Do you ever feel incredibly loney?

singinggoddess

singinggoddess

Cathlete
How is it possible to have 3 beautiful kids, a great husband and pretty much a great life and still feel so lonesome. Do any of you feel that way sometimes? What do you do to get out of it? I really have nothing to complain about with my life. I just sometimes feel very isolated and just not happy. Is it just something that moms go through or is it something all women go through at some point in their life. I am 38 and in good health and exercise everyday and take vitamins. I don't know maybe I just need to get over it and focus on the positive and hopefully this too will pass. Just need to get that out of my system and vent. I hate to complain to my husband about it so I felt that this was the place to go.

Susan
 
I feel lonely ALL THE TIME. I don't have very many friends and I am running around all the time with work and school and working out. I don't know if it's a defect in me or just how things are. I do feel better with the forum, I think because it helps me see there are a lot of people out there who I like and who have similar priorities.

That probably doesn't help. Sorry. But you aren't alone in feeling lonely, no matter how strange that sounds. Use the forum as the place to vent- I think it's a wonderful way to do it!
 
I often feel desperately lonely, even though I'm in much the situation you are. I have no idea why. I'm surrounded by people almost all the time, and I value the time I have alone, but I live in terror that someday I will be ALONE alone, as in parents gone, son moved to some faraway city, etc. I wish I could get over it. I'm taking antidepressants, and I know they're working optimally for me. It's just this nagging loneliness. Wish I had a solution for both of us. Just wanted to say you're not alone in being lonely.

Shari
 
Susan, I feel that way, too. In fact, I have been feeling that way for the past month. DH and I had a long talk on Saturday and I told him how I was feeling. I get the feeling because I feel like I have given and sacrificed so much to be a mom and a wife, I don't do many of the things that I once did and I feel like the oddball because none of my friends share the same hobbies I do. DH still hangs out with all of his buddies frequently, but by the time the night comes around and I have the kids tucked in, I just want to crash and be by myself.

I told DH that I need to do something that I enjoy. I need to join a sport's team or do personal training, do something that is just for me that will make me feel good about myself and build my confidence and that will make me feel like a whole person and not just a mother or wife. I don't know if it will work, but I am going to try it! I don't want to go crazy. It seems like the more I try to stuff it down, the worse it gets so you need to find someone to talk to about it who will be understanding.

Email me if you want to talk some more, because I have a lot of stuff that I can tell you!

Missy [email protected]
 
True confession?

Yes, I do feel that way quite often too, Susan. I'm so busy working alone in my office everyday that I don't really have a way of making friends. If it weren't for constant Instant Messaging with my DH, who is also alone in his office, I don't know how I would survive it.

I'm envious of all the moms in my neighborhood. They seem to always be getting together with their kids for birthday parties and play dates, etc. They have such a compelling reason to be getting together on a regular basis. That's the kind of stuff that real friendships are built on. If I could turn back time about 15 years I would join them in a heartbeat.

-Nancy
 
I used to feel that way before I married DH. I don't think children fill that void...and IMHO, they really shouldn't.
 
Hi All:

Susan, I'm pretty lonely too. I moved to live with DH. I love him and made my choice but I never wanted to live in RI. I left RI as I kid and was more than happy to do so. Now here I am. I have made no friends in the three years I have lived here. I have very little in common with any of the women I do meet, mostly because I don't have children and they don't like science fiction :p. My best girlfriends live in Los Angeles, Israel, NYC and Boston, so I don't get to see them much. Mostly I spend my days working out, writing, IMing with my bro in DC and waiting for DH to come home. Not a particularly healthy state of affairs but I am hoping to change things soon.

You're not alone in feeling lonely. My good thoughts to you :)

Sparrow

____________________
www.scifichics.com
 
A better question would be "when are you NOT lonely?".

I do so understand. I have a great home, a beautiful daughter, a wonderful SO and..... yes, I'm quite often lonely and desolate. I really have no idea why but it's been that way always.
 
Funny that this was brought up now. I have been feeling more lonely lately, also. My daughter turned 16, has a car, school, a job, and many friends so I rarely see her anymore. I miss her. My boyfriend lives in another state so I don't see him as often as I'd like. My "best" girlfriend has stopped calling me or inviting me to functions for some reason. My neighbors keep to themselves or have developed cliques. My next-door neighbor whom I LOVE is moving away and getting married this year. And my BEST girlfriends live anywhere from 3 hours to another COUNTRY away!!

Like Missy said, I wanted to do something for myself so I sent away for the ACE PT materials and have thrown myself into studying.

I'm also considering joining a local Running Club to meet other people with similiar interests.

I think a lot of us are just at the age where things around us are changing and we are ready to re-invent ourselves.

It helps to come here and chat with other ladies going through the same thing!

Angie
 
I understand completely. I seem to be lonely often. I am so full of energy for the most part and don't know what to do with it all. My life is good and I have been blessed with a beautiful husband and children, but I don't always want to be doing things by myself either. I suppose one just gets use to it. Even with a house full of family, I sometimes still feel alone. Oh, this topic is just so deep, I could go on and on.

Charlotte~~
 
I battle with the "L" factor as well. Sparrow, my circumstances are similar to yours. I have a great DH and would follow him to the ends of the earth, which is what I've done. We've had to move several times over the course of our marriage to accommodate first his education and training, and then his career. Most of my friends live in cities far away and we talk often but it's not the same as spending time with them. I have one very close friend still in the area but she is consumed by her children and that's as it should be. Since I don't have children I find it hard to fit in most places because it seems kids are the glue that binds everyone together. I often feel like the 5th wheel that has little or nothing to contribute to the conversation.

I've retired from my career as a nurse and have absolutely no desire to go back to it. I'm having a little trouble finding my niche these days and I'm not sure what I want to do with myself. We have lived in our current home for 12 years now--the longest we've ever lived in one place, but it's not a particularly friendly town--and like you, we have yet to make good friends here. By the way, my friends that have moved away say the same thing--they've had trouble making friends in their new surroundings. I think it has something to do with the mobility people have today that our parent's generation did not have. My parents had the same friends throughout their lifetime, but they were all raised and remained in the same little town.

Michele
 
I can relate, I feel lonely a lot too. Thanks to everyone for sharing, I just thought it was due to my circumstances, but I guess everyone feels this way at least from time to time. I worry how I'm going to feel when Dh deploys next year, then another move most likely when he gets back. It feels like I finally get settled, make a few friends, then have to start all over again. Oh well, such is life in the military. ;)

I find it helps me to keep busy, try to join groups that interest me (hard with two little kids!), read, exercise, paint, drink heavily (just kidding :) ) and do relaxation CDs. Sometimes it makes me feel better to think about how lucky I am and how hard others have it.

It's nice to have a place to vent, though! This forum is great!
 
Thanks everyone for sharing your thoughts. I feel better knowing that it is not just me. I think it is true that it is important to reinvent yourself a lot. It just seems I am always doing that. Oh well, thanks again guys. Thank god we all workout. I think I would totally lose my mind if I didn't.

susan
 
Raising my hand!! Dh and i have no children. We have two couples that we are friends with (for 8 years) but we don't see them very often b/c all of us are so busy. I don't even talk to them every week. I am constantly telling dh that we need new friends(that live closer) that we have more in common with. When we met, he was in a fraternity and all his friends were there. He isn't a part of that now and has none of his own friends b/c all he does is work. I work at home and so aside from this forum, i don't interact with anyone. I have been saying that i need to get a hobby or take a class....join an organization. I need to find a way to meet people and get out more. But i haven't done it. I am generally happy with the way my life is....but sometimes i feel like i am alone too often. Thank god for catheites!


jes
 
Hi Susan! Your definitely not alone. My schedule at home is such that my DH & I hardly ever talk anymore. Sad but true. He's always saying to me "I'll talk to you on the rebound (meaning over the weekend).

I hardly have any friends any longer too. It just seems that due to hectic lifestyles nobody keeps in contact w/one another any more. I have a friend that I haven't seen in 3 years not due to me mind you. I've always called her & sent her emails but she always tells me she's busy. How busy can people be? Can't this friend take one day out of her life to socialize w/me & DH? Also lost a lot of friends due to divorce. The couples felt awkward socializing w/us b/c it brought back painful memories for them. Also another friend of mine I haven't seen her in 2 years. I have no idea what's going on.

But since the roadtrip I've met 2 of the most beautiful & cute ladies you ever want to meet (Hi Val & Sanchia!). We get together every 2 months for dinner.

Can you get together once in a while w/some friends for either brunch or dinner? Maybe that will help.

I know what your going through. Chin up! Kathy:D
 
I feel lonely too, partly because I am away from my family and old friends, partly because I don't have much of a social life (I stay at home, don't work, don't study), and partly because my husband and I don't share some interests that I am very passionate about. When I lived with my parents and siblings I could talk for hours with one of them about certain topics. If I do that with my husband he will fall asleep or ask me to stop. I also feel trapped because I would like to do certain things, but the demands of the kids, husband, and house don't let me. I would love to read more, paint, study on my own, etc. but there is little time for me to do that. Also, I am more mess/organic oriented and my husband is, in my view, a neat freak. I have to keep the house in perfect order so there is peace between us. And that is a never ending task. I guess I am a free spirit and should have never married, but WTH, I did. I can't say that I am not happy, though, because my husband IS an EXCELLENT father and husband. He is good; in fact he is GREAT! a little controlling, but he tries his best. We have a family together and we are a happy family. I feel guilty for complaining of not having time for my things. I do not regret having my daughters and I love taking care of them, but I regret having lost my life.

Edited to add: Charlotte, I know what you mean about having a lot of energy and not knowing what to do with it! OMG, I struggle with that a lot. I am often overwhelmingly intense. It is the feeling of having ideas and not being able -due to the demands of the present lifestyle- to work on them. How frustrating!
 
I'm not sure I understand, "loneliness is part of the human condition". To be alone doesn't necessarily mean you are lonely.
 
I agree ivory. Loneliness does seem to be an important part of the human condition. I guess it drives us to socialize, which is necessary for existence, or at least was at one time.
 
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