Why is it that heavier people are so critical????

intensitylisa

intensitylisa

Cathlete
:eek: Just as I suspected, my co-workers at my new job are all overweight and constantly make remarks about skinny people and low fat diets. I have not dared to let them know about my dedication to Cathe and working out, as I am afraid this is what caused bitterness at my other position, needless to say I lost that job! I had "Cathe" wallpaper on my computer, Cathe pictures everywhere, aerobic bear figurines etc. Why are overweight people so bitter towards fit "skinny" people?
 
You know I don't know why that is that way, my hubby is very skinny and even though he is a man he gets critisized regularly and he feels he always has to prove his strength. They are always saying something rude to him about his size.
 
I think that some heavier people don't have the dedication to do it and that is why it is a foreign concept to them. (Only some people, obviously there are those that may not be able to lose for medical reasons or have tried and failed). Unfortunately, it just may be that your new co-workers are rude. I was 40 pounds heavier myself several years ago, and I don't remember making critical remarks about skinny people. If I did, it was probably out of jealousy, because I had not figured out for myself then how to make the commitment and stick to it.

Hopefully, you can find a happy medium to where you can stay neutral. If they are that obsessive about it, it may be best to stay as neutral as you can about, while obviously not giving up your commitment to good health and exercise habits.
 
I also work with overweight co-workers. We also have gym where I work, but few, and I mean few, use it. No one at work knows what kind of exercise I do and I don't plan to ever tell them. With all of the info out there on the importance of a healthy diet and exercise, heavy people know what they should be doing, but choose not to. One day, a man that I work with got a call from his doctor, who told him his triglycerides were way too high, I can't remember what his number was, but it was a high number. His dr. told him he needs to exercise and watch what he eats or he would develop more serious health problems. He said that he likes to eat and isn't going to change that. I said, "there's a gym here, why don't you take advantage of it. Do you want to be part of the health care system unneccesarily at age 30?" He just shrugged his shoulders and turned away. It's kind of like dealing with an alcoholic. They won't get help or help themselves until they are ready. So I mind my own business and don't worry about other people that I simply have a working relationship with. I am finding out more and more that it is sometimes best to mind your own business.:)
 
Is it just heavier people?, or is it just that all the people you are talking about In your experience just happen to be heavy? I say this because I am on the heavier side, ok part fat, and part muscle, and I work out a lot, and I am much fitter, though still a bit heavy, I think I am fat but every one else thinks my weight suits me.

What I am getting at is everyone where I work are all thinner than me, and you would think they workout, but I am the only one who does, with the exception of another colleague, who runs, but I have just introduced her to cathe and other instructors.
I haven't heard any fat people who critise at the place where I work, it is usually the slimmer ones I know, who go on about fat people, and I could resent that, but I dont want to imply that all thin people think this way.

I dont think all overweight people are bitter, as I would be viewed as a bit overweight, and I dont want to assume also that because people are overweight they dont exercise.

Not trying to offend anyone, just trying to be aware of how I word things

Hotchick:+


I forgot to add, a lot of thin people I know make a sweeping generalisation that all fat people stink, or are sweaty, but I have smelt, some very rank thin people, but I still would not want to imply that all thin people stink. ( thought I'd make that point also)

Have a good evening
 
I volunteer at our local YMCA's annual fundraiser which has various events over a weekend near Christmas. One of the events is a fashion show, where I and others from the community sometimes model clothes from local retailers. One year, a comment from a co-committee member was "maybe next year we could have more models with 'normal-looking' bodies." (And the models WERE of various ages, shapes and sizes!)

I hear comments about "normal" bodies quite often and have read similar comments here and at VF (e.g., Cedi has a "normal" body). They really bug me.
 
What gets me is when heavier-set women are referred to as "real women" (as in "dresses in real women's sizes"), as if leaner women are somehow unreal.

I do think the critical behavior of some heavier people is in part a backlash against the relentless criticism, some explicit and some implicit, that they themselves receive for being heavier both individually and culturally. However, a large part of it is indeed defensiveness, and a reaction to the personal embarrassment many heavier people feel when next to leaner people.

A-Jock
 
Why is anyone critical?

In my experience criticism is an extension of frustration with self. I know first hand how difficult it feels to be around people who are fit. I admire the heck out of them for reaching their goals.

At the same time my first, unhealthy instinct is to instantly compare myself and feel like crap because of all of my failures. It's an automatic response to compare yourself and either accept your own abilities or attack another to justify differences. You know, invalidate others to avoid being invalidated.

At the same time I have been around fit people who are critical of others who struggle with weight. What person didn't give or hear criticism about chubby kids in school? How many people have you met that are into fitness, appear to be in great shape and are critical of themselves??? It's a national obsession.


We need more empathy for anothers' circumstances. Criticism has it's roots in pain. Pain of feeling inadequate, feeling less than enough.

i was raised in a culture of criticism in my home. It was all a game to pick apart everything. Just the sign of immaturity and a struggle with very low self regard.

I would try and appreciate the comments of your co-workers. They sound frustrated, unhappy, and afraid.

Fitness is such a long journey. I know that to me, it looks like everyone else has it easy.

Just my two, overweight cents.

Danna
 
Understanding the possible reasons for criticism are one thing; tolerance of, or "appreciation of" negative comments from co-workers is quite another.

I would never dream of criticizing a co-worker for having excess storage fat or for having a sedentary lifestyle or unhealthy eating habits. I would hope that they would extend me the same courtesy for NOT having any of the above.

Criticism of one's person is never acceptable, regardless of who's doing the criticizing.

A-Jock
Tired of Being Defensive For Being Lean
 
This is exactly the kind of topic that pits women against women.

Why can't everyone just be what they are/want to be w/out feeling the need to bash their sister who may be thinner/fatter/whatever?

Everyone has their own insecurities, thin or fat. Why does body shape/size have to matter so much? Why does fat/thin have to equate a person's self-worth? Aren't we more than that?

Wouldn't it be more beneficial if we put the energy we use bashing each other re: lookism into another venue and worked together to make life a bit happier for all of us?

I personally hate to see threads like this because its always leads to more hurt and more pain.

This is only my opinion.

*editing to explain that I am not gearing this towards anyone here in particular, I only hit reply on the last message of the thread. My response is a general one, and not intended to attack anyone.*
 
This is a very controversial subject, and I have to agree with the earlier comments that criticism is usually rooted in some type of insecurity. And I agree that criticism by coworkers isn't acceptable.

What I wanted to comment on though is that asking why heavy people are so critical, or making judgements that they don't want to do anything about it, or have no dedication, seems to me to be critical in itself--just a different criticism. I obviously don't know all the circumstances, but I don't think it's really fair to generalize or assign motivations to people that might not really be there.

I also think where someone is expecting criticism, they find it. ie the heavy person expects the thin one to be judgmental then hears a judgmental tone where there is none. The exercise fanatic who has been criticised before expects to hear it again and does.

Well, that's just another viewpoint--and probably a critical one at that! Perhaps it's human nature.
 
I haven't ever felt criticized by anyone because I exercise and they don't or, because I am slimmer than they are. I also never have made anyone who is overweight feel insecure about the way they look. I feel it is their life and they will exercise and take care of themselves if they want to. I am not their counselor or judge, jury and executioner. Maybe it sounds selfish, but I just don't care what they do. I have my own concerns. Thats why I like to come here because I can talk exercise and you guys know what a tough Cathe workout is. Other than my family, people have no clue. Plus, I really think my co-workers would be turned off. They would see it as bragging. When in reality, I just get excited about a workout!

My mother on the otherhand, who gets together occasionally with her friends for lunch experiences snide remarks from her heavy friends. They say to her, "don't you eat?" "you are too skinny" She is a healthy size 6 and takes care of herself. She really gets hurt when they say these comments. I just tell her to be proud of the way she looks (70 y.o.). and ignore their comments. And believe me my mother can eat! Her side of the family has a great metabolism, unfortunately I take after my father's side. Oh well.x(
 
I agree. I think it is bad manners to be critical in public. It would be nice if the Golden Rule was standard procedure.

Picking on someone in front of others is sadly too common.

Danna
 
You know, I've had a weight problem most of my life and I can remember being critical of "skinny" people too. Maybe "critical" is not the right word to use -- I was more "jealous" of them because they seemed to have the answer to controlling their weight, while I did not. It is only in the last few years that I have found my "knack" with exercise and controlling my food intake and have been able to keep those pounds away. So, when I think about it, I'm not "jealous" or "critical" or whatever you want to call it any longer. I'm just pleased with what I've accomplished.

I think you're right to keep your dedication to Cathe and working out to yourself and not bring it into the job. Just be proud of who you are and all that you have accomplished. I am sure those at your job who are so critical are secretly admiring you.:) :)
 
I think part of this might be a bit of "mob mentality" (on a small scale!). If you are the lone fit one in a group of non-exercisers, or the loan lean one in a group of heavier folks, or the lone heavy person in a group of thin folks, there is a tendency for the majority to bond over their commonality, which sometimes means picking on the one who doesn't fit in. (In the past, I've experienced something similar to this as the loan vegan and whole foods eater at my workplace.)
 
I may be off base here but I was extremely overweight for 4 years and I don't remember criticizing anyone, I remember wishing I could be like that again and being extremely unhappy with myself which bled over into other areas. Perhaps they are negative because you have what they want but they haven't been motivated to try to get it or maybe they think it isn't attainable so to make themselves feel better they are critical and look for the negative. I remember spending a LOT of time wishing I could be fit and I finally got so unhappy that I was motivated to DO something about it. I remember feeling that it was an impossible task and a little helpless at how to start. If I would have asked someone like I am now at that time I don't think I would have even tried to begin with so I try not to talk too much about unless someone asks and then I take them one step at a time, I only give them what they are ready for and not the whole shabang!

Didn't mean to ramble -
 
The generalization of "heavier" people in the title alone is unfair. I am a teacher and work with ladies of all shapes and sizes. Some exercise, some don't and the funny thing is this year the "heavier" ones are coming to those of us who do watch what we eat and exercise and beginning to get on a fitness program. We all laugh about it and get along and none of us takes ourselves too seriously. There are ladies at work who take it to the other extreme and obsess over it too much and ALWAYS talk calories or if they take a bite of cake all you hear about the rest of the day is how much fat was in that cake. There is an aerobics instructor at our school and all she talks about is her body and calories. So like I said....we have all kinds at my school. My mom and dad are both overweight and do not exercise. My mom is trying to get into it and cheers me on saying that she wishes she had started the habit when she was younger b/c it would be easier for her now. My sister has noticed the benefits I've rec'd from regular exercise and has begun to ask me questions and to exercise regularly herself...she now even owns a few Cathe's...thanks to me! I'm sure we've all been critical of someone else for one reason or another. Not that it is right, but we've all been there and done that...not just "heavier" people. Anyhoo...just my penny's worth of babble. :)
Angela
 
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