Advice on Anorexia?

N

Nic14

Member
To Cathe or anyone here -

I'm coming to you guys, because I've been part of this site for eons. I started with Cathe's tapes about 6 years ago, and have been a fitness nut ever since .. so much so that it's taken me over, and now I need advice.

I've come to terms with the fact that I'm suffering from anorexia. I have all of the classic symptoms. I'm 5'6", weigh 105 lbs, and have diminished my body fat to a measly 12%. I stopped having periods about a year ago. My days are spent pre-occupied with how many calories I've consumed (I average about 800 per day), and I workout 6-7 days per week, for fear of gaining weight!! It's ridiculous when I actually think about it, but I'm terrified to gain the weight that I know I need to gain.

What I'm looking for is advice on how to overcome this. How to feel okay about regaining some weight, to feel okay about not working out on a daily basis. It's a hard place to be in, because I know I need to recover, but I've honestly come to love my workouts because of the energy it gives me, and because it's healthy. Do I stop working out? .. Or do I scale back to a more reasonable level?? I'm so lost, so afraid, and so angry at myself for allowing it to get to this point. I've always prided myself on my knowledge of healthy living and fitness, yet I've defied everything that I know to be healthy, and have a reached a point where my habits and weight are terribly unhealthy. I don't know where to start in overcoming this, and am coming to all of you, for any advice that you can give me. I'm willing to listen to any thoughts, stories, etc. that anyone might have. I just want to go back to leading a normal life, absent of obsessing about food and exercise.

I appreciate any feedback!!

Thanks!
Nic14
 
Please email me at [email protected]
I suffered from the same thing and am still struggling tho I have come a long way. At age 19, I was 5'5" and 88 lbs. I am now almost 22 (next week!) and have worked with a nutritionist. My weight is now at about 105. It is so hard, being obsessed and comsumed by thoughts about food and diet nearly 24 hours a day. I can really relate and would like to talk about it! I have so much I need to share but never know just who to talk to. Hope you respond...

Healthy regards,
Sara Herzig
 
Hi Nik14

Your post jolted me. Your are heading down a very unhealthy spiral...BUT You are aware of it!!!! Major step forward!!! Congratulations!!! What I am going to say is all my opinion. I am not a professional medical person, but I am a woman who has lived thru 2 bouts a aneroxia.
First, can you begane to eat fruits, vegetables and salads? They have life giving vitamins and minerals.
Second, for me this was a way of not dealing with my emotions. Things in life and my situation were so out of control I just wanted to disappear. What I ate, where I ate and how much I ate was one thing I felt at the time I could control. This is what I told myself..BUT...the truth is I can take control of my situation. I am ultimately in charge of my future. The past is not changeable but what I do from this point on can be alterd and I have found great peace at were I am in life. I was not but am now very content with who I am and were I am at in life. I am enjoying the ride! When I started to identify what emotions I was feeling...IE...I am angry and realized it was OK to be angry or I feel frustrated and it was OK to feel frustrated. Maybe I was feeling unloved or unaccepted. Once I figured the feeling out I could accept it and face it. Then I started to look at food as my friend. I hope this makes sense.
This has NOT been an easy process beacause it forces one to be very honest with your emotions. If your not accustomed to that it is painfully..but doable!
You REALLY must find a licensed counselor who is trained in aneroxia. It may takes interviewing a couple of them but well worth it. A counselor is someone who can look objectively with you at unraveling the root cause.
Once again I am not a professional and I realy hope I have not said or implied anything offensive. I wish you well. You really are on the road out! Congratulations!!!

Much Love!
Laura
 
[font size="1" color="#FF0000"]LAST EDITED ON Jan-31-02 AT 05:32PM (Est)[/font][p]I know exactly how you feel. I can totally identify with obsessing about calories and workouts - that became the main priority in my life when I was anorexic. Nothing else was as important as my workouts and planning and reviewing the calories I was going to consume or already consumed. If anything was going to interfere with my workout or food plan, I would become extremely distressed.
You say you love your workouts, but you also say you workout for fear of gaining weight. I think it's important to be able to shift your thinking about exercise from weight control to doing something good for your body that keeps you healthy and fit.
I strongly suggest that you see your family doctor. They may want to do a bone scan on you since you have stopped having periods. Your doctor may also suggest that you take meds to help deal with the eating disorder. Also, I think you need to get support from a therapist - preferably someone who deals with eating disorders. I went to a therapist who specialized in addictions and he was excellent - I was definitely addicted to exercise and food. Eating disorders are never about food - usually you develop eating disorders to cover up whatever is really bothering you and it can be difficult to figure out what that is. It's easier to focus on food and exercise than it is to deal with deeper issues.
Hope this helps.
Best wishes!!
Erica
 
nic14

I have never suffered from anorexia per se. But I have struggled with wanting to maintain my weight. I often worry I will regain weight or not lose weight after having a baby.

I am 46 years old and have had ten children. I am 5' 5" and I weigh 115 pounds. I work out 7 days a week. That is my downfall. What I do to try to maintain a healthy attitude toward food is to eat lots of fruits and vegetables and I make sure I get in at least 5 - 6 ounces of protein a day. If my weight falls below 115, I do up my eating, which at times can be hard on me mentally. I do fear getting fat. Even though I know from my past experiences, I can maintain well.

When I am pregnant, I gain 40 pounds - which I consider healthy - and I do not fear I won't take it off. I know I need to be healthy to have a healthy pregnancy. My weight has never been so low as to miss my periods.

It can be so hard psychologically, when we become so obsessed with food. I tell myself all the time that food is not my enemy. There was a time in my life that I viewed food as an enemy. That was so unhealthy! I do admit that I do not eat junk food (donuts, potato chips, etc.) I do consider them my enemy.

You should seek the advice of your physician. When I had my last physical (in October) he told me that I wasn't too thin. He said for my height I could weigh anywhere from 113 to 137 to be in the healthy range.

My prayers are with you. For we as women seem to be pushed into this body image problem. It really stinks.

And I do admit, being thinner and also being able to say that I have had ten children, makes me feel good. I do get alot of compliments!

Don't feel alone!

cmoroney
 
You've all given me some much needed encouragement. I think part of the downfall thus far, has been having no one that I could talk to about this, that could truly understand what I'm going through. I'm so exhausted with the constant worries about weight gain, calories, exercise, etc. I've come to the realization that I'm not living .. but just existing, and that's a pretty lousy way to live the life that I've been blessed with!! Every day is the same, because I've built it to be so structured. Each morning when I wake up, I weigh myself, and my day, attitude, eating habits and exercise schedule is determined by the number that pops up on that scale!

So, I've come to the conclusion that it's time for me to take an active role in my recovery, I just don't have the foggiest idea where to begin. I've started looking for a therapist, which I think would be a great asset, does anyone have any reading recommendations that would supplement therapy??

Thanks again to all of you for your wonderful words of encouragement, and for sharing your stories with me!!
 
I have to second everything Erica said. I was anorexic when I was 12-13 years old, and they didn't even have a name for it then (1963-64). I was lucky that all it took to snap me out of it was a trip to my family doctor who told me to eat more, and I just did it!

We can support you, but you really do need to talk to a professional. It's wonderful to see that scale go down, but not so wonderful to lose sight of what you really look like. The world see you as too thin, but you always think you're fat.

Good luck, and keep us posted!
 
Nic,

I too went through the same thing when I was 19 until about 21 or 22. I am now 26 and, after a few years of therapy, I have recovered. I know exactly how you feel with structuring your day so rigidly so that nothing can interfere with your workouts or eating habits. It really helps to talk to someone who can support you. I think you are doing the right thing in seeking out the hlep of a therapist. There is more to this than the obvious fear of gaining weight. I would really love to talk to you about this further, please email me at [email protected].

Hang in there!
 
Hi Nic14! I too suffered from anorexia but I was a teenager at the time. It started for me looking at all the beautiful models in magazines and wanted to be just like them. Well I can tell you that I lived by the weight on the scale. I weighed myself every chance I got throughout the day. I'm only 5'2" but at that time weighed a mere 79 lbs! It took my father crying his eyes out and telling me that I was killing myself to finally stop this madness. I started eating a little more at a time but I didn't exercise at that time in my life. Would you believe it took me 10 years to put weight on. Today at 48 I'm so healthy the doctors can't believe it. Even though I'm a size 2 now I have a lot of lean muscle mass and eat very healthy all day. I'm glad that you realize that your anorexic but you must scale back on your exercising. I would only workout 4-5 days a week and stick to a moderate exercise plan. Read the book "Eat Smart Play Hard" by Liz Applegate or also "Eat to Trim" by Joyce Vedral as nutritional books will start you off on the right track to eating properly and often. You MUST THROW THE SCALE AWAY! This is very detrimental to anorexics having a scale in the house. YOU MUST START TO GAIN WEIGHT! Also family members must be keep encouraging you to eat. Please don't worry about gaining weight. Your on the road to recovery and much better health. Keep telling yourself that. Please keep in touch with all of us and I'll be praying for you all the time. My very best, Kathy
 
Hi Nic!!

May I suggest books by Ganeen(sp?) Roth. She's very good. Most all her books would be great. Also, another good one, which I haven't read yet, but all her other books are good, is Strong Women Eat Well, by Miriam Nelson.

I'm glad you realize your need for help. And I'm glad there are so many wonderful women here that have told you of their struggle with Anorexia. I will keep you in prayer that you will have a full recovery.

Hollie
 
Nic-I felt like I just read something I wrote myself. I cannot for the life of me understand why I must constantly count every calorie and worry endlessly about whether or not I have worked out hard enough. I had bouts with this when I was younger and a gymnast, but now that I am 30, you would think I would have grown out of it. Part of my problem is that I'm naturally inclined to be muscular, yet I manage to stay on the thin side so I look okay in regular clothes. I also feel proud of all my efforts when people call me "small" or "petite." What they don't realize is that I can't enjoy a nice treat without worrying about what it will do to my weight. I have been checking into counseling, and I surely hope you do the same. Good luck and my prayers are with you.
 
My prayers are with you as well that you'll catch this now before it escalates to something much worse!! I can already say that hearing so many stories and connecting with everyone in this site has given me hope that I didn't have before! I feel some strange distant connection here .. and I'm more determined than ever to stop this obsession dead in it's tracks. It's the hardest thing I've ever come to terms with, and while taking a serious and active role in my recovery is a scary thought, I'm tired of my life revolving around my body, what I put into it, or how hard I've worked it. Life could be so much better for everyone, if we could just not lose focus on actually LIVING while still staying healthy and active!! Best of luck in finding a good therapist! I too am on the prowl for one, and know that yet one more connection will be another step in the right direction!

HUGS!!
Nic14
 
Dear Nic14

Please do not beat yourself about being stupid etc. I am 30 years old and was unsure whether I was eating too little or exercising too much! In fact 2 days ago, it was on this very website that I discovered I might be heading towards anorexia. There is so much information out, so much conflicting advice on what you should do to lose weight or get fit, (not to mention those clothes that only people who are size 6 will look good in) that it becomes easy to drive yourself too hard. Also remember the old saying - too much of a anything (even a good thing) can be bad for you - well I guess it applies to exercise.

Although I have been eating 800 calories for only a month or so, I have become a bit addicted to exercise. I also know what it is like to have panic attacks at the very thought of having to eat more or exercise less. Here's what I did in the past 48 hours without freaking out and I promise I already feel a lot happier.

I forced myself to eat things I felt comfortable with. This included warm/ hot soups and a fruit smoothie. So much easier to down without panic and so comforting! I also ate a slice of low fat cheese with my fruit. After simply 2 days of eating more, I feel stronger not to mention more clear headed.

I forced myself not to exercise yesterday and took my cousin's dog out for a romp instead. I also did Christi Taylor's Still Steppin today as I knew complex choreography would force me to work out at a very moderate pace. I felt a little bit disappointed but I'm still standing.

I stood in front of the mirror (realised I have not done that for a while) and told myself that I was rather nice looking.

I know all this may sound silly and I may be oversimplifying your problems. But we are all beautiful and we deserve to look after ourselves. You sound like an intelligent and self-aware person Nic14 and I am sure you will get through this. Loads of hugs to you.
 
Nic, you are very brave to post your plea! That's the first step in getting over your anorexia. Please seek professional help! You can kick this! In 1993 I weighed 100 pounds. I am 5'7". My life was out of control and the only thing I seemed to have any control over was my weight. I now weigh 125 and I am focused on a healthy lifestyle, raising 3 kids and trying to be a balanced, compassionate person. Please find a doctor to talk to. God bless you. You can overcome this!

Bobbi
 
DO NOT...

and, I mean it, do NOT weigh yourself every morning!! That is counter-productive. Weight has to do with sodium intake, hormones, digestive tract, muscle vs. fat; hydration. It is a relative, not absolute number. get off of it. Take care of yourself. Murph
 
PrFitness -

Sounds like you're headed down an unhealthy avenue as well. It's scary how easy it is, to take healthy concepts like good nutrition and exercise and use our knowledge of them as a weapon against our own bodies, the ones we're trying to keep healthy!

I finally forced myself to take three days (consecutive) off of working out. I came back from a business trip on January 11th, and had worked out every single day since then, up until this previous Wednesday! I woke up Wednesday morning, and my heart started racing (pulse jumped to 120 bpm just standing in the bathroom!!), and I felt like I was going to pass out. That scared me!! .. And I knew it was my body trying to tell me it needed rest!! I did workout this morning, to a workout that I knew would require form and a slower pace, and for the first time, I was thinking about how healthful it was for my heart and lungs, rather than worrying about how many calories I was burning in the process. I hope that you too, will start making some changes in the way you view your relationship with food and exercise. I still have so far to go, and I can only hope and pray that you'll be able to shift your direction as well, before it becomes detrimental to you.

Hugs!!
Nic14
 
Dear Nic

Glad that you too have realised how easy it is to go off the rails. I too knew that something was seriously wrong with me when I was travelling on business. I was hit with such a sense of panic and fatigue that I thought people sitting around me at a meeting were beginning to fade away.

A friend of mine has suggested doing a bit of yoga. She says it really works the mind/ body connection and helps you establish a little more balance b'ween the two. I will let you know if it works with me. Another suggestion I do have which may work in the long run rather than just now, is to take up some volunteer work. I have not done this up for a long time now but am seriously considering helping out at the local animal shelter again. It is rewarding and very healing.

I managed to eat a little bit of junk food today. I have to say I felt a lot less guilty than I thought I would. I guess I am still not sure how serious my problem is but I definitely know that I am going to have to work at regaining some perspective.

Hang in there Nic, nothing is impossible. Even tiny steps help. And please do try and eat a little more everyday. Trust me - just a little more food will make things look more achievable. It will give you the strength to get small things done - like speak to a counselor, identify a form of therapy that you feel comfortable with etc. Take care.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Our Newsletter

Get awesome content delivered straight to your inbox.

Top