I am also the child of an alcoholic and read all of these posts in tears. You have all been so brave sharing your story and insight. I just want to say that it's helped me a great deal. I've been contemplating therapy for years and have never had the guts. I have so much buried inside.
I have so much to be thankful for in my life...a wonderful husband, two beautiful children, a great career and no debt to speak of...and yet I can't find peace. I am anxious, lonely and often times overwhelmingly sad. You would never know these things about me because I have overcompensated to the point that I feel like a fake. In fact, people that know me would be shocked to find out that I experience any of these feelings because I always appear perky and happy.
Perfectionism, obsessive compulsive behavior and feelings of inadequacy have ruled all the decisions in my life. Though I rarely drink, when I do...I can't seem to stop. I binge drink and have had more than my share of total blackouts. In fact, I was falling down, slurring drunk at my son's second birthday party. God it hurts to read those words, but at the same time it feels like a relief to finally admit it.
My family, specifically my mother and sister, have never, ever, ever discussed the fact that my father is an alcoholic. Growing up, I watched him come home every evening drunk. Sometimes he came home in the middle of the day to pass out when he was supposed to be at work. He would be combative, confrontational and downright mean. He and my mother argued a lot, but more often than that...nothing was said at all and we existed in total silence. We rarely said anything for fear that it would set him off and I spent a lot of time in my room alone.
These days I don't have to deal with my dad much as he never visits (I live 4 miles away), calls or spends time with his grandkids. When we do visit, he ends up getting drunk and insulting us. On a recent visit, I witnessed him literally guzzling vodka directly from the bottle when he thought no one was watching.
My husband's father recently passed away unexpectedly and I asked my mother to watch my two boys so we could attend services. When I dropped them off, my father was drunk and called my son a "burden" and a "wimp" for crying out for me as I was leaving.
Only now that I am a mother do I realize that my parents NEVER played with us as children, read to us or came to our school activities. We were basically ignored. Every family memory I possess is tainted by my father's drunkenness.
I don't know what I hoped to accomplish here, but just reading these posts and sharing my story has made me realize that I need to talk to someone. I want so much to be happy.
I have so much to be thankful for in my life...a wonderful husband, two beautiful children, a great career and no debt to speak of...and yet I can't find peace. I am anxious, lonely and often times overwhelmingly sad. You would never know these things about me because I have overcompensated to the point that I feel like a fake. In fact, people that know me would be shocked to find out that I experience any of these feelings because I always appear perky and happy.
Perfectionism, obsessive compulsive behavior and feelings of inadequacy have ruled all the decisions in my life. Though I rarely drink, when I do...I can't seem to stop. I binge drink and have had more than my share of total blackouts. In fact, I was falling down, slurring drunk at my son's second birthday party. God it hurts to read those words, but at the same time it feels like a relief to finally admit it.
My family, specifically my mother and sister, have never, ever, ever discussed the fact that my father is an alcoholic. Growing up, I watched him come home every evening drunk. Sometimes he came home in the middle of the day to pass out when he was supposed to be at work. He would be combative, confrontational and downright mean. He and my mother argued a lot, but more often than that...nothing was said at all and we existed in total silence. We rarely said anything for fear that it would set him off and I spent a lot of time in my room alone.
These days I don't have to deal with my dad much as he never visits (I live 4 miles away), calls or spends time with his grandkids. When we do visit, he ends up getting drunk and insulting us. On a recent visit, I witnessed him literally guzzling vodka directly from the bottle when he thought no one was watching.
My husband's father recently passed away unexpectedly and I asked my mother to watch my two boys so we could attend services. When I dropped them off, my father was drunk and called my son a "burden" and a "wimp" for crying out for me as I was leaving.
Only now that I am a mother do I realize that my parents NEVER played with us as children, read to us or came to our school activities. We were basically ignored. Every family memory I possess is tainted by my father's drunkenness.
I don't know what I hoped to accomplish here, but just reading these posts and sharing my story has made me realize that I need to talk to someone. I want so much to be happy.
It is so great to know that I am not the only one out there with these problems! Thank you all!!