Anyone else dreading the holidays?

C

catwoman

Cathlete
I just posted on another thread and it got me thinking: I'm dreading the holidays.

I like spending Thanksgiving and Christmas relatively on my own. I mean, having my husband around is okay, but I really just do not like big get-togethers. They leave me feeling unfulfilled in some way. I guess I like the idea of making my own meal and having that zen-like cooking time to reflect on the past year and what the holidays mean to me. I find cooking very relaxing and, well yes...zen-like. So, when my husband and I go to someone else's house, I miss out on all that...and there's nothing zen-like when you've got kids tearing around and commanding constant attention: "Aunt Jenny...aunt Jenny...aunt Jenny...play this game with me...watch me do this...help me do that..."

At the risk of sounding selfish, I really just want to sit down, kick my feet up, and turn on a football game, and have no one taking my seat when I get up, pulling my arm to play with them, making me feel guilty for not helping out with dinner (when there are 4 other people in the very cramped kitchen already), etc. At my sister-in-law's house, she has a strict rule that Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners require that the football game is turned off and that it's "family time". I'm thinking: this is MY holiday, too, and dagnabbit! I have ALWAYS watched football on the holiday! It just doesn't feel like Thanksgiving without that annual Turkey Day game going in the background.

I'm also uncomfortable in social situations. I'm just not a social person. And I don't like crowds. It doesn't help that I'm a bit of a germaphobe and that everyone in my husband's family paws at the appetizers without washing their hands and double-dips without a second thought. I always leave wondering if I'll catch a bug from someone who was there.

Before I got married, I spent the holidays alone. I had moved away from home back when I was 21, and even though the first few holidays by myself were a little sad, I came to love the peacefulness and relaxation of spending them alone. I looked forward to having that time for myself, away from the hustle and bustle of work and chores and errands. I know that a lot of people are near-terrified to spend holidays alone, but I am very comfortable with myself and miss the days when I didn't have to go anywhere for Thanksgiving and Christmas. Just me and the cats. :)

Thanks for listening.
 
Ditto Catwoman. My fondest memories of the holidays were when me and DH were out of state for the same reasons. You are not alone.
 
Your post sounds very much like me. I hate crowds on holidays and until I married my second husband, I spent holidays alone.


Years ago, used to send my young daughter to her father's for the holidays (we were divorced by then) and then work out, go out to a Christmas dinner at a local restaurant, and then take in a movie -- all alone. People pitied me, but it was a wonderful treat for me amd helped me rejuvenate.

I got sick of having to "justify myself" to well meaning people who thought it terrible that I was spending the holidays alone. People would invite me to their get togethers, but I did not want to go.

I am very much an introvert. Fortunately, my in-laws respect my privacy and when I am at their home for the holidays, they do not pressure me - if I want to close the bedroom door, read, and nap -- it's fine with them.

I can also take my border collie, Tiffany with me. She has full run of their huge house! Usually my brother in law brings his Aussie Shepard and they romp together.

And my mother in law is a major germophobe, so I know what you mean!

She's the queen of Hand Sanitizers and clean counters!

At any rate, I prefer the quiet, reflective holidays to the mad rush. My nerves can't take all the noise.

I like people, but being an introvert, people drain me.

I am not shy by any means, but I need my "down" time.

I did not have a great childhood and all the holidays remind me of are my parents, drug and drugged, beating the bejoobers out of one another, often with other family members joining in.

Then we all had to put on a front with my grandparents.

It was like living a lie.

They are long dead, but I am still haunted by holidays with drug addicted alcoholics.

So yes, I very much understand your wishes and I don't think you are being selfish at all.

It took a lot of bravery to even post what you did.

You are tending to your personal well-being. As long as you are not hurting anybody, then enjoy the holidays.

Perhaps an "appearance" at an event could free you for the rest of the holidays. It is important to not hurt people, but there is no reason you should sacrifice your mental health and well-being if the holidays bother you this much.

I hop it helps knowing that somebody else feels much the same as you.

Kind regards,

Amy
 
I'm feeling it too. I don't like the whole holiday "thing".

I'm taking a risk at sounding selfish - but I prefer to eat, sleep and be present when it suits me. It's that my time is so precious to my and family.

Oh, I could go on.

I'm with you. I miss the days when it was do what you want to do.

Thank you for listening!

Amy
 
Well, if the games not on, I'm not there!!! That is a load of CRAP!!

I like the Holidays but cannot stand all the tugging from parents and in-laws. Everyone wants you there all the time and a fit is thrown if you aren't there.

Listen to this...last week my father-in-law e-mails my DH and says "I cannot believe the Holidays are already here" (uh...they aren't...it's 60 degrees and I haven't had to rake leaves yet)...anyway, he wanted us there for Thanksgiving. He also asked if he could visit the next week or two. We told him we always go to see my granddad on Thanksgiving, he knows this, just before my granddad heads to Arizona for the winter (yes, Sun City). It always my last chance to see him for 6 months! We told him the next two weekends are open for a visit. We haven't heard from him AT ALL!!!

Even grown adults pitch fits!!!:D
 
No one mentioned the senerio where reletives decide your house is the the place for the holiday and expect you to cook and clean and entertain them for days.....Yes, the holidays are relaxing for some, but extra work for others. I keep hoping one of them will say " hey, let me do it this year" Fat chance!

All I can add is make the best of the situation. Things could be far worse. We have much to be thankful for.....
 
I love reading all these posts because it makes me feel like maybe I'm not a horrible person for not liking big gatherings. I really prefer just DH and me, we can either make dinner or go out for Chinese and a movie or occasionally to a fancy restaurant, but there's not all the pressure of family gatherings and all the personalities and drama that goes with it. Like several others, I'm an introvert, and I need time alone to recover after a social situation, it leaves me drained. However, the holidays are hard for me in general, I like just being alone but then there will be days where I miss the kids that we decided not to have (although in our case, I know it was the right decision), and I'm wistful for the big family gatherings that would drive me nutty if we went. So I feel like every year I have this little battle with depression and anxiety even though I'm doing exactly what I choose to do on the holidays, part of me feels like I'm missing out and that there's a big hole in my life that should be filled with a Martha Stewart fantasy world.

I far prefer Halloween! A candy for the goblin, a candy for me, a candy for the witch, a candy for me.... ;~)
 
After my post about family woes on the holidays... you KNOW I'm not looking forward to them!!!
 
FACH-
Thats me too! My side of family is 2000 miles away and I havent seen them for any holiday for 15 years! Spent holidays w/ girlfriends or alone over the years and SO LOVED IT! 5 years ago I married.... I am now the hostess for every family gathering because I have the biggest house to host DH's 35 brothers sisters and all their kids! (we have NO kids)No one contributes to cost or cook/clean... Its so not the way I've ever been exposed to before... DH doesnt even talk to his siblings except 2x a year... He keeps telling me that he wont do it once his mom is gone..thats the only reason and try as I might its hard not to get ticked every year that I do it. I do LOVE his mom but the rest of family is pretty much lazy, low lifes that I feed every year.... I was brought up to take a "hostess" or thank you gift... I've never even SEEN a bottle of coke brought....
OOOOOOOOHHHHHHH This got ugly.... so sorry but thanks for letting me vent & rant!
OK I'm better hohohohohohohohohho:D
 
I am so glad not to be the only one. I am feeling this year I am just not in the big crowd mood! And trust me I am watching FOOTBALL!!! The worst for me is since I went Vegan/vegetarian over 2 years ago, I get to hear the off handed comments about what I eat. (Yes, I take my own dinner), and things like "Mike (my DH) would eat the turkey if his wife wasn't here"....is that supposed to be funny?...I could care less what my DH eats (he makes his own decisions!). Do they think I will slap him if he has some turkey???...NO, and he HAS had turkey at Thanksgiving....yep I survived...:)...so I might try gracefully to get out of the Thanksgiving get toegther and then talk myself into the X-mas gathering as being FUN!!! Thanks all of you for sharing....
 
No, I'm not dreading them, but only because DH and I decided, and let it be known to both our families, long ago, that we would celebrate our holidays the way we wanted. My mom's birthday was a week before Christmas, so we visited her and my dad and his family that weekend. As for Thanksgiving, sometimes we'd have DH's mom and sister's family over, sometimes we'd go to them, or maybe we'd just stay at home alone and I'd make our own vegetarian feast.

But, there was never a question that we'd be spending Christmas day at our house. When DH's mom was alive, she might come over for brunch if she weren't visiting her daughter and grandkids.

(Oh, and years ago we stopped with all the crazy gift giving. We only gave to our parents, my grandmother, DH's niece and nephew, and to the Angel Tree where I work (where you buy presents for an underprivileged child). I'll never forget the year that we told my sister-in-law and her husband that our gift to them was that they no longer had to get us a gift. They were overjoyed. And we've been exchanging that same "gift" ever since. Yet another thing to check off the "to do" list!

Do I fell guilty? NOT AT ALL! We're adults and we have the right to choose how we want to spend our holidays/days off. I love our Christmas morning ritual (I still want to get up at 7:00 like I did when I was a kid!) We light a fire, I make a nice breakfast, we have coffee and mimosas, open gifts, watch "A Christmas Story" for the ga-zillionth time, and just relax and enjoy being with each other and our animals.

As much as you can, make your holiday your own! Seems like you all have the right idea. I'm just counting down the days!!!! (Now, if it would just ever snow in Virginia on Christmas, I'd be in heaven!)
 
Well, I am dreading the holidays - but for some different reasons. My fil passed 4 mos ago and my mom's husband passed 2 weeks ago. We also just got news that my dh's niece is getting divorced. So I have no idea what the holidays are going to look like and besides I'm broke x( . Marnie
 
I not exactly dreading the holidays but I find them to be an interruption. I'm not married have no kids but am close to my parents and 3 sisters. My mom has all her divorced/widowed friends over for Thanksgiving and Christmas. Most of them don't have families close by and she feels it's the nice thing to do. I just want to stay home, eat what I want and watch movies. I'm not into the big Christmas thing, I don't even decorate my house. We don't exchange presents with family because we are all adults and can buy our own stuff. We do adopt a needy family every year and we try to give them the kind of Christmas that we had as kids. I have so much fun doing that that I really don't need anything else. My parents are getting older so I feel I need to spend the holidays with them. If I didn't, I would feel guilty and selfish. I only wish it was just the family spending it together.
 
I no longer dread the holidays because I don't celebrate them. I use them as welcome time off, a time to detox (Thanksgiving), a time to take care of myself and get away from the stresses of work.

I even like to avoid stores around holiday time (especially on the dreaded Friday after Thanksgiving...which would make me particularly homicidal!).
 
Good Morning everyone -

I have a LOVE/Hate with Holidays - probably more love though....

Thanksgiving is just not a big deal Holiday to me - last year my hubby and I escaped to Cabo for a friends wedding and it was FABULOUS!!!

Christmas is STRESSFUL for me now - where are the days when you could actually take four or five day weekends and really get to spend some quality time with your family and still have a day to yourself!!!! Where are the days when shops actually CLOSED for a few days!!!!!

and seriously - my inlaws need to get over doing the ADULT GIFTS!!! Its just an exchange of money really and so unnecessary bc my hubby and I fork over money for all their kids already and we don't even have any yet - - I am not complaining about buying their kids gifts because I LOVE THEM!!! But seriously - us adults are old enough to know what Christmas is really about.......

As far as the GERM issue - make it a point to bring hand sanitizer with you and use it in FRONT of people.....

Personally I could care less about double dipping as long as someone doesn't have a cold and knowingly does it - (it doesn't matter bc around the HOlidays you are bound to pick up something anyways from being around kids)......I have more of a problem with people GORGING themselves - it grosses me out!!!! x(

As you might have guessed I lean towards the SOCIAL BUG side, but I definitely need time to myself as well and it is wonderful to do a dinner alone with your hubby or yourself and just relax.....

And 'what is that crap about NO FOOTBALL' - that is what HOLIDAYS are for!!!! Tell your sister in law that the game is important to you and you are going to stay home until after the game and then come over - STAND UP FOR YOURSELF!!! Who made her the QUEEN BEE!!!
 
Let me just sum it up like this:

"The Grinch hated Christmas!
The whole Christmas season!"

*frowns a sour, Grinchy frown*

;)
 
My husband and I will be spending our 15th wedding anniversary "celebrating" at 2 Thanksgiving dinners! Not exactly the romantic evening that I was wanting:) :)

From October 11 until January 4, we celebrate all of our kid's bdays (Oct.11, Oct.14 and Nov.12), our wedding anniversary (Nov.23), my husband's bday(Dec.4) and my bday (Jan.4). Needless to say, the whole holiday season is very stressful for us!}(

Becky
 
I am dreading the holiday but not for the same reason...

I LOVE this time of year. I am like a kid when it comes to Christmas. I love it!:)

What I dread is the running around. I go to a late party on Christmas Eve that tends not to break up until after midnight and then I have to be up early to do the "rounds" on Christmas Day that forces us out of our house before 8am and to atleast two families homes to visit. I do not make it back home on Christmas night before 9pm. I am thoroughly exhausted by then. As much as I LOVE Christmas, all of the running can suck the fun right out of it because I end up being too tired to care anymore. :-(

It doesn't help that we live 1-3 hours south of almost any house would go to over the holiday so our commuting time is LOOOONG! Especially on Christmas Day as one of the stops is usually my sister's house and she lives in upstate NY!!!:-(

That is my rant about the holiday season.

DH and I argue every year about all of the running but just can't seem to agree on a way to make it easier and still get to see everyone! ACK!x(
 
Well, I'm a recovering Christmas-hater! I worked at Wal-Mart for four years while going to college (both full-time). Christmas season (which starts today!) was exhausting for me. I was always sick from all the germs everywhere and interacting with SO many people, and touching filthy money (one year I worked in the accounting office and had to count every penny that went through the store!) Then I had finals and papers at school and I could never wait for it to be over!

For a couple of years after leaving that job, I couldn't hear Christmas music without feeling tense and angry. Now, I'm over it. I still don't particularly like going into crowded stores, but I like Christmas again. I won't ever buy a Christmas CD, but I don't mind hearing that music occasionally.

My SO and I are in Colorado, and his parents are in Kansas (6 hour drive). Mine used to live an hour away from his, which was convenient, but now they live in New Mexico, which is an 11 hour drive in the other direction. So, we're going to his parents' house on Christmas and then come home and fly to see my parents afterward. My sister is married and will go to her brother-in-law's place in Wyoming for the actual day, and then will be in NM when I will be there.

SO's mom is great, but she likes constant attention and I get tired out. I can only nod and smile for so long. I just want to read a book or watch a movie and not interact all the time. I like naps. I'm not a good house guest!

My dad is the same as SO's mom, always talking, but my mom, sister and I learned long ago to tune him out at some point. Plus, all of my family understands down-time. So, I don't mind visiting them. There are no kids yet, so it's pretty easy going except for dad's constant chatter (to us or to himself -- he has no inner monologue but says it all out loud).

I'm really glad we get to just stay home for Thanksgiving! I am in a mood right now that requires a LOT of down-time, and I'll have a whole week off school to do whatever I want (read: work out daily and other than that be extremely lazy).

Tonya
 
WOW! I can't believe how many people feel exactly how I feel! I would really like to know how those of you who used to spend all your holiday time with family went about breaking away from them? We(just DH and I) spend every holiday with my family. For Christmas, this means both Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. I'm happy to go to one or the other but I just don't see the point in doing both and DH and I would like to have one of those days to celebrate in our own way without having to travel and do what everyone else wants.

We tried two years ago to just go to one and my mom threw a complete fit. Now, I know I am an adult and that I should do what I feel is best but I really hate disappointing my family. And my family is really small so if we don't go we are definitely missed.


So, yes...I am definitely dreading the holidays. I have a single friend who just spends the day reading and relaxing and I am always so jealous of him. I wish that were me!

Jennifer
:)
 
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