Chubby daughter

R

renodebbie3

Cathlete
Hi all, I am worried about my 8 year old daughter. She is chubby, not really fat but larger than the other girls on her softball and gymnastics teams. She is very active but loves sweets. I try to limit them but don't want to totally deprive her either. I talk to her about nutrition but not about dieting because I'm afraid I will make her self conscience and that is the last thing I want. Any advice on how to walk that line between promoting good nutrition without making her feel like she is on a diet? Or am I worrying over something she will probably outgrow?
 
Hmm, well, I am not sure how chubby your daughter may be (ie., height to weight ratio), but perhaps you should talk to your pedes if you are concerned.

I will tell you my experience, though. My son is almost 14 and he is ONLY just outgrowing that "baby fat" stage. He was really a bit chunky for a while there, but it does come off as they shoot upwards.... so she might just be at that stage.

I think it is great that you are thinking how talk of diets and weight will affect her long-term. I think we live in a society with the most unrealistic standards for girls & women and it's important to be realistic...

Good luck!
Marie
 
I'm not a mom but take it from someone who was chunky in my adolescent years... she's most likely aware that she is bigger than her peers and trying to make her diet is not going to help matters at all, she really needs to figure it out for herself. I outgrew my chubby phase when I started high school, which is also when I gained all my height - she's probably preparing for a growth spurt. If you still want to change her choices or portions make it something that the entire family has to do so she's not singled out.
 
I think you have the right attitude. Continue to stress eating well, and never mention calories or dieting. All kids have to have their sweets limited, but, as you say, you can't completely deprive them. Just dole out the sweets reasonably as you would for any kid. I agree with your decision to talk about nutrition and not dieting. Otherwise, I wouldn't worry about it unless she becomes obese, or unless it starts to bother her.
 
I need to respond to this-- I tend to be quiet and lurk in the shadows :)

My daughters did or went through the very same thing you are describing in your daughter. I -- did not concern myself about it. My oldest who grew in height very fast after a few months of being so called *chubby*-- so that stage did not last long for her. She is now only 5'5 weighs about 110 and has never had to worry or concern over eating. She loves all kinds of sweets and goodies. And she never gains an ounce-- hate her huh? I do :)But she also runs-- not to lose weight but for enjoyment--hate her more She has her dad's metabolism . My second daughter did not grow in height right off. Her so called *chubby* stage lasted a bit longer. She is reminded of it alot. My mother-in-law will show pictures of her and she will even say "She use to be fat" She was NEVER FAT-- it was a stage. She now is 5'4 weighs 112lbs and is a top player on her high school soccer/softball teams. She doesnt have the love of sweets but chips and pasta. Because of comments made by some people -- she questions what she eats. In a way I think its sad---- and then in another way she knows-- a small bowl of pasta is ok not the whole 9" plate of it covered in cheese and sauce.

My advice--- I would encourgae your daughter. I would NOT mention the so call *chubby* stage unless she does. If she does-- encourage-- they learn from us grown women :) :)

Kath--
A mom with two beautiful daughters who went through the same exact stage as I---- and thats ok-- I get told alot YOU ARE 42 and your girls are 19 1/2 and 15 -- NO WAY. Throw in my son in there who is 17.
 
I have 4 daughters aged 9 to 15 years and I agree, they need encouraging to make the best decisions regarding their diet and health. The way I see it with my girls it is my job to guide them and offer them every possible healthy alternative I can.
Plus if they see you living a healthy way they will most likely follow suit.
I resist any suggestions from my girls that they are too fat.. it is difficult to do especially when they face so much pressure at school and in thier peer groups. My 9 year old always says she is too fat and will grab at her belly and declare that she needs to diet. What a sad state of affairs at age 9!
My 15 year old (16 in Dec) may have issues with her weight as she has my build and doesn't exercise much at all (due in part to athsma) but as I was once advised at the gym, my objective is to keep her weight stable and offer her the right foods to keep her healthy.
If I can bring up all 4 girls with a good diet I will be a very happy mum.. and if they can salivate just as much over a mango or a peach as easily as a mars bar or snickers then I'll be delirious.
My advice is to guide your daughter.. don't worry about her weight just about her health as these things will sort themselves out in the long run.
Kelly
 
A few months ago, my daughter decided to try a "3 week good health challenge." I told her I just wanted her try it for 3 weeks and see if it made her feel healthier or more energetic. She lost 20 pounds!! (Not in 3 weeks- she kept going) She does 30 minutes of exercise per day, and she quit pigging out on junk food and started eating healthy choices. I'm so glad for her, not because I want her to be thin, but because her mental attitude is SO much better! She is happier, more energetic and is forming good habits that are not obsessive or based on yo-yo dieting.
My actual point is that if things don't naturally work themselves out, there are ways to help them develop good habits without being the "Spanglish" mom.
She likes to do 30 minutes of Bootcamp or 30 minutes of any kickbox workout. She is 5'5 and down to 128. She looks slim and healthy now and she smiles! I agree with Kelly: if we can teach them the benefits of choosing healthy food over junk, they will experience benefits way beyond their figure.
 
My girls are only 4 and 5, but we talk a lot about "strong" foods - things that are clean and healthy and good for your body. I don't deprive them of treats BUT I don't have the pantry overflowing with them, and they know they have to eat something healthy first before the treat. I think this helps them control their portions of the sweets, plus they have something good in their tummies first. I'm always pleased when they go to a friend's house and ask for fruit, cheese, etc. and not junk. Since I constantly struggle with my weight, I try hard to keep food in a normal perspective (at least for them!). I'd hate for them to go through what I do.
 
I don't think you should "wait and let it play itself out" or "let her grow into her weight with added height". I think that is what the majority of parents are doung right now and the child obese thing is out of control! It's nuts and disgusting! There are plus size kids clothes now!!! CRAZY!

I think the best and only thing you should do is get the junk out of the house. If it's not there, she can't eat it (and nor can anyone else in the house). Treats should be just that...treats! You control what she eats more than you think. You prepare her meals, make them healthier and serve it to everyone. I bet no one will even notice.

When she askes where the treats are, just tell her that everyone in the house needs to start eating better and the treats will be treats.

Don't forget to lead by example!

And moms...all of you...please stop criticizing yourself in the mirrior. It only teaches our girls to hate their own looks. You may not think they see you doing it...but they do!
 
amy b,
How old is your daughter? I think your idea sounds great. I may try it with my daughter. She is 13, 5'8" and weighs 174 lbs. She is a fairly active child but I would like to see her exercise more and make better food choices.
 
My son is in a little bit of a "chubby phase" right now. (He's 9) He rarely eats junk food, he loves healthy eating and plays sports. He loves to snack on veggies and fruits and prefers that over candy, and sweets/junk food etc. He prefers whole wheat bread over white bread...he loves whole wheat pasta...etc.

I'm not worried about him at all. My 2 brothers also went through the same phase and they grew out of it and stayed lean through adulthood.

I think that if we put too much pressure on our young kids (especially girls) they will definitely grow up having a complex about food and their body image.

I think the best idea is to just set a good example and let them have treats every once in a while. If you deprive them all together they will gorge on it when they get the chance.

Just my http://www.phpbbforfree.com/forums/images/smiles/twocents.gif

:)
 
I will first preface this by saying I am not a mom but I understand what it is like to be in a household where weight is scrutinized. My mom is borderline anorexic at 5ft 5in and barely 100 lbs. As a child, I was validated when I was underweight at 5ft 8in 125 lbs and comments were made if my weight crept up above 140.

I was still very thin at 140 mind you because I was very active in sports and in general had quite a bit of muscle tone.

I want to stress that it is important not to put one's personal issues of weight on a child. I was reading the other posts where children's heights and weights were mentioned and none of them seemed to be consistant with being "overweight". Sometimes adults can vicariously project their own weight issues onto those they care about when there really isn't a problem. This sets up kids to have future problems and/or obsessions about food, weight, etc.

I am not trying to insinuate that that is your situation as I am only speaking of my own experience. Just something to be aware of-
 
My daughter just turned 13. I have gotten pretty strict about no junk in the house. However, at school, she was using her own money to buy as much trashy foods as she could afford. Also, at home if there was one element of our dinner that was not as healthy, that would be the thing she would want to stuff herself on. I would make comments in a very friendly supportive way, saying things like, "If you are still hungry, you may eat all the healthy food you need, but you will not feel good if you have 3 cups of mac and cheese." or something to that effect. I was trying so hard NOT to be pushy, but finally I told her that before we spend a lot of time and money going to the doctor about why you don't feel good all the time, we ARE GOING to do a healthy habits 3 week challenge. She is 100% on board with it now and she is monitoring herself, allowing herself treats in small amounts.
 
Sarah-
I think you are so right about women not criticizing themselves, at least in front of their kids. I heard one woman say "I'm limiting her snacks so she doesn't turn into a fat pig like me." Her little daughter was standing right there. I feel very sorry for the daughter of that woman!
 
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