pixiesis
Cathlete
Everyone here has given you awesome advice. I just want to echo what some others have said. You really can't ask him for a separation. That gives him permission to say no and to continue hurting, blaming, and manipulating you. You don't need, and will never get, his permission to get out of the prison he has created just for you. You are a person and not a child or a possession of his, and as such you must decide for yourself what you need and then take steps to get it. He is not going to help you do this. You must believe that only you know what you need and then you have to take it. He has no say anymore because he has reneged on the promises he made to you when you married. He has abused the privilege of being your husband and he, of all people in the world, does not deserve to have an opinion on what you do about it.
You just have to make up your mind and do it. You have to steel yourself and be completely unshakable. He will do everything he knows to get to you, and you have to let it go without reacting, arguing, or even engaging with him. Just tell him what you're going to do and do it. Of course, have a plan in place because once he knows it's for real, who knows what he'll do. Please be strong! Only YOU can give yourself permission to get out and start the life that you and your children deserve.
You just have to make up your mind and do it. You have to steel yourself and be completely unshakable. He will do everything he knows to get to you, and you have to let it go without reacting, arguing, or even engaging with him. Just tell him what you're going to do and do it. Of course, have a plan in place because once he knows it's for real, who knows what he'll do. Please be strong! Only YOU can give yourself permission to get out and start the life that you and your children deserve.