Adult Children of Alchoholics...
- Thread starter naughtoj
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naughtoj
Cathlete
Hi all,
Well, I would love to tell you I came out of it a transformed woman, but no such luck.
I don't know. The therapist seemed kindof cold to me....pretending to care somewhat, but watching the clock...interupted me to say "well, we could talk about this forever but unfortunately we are out of time" in this creepy soothing voice. I know that is there job and certainly my situation is not anything special, but it just irked me. Especially for an initial visit. I had to fill out paperwork that cut in to my one hour. Sorry, but at $120.00 an hour.....out of MY pocket....thanks but no thanks.
I was telling one of my friends at work about it after I came back and told her I should be a psychologist because I am intuitive enough in my own situation that I knew almost everything she told me or tried to "make me aware of". I told her, jokingly, that "it was kinda like the casino...drive by, throw your money out the window, and leave". She laughed and told me that "I am always like that", that "I should give it a chance, this was only the first visit", blah, blah. Well, I told her it wasn't only that. When I get thinking about the cost it is just not going to be feasible until I get on my hubby's inurance. If I had fallen in love with her and she really had impressed me, I MAY be able to absorb the cost if I felt it was really going to help me. But, she did not and frankly, for the time being I think I would be just as well off checking some books out of the library on "Toxic Poeple" or something ACOA. Problem is, no time to read them.
I was irked to because I started talking about what I referred to as "my problems" and she got this smirky look on her face like, "what problems DO you have?", as if to say even though my problems seemed huge to me they were chump change in reality or to her or something. Maybe so. Maybe my defenses just kicked in, but to me, wrong thing to say first visit. I broke down for a few minutes crying and she sat expressionless. Yeah, I know she see's it everyday. It really does make you wonder though what exactly is going through her mind...is she thinking I am a big crybaby over nothing?? That is kinda what I got. Yeah, and that crying burst cost me $5.00!! And no words were being said! (I am so cheap!)
When I left, she kept blabbering about what insurance I had and what they covered (that seemed the most important thing to her). I had to finally ask her point blank if she thought I was a good candidate for talk therapy. I know, studid question, but I wanted to know what her impression of me was. She never asked me a thing about depression, family history (mental)...you know the general "are you OK right now or should we admit you to the psych hospital quiz". I thought there would be more pre-lim investigation. She didn't even ask if I had suicidal thoughts. Maybe she could tell I hadn't? Dunno.
So..........I told my friend that it wasn't just about "me thinking I know more than psychologists", certainly not. But, I did not particularly care for this lady. If talk therapy was free for me....as it will be when I get added to my husbands insurance next June, I would do it in an instant. But until then, even once a month would be hard to fit into the budget. And her sessions did not get cheaper!!
I guess I am a funny case. I know what is wrong with me. I know the things I do that are psycho. I can recognize the behavior. I just want to know more effective ways of dealing with those psycho situations in a more normal manner. Maybe that is a book! Any recommendations?
So, that is my story and I am sticking to it!!
Janice
Well, I would love to tell you I came out of it a transformed woman, but no such luck.
I don't know. The therapist seemed kindof cold to me....pretending to care somewhat, but watching the clock...interupted me to say "well, we could talk about this forever but unfortunately we are out of time" in this creepy soothing voice. I know that is there job and certainly my situation is not anything special, but it just irked me. Especially for an initial visit. I had to fill out paperwork that cut in to my one hour. Sorry, but at $120.00 an hour.....out of MY pocket....thanks but no thanks.
I was telling one of my friends at work about it after I came back and told her I should be a psychologist because I am intuitive enough in my own situation that I knew almost everything she told me or tried to "make me aware of". I told her, jokingly, that "it was kinda like the casino...drive by, throw your money out the window, and leave". She laughed and told me that "I am always like that", that "I should give it a chance, this was only the first visit", blah, blah. Well, I told her it wasn't only that. When I get thinking about the cost it is just not going to be feasible until I get on my hubby's inurance. If I had fallen in love with her and she really had impressed me, I MAY be able to absorb the cost if I felt it was really going to help me. But, she did not and frankly, for the time being I think I would be just as well off checking some books out of the library on "Toxic Poeple" or something ACOA. Problem is, no time to read them.
I was irked to because I started talking about what I referred to as "my problems" and she got this smirky look on her face like, "what problems DO you have?", as if to say even though my problems seemed huge to me they were chump change in reality or to her or something. Maybe so. Maybe my defenses just kicked in, but to me, wrong thing to say first visit. I broke down for a few minutes crying and she sat expressionless. Yeah, I know she see's it everyday. It really does make you wonder though what exactly is going through her mind...is she thinking I am a big crybaby over nothing?? That is kinda what I got. Yeah, and that crying burst cost me $5.00!! And no words were being said! (I am so cheap!)
When I left, she kept blabbering about what insurance I had and what they covered (that seemed the most important thing to her). I had to finally ask her point blank if she thought I was a good candidate for talk therapy. I know, studid question, but I wanted to know what her impression of me was. She never asked me a thing about depression, family history (mental)...you know the general "are you OK right now or should we admit you to the psych hospital quiz". I thought there would be more pre-lim investigation. She didn't even ask if I had suicidal thoughts. Maybe she could tell I hadn't? Dunno.
So..........I told my friend that it wasn't just about "me thinking I know more than psychologists", certainly not. But, I did not particularly care for this lady. If talk therapy was free for me....as it will be when I get added to my husbands insurance next June, I would do it in an instant. But until then, even once a month would be hard to fit into the budget. And her sessions did not get cheaper!!
I guess I am a funny case. I know what is wrong with me. I know the things I do that are psycho. I can recognize the behavior. I just want to know more effective ways of dealing with those psycho situations in a more normal manner. Maybe that is a book!
Any recommendations?So, that is my story and I am sticking to it!!
Janice
nancy324
Cathlete
Janice,
All of your impressions and thoughts about this woman seem right on to me. I've had the same experience many times. In my opinion, some therapists are intimidated by patients who have a lot of insight and are very intelligent. Keep looking. It's hard to find someone who is really good and who is right for you. There are a lot of not-so-great therapists out there (and I've had most of them!). Look for someone who appreciates that you can cry in therapy, which means that you have access to your feelings. I think this woman should have appreciated your ability to get in touch with your feelings and that you knew so much about yourself. You are not a "funny case". Hold out for someone who shows more interest in you because you are worth it!
-Nancy
All of your impressions and thoughts about this woman seem right on to me. I've had the same experience many times. In my opinion, some therapists are intimidated by patients who have a lot of insight and are very intelligent. Keep looking. It's hard to find someone who is really good and who is right for you. There are a lot of not-so-great therapists out there (and I've had most of them!). Look for someone who appreciates that you can cry in therapy, which means that you have access to your feelings. I think this woman should have appreciated your ability to get in touch with your feelings and that you knew so much about yourself. You are not a "funny case". Hold out for someone who shows more interest in you because you are worth it!
-Nancy
Janice,
Sorry you didn't connect with the therapist.
When you did break down and cry, what did you expect the therapist to do? I'm just curious. You said she was sitting there looking at your expressionless. She was observing you, I'm sure. You certainly aren't going to get a hug cause if she's a good therapist, it's a professional no/no. But, she could at least handed you a box of tissues.
Also, you make the comment about not any time for reading. It seems as though you are making the conscious choice to put your emotional needs behind other priorities...and that's okay. Just an observation.
Quite frankly, I consider myself frugal it would be painful for me to write $120 check for each session. I know therapy would sit better with me if insurance paid for it. I'm with Nancy, hold out if you can. In the mean time, make the time to go to the library and see what you can find for reading material on the subject.
Sorry you didn't connect with the therapist.
When you did break down and cry, what did you expect the therapist to do? I'm just curious. You said she was sitting there looking at your expressionless. She was observing you, I'm sure. You certainly aren't going to get a hug cause if she's a good therapist, it's a professional no/no. But, she could at least handed you a box of tissues.
Also, you make the comment about not any time for reading. It seems as though you are making the conscious choice to put your emotional needs behind other priorities...and that's okay. Just an observation.
Quite frankly, I consider myself frugal it would be painful for me to write $120 check for each session. I know therapy would sit better with me if insurance paid for it. I'm with Nancy, hold out if you can. In the mean time, make the time to go to the library and see what you can find for reading material on the subject.
Sorry it didnt work..your just gonna look for someone that "fits" you. I guess when looking for counseling its not one size fits all. You have a unique and strong personaility and a lot of people have a hard time relating to that (trust me I know) keep shopping..I would not go back to that one though. Hopefully Candi will show up here and offer some more insight, she is knowledgable on this subject. Hang in there..
naughtoj
Cathlete
Thanks guys!
Candi... I really don't know what I thought the psychologist should have done. I guess she just seemed preoccupied....with thoughts of what to make for dinner maybe?LOL! Again, this is super critical me talking so maybe I did not give her much of a chance. Unfortunately for her, she rubbed me the wrong way and at $120.00 a pop, that was a big mistake. Again, that could be entirely unfair, but like anything, I am sure you have to shop around.
The comment I made regarding the reading material is simply because I am trying to go to school and work full time right now. I should be reading books on the anatomy of the human body and not on what is wrong with my mind. However, I do not underestimate the importance. I try to balance it all. If I had my way I would be reading something every second of every day. But...still got to workout, work, blah, blah. I will check a few books out of the library, including the ones recommened here. Maybe one on depression as well. I have some chronic back ache issues that have no physiological cause but seem to get worse with inactivity and sitting. So...if I can read while running fast on the treadmill I am all set.LOL! Lord knows I don't want my back to hurt more than it already does.
Tell me...what is yours...or anyone else here...opinion on going to see a psychiatrist? If I am screened for depression do you think the psychiatrist would be honest with me if I did not have it and send me packing or do you think he would prescribe just to prescribe? I wonder if I don't need medicine. The reason is because I am so erratic in my moods. One day I feel okay, like I am not so bad and on the next my life is over, I am a total freak..blah, blah. I do score for depression on those depression self tests on the internet. Would the psychiatrist honestly screen me? In addition, my father is bipolar/manic depressive, his grandmother was schizophrenic, my mom has had major episodes of depression where she had to be hospitalized. This is why I am asking. Any advice would be great!
Candi... I really don't know what I thought the psychologist should have done. I guess she just seemed preoccupied....with thoughts of what to make for dinner maybe?LOL! Again, this is super critical me talking so maybe I did not give her much of a chance. Unfortunately for her, she rubbed me the wrong way and at $120.00 a pop, that was a big mistake. Again, that could be entirely unfair, but like anything, I am sure you have to shop around.
The comment I made regarding the reading material is simply because I am trying to go to school and work full time right now. I should be reading books on the anatomy of the human body and not on what is wrong with my mind. However, I do not underestimate the importance. I try to balance it all. If I had my way I would be reading something every second of every day. But...still got to workout, work, blah, blah. I will check a few books out of the library, including the ones recommened here. Maybe one on depression as well. I have some chronic back ache issues that have no physiological cause but seem to get worse with inactivity and sitting. So...if I can read while running fast on the treadmill I am all set.LOL! Lord knows I don't want my back to hurt more than it already does.
Tell me...what is yours...or anyone else here...opinion on going to see a psychiatrist? If I am screened for depression do you think the psychiatrist would be honest with me if I did not have it and send me packing or do you think he would prescribe just to prescribe? I wonder if I don't need medicine. The reason is because I am so erratic in my moods. One day I feel okay, like I am not so bad and on the next my life is over, I am a total freak..blah, blah. I do score for depression on those depression self tests on the internet. Would the psychiatrist honestly screen me? In addition, my father is bipolar/manic depressive, his grandmother was schizophrenic, my mom has had major episodes of depression where she had to be hospitalized. This is why I am asking. Any advice would be great!
Janice,
Chemical imbalances of the brain seem to run in your family. I would think this family history FAR, FAR outweighs ACOA history. It sounds like there may be a little bit of denial going on here. It could be your mother or father (I don't remember who had the alchohoism problem) used alchohol to self medicate. Years ago, that's what a lot of people did because there wasn't the cornicopia of pharmaceuticals that are available today. Your ups and downs should be evaluated to see if you may have manic depressive tendencies that are being brought more now because you are under a lot of stress. Look, going back to school full time, embarking on a new career is difficult. It is a known fact that the more stress we are under will initiate undesireable emotional patterns, right?
You need to get yourself to a psychiatrist. You definitely need to let them know about your family's history with mental illness.
Devil's advocate for the Psycholigist here. When you work, you expect paycheck, right? The Psycholigist wants to make sure she's going to get paid. This is one of the difficulties of this type of career. How not to insult a client, but make sure I'm going to get paid for this hour.
I hope nothing I wrote here insults you. I'm being blunt because I think I need to be.
HTH
Chemical imbalances of the brain seem to run in your family. I would think this family history FAR, FAR outweighs ACOA history. It sounds like there may be a little bit of denial going on here. It could be your mother or father (I don't remember who had the alchohoism problem) used alchohol to self medicate. Years ago, that's what a lot of people did because there wasn't the cornicopia of pharmaceuticals that are available today. Your ups and downs should be evaluated to see if you may have manic depressive tendencies that are being brought more now because you are under a lot of stress. Look, going back to school full time, embarking on a new career is difficult. It is a known fact that the more stress we are under will initiate undesireable emotional patterns, right?
You need to get yourself to a psychiatrist. You definitely need to let them know about your family's history with mental illness.
Devil's advocate for the Psycholigist here. When you work, you expect paycheck, right? The Psycholigist wants to make sure she's going to get paid. This is one of the difficulties of this type of career. How not to insult a client, but make sure I'm going to get paid for this hour.
I hope nothing I wrote here insults you. I'm being blunt because I think I need to be.
HTH
You asked for opinions so here goes. First, definitely see a therapist. IMO, I would start with a licensed clinical therapist, not a psychiatrist. The LCT can not prescribe drugs, just do talk therapy so you can relax and just talk. If the therapist, over time, sees a predispostion towards depression, etc., they will refer you to someone they like for possible meds while still continuing with them (LCT).
When you call to make an appointment with a therapist, say that you're interviewing them. They will usually do it for free, or charge less. It won't be a full session but you can meet the person and see if you click with them or not.
IMHO, you're looking for help. A therapist is there to support you, build you back up, nurture you, until you can do it for yourself. It can be a wonderful experience. Email me if you'd like to talk more. Alexis
When you call to make an appointment with a therapist, say that you're interviewing them. They will usually do it for free, or charge less. It won't be a full session but you can meet the person and see if you click with them or not.
IMHO, you're looking for help. A therapist is there to support you, build you back up, nurture you, until you can do it for yourself. It can be a wonderful experience. Email me if you'd like to talk more. Alexis
nancy324
Cathlete
Candi-
Hugs, no way, but a few words of understanding would have made sense. And maybe a few words of encouragement, like that she needs to know more, but it sounds like something she can help with. Or she could have just said that she doesn't know yet if she can help, but she should know within a few more sessions, or SOMETHING.
It often takes a gargantuan effort for a person to finally take that step to get help, and the therapist should realize that and respond with a little ray of hope and at least a hint of human kindness.
-Nancy
Hugs, no way, but a few words of understanding would have made sense. And maybe a few words of encouragement, like that she needs to know more, but it sounds like something she can help with. Or she could have just said that she doesn't know yet if she can help, but she should know within a few more sessions, or SOMETHING.
It often takes a gargantuan effort for a person to finally take that step to get help, and the therapist should realize that and respond with a little ray of hope and at least a hint of human kindness.
-Nancy
Ok - here's my 2 cents worth - based on MY experiences. Everyone is different, remember and everyone responds to different therapies and therapists.
In my case, I saw a psychiatrist (sp?) for 1.5 years with little or no help. After a lot of soul searching and after being 'sick and tired' of being 'sick and tired' I went searching for someone else. I found a great psycho therapist - OK she couldn't prescribe drugs but I didn't care - I knew I needed to talk this out! She was excellent because when I did cry - she handed me tissues and helped me through the tears. No hugging of course, but I felt and could see in her eyes she cared. If you feel you need anti-depressants, I think your family doctor could prescribe them, especially based on your family history of chemical imbalances.
Keep looking for another therapist - ask friends, neighbours, people you trust for referrals. Ask your family doctor - don't give up. Yes, read books if you can but don't give up on therapy. It is what has gotten me to where I am today - and I like who I am today
I know you can do it - just don't give up. My thoughts are with you - you are a strong woman for making it this far - you are!
In my case, I saw a psychiatrist (sp?) for 1.5 years with little or no help. After a lot of soul searching and after being 'sick and tired' of being 'sick and tired' I went searching for someone else. I found a great psycho therapist - OK she couldn't prescribe drugs but I didn't care - I knew I needed to talk this out! She was excellent because when I did cry - she handed me tissues and helped me through the tears. No hugging of course, but I felt and could see in her eyes she cared. If you feel you need anti-depressants, I think your family doctor could prescribe them, especially based on your family history of chemical imbalances.
Keep looking for another therapist - ask friends, neighbours, people you trust for referrals. Ask your family doctor - don't give up. Yes, read books if you can but don't give up on therapy. It is what has gotten me to where I am today - and I like who I am today
I know you can do it - just don't give up. My thoughts are with you - you are a strong woman for making it this far - you are!
naughtoj
Cathlete
Wow, now I am really confused! No, just kidding. LOL.
I really don't know where I will go from here. I am going to finish my Nurse Assisting class before I even keep on with this. It needs all my attention right now. In addition, if I can gain a level of confidence there, I think it would help my mental outlook right now. I am going into completely unknown territory and that terrifies me. Maybe I am just totally freaked out.
You all have good points. I need a mental leave from work. Thinking the other day you know it is too bad they don't have those. You know, like FMLA. Individual Mental Leave Act. About a month would do. LOL. Someday...
My first step at active recovery is to get off my butt today and mop my floors, wash my truck and do my homework!! must....get....motivated. LOL. I am sure many of you are tackling much more than me today.
I am really enjoying reading the advice. No offense whatsoever. I am the last person to claim to know it all (although I think I do anyway). LOL.
I really don't know where I will go from here. I am going to finish my Nurse Assisting class before I even keep on with this. It needs all my attention right now. In addition, if I can gain a level of confidence there, I think it would help my mental outlook right now. I am going into completely unknown territory and that terrifies me. Maybe I am just totally freaked out.
You all have good points. I need a mental leave from work. Thinking the other day you know it is too bad they don't have those. You know, like FMLA. Individual Mental Leave Act. About a month would do. LOL. Someday...
My first step at active recovery is to get off my butt today and mop my floors, wash my truck and do my homework!! must....get....motivated. LOL. I am sure many of you are tackling much more than me today.
I am really enjoying reading the advice. No offense whatsoever. I am the last person to claim to know it all (although I think I do anyway). LOL.
candi
Cathlete
I've attached a website for DSM-IV (Diagnosit Statistical Manual). This is the Bible for mental health practicioners. It might be a good idea to scan through mood disorders and depressive disorders and see if any of these diagnosis fit the bill. Whoever you choose in the mental health field with diagnose you using the criteria in this book.
http://allpsych.com/disorders/dsm.html
I will tell you exactly what I think you need to do. First, go to your primary care physician and tell him what you're going through but BE SURE to mention your family's history with mental illness.
I can tell you this...if it's a mood disorder, talk therapy by itself ain't gonna cut it....but should be used in conjunction with medication.
You have a double whammy. Your parents both had/have boughts of mental illness usually brought on by chemical imbalance which makes you extremely predispositioned for the same type of illness (I think you already know this). Also, being raised in this atmosphere without at least one healthy parent makes you even more at risk. You are under extreme stress embarking on back to school for a new career...comment from you "I am terrified". Extreme stress exacerbates(sp) negative emotional behaviors.
Please make yourself a priority. I wish you luck.
http://allpsych.com/disorders/dsm.html
I will tell you exactly what I think you need to do. First, go to your primary care physician and tell him what you're going through but BE SURE to mention your family's history with mental illness.
I can tell you this...if it's a mood disorder, talk therapy by itself ain't gonna cut it....but should be used in conjunction with medication.
You have a double whammy. Your parents both had/have boughts of mental illness usually brought on by chemical imbalance which makes you extremely predispositioned for the same type of illness (I think you already know this). Also, being raised in this atmosphere without at least one healthy parent makes you even more at risk. You are under extreme stress embarking on back to school for a new career...comment from you "I am terrified". Extreme stress exacerbates(sp) negative emotional behaviors.
Please make yourself a priority. I wish you luck.
I agree with Candi.. (glad she came back here) that ..that talking aint gonna cut it if it is a chemical imbalance too, a chemical imbalance needs to be balanced to start the road to recovery. Maybe you could put school off for a while until your a feeling a little better, i know when my life is going thru a crazy cycle I learn to trim some of the stressors or I can make my self litterally sick..Best of luck, best of health, my thoughts are with you!!