Why is it that women have to make comments?

J

JohnsWife

Cathlete
Maybe I'm being overly sensitive here but I'm just completely freaked out...

I've worked really hard to lose weight & get in shape. I've recently lost 18 lbs & had to buy an entire new wardrobe. I've always been a jeans & sweaters girl but since losing the weight, bought all skirts.

Today I'm wearing a skirt that sits 2" above the knee, a sweater set, & a pair of (okay, really hot) boots. When I came in to work it caused a commotion which I laughed off. But now 2 hours into the day, every time I walk down the hall someone has to make a comment about the way I walk, the length of my skirt, the boots, something. I was sitting in a meeting & someone walked in late & said "Jeeze, JohnsWife, the least you could do is wear stockings or something." I got up & walked out.

The woman that made this comment grabbed my arm as I tried to leave & she tried to make light of it. I wasn't amused. But not only did she do that but after I came back to my office & locked the door, she went & got the master key & tried to get in my office. Despite my telling her to leave me alone. WTF?

One girl has made so many comments that I turned on (yeah, I turned ON her, not TO her) her & said "you know you are just pissed because you aren't the prettiest girl in the hallway anymore." She didn't think it was so funny. I'm sorry I don't think her comments are funny.

WTF is wrong with people? They all knew I was losing weight--have complimented & encouraged me. I told them all I was getting new clothes. But for crying out loud (which I'm sitting in my office doing), why is it so difficult for women to just let someone feel good about themselves?
 
oh wow.... i'm so sorry..... but i will say i can answer this with one word: jealousy!

i know it's easy for us to tell you to shake it off.... but i also know that it's not that easy..... i, too, would be offended by all the comments, etc (heck..... i eat healthy at work.... and i get sick of the comments "what do you have to eat today" or similar!)

now the going and getting the master key.... who the HELL did she think she was? the NERVE! i'm assuming she wasn't your supervisor.... just another co-worker.... so how DARE she go get a key to get into your locked office! get a clue! ugh!

half the fun of losing weight is the new clothes..... so you go shopping.... you wear them... and you ENJOY them! don't let those jealous hags get to you!!!!! (just wait til they start calling you skinny! i know some people don't mind that... but to me calling someone skinny is just as bad as calling them fat! there are nicer words... i.e. thin, fit, etc!)


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cute work out clothes are good for AT LEAST an additional 10-15 calories burned!
 
Sounds horrid and like they have some insecurities themselves because if they didn't they wouldn't be acting out like they are. Don't let them crawl under your skin. You might just be looking so good that they can't stand it anymore, ever thought of that?

Charlotte~~
 
2 words
They jeaous.....
Ignore them. You are looking good and they are having a hard time with the competition.
2" above the knee is really not short. I could see if it was a Paris Hilton skirt.Underwearless....
Strike m a pose and tell them . Like that?
Laugh and walk away. That will juice their wires....
Congrats on the weight loss. I hear i am getting too skinny all the time. I still have 15 to go far as i am concerned.
I tell them , you would not believe what i weigh...
Shuts them up....Shocks them.They think i am malnourished...
What a joke...
Guess it is all the weights...
LOL.




Anne
Aka( Storm)

http://www.picturetrail.com/acatalina
 
Wow! I’m sorry you had to go through all that. I can’t believe that someone actually tried to force their way into your office…what a freak!

Take a breath. You’ve worked hard at it and you look amazing. I think everyone who has written so far has hit it, jealousy. I’m sure your co-workers had already noticed that you’ve lost weight and gotten fit, but this new fashion makeover threw them for a loop. They will have to just get over it! If you’re like me, when I lost 25 lbs a few years ago, you are probably carrying yourself more confidently…don’t let those idiots shake that confidence!

Dry your eyes, think about what you’re going to wear tomorrow, unlock you door, walk out of your office, and go get a drink of water (hopefully from a water fountain where you have to bend over slightly so they can all get a glimpse of your toned tush!) and go on with your day.

And write us again if you need more support!!!
 
The next time any kind of comment is made just Smile, say Thank You, and ask them if they'd like you to write down your workout regimine and what clean eating is.... ANY COMMENT is really a compliment... your hard work is actually noticeable... Even with the hags....play it all off as a compliment
CONGRATS BTW!!!!!!!!!
 
None of this sounds all that bad to me--maybe that's just because I'm used to it. I think the fact that they say it right to you is better than the usual rumor mill that circulates behind someone's back. I think your comment about "you're just pissed because you're not the prettiest one..." was totally uncalled for. You just stooped to their level. The truth is that yes, women can be bitches, but we can rise above this. Why not just thank them for their observation and move on with your day? You've just called more attention to it by storming out and pouting.
So while I understand that women can be very cruel, it sounds to me (maybe I've misread something) that you've played right into their hands.
 
Wow, sounds like a very hostile work environment. And the woman grabbing the master key and trying to get into your locked office? That almost sounds like something you could complain about to a higher up.

To play devil's advocate: Yes, they may be jealous, but sometimes, when a lot of people are reacting in a certain way, maybe they are seeing something you aren't? Maybe when you sit down, that skirt does look too short (hence, the "wearing stockings" comment). On the other hand, maybe you want to reconsider your job situation, if this is the kind of 'support' you get from your colleages.
 
I agree with what everyone else has written. These women are clearly jealous. I think it is sad that so many women feel the need to do this. As women we face enough objectification and comments(degarding and just plain inappropriate) on the way we look, dress, etc. from enough sources that WE don't need to contribute to it. Lots of people feel the need to push someone down to pull themselves up. They want to make you feel self-conscious so that you will conform to what makes THEM feel comfortable.

On a side note, I'm not sure why anyone feels the need to comment on your clothes to begin with(unless they are inappropriate for your work situation, and then only a supervisor or HR person should be speaking to you). Haven't these people ever heard the saying, "if you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all?"

Please feel free to come back here all day and get the support you need.
 
It seems to me that if your skirt were too short or something was really inappropriate, instead of blurting it out in a meeting in front of other people, someone would pull you aside and say, "I'm not sure that you're aware, but when you sit down you skirt rides up, etc., etc.,) If they feel comfortable enough to call you out in front of everyone, you'd think they'd feel comfortable enough to make a really constructive and private comment if it was a real issue that should be addressed.
 
I second (or third, at least) all the wise comments you already received. I agree that you do not want to respond in any way that tells these stupid, fat, jealous hecklers that they have hit a sore spot... They want nothing more than to see you go back to less attractive clothing and to pack a little of that lost weight back on. That is their goal. Your goal is the opposite: to loose more weight and continue your journey to being a fit, attractive woman. So paste a smile on your face and confirm everything they are jealously saying. An occasional direct glance at one of the worst ones, saying, "You might want to try losing a little yourself..." - always with a smile - will usually close their mouths. I think I have mentioned on this forum, in response to a similar thread, that my group of peers constantly tells me I'm too thin, that they know I would never eat THAT (as they scarf it down) etc. etc. etc. ad nauseum. I finally told them, "That's right! You're catching on - I do not want to be fat. Now what is the problem you have with that and why??"" Then, smiled, of course. Your co-workers will get used to your improved self and may actually start coming around and asking you for some advice - unless you subconsciously tell them they are scoring points by pissing you off with their remarks. Never let them see the blood! Hang in there and vow to look even better tomorrow!! :7 :7
 
Wow. It's things like this that make me really appreciate the fact that I am the only female in a very male dominant working environment. I have worked hard to build a nice body and it shows through no matter what I wear. I sure am glad I don't have to deal with OTHER WOMEN'S INSECURITIES about that. Sheesh! x(
 
JohnsWife,

I'm sorry you had to go through that. Welcome to my world. :) I've been at my job for 4 years and it has not let up. And I pretty much look the same now as I did when I started here and I've been working out for over 20 years, so it's nothing new. I hear all the food comments all day long, they're always telling me I'm obsessed with working out, I'm too skinny (I wish!), I'm obsessed with weight loss, etc., etc., etc. One gal got so jealous because this disgusting guy was flirting with me (and totally crossed the line and he WAS very disgusting - but she said he was the kind of guy she used to go out with before getting sober) that she went to my supervisor that day and told him that I showed too much cleavage at work. Me! I'm pretty conservative at work and out of work too - unless I'm in Mexico in a bikini. :p I certainly know what is acceptable professional dress at work. I went home that night and cried my eyes out. My more sensible co-workers and my DH were SHOCKED to say the least. I should have been happy, as I really don't have cleavage unless I wear a push up bra! This is a person who always tells me that she wishes she had a great marriage like I do (she makes really poor men choices) and that I'm in such good shape and she wishes she was as dedicated to working out as I am and how I'm one of the most beautiful people she's ever met (sheesh - she hasn't met very many people then!!!) and on and on. But then she turns around and does that. She doesn't know I know it was her, but I sure don't trust her anymore. Anyway, I do get sick of the constant comments in my office about how I live my life - in a HEALTHY way.

Keep up the good work on living a healthy lifestyle.

Suz

"Until one has loved an animal, a part of one's soul remains unawakened." - Anatole France

http://www.picturetrail.com/dogs2birds
 
I'm so sorry to hear you're going thru this. It occurs to me that people are probably trying to be nice, but their jealousy is tripping them up and they're sticking their proverbial feet in their proverbial mouths. If I were you, I'd be a bit embarrassed for them! I strongly suggest being big about the whole thing. Smile warmly and say "thank you" and things like that. Let people get over their silly awkwardness and move on. Then everything will get back to normal.

-Nancy
 
I am so sorry that your fellow female co-workers are not more supportive of all your hard work! Women can be supportive of each other, but are truly vicious when they put their minds to it. They should be rooting you on, not tearing you down. As others have said, they are jealous and resentful that they don't have the discipline to do what you have done - shame on them.

As for the co-worker who basically tried to break in your office, you should let her know that under no circumstances is she to do that again and if she does you will report her. We fire people at my company for stuff like that.
 
Johnswife,

I want to help you as you helped me in getting a great deal on P90X. I'm assuming this is a business situation. Many things here I will assume, remember I just want to help. So here goes.

I worked in an office for 13 years, and now retired. Here is my advice. Unfortunately, our society sets what we should wear in the office. I don't think it has anything to do with you looking good physically. The attire can make or break decisions with our customers, (co-workers included) and looking professional has its benefits (key) in the office environnment. It is one of those games we have to play to get ahead, and earn respect.

I found a websites that is interresting to read, search for "attire etiquette in office". It gives great suggestions on what to wear. I especially liked this one; bellaonline.com/articles/art35755.asp

For the woman grabbing at you and trying to get into the office, that was completely inappropriate.

It's a game I tell you, learn the rules and play it well. Be proud of your successes, don't be intimadated and be professional. Learn these things through books, the web...hang around the people you respect and possibly search for a mentor.

Good Luck, and I wish you the very best always,

Janie

The idea is to die young as late as possible.

www.picturetrail.com/janiejoey
 
I think they over-reacted to your outfit, and then you over-reacted with locking yourself in your office and the "you're not the prettiest girl" comment. It was probably not the skirt so much as the "totally hot" boots - boots are a very sexy look sometimes. I lost 45 lbs. about 4 years ago and I know how that is when all of a sudden you're the center of attention, you sort of want the attention or you wouldn't be wearing the outfit, but you don't want TOO much attention. It's completely inappropriate for anyone in an office to comment about anything anyone else is wearing, but it's hard to avoid doing so when the outfit is really eye-catching.

It also might be that most people thought they were giving you a compliment. I know there have been discussions here before about comments made when people change the shape of their bodies, the comments can be meant as a compliment but they can come across as lascivious or jealous or insensitive.
 
Hi Johnswife,

I agree, some people in general can be jealous and rude. I'm sorry you have to got through this at work.

There is a woman that I don't know very well where I work who lost some weigth and was wearing something that showed off her arms and legs. I said something to her about now that she had lost some weight she thinks she could walk around naked. I said it jokingly and smiled. I wasn't trying to offend her and I wasn't jealous; I was just teasing her. (Although I can see how my comment could be taken the wrong way.) She was quite flattered and thanked me and told me her weightloss journey.

I don't know the people you work with or the manner they made their comments, but maybe sometimes they are complimenting and encouraging you. I'm a jeans and sweatershirt girl, too, and if wear something "nice" to work, people comment as well. I don't think they are jealous b/c I look so sexy in my skirt
;-) . I just think they aren't used to seeing me in anything other than jeans and are acknowledging that.

I would try not let people's comments get to me. I know you may get a little sensitive with the comments and extra attention, but maybe they all didn't have bad intentions. And for the woman you "turned on," I'd just pull her to the side or email her and say I'm sorry for the comment just to keep the peace. No need to make work anymore hostile. ( Why was the other woman trying to get in your office??)

Congratulations with your weightloss. The next time someone makes a comment that's not rude or nasty, take a deep breath and say thanks or smile.

Lorrie
 
Of course, it is jealousy, and they make themselves look so little and petty with their childish behavior. How can people lower themselves like that?

You poor thing! Just rememember it is because you look better than they do.
 
Here is my unpopular opinion..

I like the fact that women are jealous of me because it let's me know I'm doing something right :). Jealousy keeps me highly motivated.
 
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