would you change the way you were married?

nurse34

nurse34

Cathlete
My boyfriend and I really want to get married. The problem is we really can't decide on what type of wedding we want.He wants it as stress free as possible-no grooms or bridesmaids, no big ceremony, he would like to get married by the justice of peace. What I am thinking about doing is getting our marriage license this week, get my parents ,his parents, our siblings and grandparents together for a dinner and getting married in a couple of weeks. My godfather is a common pleas judge and he would marry us. Does anyone regret having a big wedding or small wedding and tell me about it. My dad will pay for a reception party for us with all our freinds and family. My biggest thing here is not having my father walk me down the aisle-I am his only little girl.
 
I don't regret my wedding choice. My husband and I were originally going to go to an island and get married inviting only family and close friends. We then realized that our grandparents could not fly that far for our wedding. It was important to both of us to have our family there for the wedding so we decided to do the ceremony and reception locally. We invited all of our family and friends and had a wonderful time. The planning piece was time consuming and difficult, but in the end it was a wonderful event. I have been married for 5 years and family and friends still tell me how much they enjoyed our wedding.
 
I don't regret mine. We did pretty much what you described. We had a civil cermony with a justice of the peace and only close family. For some reason a lot of people that I encounter seem to think this is 'weird' since we don't have the conventional wedding pictures or story to tell. I'm glad we did it this way. We saved sooo much money, which we used later for a nicer honeymoon and nicer apartment, etc.

Don't get me wrong, bigger weddings are very nice, but sometimes people get so caught up in the 'wedding' at the expense of their relationship. Just remember a wedding is one day, your marriage is a lifetime. :)

Congratualtions on your impending nuptials!
 
Thanks!!I am sorry I wrote this post before viewing all the post today.I feel bad bringing this topic up-Sorry!!!
 
My husband and I got married under a tree with a justice of the peace. Two weeks later we got married with a small ceremony for all the family. I've never regretted either!
Ellen
 
JOP (justice of peace) And the only family member that was there was DH's brother. And that's because he begged to be there. We just wanted to get married without any hoopla!! His mother was not happy, but eh, she got over it. My family didn't care. It was my second marriage.

Just do what you want and enjoy yourselves. Weddings shouldn't be so stressful. It should be a happy time!!

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I had a small to medium-size church wedding. I was pretty thrifty. It was mainly my parents' money but they had financial issues at the time and couldn't spend as much as they'd spent on my sister's wedding a decade before, which was fine with me. The reception was just a small finger foods kind of thing--no dancing or full meal or anything--only a couple hours long. It was a morning wedding so after the reception we changed clothes and met our closest friends at a nearby favorite pizza place for a more informal lunch. I loved almost everything about my wedding (especially my gorgeous bouquet) but the one thing I'd change was I'd have fewer bridesmaids. Like maybe just my sister. I had 5 and it was all a hassle--there were a couple friends I could have asked but didn't so that hurt their feelings (but not a serious thing--we're still friends). And a couple friends who were bridesmaids mainly because they were local I don't even keep up with anymore. There was also the hassle over the dress to flatter 5 different body types. Ugh. So, I'm just saying great idea to have no bridesmaids! You will not regret that!

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It was important to me as well to have my dad walk me down the aisle and I wouldve regretted immensely if he hadnt. From the sound of your post, it sounds like you have reservations about compromising on that. You dont have to have a big extravagant wedding to have your dad walk you down the aisle.
 
I had a small church wedding, paid for by my parents. I was just out of college and we tried to watch expenses. Most of the guests were family and friends of my parents. I don't regret it at all. I wouldn't want anything bigger, but since it was my first (and only)wedding, I'm glad I did the white dress, down-the-aisel-with-Dad, church ceremony. I can still see my DH's ridiculous grin as I walked down the aisle towards him. 30 years later we are still crazy in love. Good luck and best wishes, whatever you decide.
 
I think you need to do what you both want...everybody has a different idea on how the day should go...If you want your father to walk you down the isle, would you regret not having do so in a few years from now?

I had a black tie, very formal wedding...which I loved. We were married by our Mayor, so it was not religious at all. (we are not religious) But, that certainly is not for everyone. LOL Make sure you do the things you want - maybe you can include your father in a different way, but an equally important way?
 
I wouldn't change it for a minute! I got married in a Church in a wedding gown, tux, atttendants-the whole 9 yards. I had my reception at a reasonably priced but excellent and beautiful reception hall! We did what we could to save money and actually came out AHEAD in the end! I had a blast planning my wedding and even more fun AT IT!:7

Sure we could have taken that money and put it towards a house but ya know what? It wasn't that much so it really would not have made enough of a difference to change what we could have afforded at the time...

NO REGRETS HERE!:)
 
I love my husband dearly and we're coming up on our 10 year anniversary. Our ceremony was gorgeous and I loved it. I had a church wedding and it all went okay. The only regret I have is that I let my sister be my maid of honor. For nearly a year leading up to the ceremony she acted like a total freak - lunatic. She constantly tried to undermine my confidence in my relationship, she questioned things regarding our relationship that were not her concern and talked negatively about us like our relationship would fail. For example, when she found out that my husband had a ring for me, she set this standard for me - "I'd date a year before I got engaged and I'd be engaged a year before I got married". When it was all said and done, she was just jealous that she wasn't getting married (and shortly after my hubby and I were married, she met and married someone in less than 6 months, and it hasn't turned out as sweetly as she imagined it would!) Even after all of these years, I can honestly say that had I to do it over again, I'd do it all the same way except I'd not let her be part of the ceremony. I sacrificed my own situation for fear of offending her which was so stupid!
 
I don't regret the frothy-cupcake-like nuptials so much as the choice of groom.

:p

Do what is going to make YOU happy. I think what you're suggesting is about as no-fuss as it gets, so your SO should be willing to meet you halfway.

Good luck!
 
I really like your idea of having family join you for a dinner, but I have friends who did the Justice of the Peace thing too (DH & I were their witnesses). I guess it depends on what you want the focus of the day to be.

Our friends who did the JOP route first hiked to a spot on a mountain-top, where they made their vows privately to each other. In their view, the promises they made were to each other, and private. They later had the civil ceremony to make it official.

I like the idea of including close family because really, when two people get married, their families are somewhat joined as well. Having a dinner together sounds so warm, relaxed, and inclusive to me.

Have fun planning & I wish you and your fiancee all the best!
 
I have no regrets. I did a Vegas wedding. My whole family went out for a weeks long vacation. It was my first wedding and DH's second. My stepdaughter was flower girl and my sis was maid of honor. My uncle even stood in as best man for my DH. (none of his family were able to make it).

My only stress was picking a chapel online and then getting there and hating it. It was tacky. But since I had a week I was able to book another wedding in the Excalibur Hotel and everything was beautiful.

My day was stress free, the hotel took care of everything all we had to do was show up with the license. Then we had dinner at one of the resturants. This was a surprise dinner.


When we got home his parents through a small dinner to celebrate with family and friends.

Jenn
 
We debated a lot on this too .....

We had an afternoon wedding in a church 12 years ago, lots of guests but only 1 attendant per side (my sister and his best friend). Light on flowers and decorations. Nice reception after with finger sandwiches, cake, drinks and a piano player.

Simple, fun but met our "important" issues.

I suggest separately coming up with your ideals and then have a discussion on how to meet them.

Most importantly, a wedding is for a day - your marriage is forever so make sure you're thinking long term.

Best wishes!
 
When I got married in 1984, it was my husband who wanted the large wedding. I didn't - it was my second marriage, his first, and I was new to the area. We also had less than 2 months to plan it - so that was the deciding factor and we had a wedding of about 20 people in attendance. We were married in a small chapel and had a sit down luncheon at a quaint inn afterwards.

Wouldn't have changed a thing, although in hindsight, my choice in groom could have been better. We divorced 11 years later.

He did finally have his large wedding when he remarried. That marriage lasted 2 years and they were still paying off the bills of the wedding on top of paying attorney bills for the divorce!

Just saying that the marriage is more important than the wedding. I don't understand why people really want all that stress and expense for something that to me, should be more of a personal affair.

Diane
 
>I don't understand why people really want all that
>stress and expense for something that to me, should be more of
>a personal affair.

I would like to answer this question if I may-for myself atleast.
:) I dreamt of marrying "prince charming" since I was a little girl. I wanted the white gown, the Church, the big party, the whole nine yards. When I finally DID get engaged, the little girl inside of me still wanted to be "Queen for a day". My husband to be had no problems with it so that's what we did. We planned it smartly and really did not spend anywhere near what a wedding would average these days. I had sooo much fun planning and preparing. It was sooo exciting with only a few stressful moments and, to be honest, I found them to be worth it. It wasn't bad at all. While ITA agree, ofcourse, that the marriage is more important then the wedding, a marriage is supposed to be a once in a lifetime committment (no offense meant at all to those who've divorced/remarried!!!) so what's wrong with wanting to really do it up and make it big, fancy and fun?? As far as the personal/private thing goes...well, the marriage itself is personal and private but the ceremony and celebration of it, to me, is something that should be shared with friends and family. Why wouldn't you want the ones you care about to take part in what is supposed to be such a happy and joyous occasion in your life?

Well, there ya go! That's my take on it anyway....:+
 
DH and I got married at a justice of the peace in Dec 2002.

Things I don't regret:

1. The cost!!! Only $350 for EVERYTHING (license, ceremony, copies of marriage certificates). It's never good to start of a wedding with a huge amount of debt.

2. That we did it our way with no messy planning, stress about cranky relatives and seating, and that no one contributed finances to our wedding. A lot of times that seems to make contributors feel entitled to plan your wedding for you.


Things I do regret:

1. Not getting photos of the day, even though we weren't dressed up or anything (we wore jeans and sweaters).

2. I wish we'd waited until our very close family & friends could be there. It's sad that DH's mom died 10 months after we married, and she wasn't there to see it happen.

3. CHANGING MY LAST NAME!!! But that's a whole other deal...

MC
 
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