hard and loves me. But, yep, I get lonely a lot.

Sometimes, I reflect on this and wonder why. I haven't figured it out but I think it has to do with the general frustration of life. Mom's tend to run the whole show in a family, 24/7. It get's exasperating. At some point, we need to be taken care of too. Most times, there is no one there to do it.

The family looks at the Mom as the caregiver, capable and able to work miracles at a moments notice. It never crosses anyones mind that Mom's need attention too. In a way, it's a compliment but it's still lonely.

Anyway, this is what I've been thinking about it. Sometimes, I end up finding myself a good steamy romance novel and losing myself in some far away place and time for awhile. Other times, I come to the boards and talk to my girl friends!
 
I think there are different levels of loneliness and you can feel very alone even when surrounded by lots of people, especially if those people do not have much in common with you or are very different from you. Obviously, there is always company at some levels and at some aspects, but sometimes we are not satisfied with that and want company at deeper levels or at every aspect.
 
>I think there are different levels of loneliness and you can
>feel very alone even when surrounded by lots of people,
>especially if those people do not have much in common with you
>or are very different from you. Obviously, there is always
>company at some levels and at some aspects, but sometimes we
>are not satisfied with that and want company at deeper levels
>or at every aspect.



I have no SO or children, and not much family (and those I do have I'm not close with) so I am often "alone," but I think I often feel most lonely when I am with a group of people with whom I have nothing in common.
 
Kathryn,
You are soooo right on that one!! I frequently find myself in that situation. A room full of people and you still feel "alone." I sometimes rather just stay at home with a good movie/book/knitting project (or Cathe)!!
 
>Kathryn,
>You are soooo right on that one!! I frequently find myself in
>that situation. A room full of people and you still feel
>"alone." I sometimes rather just stay at home with a good
>movie/book/knitting project (or Cathe)!!


I'd rather just hang out with my cats!
 
You know what? I just realized how much I appreciate all of you. I feel so happy and right now I feel your company. Thank you all, Cathe-forum girlfriends. You are all great!
 
>I'm not sure I understand, "loneliness is part of the human
>condition". To be alone doesn't necessarily mean you are
>lonely.

I think Ivory is talking about a sort of existential loneliness, the loneliness of the human condition. (correct me if I am wrong, Ivory!) I've always found this to be an interesting concept, that no matter how intimate we are with others, at the end the day we still walk home alone.

Sparrow

__________________
www.scifichics.com
 
Awwwww! Angie, we're not too far away. (maybe an hour?) Maybe we can go running together every couple weeks or something. :p

A running club sounds great. I think you'd really like that. :)
 
I struggle with this too, and it really does help to read others' thoughts and realize I'm not alone. :) I have a great husband and son too. In my situation, I feel like I've changed; I used to be a very social person (and I think I still am), but I've worked from home for the last several years, I work out at home, and generally find myself having to force myself to "get out of the house." I don't really drink anymore and that used to be the basis for get-togethers with friends I've had in the past. These days I seem to be on a more spiritual journey of some kind (maybe it's an age thing...I'm 48). I agree with the others who wrote you can be at your loneliest when you're with people you have nothing in common with. I've had a lot of friends over the years, but there are only a few I would consider close friends; and I don't really get to see them very often just because of what others have said...busy lifestyles, etc. I try to count my blessings but there are some days you just can't run from it...and I guess you shouldn't do that either. In any case, Susan, you really touched a nerve here...a lot of us in the same boat. :)
 
Yes Sparrow this is exactly what I am talking about. This really stems out of the thinking that no-one can ever truly know what it is like to be you, and there is a profound loneliness to that. It is not necessarily a bad thing. Just something to think about. It also doesn't mean that people can't understand part of us or relate to parts of us, just that it is impossible for someone else to truly understand what it is like to be another person. I think almost everyone feels this to some extent no matter how fulfilling their life is, or how many friends and family they have.
 
Interesting... I'm just coming out of a very tough year - but interestingly enough lonliness isn't something I feel.

Maybe it's because I'm a single Mom - I've found "bits" of something I share with in many folks - stay at home mom's - work friends - friends from late 20-s - 50s - married - single - so I guess there are few folks I share a lot in common with few people I have nothing in common with. As I read these posts I realize that's not so common!

I'm expecting major lonliness to set in when my son graduates from HS in 07 - my daughter graduated in 04. I've been relationship free (for lack of a better term) for a long time - maybe by then I'll feel the desire to get involved.

Interesting thread thanks for starting it
 
I feel lonely a lot, too.

My best friend in the whole world that I've known since high school lives an hour away. We used to see each other 1-2 times a year and now it's been over 2 years. I feel like I'm always the one who calls and after awhile you start feeling like maybe she thinks I can't take a hint. (I really don't think this is the case but I can't help but wonder.)

I have good friends from high school and college but we've lost touch over the years.

I have lots of good friends at work, too. We share details of our daily lives and have really meaningful conversations but we don't
see each other socially. Two really good friends I did socialize with no longer work at the same company so we see each other once or twice a year.

I have acquaintances (e.g. neighbors, other mothers at school) but again, we don't do things socially.

I'm a very shy person at heart so it's a big effort for me to be outgoing but I do try my best. My husband (Mr. Social) is my best friend but he is constantly encouraging me to take classes at the Y so I can meet more people.

My son is little Mr. Gregarious. He can start talking to a kid he doesn't know and be best buds in 10 minutes. Why is it so hard to make friends when you're 41 but so easy when you're a kid? Are we more guarded about who we want to know (or let know us)?

Sue
 
>Are we more guarded about who we want to know (or let
>know us)?
>
>Sue


Sue, you're giving us introverts away, you know that?:p

Susan, I applaud you for bringing such a thoughtful subject to the forums. I remember meeting you at the Cathe Road Trip , albeit briefly. You were such a delightful, warm, comfortable person to meet. So when I first read your thread, I wanted to do a double take. What?!!! You? Lonely? Then I thought clinical depression. Yes, it is a legitimate diagnosis. I'm half-trying to be funny, but half-not.:p

My own personal experience though, has been that when I was in my mid-twenties, I had a group of friends who tolerated me & my bad-freakin' moods. Why ever did they do that? I felt so lonely & depressed. Yet, I had a group of friends I got along well with, could depend on with my dear life (kid you not) & had major fun times with, but still managed to feel lonely. I'm 34 and haven't had any of those episodes since. I didn't proactively do anything to ease my loneliness/bad mood, it just hasn't happened again since then. But, had I known that there was some measure I could take to alleviate that depression, I would have taken that.

What I notice that is different for me now, is that I work by helping others. Yes,I know I get a salary, but I still have a choice on what attitude I take that day. I can treat someone like an annoying, aggravating patient or a sweet, lonely, needful person waiting for me to take time out for them. I have done both. In the end, the choice that makes me feel more at peace with myself is really obvious. Although, I've had it smack me in the face far too many times.

Marla
 
Charlotte, I know what you mean about having a
>lot of energy and not knowing what to do with it! OMG, I
>struggle with that a lot. I am often overwhelmingly intense.
>It is the feeling of having ideas and not being able -due to
>the demands of the present lifestyle- to work on them. How
>frustrating!

I understand this so well! I have so many things I want to do, but by the time I finish all the things I have to do and a few of the things I need to do, and decide not to do the things I ought to do at all, I don't have a second left for the things I want to do. :(

Shari
 
Maybe the difference is introvert personalities versus extrovert personalities. I am an extrovert by nature and interface with people all day long on the phone and person. I use a lot of energy doing so. When I get home, I recharge by sharing with DH and reveling in the peace and quiet. On the weekends, we do most things together and/or with family. This more than does it for me.
 
I think there's a definite correlation with being an introvert and being lonely. That could be one of the reasons I find it hard to make good friends - I mean really good friends, like BFF friends that you tell things you tell no one else. I've read before that your true life-long, best friends are made by the time you're in high school or college. If that's the case, maybe being an introvert is not as big a factor but is still definitely there.

Sue
 
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