Can't believe I have to deal with this babyish behavior...

dss62467

dss62467

Cathlete
You all know I just started a new job a few weeks ago. Well, it seems that two of the women that are in my department are a bit resentful because I was hired into a more project management position at a grade higher than them. I just spent the last 4 days in brutally boring planning meetings with managers from Chicago and London. My boss told me when she invited me that it might cause some problems because the other ladies have never been invited. But she hired me to be her back-up and therefore, I have to be in-tune with what she does.

So sure enough, when these two women found out, they got all bent out of shape. They're all mad because they know more about what they do than I do. Which, DUH, of course they do since they've been there years and I've been there weeks. But as my boss told them, it's not about what you know at these meetings, but about what your role is.

So I came back into the office today and didn't get a greeting from either of them. My boss said she got an email from one of them complaining that she doesn't think she can progress in her career in our department and that she should have had my job. My boss disagrees that she should have had the job and is going to discuss it with her next week. Seems to me that if she was what my boss wanted in the position, she would have promoted her instead of searching outside the company and bringing me in.

When I was leaving today, I'm pretty sure I heard the other one say something rather snotty to me on my way out.

I'm not exactly sure how I should handle this. It's not my fault that I was hired. (Well, I guess it is...since I'm just so awesome. Ha ha) It's not like I went out to steal a job from them. I wasn't even really searching for a job! And it's not my fault that they don't have whatever it is that my boss wants for my job. So what the heck?

I guess I'm going to just wait for a while to see how it plays out. My boss is in Chicago tomorrow and will be back next week. She'll probably talk to them about it then. If they continue to give me an attitude, I guess I'll have to say something. I'm just not sure what. I would prefer an atmosphere where we could work together well. I don't particularly care about being friends, just having a respectful and supportive coexistance.
 
Donna:

resist the urge to talk to them about it if you can. You don't want to sink to their level, and any conversation you have, even if you intend to stay calm and speak with a voice of reason and rationale, could easily sink into nastiness.

They are already making trouble for themselves with your boss. It is her job to sort this out, not really yours. If they continue with their current behaviour,they will really dig a hole for themselves and receive disciplinary warnings perhaps.

Again, stay clear of it. You must remain above suspicion of inappropriate conduct at all times. Do your job, do an exemplary job, let your performance speak volumes to their catiness. Your boss is more than capable of sorting the wheat from the chafe and putting them in their place. If you feel the need to respond to their bad behaviour, stop, count to ten, do some yoga breathing, remember that they'll get their just rewards, and turn the other cheek.

Best of luck and chin up!

Clare
 
Donna-

I'm so sorry you're having troubles! I was wondering yesterday as I was setting up my step how your new job was going. (I think about all of you when I'm getting ready to work out!)

I think you're right that this is not at all something you are responsible for. The sucky thing is, it isn't your fault but it's your problem now. They're lame. They have their own disappointments and don't know what to do with them. Grr.

I would expect you won't be able to fix anything without you boss around- seems like they're mad at the boss, not you, but if they make things difficult for you maybe you'll leave. I don't know- any way you look at it seems unfair. Can you think of what you want to have happen and specifically ask your boss to help you make it happen?

Sorry I don't have more helpful stuff to say!! But you're right, you were hired because they wanted YOU. Try to keep that in mind, at least until you can talk to your boss.

Good luck!
 
Sorry things aren't going well at work. The only advice I have is be patient, let your boss deal with it and KILL THEM WITH KINDNESS. As a last resort you most certainly have some moves memorized from KPC that you might want to demonstrate for them.....
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Sherry
 
Not sure what to tell you. I hate to say it but their cattiness seems to be so much more prevalent among women than men in the workplace. Because there are 2 of them, they can add more fuel to the fire. I would ignore them so they lose their power, rise above the situation and do your best. Maybe humor would work with them. Let your boss deal with their obvious insecurities. Just my 2 cents!Best of luck to you.
Lisa
 
I had a co-worker that stayed mad at me all the time. I never knew what she would get so p*ssed off about. I could be talking to my boss and she would have a totally different attitude when I would come back. It's like she would get jealous or something. We could all be talking at lunch and my conversation would not be with her and she would get mad over something I said. She was a real nutcase! I ignored it all I could. I finally told her that I didn't know what her problem was and I tried to be friends,but no more. Trying to be adult I told her that she didn't have to like me, or agree with everything I say. Just show me respect when it came to the job.

Well I told my dh two months before this that every dog has it's day. Sure enough, they had to get rid of one of the positions and she knew she would keep hers. Not!!!! She had to leave and to tell you the truth I was alittle guilty about the way I felt. Not!!! That woman put me through he!!


In your case just sit back and let them dig their own graves. People like that never last.

kim
 
RE: Can't believe I have to deal with this babyish beha...

As usual the ladies here come up with great replies. You're right Donna, it's not your fault you got hired. They are the ones with the problem so let them deal with it. It's typical when you are the new one to have some people hate you without even getting to know you. Let your boss deal with them and don't say a word to them. I think it would be adding fuel to the fire. Meanwhile try to keep it business like instead of avoiding them or trying to be friends with them. Hang in there!
 
RE: Can't believe I have to deal with this babyish beha...

I DITTO what Clare says and Oh my goodness, but I about fell out of my chair when I saw that SherryC had already said the very 1st thought that came to my mind: KILL THEM WITH KINDESS. Works everytime with the mean people! ;)

Thomasina
 
RE: Can't believe I have to deal with this babyish beha...

Yes I agree with the kill em with kindness route! It's unfortunate that people can be this way but I think the best thing to do is to not be dragged down to their level. Just do the great job that I'm sure you are :)... I believe that what you put out there comes back to you so their unkind actions will eventually come back to them. Hang in there! And post if you need to vent! :)
Cath :)
 
RE: Can't believe I have to deal with this babyish beha...

Yes I agree with the kill em with kindness route! It's unfortunate that people can be this way but I think the best thing to do is to not be dragged down to their level. Just do the great job that I'm sure you are :)... I believe that what you put out there comes back to you so their unkind actions will eventually come back to them. Hang in there! And post if you need to vent! :)
Cath :)
 
RE: Can't believe I have to deal with this babyish beha...

I agree with the kill them with kindness route and try to ignore them. However, your boss obviously has problems too and should have never divulged to you what another employee emailed her. This is unacceptable especially coming from a higher level position. She must know, being in a management position ( especially considering that I think you guys are in HR...is that correct) that this sort of thing is a big no-no and should never be done. It can never help and usually causes more problems down the road. You can't help but wonder what she might be telling other employees.
 
RE: Can't believe I have to deal with this babyish beha...

You know...I was kind of thinking myself that she tells me too much about the shortcomings of the other ladies. Maybe she is looking to me to be her "sounding board" with the frustrations she feels with her staff, because she's grooming me to be her when she's not around. I also think that it's her way of giving me a head's up on the way they are, so I will be prepared? She's definitely different than any other boss I've had. She's very good at her job, but seems a little on the wild side. A little lacking in the professionalism, which has taken me by surprise. Maybe it's because here, we are technically considered HR - but not really. In HR, you're always very conscious of what you say and I hear things here that I would never have heard in my last 2 positions. Nothing bad, just four-letter words. Of course, we're also dealing with other countries and I'm not so sure they're as uptight as Americans are.;-)

But I am glad you all gave me the advice on just doing my job and not getting into it with them. That's always my first instinct, but then the other half of me thinks that I have to stand up for myself. I did say hello to one of them this morning in a very cheerful way and asked about her vacation. She was very pleasant, so I think maybe she won't be the problem that my boss led me to believe she would. The other one...well, we'll see. She comes in to work in an hour...
 
RE: Can't believe I have to deal with this babyish beha...

Donna,

I agree, I think she's giving you a heads up, as the one thing I've notice when you come in an take a job that others wanted. They will do everything in their power to get rid of you. Including to be nasty, I had to deal with that when I got hired in for the sports teams, and now I work directly with most of the coaches. Something a few other PTs wanted but didn't get.

They use to try to change my meeting times on me, so I'd be a no show. When I asked where stuff was at, they'd try to send me clear across campus. And then they'd complain because I didn't even know where the simple equipment was at. And how could I ever be working with the coaches, if I couldn't even show up for a meeting. Luckly I caught onto both things the second day, and started to send emails verifying times and ignoring the meeting bord all together.

As for the equipment I'd get their early and just started to open closet by closet until I found everything I wanted or would ever need.

I don't know how many times they screw up the lock to my office, and I had to call security and they actually would have to put in a new door knob. Though security only did that twice before, they got annoyed and finger printed everyone from the time I left until I went in the next morning. After that my door has always open with my key.

But I'd be very thankful to your boss if she was telling me all that she told you. As it give you the ability to prepare and take action, as when she's gone these two are going to be a pain and your going to have to figure out how to handle them on your own and get your work done and get them to do their work.

But yes, always act happy around them, like nothing is wrong. It drives them nuts and it kind of stands up for yourself too, as your not sinking down to their level, your there and your going to stay there.

Good luck,

Kit
 
Donnna, I'm so sorry you're having problems at your new job, after the elation of having gotten it.

You're right, it's not your problem that you are probably more capable than the women who were already there.

That's a hard position to be in: to have to work with them every day and know they resent you. What COULD you say to them to make things better? I have no idea. What a PIA!

I think it's best if your boss does the talking (making sure that she doesn't suggest that this talk is coming at YOUR suggestion, which could make things more uncomfortable).

Can you fire them? LOL!
 
No, I can't fire them. Actually, it isn't too bad. I think they had a night to cool off because both are being pleasant today. We'll see if it keeps up. I can't remember what my boss calls them, it's something like "the wolves". It's definitely some sort of wild animal that requires caution when approaching.

The only thing I could think of to say to them was that blaming me for them not getting a job is a little like someone blaming McDonald's because they're 20 lbs. overweight. If something is not right in your life, you're the one who has to accept responsibility and make the necessary changes within yourself to make it better.

But...people who don't like to accept responsibility for their destiny will only resent that comment, so I'll just keep my mouth shut and be nice.
 
I'd be a little wary of your boss also. She is calling them derogatory names. Who knows what she says when your back is turned. She sounds unprofessional, remember these 3 have a history together....what happened to the person you replaced?
Lisa
 
I agree with Lisa and Sherry.

First, I think it IS unprofessional of your new boss to be calling the other employees "wolves" or whatever. Immediately that clouds your judgement about them and gives them the label of being "difficult to work with". It's unfair to them, unfair to you, and unprofessional of your boss. Be careful there. You never know what she'll be saying about you in a couple of years...as those types normally turn on you eventually. Don't join her in the name-calling -- whatever you do.

2nd -- Sherry's advice of "just be patient" and "kill them with kindness" is exactly how I think you should handle it. Resist the urge to engage them in an angry conversation -- unless, of course, they really cross the line (doing something TO you) and then you need to establish the boundaries of what you will take and what you will NOT tolerate. It takes time to become accepted when you join a group. You are an outsider and will be viewed as such until you prove your worth. Most research in the areas of groups and behavior will show that is the case. It doesn't matter how much you know or who you know or how hard you work -- it just takes some time to be incorporated into the already-formed group. So just be as nice as possible, do your job, and see what happens after a few months.

3rd -- try to think of it from their perspective. What if you had been working for a company for some time and they brought in a new person to be in a management/leader position? Perhaps you weren't picked for some personality conflict -- not because your work wasn't good. So don't assume these women aren't qualified just because they weren't promoted. While that may very well be the case, I've seen numerous people overlooked for promotion for a number of reasons that have NOTHING to do with their ability/performance. You would feel slighted -- and wouldn't you want the "newbie" to pay her dues -- earn your respect? They don't know you OR your abilities -- not yet. So just show them and be patient. They will come around eventually. There have been plenty of "new people" added to my group over the years and the only ones who get my respect are the ones who prove themselves. They don't get my respect due to a title or assumed position in the corporate hierarchy -- because I've come across too many "pointy haired bosses" to buy into the fact that a higher level in the organization means they're qualified for the job.

Or maybe I'm just one of those a$$hole women too :)

Anyway...that's what I think. Take it or leave it, right?!
Shonie
 
You are the most qualified for the job. Be cordial but cool and ignore them. Focus on your boss and you. You needn't defend yourself. Just be the best at it you can. She hired you for a reason. They'll most likely always resent you but you know and that's all that matters.
Bobbi http://www.handykult.de/plaudersmilies.de/chicken.gif "Chick's rule!"

Tell me, what it is you plan to do with your one wild and precious life? -Mary Oliver
 
Donna, I wish I could give you some good advice, but I'm too "mouthy" to people who are big freakin' babies! So, my advice might not be the greatest.

I will say this, though: I am a very patient, mild-mannered person at work...and tend to just ignore this type of behavior in others........for a while. Then, one day the person who's been behaving badly will finally make one snide comment too many, and I come back at 'em. I don't necessarily tear them a new one, but I make it known that I've had it up to the preverbial "here" with their crap, then I turn and walk away without saying or listening to another word. It's kind of like they think that since I haven't retorted to their prior remarks that I 1) haven't noticed their remarks, or 2) am a pushover who won't stand up for myself. In either case, the perpetrator's remarks get bolder and even nastier/more degrading. But, SURPRISE! Ol' catwoman CAN stand up for herself...and when the time is right, she will. This leaves the perpetrator stunned, to say the least...and most of them take on a whole new tune around me from then on, because it's as if I've earned a newfound respect in their eyes for not taking their crap, anymore. The trick is to make your firm, short & sweet retort...then walk away without another word...then make nice the next time you see that person as if nothing ever happened (allowing them to save face, in a way). One thing you need to make clear is that you will not take their crap, anymore...and that they are not "getting to you".

This method works wonders on men, for some reason...but I'm not sure how successful it will be on women.
 
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