Confession Time

K

KayM

Cathlete
Well, I already tried to post this once today but I must have messed up because now I don't see it. it's hard to confess to things more than once!!!

I weighed myself this morning and the scale is at 220 now. Not surprising considering how I've been eating. That means I've gained 5 pounds since November!!!!!!!!!

My food yesterday consisted of the following :
cinnamon roll
2 granola bars
chicken and rice
pudding
3 granola bars
3 granola bars
chicken and rice for dinner
1/2 c life cereal

I have also fallen into some bad habits again - hiding my food, hiding how much I eat, feeling embarrassed about what I eat, not keeping a food journal, eating with reckless abandon.

All of that food yesterday translates to around 2,300 calories! That's nowhere near my 1,500 daily goal. :-(

I feel like I'm sliding back into my old self, and I just don't want to do that. I put a post on the Ya Ya's board asking to buy someone's Weight Watcher's materials, I think I'll try that and going to TOPS meetings for a while.

So today I'm very grouchy and depressed. I lost 52 lbs and now that's already back down to 47 lbs. :-(

I feel like I must confess to my fellow Catheites how much I've fallen off the wagon.

Ok I'm feeling a little better now I guess.
 
So you have fallen off the wagon, it sounds like you are ready to get back on. I would just concentrate on eating healthy, treat yourself to one treat per day, drink water, and exercise. This is a lifestyle. You have done great so far! Forgive yourself, then move on.
 
Hi Kay, we all fall off the bandwagon every now and then..........

you just need your buddies here at the Cathe board to throw you a life line again and reel you in.;-) Just that fact that you posted and told us means you still have the desire to get back on the bandwagon. Try keeping a food journal again and see what time of day you are eating the most and how you are feeling then. Once you see a trend or a pattern then you can work on changing the things that are going on around that time of day. Don't beat yourself up you have obviously come a long way in your weight loss battle and you shouldn't turn back now. Look again at how far you have come and think to yourself that you don't want to go back there.

YOU CAN DO THIS!!!

WE are all behind you, beside you and in front of you surrounding you with support.:D

God bless you!!!!

Annette
 
Kay,

Ease up on yourself! This is why I can't stress hard enough that this whole "weight loss thing" is not just a journey, but some weeks, a mini vacation through he@@! I've been playing with the same 5 pounds now for 2 months, it goes, it comes back, it goes again, and like you, I get frustrated and for a nanosecond want to throw the towel in, but then I just realize, "who am I disappointing with this?" "who's the one with the expectations?" Me! And only me, so I pick myself back up mentally and remind myself that this is going to take time. If it took me 37 years to figure out how to gain weight, what makes me think I'll figure out losing it overnight? I won't! And neither will you, so we might as well chalk these experiences up to, "okay!~gotta get better at this, it's not getting me where I want to be!" And go on from there! You took the 5lbs off once, you'll take it off again, and you'll be better for it because now you'll know, "I'm not really trying to keep taking off the same da@n 5lbs over and over!" so you'll start back your journal, and be truthful in it, if you eat poorly, write it down, sometimes seeing the damage makes it even more real and makes you ask yourself "why?" But just remember this: NO MATTER HOW BAD A DAY YOU EVER HAVE, I GUARANTEE I CAN TOP IT! And I just keep going, and keep trying, and remembering, this is a journey, not a short trip! :)

Donna

p.s. Now, I'm going to show you just how "cute" your little eating faux pas was, and totally embarrass myself by sharing with you my "tumble off the wagon" in the last 24hrs.
I have eaten an entire "Turtle Pie" to the tune of 3120 calories in the last 24hrs! I nibbled and nibbled and nibbled until the entire thing was gone and only I had eaten it, hubby nor daughter got a slice at all, just me!
But do you think I'm gonna let that stop me from getting it together and having a healthy dinner and get back on track tomorrow? Heck No! I logged it, talked crap to myself, worked out this morning, and life goes on! :)
See~I told you no matter how far off you fall, I'll top it! :)

p.s.s. Feel better Kay, life is too short to let these little set backs get us down! You've still lost 47lbs and counting, so lets just keep counting! :)

Fitness~It's a journey, not a race!
 
Kay--You are HUMAN. We all fall short of our goals every once in awhile. That's OK, but this obviously doesn't make you happy, if you're hiding food, etc. You've come a long way so focus on the positive. Make a fresh start---maybe once or twice a week, have a goodie that you enjoy. KEEP MOVING (working out). You're worth the effort and discipline of having a healthy body.
 
Geez, thanks everybody! You guys are so supportive. It made me tear up a little. I've never had this kind of support on my weight-loss journey before and it really makes a difference.

I guess to look on the positive side, there are definitely lessons I'm learning for each mistake I make, each time I fall down. The diet I was using when I started, while effective at the time, is really not realistically a diet I can follow the rest of my life. So now that I've learned THAT lesson, I can take a look at what I'm doing and try to figure out a new way.

I'm really still pretty upset about the 5 lbs, but I'm going to try to keep from getting just depressed about it, and turn my emotions into action!

It's so hard, though. This is the hardest thing I've ever done. I was a juvenile delinquent and in a group home for a while - that was a cakewalk compared to this. I had to build a career with a GED and no college education - that too was nothing compared to this. All of my professional certifications, personal demons, even building my marriage, nothing has challenged me more than this.

But I guess, why should it be? Why should it be easy to unlearn 28 years of treating my body so badly?

Ok, enough rambling. I'm gonna go home and work out and have a great food day starting tomorrow! Because of course, tomorrow is another day. :)

Thanks again everybody,
 
I too have gained 5 lbs, but since Dec. Man, I don't even know how much food I've been eating, cause I'm to chicken to journal it anymore.
Starting tomorrow, I'm gonna restart doing a modifyed version of Weight Watchers. I usually need a few more points than they allow, but I can still lose weight that way. I need to really do this big time, cause all my jeans no longer fit, and I'm sick of wearing sweat pants.
That and doing my new Cathes I got in this week.
And don't feel bad about venting. It helps alot sometimes. Smile, it makes people wonder what you're up to
 
Don't count calories!

Counting calories alone would drive me over the brink. You may not want to do that right now.

Focus on a healthy lifestyle, exercise and try to limit your fat intake. It sounds like you just need to grab the fruit and veggies when you want a snack. I know its hard, but keep trying. Dont give up!
 
Don't give up, Kay. I know you said you're hiding food, again. I did that, too. But you told us, you're not hiding it from us, and that means you're not ready to give up. You're just asking for a little boost up, a little help when you don't feel strong. That's all that was. Just start over like nothing ever happened. And try not to keep anything in the house you don't feel strong enough to resist.

You'll make it.
 
I'm glad to see that you are willing to give WW a try. You need to find good substitutes for those granola bars. Can I AGAIN suggest the stuff by Dr Shapiro, the guy who writes the Picture Perfect Weight loss books? He has 4, the original Picture Perfect Weight Loss, the 30 day Plan, the Cookbook, and the Shopper's Guide.

IT'S NOT ABOUT EATING LESS, IT'S ABOUT EATING SMARTER!!!!!!!!!!
And you CAN have your goodies, too, just make them smart goodies.

Tell us all again, Miz Donna, about how good the Jello Fat Free Sugar Free pudding is!

Just Do It! :)
 
I though alot about your post overnight. I see that so many others have given you so much encouragement.

Hello Kay,
What I want you to know is that your post has helped me. I can so quickly slip back in to my bad eating habits. I also hide food - I guess I'm hiding it from myself (really my mother, I think) Lawzy the demons we carry from our past!

And I can also down a HUGE number of calories not dissimilar to Donna's turtle pie. When I get rolling on sweets its like I don't even feel full anymore. I can easily scarf 2000 calories of cookies on top of an entire day of normal food.

What I'm trying to say is that you are not alone and that this is the place for support. There are many of us who truly understand and can give you really good suggestions (as you have already found out.) And I want to add that I realize for myself I will never really conquer all of this, but I can keep the gremlin in the box enough of the time to make a difference in my life and so can you!

-joy
 
Kay,

I hear you and I know how you feel. A few things occurred to me, which you can take for what they are worth, if they apply to you: I think you are putting too much importance on your weight. In 20 years from now (when you are around my age :) ) you will not look back and remember your bout with 5 pounds. You WILL remember all of those other things that you have accomplished and, ultimately, they will be far more important to your life.

You are not defined by your weight or how you look. You are defined by who you are and what you have done with your life.

IMHO, the less important you feel your weight is, the easier it will be to eat right. You are not a failure for gaining 5 lbs, and you will not be a success if you lose it. I think if your whole self-esteem is wrapped up in what the scale measures, then it's not about food or health anymore, it's about your whole self image, and it becomes blown out of all proportion.

I say de-emphasize the whole issue, if you can. Just my two cents worth.

-Nancy
 
Hi Kay,

I just wanted to tell you we are all human! Losing weight is so hard and it is really really hard to get out of certain behaviors. I finally got below 200 this week, guess what I did last night?? I was packing 20 goody bags for my son's 6th birthday party, had the little toys and candy on the living room floor, 10:30 pm, watching ER, everyone was in bed. So I finished to bags and then started eating the candy myself!! I must have had about 800 calories of chocolate. THEN I cooked a frozen pizza and ate it at 11pm. I had 1,400 calories after I was supposed to be done eating for the day. So my 1,400 calories day doubled in 30 minutes to 2,800.

I woke up this morning and realized it was a bad bad day and in the big picture it does not make a diffence. What matters is getting back on track today.

Donna is a great example. I mean we all have bad days but if we leave it at that, just a day and not let it turn into weeks or months we will still be ok.

Dust yourself off and get back on the horse :)
 
Hi Kay!
I love what everybody else said. Here are some specifics that I use to pull myself "back into reality." Maybe they'll help you the way they help me.

First, have an apple a day. Fuji apples are good right now. Okay, at the grocery store you can get 3-4 apples, and cut one up each day when you are ready for a pleasant, popsicle-like snack.

Next, have a whole cup of lowfat (not nonfat!) cottage cheese a day. Okay you can skip a day now and then. Only do this if you like cottage cheese! Otherwise, pick another such as eggs.

Remember you need a vegetable, so plan one meal, for example, dinner; instead of rice, plan to cook chicken and vegetables for dinner tomorrow. Make a plan for one more dinner next week with a different meat and different vegetables.

Now relax and make the next change later. (Like, designing a sandwich). I would like to see you ease up on the calorie restrictions and concentrate on adding good foods, not taking away, but just crowding out "bad" foods. Fuel up for those great workouts! I personally am eating around 2100 calories a day ideally.

Adding lean proteins, fibers, and vegetables (most contain fiber) are the things most of us need to do.

Eat!
Hope this helps
--Connie
 
Marci...........

I know it's not funny, but your post cracked me up!
You have no idea how many times that scenario has happened to me! I have a great day, done eating by 7pm, made all good choices all day long, kept calories at or below my days target, then BAM! Hubby will call before leaving work and say, "Honey, want to split a Perkins Ham & Brie?" My next question, "Fries come with that right?" So it's now 10:30pm and I've just ruined the entire day by adding 1/2 a ham and brie sandwich on Asiago bread (this sandwich is almost as good as sex!) and fries (of which I have the bulk cause hubby isn't much of a fry guy!) and I calculate that little jewel of a meal at roughly 800-1000 calories, so my day is shot clear out the ballpark!
Those days happen!?

Donna
Fitness~It's a journey, not a race!
 
Like the other members, I agree that watching your diet is one of the toughest things to do when trying to lose weight. We all know what we "should" be doing but don't usually practice it due to time constraints, convenience, and sometimes we even unconciously sabatoge our efforts to lose weight. Take me for example, I am so scared of failure. I've been wanting to lose 10-15 for several years now but have always made excuses. I scared of what will happen if I give my 100% and I still can't manage to lose the weight....and scared of the disappointment. But now I realize this is just a hypothetical situation. These "what if's" are not reality. It's not all or nothing. If I don't reach my goal weight, at least I tried and in the process, hopefully I will learn more about my body and become healthier. Just hang in there. :)

Paying attention and recording what you eat is a good start. I recommend you do this everyday which will help you see what your food hangups are. I noticed you had 8 granola bars yesterday. Granola bars aren't necessarily bad for you but there are so many other things you can substitute that are just as quick and easy. Remember, variety is the spice of life. Go get a large basket, fill it with an assortment of fruits, and plop it on your kitchen counter. Fill it with whatever you like: bananas, fuji apples, pears, oranges, mangos, kiwis, persimmons. When you're hungry, it'll be waiting for you and all you have to do is wash and/or slice and eat.

I usually don't have a lot of time and lazy when it comes to cooking everyday. Now I only cook once or twice a week but make multiple servings. I used a lot of herbs, spices, and sauces so when I sneak extra vegetables in there, I really don't notice it when I'm eating. I purchased a set of plastic storage containers and fill them like individual tv dinners. I always have one ready in the fridge if I get hungry.

You know what the best part is? My monthly grocery bill is so much lower now! I used to always at large chain grocery stores. I always used coupons but I was buying stuff that I really didn't need. I could drop $60 on items that were on sale but they had no real nutritional value and would only fill maybe 3 grocery bags. Now I shop at a health food store and come out with 3 bags of fruits and vegetables and it only costs $10-$15. Plus the meat seems fresher and the fresh baked breads are nice.

Don't worry too much. Just jump back in there, do your best and have some fun.
 
[font size="1" color="#FF0000"]LAST EDITED ON Jan-17-03 AT 09:13PM (Est)[/font][p]Hey Donna,

Your confesion made me laugh also. Are you sure we are not long lost siters??! We seem to have sooo much in common with out thought processes on this journey. I love reading your posts!
 
Marci,

I've thought the same thing so many times, and actually laughed aloud at the thought of, "wow, Marci eats like me!" :)
This is why I'm so quick to chime in and help ANYONE raise their spirits about a "bad eating" day. PU-LEEZE! No matter what anyone's worst day ever was, I would take bets that I've had a worse one!
Ever seen that old cartoon with a bull dog lying on a hospital gurney, stomach bloated and distended from eating too much, then this cat comes over and sticks a funnel in the dogs mouth and pumps gravy into the dog? Well, I've had those days! Days when I've eaten so much I SHOULD be sick as a dog, but somehow, I shake it off like Superman and go on to eat another day!
I digest everything! I'm like a human garbage disposal! If my entire family eats out and they get a case of food poisoning, NOT ME! Cast iron stomach Donna is running around treating them and I don't even get as much as gas from the same food that poisoned them!
I'm telling you, I was born in the wrong century, I was meant to be born in the Reubenestic (spelling?) period, where the models were all full figured and cellulite was a good thing! :) I could have been a supermodel back then! :)

Donna

Fitness~It's a journey, not a race!
 
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