Your depression story

eminenz2

eminenz2

Cathlete
Hello -

I am looking for people who are willing to briefly share their depression stories. I think my depression has returned. It is preventing me from execising regularly and making good food choices, among other things. I am wondering what your experiences are or have been.


My questions are:

Does your depession cycle? I haven't had symptoms this bad for a few years. I took meds, felt better and then weaned myself off the meds and have been doing fine until just recently.

What meds do/did you take? What are/were the worst side effects?

Thanks for sharing.

Susan L.G.
 
Susan: I've definitely got a story for you.......and I'm still in the midst of it all. I am at work right now, but as soon as I get a chance, I will be happy to share!!

Kim
 
Hi Susan I kinda go through exactly what your going through. My is more of panic that goes into drepression. It started 14 years ago when I first had a really bad panic attack and then got so nervous of having another one that it went into depression. I did go on Palamar for a year. Then it came back right after I had my second son which was about 5 years later. I think then I was on prozac for about 6 months. Now 7 years later It came back when my father past away this was 2 years ago and I went on Paxil and just now getting off because everytime I would go off something in my life would trigger my panic that I went back on. So in my case I have panic disorder which is the most horrible feeling that I ever went through.

The Palmar made me gain alot of weight like 40lbs. And the Prozac also made me gain weight but not as much as the Palamar. The best for me is now the Paxil. I only gained about 7 lbs on this.

Edit to say Hang in there and let things take its course. Try and excerise and most important try and eat healthy:)
 
I went through Panic attacks that spiraled into depression several years ago. Counseling and behavioral therapy helped me tremendously, that and I divorced my first husband after 21 years (but that's another story).

I didn't take anti-depressents but there were times when I took an anti-anxiety medication (Ativan). For me, this helped curb the panic.
It's interesting you asked about cycles because I believe my panic attacks were cyclic but unpredictable.

You've been through this before and know you will get through it again. Take one day at a time.
 
I have and do at times suffer depression, I have been on Nortrytoline or as you would call it Pamelor. I have tried others but made me feel like a zombie and this one did great, I later switched to a lower type or antidepressant called Trazadone, and that has helped me tons, I only stopped taking it and now I am back on it again to regulate my moods. My life story is one that will make many wet their pants if they heard my childhood story LOL I won't go into that though LOL.
I am right now on the road to recovery of my latest bout of depression and anxiety and mood swings. and doing great now.
 
I've always been a very depressed person.I've been dealing with emotional rut for the last two years.The last three months have really been doing a number on me.I made my first appointment with a therpist this Thursday.I have to learn how to deal with my emotions and talk about what is going on inside me.I need to deal with some serious issues that have been haunting me all my life.
 
Susan: Looking back now, I can say I've been depressed on and off now for about ten years. I've noticed over the past five years, since my divorce, it has only gotten worse. It used to be when I got pms, but then my pms started turning into an everyday event. It took my loving family and friends to tell me I wasn't and hadn't been myself, and they were really worried about me. I loathed around alot, didn't care if I lived or if I didn't, though I wasn't suicidal. My weight was out of control, and I would just sit and stare at nothing. I've always been a laid back, fun loving person, but being happy was just very, very hard for me. I had no energy what-so-ever. The LITTLEST things took every last bit of effort and motivation I had in me.

Back in the fall I posted on Cathe's site about how down I was, etc. I was amazed at how many people came to the rescue and shared their stories with me, and what worked for them. I knew it would be hard to get out of my downward spiral that I was in, but I had to start somewhere. With the encouragement of my sister, I made an appointment with my dr., and he put me on Effexor XR. I must say, I could tell some difference within a few weeks. He increased the dosage to 150 mgs. I hadn't felt that "ALIVE" in a long, long, time, but the only drawback was that I was ALWAYS sleepy. I went from a person who never slept and would be awake all hours of the night, to seriously sleeping 10-13 hours a night!! Unfortunately, my life was too busy to be so sleepy!! At my next appointment I told him about this, thinking he would decrease my dosage. Instead he switched me to Wellbutrin XL 300 mg. I definitely had more energy and didn't want to sleep as much, but I also found I had slipped back into sometimes feeling down, sad, etc. I just saw him the other day in hopes he would switch me back to Effexor, but perhaps at a lower dosage, but instead he prescribed me something I am to take in the evenings (I forgot what it is called now.....still have to get it filled....Lexapro or something like that). I am hoping this works because I almost feel like the Welbutrin has been a sugar pill. I still haven't gotten to the point where I want to really workout like I should (just sporadically), but I am hoping to get there soon.

Good luck, and just remember there are lots of us out there who are/have been in your shoes and are here for you!!!

Kim
 
Firmscorpio,

It takes a great deal of courage to face painful issues, especially those that may stem from childhood. Some issues can truly debilitate and paralyze even the strongest person.

A good Therapist will make all the difference but it's hard to tell on the first visit. Hopefully you will develop a rapport and trust that will make for successful therapy.

Good luck to you and let us know how you're doing.
 
Hi Susan;
When I start feeling what you have described it's usually time for me to consult my doctor to see if I need a change in my meds. I take my meds reguarly because I know if I don't sooner than later my depression comes back full force.

I have taken zoloft(stopped working after about 1 1/2 yr), Efflexor (only for 2 weeks as I felt it made my symptoms worse)I am currently using Wellbutrin for the past 2 yrs I believe and recently went to the Wellbutrin XL I feel wonderful, like myself.

I highly suggest if your depression is getting the best of you and you weaned yourself from the meds ( was that under a doctor's care?)it may be time to see a doctor.
 
Hi Susan,

I'm so sorry that you've been depressed. I'm really glad you posted, though. I think you'll find tons of support here. A lot of people just don't understand that it's a very real, serious condition. In the past, I've had people ask me, "Why are you depressed." Most of the time, there is no reason, and people who've never experienced it don't get that. Let me tell you lol, boy do I get it!

Let me try to sum it up...

My dad has had depression/anxiety since he was 20...many of his brothers & sisters have it also. When I was a kid, I could never get to sleep, and was just worried all the time. When I was about 4 or so, he "saw" a look or something, and said, "Oh god, she's got it." I can really trace it's progression since then. At about 15 or so, things got serious- didn't want to socialize, just down all the time. This continued until I was 17- on & off meds, shrinks, therapists, etc. In the meantime, my family life was insane- dad an alcoholic, I developed bulimia, held everything inside.

First year of college, gained 30 pounds- food for comfort, always too tired to do anything, cycles of insomnia/sleeping half the day. Stopped socializing completely, agoraphobia, left college (very out of character). Lots of anxiety attacks, deep constant depression. Sleep felt like the only reprieve even though it was never peaceful sleep.

Cut my arm up with a scissor, I suppose a suicide attempt, which I am very ashamed of. I really didn't want to die, I just wanted all the pain to stop, and at that point it seemed like it never would. Landed in Psych Ward of the hospital, scariest thing I'd ever experienced. Luckily, I started taking Wellbutrin & Lexapro, which seem to be the key for me. Took about a year and a half to get the dosage right- 10 mg Lexapro, 200mg Wellbutrin 2x/day. Really didn't notice that I actually functioned better until I missed a few pills one week and my mood changed completely, terrifying!

Barely finished a semester at school, took off 3 in total. Still no socializing, panic attacks when going out, therapy weekly. Enrolled in online course in Jan.- big relief- my brain's functioning just fine but the other things aren't in check yet. Haven't seen friends or fam in a year or two, just started getting out to do errands a few times a week recently. Overall, feel much better- see the light at the end of the tunnel, but always afraid depression will sneak up on me. I can't put any pressure on myself- I make no commitments to babysit, go to fam functions, hang out with friends. Pressure leads to overwhelming anxiety. Decided to take it slow, stick it out for as long as it takes.

Geez this is long... Dad has been great support- truly believe this is genetic, many similar experiences, thoughts, phobias, basically finishing each other's sentences.

Feeling pretty good for a while until younger sister got out of control- drugs, alcohol, major anger issues. This is going on right now- she may have Borderline Personality Disorder. Very hard to live with her, can be so mean & explosive, she & my parents arguing all the time. I took Xanax twice in the past week and a half because I have the feeling that I call "precursor to anxiety attack," body feels weird, heart beats fast, tense, shaky, can't concentrate. I hate to take Xanax because I don't want to rely on it, but I couldn't calm down otherwise. Haven't exercised or eaten well in two weeks b/c of this...very frustrating.

I'm fairly sure I'll be on meds the rest of my life. I'm okay with that now, but I know there will be tough times. I'd love nothing more than to have kids someday, but I don't think I'll be able to be pregnant because I can't function without the meds, and also, I don't want to pass this on to my hypothetical kids. All of that is a long way off but on my mind once in a while.

Whew...sorry this was so long. Oh- and no side effects with Wellbutrin or Lexapro. Took Depakote (bipolar drug) for a month or two after hospital...hated it, more tired, hair fell out ( not noticeable to others but lost many strands shampooing & brushing). Stop taking that b/c I don't have bipolar.

Please excuse me for being so open. I think that makes some people uncomfortable, but sometimes I think it's important to share b/c someone else might be going through the same thing.

So, Susan, you are not alone! Please post if you ever feel the need.
I hope things start looking up!

Gina
 
Wow Gina thanks for taking the "Time" to write your story. It was very interesting. I had that same feeling that you went through with the shaky, body feels weird like your not their like being in a tunnel trying to get out, heart beating a million miles an hour. That was part of my panic attacks. It took about 3 weeks for the med to kick in and it was the best thing I ever did.
 
Hi,

I take Zoloft for anxiety and mild depression, it took about 6 months for the side effects to wear off - constant fatigue, NO appetite (lost 10 lbs in one month which made me underweight, but I stuck with it because it was better than the anxiety. 6 months later I feel really great. Still sleepy a lot, and ok one glass of wine and i'm ready for bed, but its a small price to pay. I've been having a few axiety issues lately but I'm under a lot of stress - 6 weeks until I test for my black belt in tae kwon do and the training is REALLY intense, mentally and physcially and timewise so its wearing me down. At least it is real things making me anxious and then slightly depressed and not things like gosh did I leave the fan on? Is my house going to burn down? Things like that used to plague me!

Anyway, everyone is different but the most important thing is to seek help and be patient. You'll come out of it. You have to keep reminding yourself - this is not your reality, it is just something your brain is doing to you and can be fixed. Never do anything drastic!

Good luck,
Jill
 
Gosh, everyone -

I am truly amazed by your openess and willingness to share your experiences. I don't feel so hopeless now! My DH tries to be supportive but he really doesn't know what to say.

Yes, I agree it is time to go back to the doctor and get myself onto something again. The insurance maze is just such a damn hassle, isn't it?

I tried Wellbutrin about two years ago but fouind it made me crabby and bitchy. One of my horse-riding friends takes Celexa and says she's had good results with that, so maybe I'll try that. I feel that Prozac turned me into an emotional flatliner, and we won't even mention the sexual side-effects...

Anyway, thanks again for your honest and heartfelt answers and your wonderful support. Good luck to everyone!

Susan L.G.
 
Good for you! Therapy can really help and give you an outside perspective. I hope you and your therapist "click." If you don't try to find one you like- it really helps.

Gina
 
Hi Kim,

Thanks for sharing and being so open. I'm sorry you haven't found the right medication yet. My dad always told me not to look for a magic bullet. It's not out there. Unfortunately, these drugs take a while before you see improvement. I think we're lucky that doctors now recognize and treat depression, and researchers are trying to improve drugs everyday. Hopefully you won't have to do much more experimenting!

Gina
 
Hi Barbara,

Thanks for sharing your story too. I'm really glad you found treatment for the panic attacks! The fear alone that you will have another can be so overwhelming, so I hope you now have some relief in that respect.

Gina
 
Hi Susan,

Yes insurance can be a b*****. I don't know if you ever been to a psychiatrist before, so I've gotta warn you that many of them come off as cold, unfeeling jerks. Their job is to try to help you with meds, not feelings, so don't be discouraged if that happens to you.

Good luck at the doctor, and I hope you feel well again soon!

Gina
 
Gina,

Yeah, I remember what a witch-with-a-"B" the psychiatrist seemed to be the last time I got treatment. I tried not to take it personally, but when you're feeling that low, everything's personal, you know? - LOL

Thanks again for your support!

Susan L.G.
 
Regarding therapy. I went to a Licensed Mental Health Counselor (LMHC). This type of therapist is trained to listen and help the client. I had seen a Psychiatrist prior to this and all he wanted to do is prescribe me meds. Now, don't get me wrong, I believe meds for a lot of people are a Godsend, but at that time I had so much on my mind I needed someone to listen to me. My panic attacks and depression lifted after about a month on therapy. My attacks recurred for about ten years and would last no more than about six months and each time I chose talk therapy. I credit my therapist for helping to give me the life I enjoy now. We worked together to get me well and let me tell you, it was work but I'm one of those people who needed to be active in my recovery. It's what worked for me.

I believe so much in talk therapy that I went back to school after my divorce and got my Masters degree in Psychology and Counseling with a concentration on Mental Health. I fully intend to utilize this degree after I retire from the place I am working now. I was required to do a 300 hour internship for my degree and I truly loved helping.

I lost my sixteen year old neice about two weeks after losing my Dad last year (it was a very rough time for my family). My poor sister is coping the best that she can. My brother in law insisted she talk to a Psychologist. She called me last night and said, "What do you think about Prozac?". I asked her if she felt like she was functioning properly. She said yes, that she was extremely sad and grieving but that she got out of bed and went to work and did the things she needed to do. I asked her if she felt like she needed it and she said "No!". She was upset that drugs were the first option the doctor came up with. My sister and brother in law are going to a support group once a month and my sister is talking to a counselor from her church on a weekly basis. In our conversation, I could see she benefited from those sessions by the things she was saying. She decided to continue with her talk therapy and let her grief take it's course. We agreed that if it got to the point she could not function, then it was time to take meds.

Insurance companies prefer meds in lieu of counseling because it is cheaper. Talk therapy can go on for quite a while and get very expensive.

Thanks for letting me ramble. This stuff hits very close to home for me.
 
I agree that talk therapy is a huge part of dealing with depression. I think it also depends on the type of depression youhave. Some people have one or two depressive episodes in their lives, and talk therapy, perhaps coupled with meds, is the way to go. But for those of us diagnosed with depression, dysthymia, bipolar, etc, there is an organic basis for the problem and the medicines help correct a chemical imbalance in the brain.

I don't think that I could have manged without the therapy the first time. I think the reason I am not sinking as low this time is because I have learned skills from all the talking I did the last time.

Susan L.G.
 
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