Am I the only one to think this is rude...

gettingfitmom

Cathlete
My mother had a mini stroke last week. She is doing well. She had the symptoms but all tests came back clear. Anyway, my MIL lives about 600 yards from me. She just yesterday texted me to see how my mom is doing, a week later, no phone call...is this rude or just me thinking it is?
 
hugs, I'm so sorry about your mom, I hope that she is ok.

She probably wasn't sure if calling would disturb you or if it might take away from your time. Many people aren't comfortable with illness and don't have the emotional resources to deal with it. Frankly, they just don't know what to do.

Now, before you say, 'I would think that she should . . ' remember that you and your MIL are two separate people, you have different personalities, different life experiences, and different learning styles. What this means is that just because you wanted one style of communication, does not mean (not necessarily) that she intended an insult.

If you want to find a way to be mad or offended about it, you can do that. But, here is the thing: why bother? Would being mad about it help you? Would it make things better for you? Or does it just mask your own sadness and worry about your mother, and only provides an outlet for all of your feelings of helplessness? I know this sounds harsh on my part, but I have done a tremendous amount of hospice work in my life, and I see this behavior manifest itself all the time.

My experience has taught me that trying to displace our own grieving feelings (because a stroke is very scary no matter the outcome.) by delving into anger doesn't make the sad feelings less, it just postpones the acceptance of the fact that it is scary and sad when our parents are ill.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, yeah, maybe she could have communicated better, but it won't help you to spin your wheels about her social ineptitude.

Hugs!!
 
I sometimes text as soon as a thought comes to mind especially if I can't call. If I wait until I can call I usually forget!
 
Hope your mom is doing O.K. after her mini stroke. They are scary. My mom has had several strokes and is paralyzed.
Your MIL might be feeling a bit of her own vulnerability right now too. Someone who is in her age bracket has suffered a stroke. It might be hitting too close to home.
Please give her the benefit of the doubt.

I hope you take care of your mom and yourself.
 
My mother had a mini stroke last week. She is doing well. She had the symptoms but all tests came back clear. Anyway, my MIL lives about 600 yards from me. She just yesterday texted me to see how my mom is doing, a week later, no phone call...is this rude or just me thinking it is?


I think its *odd* but you don't know the reasoning behind it. Its one of those things that may be better to let go like RapidBreath eloquently described. I usually fit it into my self-question of "is this the hill I want to die on" before I act on something. I'm really sorry and I hope your mom is doing better. It helps to talk about stuff like this.
 
Wow all responses are good! I agree with all of them! I think it is great to take a step back and think about the real issues. I don't know her but some people are not phone people. My mom was dying and my mil did not call me at all she called my husband and relay messages to me. I know she cares for me and she is or was praying for us and wishing the best for us but I am not a phone person. We talk a lot face to face when we do see each other. But I respect her she respects me. I don't need her to call but if she did nice if not I don't read much into it. I assume she is or may be having health issues or emotional issues. You never know about people. I would jot spend time thinking of that or let it bother you. I'm sure it's nothing rude in her intentions. I'd say she may be giving you space to process or time to let you do what you have to do. Hope you feel better about it all. Also I'll be praying for your mom..
 

Our Newsletter

Get awesome content delivered straight to your inbox.

Top