I guess I'm on the opposite side of most of the posters. I know my husband sometimes watches porn without me. We have a small collection of x-rated videos and sometimes we watch together, I think it is fairly erotic (usually, depending on the movie - there are a number of adult movies directed by women which move slower and more sensually, and which I like better than the cut-to-the-chase movies directed by men - we kid each other about this, with him saying "wake me up if something interesting starts to happen..."). I also have a lot of different little outfits, we have a small collection of massage lotions and a couple of vibrators, we've tried blindfolds and games like you-must-do-exactly-what-I-say. We've been married for 28 years and I like to try to keep things new and interesting.
I don't find porn necessarily degrading to women. Women and men are sexual objects to each other - I LOVE the way my husband looks in jeans and I try to keep myself attractive so he'll love the way I look. I think it is human nature to be turned on by what we see. Most women I know, myself included, do judge men by how they look to a certain extent, and if we see a "hot" guy in a bathing suit we do appreciate it. I just don't think it's a big deal. I, um, sometimes pleasure myself when my husband is out of the house, and I'm sure he does the same. I do not think that is at all harmful to a relationship unless one partner chooses the solo activity over the lovemaking between the partners - I think most people can have both and be healthy and happy. Women read romance novels and watch Lifetime TV and get turned on by the guys portrayed in those books and movies, it's just that men get turned on differently.
Porn is something many people watch and very few admit to. Porn movies are one of the hugest financial markets in the U.S., and it's not all sleazy addicts buying it up. I recently read a survey saying that about 50% of married couples admit to watching porn occasionally. It's true, porn can develop into an addiction, but I think that's rare, and for a guy to treat himself to one movie a week does not sound like an addiction to me. Women like to shop, and I've had MANY girlfriends tell me that they bought something but they didn't dare tell hubby about because money was tight and he just wouldn't understand why she needed some new shoes when she had agreed to economize. It's very likely the husband knew his wife was opposed to porn and for that reason he didn't tell her, kind of like if a guy thinks his wife is a little too plump, she's not going to enjoy a sweet treat in his presence.
HOWEVER, I do agree that the important thing is that both partners agree on what the rules are, I guess that't something that should be negotiated early on in a marriage. Everyone is different, but on the face of it, I would not be upset if my husband rented a porn movie every Saturday for 3 weeks, provided our sex life was still active and he still was being a good husband in other areas. However, if this couple had an agreement that nobody is allowed to watch porn, nobody is allowed to masturbate, etc., etc., and one partner violates the agreement, then I guess that is a problem, and a counselor could help them sort it out.
