Do women compare themselves to other women?

M

mnglamourgirl

Cathlete
My DH and I had a discussion this weekend about how women look at other women and how we compare ourselves to each other. She's prettier than me, I'm skinnier than her, she's got big legs, etc. That's what he claims all women think when we "look" at each other. I said, NO WAY! When I "look" at another woman, I'm checking to see how she's put herself together. I check out her makeup (what colors does she use), what jeans is she wearing, what shoe is she wearing with those jeans, where did she get that cute purse, etc. And then to prove my point, I saw a woman who had on a really cute outfit and I told my hubby, that she had given me an idea on how to wear something similar.

When you "look" at women, what thoughts are going through your head?

Terri
 
Well I would love to say that I'm as secure as you! LOL! I do both. I look at her body as well as how she is put together. I'm not very good at hair and makeup, so I like to see how other women do it. But I don't really think about if they are prettier or not.
 
I wouldn't say I compare myself, but I definitely notice a woman who looks well put-together or especially fit. I will often see a woman and think, "My god, she is gorgeous." Since I've always struggled with my weight, I will also notice overweight women. Usually, my thought is "Look at how great she looks--even though she's bigger, she makes sure she looks her best." I think I notice that to convince myself that it's all about confidence and the way we carry ourselves--not about weight or make up or designer clothes. Other women help to inspire me to be the best I can be as well.
 
Oh my heavens, women are trained by society to compare ourselves to others. Anyone who claims they aren't is lying to themselves.
 
I wish I didn't, but it's constant with me. Skinnier, prettier, younger, more fit, better hair, nicer clothes.... you name it. I have incredibly poor self-esteem and I usually find myself falling short in any comparison with another woman.
 
>Oh my heavens, women are trained by society to compare
>ourselves to others. Anyone who claims they aren't is lying
>to themselves.

C'mon, you don't really believe that, do you? For instance, I noticed a woman the other day who was very plain jane and overweight, but I could tell she had great self-esteem just by the way she carried herself. And there are many times when I look at another woman's fit body and try to determine her age and say to myself, "if she's older than me and looks that good, then I have no excuse." That's happened many-a-time. For the most part, I have a healthy self-esteem. Not all the time, but in general. But my DH's point was that we are all very catty towards each other and I just said that wasn't so.
 
I don't think we are all catty towards each other. In the wrong mood, ya it can happen!LOL! But I for the most part am positive about it. If I see something I like I use it as motivation, or if I see something I don't want, I use that as motivation!!! LOL! And I can also appreciate the beauty of a woman no matter what.
 
I have 3 daughters ages 12, 16 and 17. Through them I have become much more aware of this. When we are out together it's as much the girls giving them the obvious once over as the guys. The difference is the facial expression, young girls are often overt with some variation of 'the look'. If they don't 'approve' of what they see it's quite apparent and they don't seem to care who knows it. I don't know if it's human nature but I see girls as young as 6 or 7 doing this. I struggle not to 'judge' women who look sloppy or obese, it's not my place and I cannot presume to know their circumstances. I completely agree that carriage makes a huge impression. Some very 'put together' women assume the 'pay no attention to me' posture and some not so 'put together' women completely exude that 'I've got it GOING ON!' attitude.

Take Care
Laurie
 
>Oh my heavens, women are trained by society to compare
>ourselves to others. Anyone who claims they aren't is lying
>to themselves.


So I guess I'll be a liar in your mind... :eek: Pretty harsh words considering you arent in anyone's head but your own....

I finally stopped comparing myself to other women after years of working on being the best I can be. That is what self esteem is I think. As far as society "teaching" us to do it...I agree, however society "teaches" alot of things and when a person becomes aware of that fact it is maturity that allows you to take in what you desire from those teachings.
Just the truth for my life and I shall not call anyone a liar who feels differently.
;-)
 
I don't "compare" myself to other women .. I think we are all unique .. all pretty in different ways ..

Now if someone (man or woman) is drop dead gorgeous .. I do look .. and I do stop and think "wow" ... "must be nice" .. I would say that is more admiration than comparing or envy ..

And another for instance .. if someone is "not so nice" .. or has a nasty snooty personality .. I do size her up and find myself concentrating more on the negative qualities of her body ..

the only one I compare myself to would be my own reflection .. and will admit I do concentrate on the negative .. will find fault w/my "pooch" .. or cuss the new wrinkle I find .. or wish for bigger boobs ... smaller waist .. whatever it is for that day .. LOL ..
 
"I wish I didn't, but it's constant with me. Skinnier, prettier, younger, more fit, better hair, nicer clothes.... you name it. I have incredibly poor self-esteem and I usually find myself falling short in any comparison with another woman."

Yet you have nothing to be insecure about. Your extremely fit, incredibly gorgeous, very intelligent, wonderful personality, amazing daughter...you have it all!! There are so many women out there that wish they had 1/2 the characteristics you possess.
 
I'll have to say IN GENERAL that YES, women compare ourselves to each other and in general we are much harder on ourselves than men are. And it may be a case of lack of self esteem (probably my case, although my SE is pretty high, I do look at other women to see if I'm as fit as they are, etc), and it is partly how we have been groomed by society.
 
I wish I didn't, but I do compare myself and if somehow I feel like I'm losing the "competition" in my mind,and my husband is arround(even though he does not give me any reasons to be this insecure), I feel extremely uncomfortable.
 
I think at the very least women are more cognizant of one another. We notice things like body shape, hair, makeup, etc. I just don't think a majority of men notice things like this.

I think the comparison issue comes in more so for those who struggle with self-esteem issues(whether momentary or continuous), which probably encompasses a great deal of us. I also think men probably suffer from this just as much, but you don't hear about it.

For me, I an on and off hard on myself in comparing with others, but I am much better than I was in past. For the most part, I'm just a people watcher and I love commenting on other people's, ahem, interesting "looks". I am pretty vocal about it, too, and my best friend always jokes I am going to get myself smacked one of these days ;) Oops.

Anyhoo, for the best people watching experience, I highly recommend any mall or even the state zoo. Very, very intriguing.


Debbie


Peter: Oh my god, Brian, there's a message in my Alphabits. It says, 'Oooooo.'
Brian: Peter, those are Cheerios.
--Family Guy
 
Your DH is right, they do.

"I'm checking to see how she's put herself together."

"I check out her makeup"

"What jeans is she wearing”?

"What shoe is she wearing with those jeans”?

A guy, well (unless he's into guys) wouldn't be able to tell you much if anything about some guy walking across the street.
(Heck we barely remember what we are wearing at that moment.)
 
I usually look at their face. Are they smiling? Do they look like friendly? frustrated? calm? angry? grouchy? tired? etc...

I don't notice other people's clothes or body types unless it's out of the norm and jumps out at me. Like a strikingly beautiful color that totally complements someone's complexion (usually not my own). However, noticing what people are wearing or look like is not a good thing. Kinda like seeing someone wearing their pjs and slippers out in public. Ewww, like this one lady at the Olive Garden last night. Or like this hairdresser wearing a mini skirt with rhinestones imbedded in her fishnet stockings. Can we say trashy! Well, I'm sure I could say more if I weren't a lady. LOL

I guess you could say I'm not big on people watching. Usually, I'm in my own little world or watching were I'm going so I don't trip and fall. I am partial to high heels. ;-)
 
I compare myself to other women but just don't care who wins.:p

I realize it is all so trivial now. Everyone has their goods and their bads.
 
I do it. I wish I didn't but I do. I compare them to my flaws. I have always been this way. I grew up listening to my mother say (every day) how ugly she was. She's really not, she's very pretty but she always said she was ugly. She would say it to herself in the mirror while she was fixing her hair or something. She would constantly point out what was "wrong" with her looks. I do the same thing but not out loud, to myself,and nothing brings it out more then when I compare myself to someone else.

Ashly
 
I guess I do, but now that I'm older I don't care as much. I can accept that my friends and relatives are bigger, smaller, prettier, not as pretty, etc. I am me, and that's what I like to focus on. Am I at my best? That's what I work on. That's why I hang out here!

Sally
 
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