Work stress

[molasses]

I work for a raging narcissist, it's a temporary position but he makes me crazy. How do you deal with those types?

I stress eat sometimes to focus on other things, I can't tell you how soothing chocolate can be. Other times I won't be able to sleep since I'm trying to calm myself but I have to wake up early in order to work out and then I miss my workout because I'm too tired and have to make time in the evening. UGH! I can't wait to get away from him. I just needed to vent since I just got a lovely email...serenity now.

 

[~Elsie]

..serenity now.

Well, we all saw how that turned out, so don't try this program molasses!!
I'm very, very sorry for all this imposed stress on your body right now. Thanks GOODness it is not a permanent thing right?! Entirely self-consumed people can quite literally drain all of our energy and joy. Sometimes when you least expect it (ie. you are having a nice day, taking your own bliss in the little things & Bam! they dump all of their crap onto you and you didn't even know it was happening). He likely has no awareness of it, so don't bother to try (waste of your energy) reasoning with him or have any false expectation that he may start treating people kindly anytime soon. My best advice is to try your best to not get involved in his drama, athough I am not sure what your exact employee obligations are right now.
Hang in there. You may have to pace/adjust your energy outputs until you leave/get the hang of dealing with him. Any 20 minute workouts you enjoy?
http://www.businessnewsdaily.com/4620-be-bold-enough-to-do-the-unexpected.html (I know this article is void of any actual clinical observations, nor is it even empathetic of mental illness, although you can get a few good pointers from it. )

Best of luck!!

 

[Jane Power-Grimm]

Oh, how stressful, Molasses! Yes, I've been there and working with difficult people IS hard! Love the advice and article from Elsie. Thanks for that. I like the article's tips for communicating with those irrational people in the workplace.

Would working out in the evening before bed using your very favourite, most stress busting and/or most relaxing workouts help you release some anger and help induce sleep? (For me this is punching out my stress with one of Cathe's kickboxing programs followed by some deep breathing during an LIS yoga program or the STS extended stretch.)

I found drawing a distinct line between work and 'my life' was challenging but necessary. I was so angry that this difficult person was having control over my weight, my time and my health that I wanted to fight back and not give him that control over my life. I really planned the time I wasn't at work and that this person had no control over me, and made that time as fun and rewarding as possible. Surrounding myself with really positive people during non-work time, staying busy with things I choose (therefore not dwelling on work and feeling more in control of my life), laughing a lot (funny movies, comedians on-line, laughing with friends), doing things that boost my self-esteem (volunteer work, hobbies where I got positive feedback) all helped to distract me from 'he who shall not be named' and keep a balance.

Good luck Molasses. All the best...

 

[tralaiven]

I am so sorry that you have to deal with this. I understand stress that can be so debilitating. When working with difficult people I really work on keeping an emotional distance in terms of leaving all their drama with them and not being drawn into their vortex and just focusing on getting my own job done. Granted, he is your boss.

1. Maintain emotional distance while being polite to the best of my ability.
2. Do my job to the best of my ability, completing my tasks, while not being pulled into the boss's drama or personality psychosis.
3. Leaving my boss's ego/narcissism with them (even when they are accusatory to me unjustly-which WILL happen most likely at some point...Remember, it will not stick if not true)
4. Remember that vengeance will be fruitless and self-destructive only make me look bad.
5. Stick to the truth and hard facts when communicating with them and speak as little as possible because they may try and twist your words to make themselves look good. Know this.
6. My hope: as I remain calm, sane, pleasant, my boss's personality, lack of character, short-comings will become evident, if they are not already evident. My continuance to complete my job and behave with grace will only bring their deficiencies to light in a more pronounced manner.
7. Go home and workout, cry, pray, and talk it out with husband or trusted friends. See some good movies, go to church.

Best wishes. you can get through this.

xoxo

 

[Jane Power-Grimm]

Wow, Tracy...such helpful advice!!! Great insight. You should teach a course on this or publish a book. Very realistic and professional. Thanks.

 

[~Elsie]

Wow, Tracy...such helpful advice!!! Great insight. You should teach a course on this or publish a book. Very realistic and professional. Thanks.

My thoughts exactly. Could you be my coach Tracy when I am dealing with my dear Mom who has suffered from BPD all of her life? I find the twisting my words and right out just lying about things needlessly so difficult to handle throughout life.
lol. Such true advice!

 

[aqua girl]

Work stress?? Right there with ya'

 

[tralaiven]

Wow, Tracy...such helpful advice!!! Great insight. You should teach a course on this or publish a book. Very realistic and professional. Thanks.

Thanks so much Jane and Elsie! The counsel I gave was painfully earned and lived out. I was not just pulling from an empty desire to pontificate and instruct. For this reason, I have a genuine concern and empathy for people who are living through the anguish and confusion of such relationships. xoxo

 

[Soxy]

I am so sorry that you have to deal with this. I understand stress that can be so debilitating. When working with difficult people I really work on keeping an emotional distance in terms of leaving all their drama with them and not being drawn into their vortex and just focusing on getting my own job done. Granted, he is your boss.

1. Maintain emotional distance while being polite to the best of my ability.
2. Do my job to the best of my ability, completing my tasks, while not being pulled into the boss's drama or personality psychosis.
3. Leaving my boss's ego/narcissism with them (even when they are accusatory to me unjustly-which WILL happen most likely at some point...Remember, it will not stick if not true)
4. Remember that vengeance will be fruitless and self-destructive only make me look bad.
5. Stick to the truth and hard facts when communicating with them and speak as little as possible because they may try and twist your words to make themselves look good. Know this.
6. My hope: as I remain calm, sane, pleasant, my boss's personality, lack of character, short-comings will become evident, if they are not already evident. My continuance to complete my job and behave with grace will only bring their deficiencies to light in a more pronounced manner.
7. Go home and workout, cry, pray, and talk it out with husband or trusted friends. See some good movies, go to church.

Best wishes. you can get through this.

xoxo

I am leaving a position that I loved because of a narcissistic co-worker (with classic signs of Borderline Personality Disorder). For my physical health & psychological well-being, I am going on vacation (Cancun x 10 days with hubby), and then transferring to a new unit with the same boss (whom I love) at same employer. Knowing we cannot change people, only our reaction to them, I was becoming someone I was not in my heart & soul. The wise words in Tracy's post are going to be my transitional goals in my new position. #6 was especially true for me. It's a technique my boss has coached into me over many years. I have applied it often & it works.