Anonymous

Everyone here has given you awesome advice. I just want to echo what some others have said. You really can't ask him for a separation. That gives him permission to say no and to continue hurting, blaming, and manipulating you. You don't need, and will never get, his permission to get out of the prison he has created just for you. You are a person and not a child or a possession of his, and as such you must decide for yourself what you need and then take steps to get it. He is not going to help you do this. You must believe that only you know what you need and then you have to take it. He has no say anymore because he has reneged on the promises he made to you when you married. He has abused the privilege of being your husband and he, of all people in the world, does not deserve to have an opinion on what you do about it.

You just have to make up your mind and do it. You have to steel yourself and be completely unshakable. He will do everything he knows to get to you, and you have to let it go without reacting, arguing, or even engaging with him. Just tell him what you're going to do and do it. Of course, have a plan in place because once he knows it's for real, who knows what he'll do. Please be strong! Only YOU can give yourself permission to get out and start the life that you and your children deserve.
 
"He said he would not be able to live w/o me and the children becuase we are his world."
-----

GET OUT NOW! Somewhere, anywhere. Across the country would be best.

With his history of anger and violence, saying "he can't help it" and and saying that he can't live without you, he is the type of man that kills his kids and wife, and maybe himself. I am not joking. You see it in the papers all the time, and nobody wants to beleive it could happen to them. It does. My hand to God, it does. It happened to a girl I worked with years ago. Her husband called her and said "guess what, I killed the baby so you couldn't take him away from me." My hand to God, it happened.

LEAVE!
 
You need to take responsibility for you and your children and get out to a shelter now!! He is twisting everything and confusing your already chaotic mind. He is playing you....don't give him the power, take the power, it's yours!!

It's as though we are watching a train approaching you and your children and are helpless to push you out of harms way and that you are frozen by indecision. Get off of this track, you and your babes are in harms way.

I'm praying so hard that you will seek safety. Pool your resources, you can get out!!

Take Care
Laurie
 
Oh, sweetie. You have gotten great advice here. Don't let him let you think this is *your* fault. He is the one with issues. He can NOT blame his childhood for his problems. He needs help!

GET OUT of there or make him leave. Please be careful, I will keep praying for you.
 
I can not say anything that has already been said we are a group of people that look out, advise, share, give opinions and help each other. You have to do the rest as we have all sid you are bright you know what is going on in your home we are not all there with you If he is that comitted to you and your children he will go to counseling lay down rules he is not to talk to you or the children like he does until he gets that under control make him leave. I am going to say this and I pray you hear me Do not let us read about you in the paper one day that he has gone off the deep end and hurt you and the kids and then himself you shared this with us we have taken you in and we are here with you until it is over I have offered a place to come and there have been a few others that have as well maybe a new state would do you good. A fresh perspective clear your mind. Is there anyone close by in our group that could come and pick you up and take you somewhere safe we would do that for you.

Lord please watch over this beautiful family and take them under your wing lead them in a safe path and give them peace.

beth6395

"You didn't pause your dvd and go make popcorn did ya"
-Cathe Friedrich

http://www.picturetrail.com/juicyfruities2002
 
Anoymous - your post sounds even worse than before and scares me a lot. I hope you don't let him overwhelm you. Please leave him as fast as you can.
 
Please get some help.

You are in my thoughts and I wish you all the best. If you want to see changes, you have to make it happen. I am worried about you.

Janie

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The idea is to die young as late as possible.
 
I pray that you gather enough strength, courage and wisdom to do what you know in your heart is right for you and your children.
 
Another post to let you know you are in my prayers. I pray that God gives you the strength and guidance to make the right decision for you and your family. I pray for your DH that his eyes are opened to the situation and that he finally truly sees what he is doing and how it affects you and the children, regardless of you deciding to stay or leave. I'm not in your shoes so I can't give advice as to which way to go. Whatever you decide, I think counseling would be good , even individually. I know you have said you do not have any close friends near you, but do you have any family that you can talk to or who can help? I know it is often embarrassing to let family know what things are really like, but sometimes the burden is too great for just one person to deal with especially if you are fearful for you or your children's safety. Contact a church to see what kind of programs they have. Contact a women's shelter for advice. You've come a long way in your personal journey and you can find the strength you need to sort this out too. Good Luck to you.
 
This is probably a very clumsy analogy but it seems like you and your kids are his "mice" and he is the "cat." He LOVES toying with you, having control over you, deciding your fate, whether you'll be happy or sad today. WHY would he ever voluntarily give up that kind of power?? It's a head rush for him! He doesn't love you for you, he "loves" you for being his plaything. That's not love, that's sadism. He does not see you as his equal so for you to ASK him to leave is laughable to him. It's emasculating so he's not going to consent, but the best part is, you don't NEED his consent! Does he ask you for your permission before he crushes your spirit with his insults and lies? So, why would you need him to agree to separate? It's your decision so you must not use his anger/denial/excuses/lies as a excuse for not walking away.

YES, you do too have places to go. Help is literally no more than a phone call away! You can pick up any phone book or google it and find a number for a shelter. Don't let pride or embarrassment stop you. You just don't see the very real danger you and your kids are in because you're too close to the situation. Talk to a professional at a shelter TODAY. He's had all day to think about what he's going to say and do when he gets home. You really don't know what could be coming. Like the others have said, get out while you can.

BTW, he probably reads the Cathe forums to check up on you so don't post your plans here.

Jonahnah
Chocolate IS the answer, regardless of the question.
 
Anonymous,

I agree with Lisa - get out now! When I read your post, I was SCARED for you and your children. Definitely no expert here, though.

Sherry
 
Well, hate to say it, figured it would happen this way too.

Of Course HE isn't going to leave! He's perfectly content!

If you are miserable enough, you will pick up the kids and dog and get to a shelter if you don't know anyone who can put you up.

If you could transfer some money great...if not, what the hell....now, assuming all you've told us is the truth - it doesn't make sense to stay - OJ comes to mind.....get to a shelter and get to a lawyer's office - you can file for emergency support. He can be compelled to leave the house - maybe.....

He CANNOT deny you a separation or divorce -- this is still America and you can get a divorce for any or no reason, thank God!

Again - he CANNOT deny you a separation - but YOU may be the one who has to leave.....and you need a lawyer.

If your clients are that affluent that they can afford personal training, ask their advice for the biggest shark lawyer they know.....

I don't care what he's been through - abuse of women,children and animals is beneath us as a species, get away from this Neandrathol NOW.

We're saying prayers, crossing fingers, nodding to Buddah, and hanging rabbits' feet to send you good karma...Hang in there and do it........
 
Hi there - I know you are having a really difficult time right
now. Now's the time you need something inspiring to read to keep you
strong. Try "The Power of Now" or "The New Earth". Both are by
Eckhart Tolle. Right now Oprah is doing a worldwide webcast with Tolle on
"The New Earth". Every Monday is a new webclass. But you can download
all the classes at iTunes or go to Oprah's website.

Edie
 
Hi

You are not overreacting by any standard or mean; you know that is not the only reason you are asking for separation.

You need to GTH away from this psychopath before you and your children get hurt.

How can he say he loves you and then tell you that you always have low self-esteem and you always will? That's not something a person who loves you say. That's a control/manipulative person telling you how he sees you.

Be strong. Get out and do what is right for you and your kids. Forget this guy.

Penny
 
I agree with everyone else and just want to add one thing - he said he deals with his anger the way he does because that's the kind of household he grew up in - he watched his parents do that. You're kids are watching you now. If you stay with him, you risk them growing up to be just like him. Please get out, for their sake and for yours. Be safe!
 
Anon,

People here have already gave you great advices. Here is just my 2 cents.
If one person really cares and loves about the other one, he should let her free, free of afraid, free of pain...He will never hold his love as prisoner. He would have big enough heart to let his love go. If he can do so, you will not have current problems.

If he wanted to change, he would never blame you. He would look into his heart first, and asked himself what exactly he did caused current situation.

You can't change someone unless he wants to change from his heart. Please do take your kids and get out of there. It might sound very daunting to re start everything again. But as long as you and kids are alive, there will always be tomorrow.

You and your kids are in my pray. You can pm me if you need any actual help.


WantFit

"Become the change you want to see in the world. Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever." - Mahatma Gandhi
 
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