Hi Renee:
I have very weird Christmases really. I only handed in my students' grades here at the University yesterday afternoon, and by the time I got out of the house, all shops had shut early and I missed the screening of a film I had wanted to see. So, I stayed home, cranked up the tunes and wrapped presents and cooked up a storm for about 6 hours. During the end of semester period, our freezer gets seriously depleted so I needed to make stews and meals to fill it back up for us all to live on for the next month. So, I wasn't out partying either!
Today has been very quiet. My girls and I went to see "American Hustle" and I am always surprised by how many people in Ann Arbor, MI, also left home to seek entertainment elsewhere. It's supposed to be about turkey and stuffing, yet everyone there was chowing down on pizza and popcorn, so I guess Christmas is what you make it, or not, and really, it's no big deal.
As a college town, with a large international population, there's a Starbucks in town that is open on Christmas day because they recognize that not everyone celebrates Christmas. I usually go and have a coffee and read: for me this is indulgence! Finally being free of college obligations and being able to read for pleasure: serious deal! Only, I got there and they had run out of what I wanted so, it didn't happen this year. I missed it though. I like the atmosphere there: a bunch of people brought together by a need for caffeine, a warm place to hang out that gets them out of the house for a bit, and also, company, even if very few of us know each other. I find comfort in that very human need to be with others.
We opened presents later, when we got home. The girls were happy, I managed to get them each a few, well-chosen surprises, so that made me happy. I got nothing from my husband, again, which is what always happens. You would think I would be so used to the disinterest, it would no longer hurt. But it still does. I'm not hard to choose for: get me a book, almost anything! My eldest daughter has understood this, and she now makes a real effort to make sure that there is something for me under the tree. I don't understand how he can be so clueless. So unfeeling. This from a an who says he loves me. How can it be?
Next year will be different again: both girls will be at college, one away from here, but she will come home for the holidays. Still, her being away will leave lots of time for him and I to be alone together, which we have not been for two decades. It frightens me. His favourite thing to do is work. I can't ne that inanimate. Well, life is about change.
Anyway: half the family fell asleep early tonight, leaving my eldest and I to curl up together on the chaise, with Sherlock season 2 together in front of the fire (fake!). We are one episode down, another to go.
I say, do whatever you can to get through holidays and bad days. Whatever it takes. Binge watch whatever crap you can get your hands on. Do you have a hulu subscription? Or Netflix? If you have the latter, try "Orange is the New Black." I watched that this summer in about 2 weeks straight: fab! I love binge watching, it's my fave way to see anything. I can't be doing with waiting for next week's episode! Drives me mad. I go to ground whenever depression strikes. I don't apologize for it. Several times per year it will strike. We all do what we have to, right? Sometimes we have to ignore the world, only way to stay sane.
I am sorry for your recent hardships and losses Renee. I didn't write to you at the time because you don't know me personally, and what could I have said that would have mattered or mitigated your pain? But you have been in my thoughts, from afar. You still are, if that means anything to you. I wish you well, I wish that you will get through, and continually, gradually make your way forward to a place that feels better, more normal to you.
Tomorrow all shops open again, business as usual, and I plan to go to Barnes & Noble, order a huge mug of coffee, pick up some crappy romance novel and read most of it in one sitting. Because I can! After that, if I am feeling inspired, I might just come back and do Rythmic Step since I haven't worked out for 3 months and need to break this cycle of frumpy slothdom.
Happy Christmas to you Renee: peace, and hugs.
Clare
Then, I got another cold. I'm starting to feel better but I'm not up to doing Cathe workouts yet. However, I am starting to feel like doing yoga. Sorry for the pity party