Am I too sensitive?

D

divagirl

Cathlete
I am at the point of possibly breaking up my relationship and its tearing me apart. I really could use some advice.

Sometimes my SO can be sarcastic or insensitive. When I talk to him about these things he can usually admit hes wrong but sometimes just gets very defensive. Last week he came to visit me in my office at work (had stayed with me a few days) and just sat and complained about how cold my apartment was and how my bed was making his back hurt and maybe he should just go home to his warm apartment and comfortable bed. (Of course later he says that he's just kidding...this is just his sense of humor)I felt like saying then just go home but was trying to be understanding of his mood. Then when I said that he was being sarcastic and it was bothering me his response was "Well, that's just who I am so I don't know what you are doing with me then". (More sarcasm) That all put me in a bad mood for the rest of the day. We talked the next day and yes he apologized but I started having anxiety over the relationship.
I asked him yesterday if he would join me in a therapy session and hes unsure he wants to. Then he goes into the mode of "Even if I was perfect all the time you would still not be happy". Part of me wonders if its really me being too sensitive because I can't let these things go or if we are just not compatible. I'm confused.
 
I don't know if you're too sensitive, but you've posted an awful lot of threads questioning this relationship. Maybe it's just not right for you?
 
>I don't know if you're too sensitive, but you've posted an
>awful lot of threads questioning this relationship. Maybe
>it's just not right for you?
>


I think Shelley's on to something - could it be that you just need to find somebody who "meshes" more with your interests and ways of handling discussions? He does seem to raise a LOT of trouble spots. Good luck.

Lorrie
www.picturetrail.com/lsass
 
I agree, you do post quite a bit about having uneasy feelings about your relationship with this person.

I think you know the answer, you need to get out of this relationship.

Good luck,
Mary
 
>>I don't know if you're too sensitive, but you've posted an
>>awful lot of threads questioning this relationship. Maybe
>>it's just not right for you?
>>
>
>
>I think Shelley's on to something - could it be that you just
>need to find somebody who "meshes" more with your interests
>and ways of handling discussions? He does seem to raise a LOT
>of trouble spots. Good luck.
>
>Lorrie
>www.picturetrail.com/lsass

Interesting, I was thinking the same thing.........I don't recall a single positive post about this man, but I do recall lots of unhappy posts.

Divagirl, honestly, that doesn't sound like sarcasm, that sounds like a dude who was complaining & unhappy. And your posts don't seem very happy either. If you really, truthfully do a self examination here, like a list of pros & cons, what satisfaction are you getting from this relationship? You don't have to answer to us, but you do have to answer to yourself.
 
Yeah, the thing is that I don't seem to mesh well with any guys I've dated...not for marriage anyway. Sometimes it seems that so many are insensitive at times, sarcastic, etc.
 
>>Yeah, the thing is that I don't seem to mesh well with any guys I've dated...not for marriage anyway. Sometimes it seems that so many are insensitive at times, sarcastic, etc.

Well, you definitely shouldn't settle just because you feel you don't seem to mesh well with any guys you've dated. Maybe take some time out from dating and enjoy life as a single gal.
 
I agree with all of the above posts. It sounds like the two of you are not on the same page.

I truly believe that my DF would sleep on a bed of nails every night if it meant he could sleep next to me. I doubt he would even complain, but he would probably ask for a damn backrub, but that's another thread altogether...
 
>Yeah, the thing is that I don't seem to mesh well with any
>guys I've dated...not for marriage anyway. Sometimes it seems
>that so many are insensitive at times, sarcastic, etc.

Hey, some people just aren't cut out for marriage. I'm one of them--I tried & there is way too much compromising involved. I know enough about myself to know I'm not good at compromising.

I'd like a serious relationship w/someone but I don't want someone in my space 24/7. I've worked long & hard to build the life I want & it's kind of like a house of cards--the slightest breeze could topple it. And let's face it, men are more like tornadoes than breezes. :p

Anyway, like I always say, build your life around yourself, not a man. A man is a COMPONENT of your life. You can live without one, but they're nice to have.

Especially when you have to move furniture. :+
 
Hi Divagirl,

Like everyone else has suggested, it sounds like your SO is just not making you happy. It sounds like he's bringing more misery than joy into your life!

Sending you hugs!

Leanne
 
>I don't know if you're too sensitive, but you've posted an
>awful lot of threads questioning this relationship. Maybe
>it's just not right for you?

My thoughts exactly.
 
I didn't mesh with a line of guys I dated either...just the one I kept and married. Dating is a process of of so many things for so many. Like Laura said, marriage isn't for everyone. Don't make marraige a **goal** just because traditional society says that is what you are supposed to do. Maybe marriage is exactly what you want...but what kind of marriage? A stinky one because you settled, thinking you have to put up with crap because you don't mesh with anyone? It may take another 10, 20 or more years to find the right mesh. If you rush it and settle, then your only going to end up unhappy and likely divorced.

Quit wasting your time with someone you know you don't mesh with.
 
Hi Divagirl,

I know what you are going through. I went through a relationship where there were some very good things about the guy and some things that weren't quite right. I felt at times that I was being overly insecure and sensitive but the fact was I was miserable. I loved many things about him like that fact that he could make me laugh and had incredible blue eyes but I realized that those were little things. The things that bothered me were bigger more important things. He didn't like to share things with me, thought talking was BAD and could be very defensive and sarcastic. I realized HE was the insecure and sensitive one. It was hard to let him go but I'm much happier now.

Do what you feel is best for you. Realize that the only person that can bring you happiness is you. Hugs to you!!

Jane
 
>Yeah, the thing is that I don't seem to mesh well with any
>guys I've dated...not for marriage anyway. Sometimes it seems
>that so many are insensitive at times, sarcastic, etc.

I agree with all of the posts but your post stands true for you (judging by your past posts).

It could be the men that you are attracted to. Or, you may not be ready for marriage or to share your life with someone in a serious commitment. Take some time to be happy with yourself and get to know what you want out of life. When and if you meet the right person it should feel right. Remember, anytime you live with someone (family or friend) there will be some compromises because everyone is an individual.

My hubby isn't me and I wouldn't want him to be. He does some things that have driven me bonkers and other things that just light up my life :7. Our differences make us better people; hubby has enriched my life and I his. The hardships are endured more easily and the good times are more meaningful. I accept him for who he is because I know the bigger picture of what is important to me in life.

Let life unfold naturally,

jordan
 
I really, really think you need to look a little deeper within yourself before embarking on the journey of finding that special someone. It seems to me that you have a lot of relationship issues that could use some introspection of an objective professional. I really don't know what else to say to you at this point unless you are ready to seek this help. Good luck.


Debbie

I don't want to take a pill. Go to Africa, go follow some bushman around. He's being chased by a lion. That's stress. You're not going to find a pygmy on Paxil, I'll tell you that right now.
-Ellen Degeneres
 
Ditto for what Debbie has said.

You know that old phrase, there's an idiot in every room, and if you can't find that person, you're probably it.

I'm CERTAINLY NOT calling you an idiot, just making a point like Debbie, that before you keep looking elsewhere for relationships that continue to be imperfect and make you unhappy, perhaps you should take some time to sort out what you want.

Evaluate yourself, and what you need from a person to make you feel happy and secure. No relationship will ever be 100% smiley all the time. But there should definitely be a lot more ups than downs. And you should like the person you are when you're with him/her.

Good luck hon!
 
Thank you so much ladies. I am working on myself. I do feel like I am banging my head up against a wall with this one but there are many many wonderful things with this guy but some things that just are not sitting well with me and making me happy. Its just sooo hard to come to that conclusion and it seems he doesn't want to let go and thats making it even harder for me right now.
 
Divagirl,

Without knowing either of you, there's some limitation in the ability to weigh in on this, but taking his words at face value, I don't really think his grumbling about the temperature or the bed is something to take to heart. I might have laughed it off and said, "OK then, go back to your nice, warm, comfortable bed--alone." }(

[font face="heather" font color=black size=+2]~Cathy[/font]
[font face="comic sans ms"]http://s228.photobucket.com/albums/ee296/runninteach/th_sunshine.gif
 
Even if he IS just a sarcastic guy, and even if you ARE just a very sensitive person, it doesn't mean you're wrong. You want to be with someone that edifies you and lifts you up...not someone with which you have to scrutinize every facet of every statement with. How much fun is THAT?

I wouldn't want to be with someone that was making me stressed out over every day life. Nor would I be with someone that I constantly felt was being mean, but then saying he is just joking. I would never be able to relax.

I hope you can make the right decision for your future happiness because lets face it - things have a way of going down hill in areas like this when you are married. Don't know how to explain it, but it definitely happens.

I would not want you to take that step and be even more sad. You deserve to be with someone that compliments your personality and that truly loves you.

:)
 
You are not too sensitive.

He's a jerk.

Dump him.

Life is too short for this drama. There are plenty of nice guys out there, but usually women are too busy trying to fix the bad ones that they don't notice the gems.

But don't get into another relationship until you've figured out why you've stayed in this one so long, because it's not a good one. Be without a guy for 2 years. You need that time to spend on yourself, and grow up some. A more mature, confident woman wouldn't have put up with this stuff, and certainly wouldn't be questioning herself. She'd have known what was what.

This is all from the heart, seriously. You deserve better. :)
 
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