Why don't people understand?

G

getnfit@38

Cathlete
I clearly am about to vent a major frustration here! Why is it that when people see you after you've lost weight/toned up they usually say something like: "Oh, you're on a diet, what diet are you on?" And understanding that they have not seen me for a while, I'll very politely explain, "well, it's not a diet, I've changed my relationship with food, so now I eat to fuel my body, and I've adopted a new lifestyle regarding nutrition and exercise." Mind you, it takes careful wording so I don't come off as snooty or uppity, and to explain it in simple terms before they can lose interest. But even after having said all that, you can run into that same person 1 month later in the grocery store and once again they'll say, "Oh my, I see you're still on that diet, you look great, now what was the name of that diet again?" AAAAAARRRRGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm not sure what "eats" at me the most? The fact that they seem to minimize how difficult it is to completely change the way you ate your entire life in order to get healthy, stay healthy, lose weight and get fit, or the fact that they obviously "blew off" what I told them the first time?
And it's even more discouraging when it's members of your own family! They continue to use the word "diet" as if what I'm doing is temporary or something! And they make me feel as though they believe it's something I won't do forever, like it's a fad or something! I know I shouldn't put so much stock into what someone else thinks or says, but it gets really frustrating to hear someone minimize something that is just so important to me, especially when, as I'm pushing that shopping cart, my freaking shoulders and hamstrings are screaming out at me from my workout earlier that morning! And maybe I'd feel differently if I only had 5-15lbs to lose, but come on lady, losing 200lbs AIN'T a diet! Is it they just don't know what to say? or do you think people are just more callous today?
And is it just my circle of family and friends, or does anyone else run across similar situations?
And don't even get me started on some of the remarks I "suck up" about my weight lifting! If one more family member calls me "Arnold" I think I'll SCREAM!
Thanks for listening :)
And please, share your frustrations, we can compare :)
Donna
 
That sounds very frustrating. I come from a couch-potato family but not a very fat one. I weigh 140 and am 5'8". So, what I hear over and over no matter how I explain it is "You look great. You don't need to exercise so much. Enjoy yourself, eat the doughnut, you're not fat." also I sometimes hear "What are you trying to do, look like a man?" I also get called Arnold. My father is always telling me if I need some exercise, why don't I help him move rocks around, or build a deck, or do something "productive". I have quit saying anything. My usual reply to unsolicited comments is. "If I didn't exercise, or if I did eat the doughnut, I _would_ be fat." As far as looking like a man, which I don't at all, I just say "No, I am not trying to look like a man, I am trying not to look like a soft doughy wimp." But my main advice to you, Donna is, they will not change, so just think of something brief you can say so they'll move on to the next subject.
 
Yes! When they want to give the credit to some "diet" like you just bought it at Macy's and then it's over! Like the diet did all the work, not you!

When people ask me this, and they do, I say I changed my lifestyle. I tell them I started doing all the things that we are supposed to do.

Then they usually ask me, "Like what?" Then I say, "Like, well, what do you think?" And they usually say, something like burning more calories than you take in, and blah blah blah, and I tell them "Yup that's it!"

But I find out from what they say if there's something they might not know. If they let it slip that they are hooked on some myth, I straighten them out by telling them little known (by them! LOL!) facts, like drinking the right amount of water makes a huge difference. Or like how heavy weight work benefits us, or what functional fitness is.

-Connie
 
I was just reading an article about the attitude so many people have about fitness. They know they need to lose weight or be more active but they want the quick fix, the magic diet or pill that will make it easy.

But as you know, Donna, it takes a commitment to change your lifestyle, not just your diet. I look at medical technology and it's dazzling but oh so tragic that people use medicine to help them manage diseases they have brought on themselves by not following the guidelines for good health.

So many people treat illnesses with pills rather than changing their diets and taking up exercise. People choose to lose years from their lives because they won't take the time to truly make changes that make such amazing differences in our live. Genetics make for about 30% of your risks. So 70% of it's in my control! I always tell people who think I am nuts for being a health nut that I wouldn't do it if there wasn't a pay off. I feel great and I am in love with life!

One of my sisters, a pessimistic smoker always says: "Do you want to live forever?" Yes! I am aiming for 90 or 100 but in great health and still active! I don't really want to live forever and am not fixiated on youthfulness only good health. I ran a 5K with a 94 year old man and I knew I wanted to do that too!

I think it's sad when people are ill or frail because they've made bad choices. And it's never too late!

You, Donna, are an inspiration, to be held up to anyone who makes excuses! I used to smoke like a chimney! And it was really difficult to quit but I wanted to be with my kids and I was so worried about cancer that I finally managed to do it. I love to say that if I could quit anyone could because I am very compulsive and was very attatched to those nasty coffin nails! And a healthy lifestyle rocks! I am running a 10K with my sister ( also a health nut!) tomorrow! Isn't that a hoot? The woman who used to smoke two packs of cigarettes a day!
Bobbi http://www.plaudersmilies.de/natur/twinkle.gif http://www.plaudersmilies.de/natur/twinkle.gif http://www.plaudersmilies.de/natur/twinkle.gif http://www.plaudersmilies.de/natur/twinkle.gif http://www.plaudersmilies.de/natur/twinkle.gif
 
How wonderful!

Good luck with your 10k tomorrow Bobbi, I'm sure you're siked about it :) And yes, it is a shame what people do to themselves and their bodies. I remember when I smoked and when someone would say, "you know those things will kill you?!" I would say, "gotta die from something!" HOW INCREDIBLY STUPID I WAS! And like you, I love life! Working out is hard work, but the benefits are too numerous to count! It never fails that on those mornings (I'm an am exerciser) I just don't feel like getting started, as soon as I get started, I'm laughing at myself because I know I really do enjoy it, and Cathe makes it so much fun anyway with her comments along the way, and afterwards, I know I've done something good for myself and I know I'm edging closer to my ultimate goal, a healthy and fit weight.

Good luck tomorrow Bobbi, I look forward to the details of your race :)
Donna
 
That's it!

That is exactly the attitude I feel they're giving me, like I just purchased this "diet" at Macy's!
I'd love to video tape myself working out so I could show them my "store bought" "diet", but I'll never be a background exerciser, I am a MESS when I'm done. I don't know how Cathe and the crew manage to still look so cute when they're done, cause I look like I've been beaten, run over, hair doing it's own thing, drug behind a bike for 10 miles mess when I'm done!
Donna
 
RE: That's it!

I know how everyone feels here! My case, however, seems to be a wee bit more frustrating for the fact that I am 5'0" and weigh 105 lbs. I am by far...skinny. OOOH...I hate that word used on me! I consider myself to be very fit and it's really my genetic make-up that constitutes my small frame.

I come from a family which has a long history of heart problems, diabetes, and strokes. I do NOT want to be in those numbers. This is precisely why I exercise and put the right foods into my body. I work hard to achieve my toned muscles that IMO...make me look soooo healthy and strong!!! What is up with those "people" who think I am on some kind of wacko diet out there??!!

I mean, can't they just accept the fact that good physique is ususally hard *EARNED* through one's discipline and respect for one's own body? Not from a silly diet or pills? Come on, I don't get it!! I guess at times when this kind of thing frustrates me because I get ridiculous comments like, " You look awfully small. Do you really NEED to exercise like you do?" Well, DUH!!! Just because I am not a very big person does not mean I do not NEED good physical health. Exercise is not about weight loss for me, it is about overall fitness & health. When I try to explain this theory to those people, they just shake their heads and say, "I hope you aren't getting too obsessive about this though." Oh PULEEZE!!!!!!!!! IMO, this is one area in my life where *obsessive* is not the proper adjective. It is called healthy CONTROL!!! OMG...I am ranting! Excuse me...this has me on a soapbox. I'll stop now. Just venting right along with all of you ;) Thanks for listening!
 
[font size="1" color="#FF0000"]LAST EDITED ON Feb-10-02 AT 05:10AM (Est)[/font][p]Most people are not interested in breaking a sweat or eating right....they are forever searching for the magic bullet - the quick fix.

A couple who goes to my church sells stuff through direct marketing, and their company has come up with "magic shoes", as I call them. They are supposed to raise metabolisms by 25% because they are weighted. They look like moon boots. The men's shoes have 3 lb. weights in them, and they are all set to clean up selling their shoes to folks who want a quick fix to their weight problems, including themselves. The minister let it slip that she was going to work with me when I got my personal trainer certification, and they ran into my office to find out how I was doing that. They DID NOT KNOW what a personal trainer is, and neither of them knows squat about eating right or exercising, but they want to take a workshop to pass themselves off as fitness experts to sell their shoes. The wife is at least 75 lbs overweight, and I don't think she will get many people to pay attention to what she has to say if she does not look like she walks her talk.

Don't let these people get to you......they are not worth wasting your breath over. Tell them as little as possible, and if they are REALLY interested, you can tell them more. In the meantime, I'll continue to keep my food journal, do my tapes and magically be able to fit into my shorts this spring without dreading trying them on.

It ain't that it's so tough, it's that it doesn't seem FUN! Little do they know how fun a Cathe step tape is!!!
 
Donna,
I understand completely and commend you for taking your frustrations out on the forum and not on those silly people who are looking for the "answer" to their weight/health problems. We all know that if looking good and being fit were easy, everyone would look great. Eat right and exercise...the ONLY answer.
But, even I, wish for the body type I can't have on occasion. It takes me forever to see muscle tone. I have a body that is quite Rubenesque if left to its own devices. Bottocelli would have loved me. I've been compared to Racquel Welch's body type, a young Ann Margaret, Sophia Loren, Marilyn with bigger boobs...so you get the picture. It's nice to be considered "sexy" but I want to look buff! Oh well, go with the flow...make the best of what you've got, right?
And as for those callous people who ask all the wrong questions...the one always get is "Are you training for a vacation?" Sounds weird, but we are always doing some extreme vacation in the mountains. Sometimes I'm almost tempted to give them a little white fib and say I'm training for the next Eco Challenge. Problem is, they'd believe me.
Have a great day everyone! Keep 'em talking!
Amy
 
That's right!

I did the step portion of MIC this week and Kickbox too and while I worked hard, I had a ball!
Donna, when she says, I am an exerciser, defines it perfectly. Once I began to think of myself as first a runner then a fitness buff, I was on my way! Once you lose the negative this is too hard and insert the "but I feel great when I am done", you pass into that place where the lifestyle changes and you know life is yours!
The 10K was gruelling. It was so windy! Oh my gosh! My time was ok, slower than I had hoped for but this isn't like 1999 when I was running 35 miles a week and look forward to the Marathon in December. I only managed to get in 12 miles last week and I can't give up my Cathe workouts, even for running! And I had fun and got 3rd place in my age division. Tomorrow I start training for the next one! I feel wonderful! Thank heaven's the next one's a 5K. And the chance of two blustery races in Tucson are slim to none!

Bobbi http://www.plauder-smilies.de/yellows/rotaeye.gif http://www.plauder-smilies.de/love/luxlove.gif http://www.plauder-smilies.de/tiere/popworm.gif http://www.plauder-smilies.de/tiere/sheep.gif http://www.plauder-smilies.de/natur/petals.gif
 
That's right!

I did the step portion of MIC this week and Kickbox too and while I worked hard, I had a ball!
Donna, when she says, I am an exerciser, defines it perfectly. Once I began to think of myself as first a runner then a fitness buff, I was on my way! Once you lose the negative this is too hard and insert the "but I feel great when I am done", you pass into that place where the lifestyle changes and you know life is yours!
The 10K was gruelling. It was so windy! Oh my gosh! My time was ok, slower than I had hoped for but this isn't like 1999 when I was running 35 miles a week and look forward to the Marathon in December. I only managed to get in 12 miles last week and I can't give up my Cathe workouts, even for running! And I had fun and got 3rd place in my age division. Tomorrow I start training for the next one! I feel wonderful! Thank heaven's the next one's a 5K. And the chance of two blustery races in Tucson are slim to none!

Bobbi http://www.plauder-smilies.de/yellows/rotaeye.gif http://www.plauder-smilies.de/love/luxlove.gif http://www.plauder-smilies.de/tiere/popworm.gif http://www.plauder-smilies.de/tiere/sheep.gif http://www.plauder-smilies.de/natur/petals.gif
 
RE: That's it!

Strong@heart and the rest, I completely agree with you. I am doing research for school on anoxeria athletica, and while some people may see my committment to fitness and good health as obsessive, I see it as my key to a long, happy life. There is a fine line that an exercise enthusiast can cross, and those are the ones who do it for the wrong reasons. I am the same size as you, and 30 years old, and I guess people think I should just let myself go or something. I have heart disease and diabetes in my family, and I refuse to put myself more at risk by "letting myself go." I think people feel threatened by those who work harder and achieve their goals. It tends to make them feel worse about themselves. It scares me that so many people have just seemed to give up on themselves. Its not about willpower, its simply about caring enough about yourself and the body God gave you.
 
RE: That's it!

>I am 5'0" and weigh
>105 lbs. I am by
>far...skinny. OOOH...I hate that word
>used on me! I consider
>myself to be very fit
>and it's really my genetic
>make-up that constitutes my small
>frame.
I guess at times
>when this kind of thing
>frustrates me because I get
>ridiculous comments like, " You
>look awfully small. Do you
>really NEED to exercise like
>you do?" Well, DUH!!! Just
>because I am not a
>very big person does not
>mean I do not NEED
>good physical health. Exercise is
>not about weight loss for
>me, it is about overall
>fitness & health. When I
>try to explain this theory
>to those people, they just
>shake their heads and say,
>"I hope you aren't getting
>too obsessive about this though."

Strong@heart...
I just had to reply to you and tell you that I am in the same boat you are. My fitness goals are not about weight loss either. I am 5'7" tall and weigh 110 lbs. I don't need to lose weight, but by golly, that seems to be the only thing people think I am trying to do with my working out.
I get the same comments, "Why are you so obsessive about your working out? You don't need to lose weight!" ARRGGHH!! It is major frustrating isn't it?
Another thing that aggravates me is those that assume that I would be "overweight" if it weren't for my dedication to working out. This isn't so in my case. I didn't weigh a pound more than I do now when I starting Firming and using Cathe 6 years ago...but I sure am in better shape. I have abs that show, I have muscle definition and I feel so much better!
I guess we all have to realize that those who don't understand and make comments such as the ones we've mentioned, do so out of ignorance. Hopefully our example will help educate them!!
Jeanne :)
 
Hi ya Donna, When people ask you how you did it, why not just say "a lot of hard work", smile, and end it at that. Most people just dont get it, I dont think they mean to be callous, they just dont know how to react, besides, they are telling you you look great!!! Id take the Arnold thing as a compliment. I wish someone would call me that! Sometimes friends, family members have good intentions but are clueless as to how hard you really work. However, we here on this site KNOW how tough it is!! Dont let it get to you! Judy
 
You're right, it is tough, and that's what is so frustrating! We all know it takes MAJOR willpower to not only stay consistent with exercise, but to monitor your food intake, not just how many calories, but what kinds of calories, making sure you get enough protein, veggies, water, etc. And, you still have to live everyday taking care of the needs of others whether its work or home!
But even more frustrating to me (and if you work days you might not connect to this one), is how many TV shows, especially SOAPS, neglect the healthy lifestyle/fitness aspect. You know d*@# well a chick wearing a size 4 doesn't maintain her size eating pizza and junk food like you'll see them do. And I've long gotten past everyone being rich on these shows, but PLEASE, can they even mention the word WORKOUT, or EXERCISE? I know it's not reality, but as long as they've come into the new millenium in regards safe sex, same sex partners and STD's, can we touch upon fitness and exercise?
But I think overall you guys are right, people just don't know what to say, so they say the "stupid" things they do, and I also believe somewhere deep down, maybe they wish they too were doing something positive for themselves~because it's NEVER someone else who works out that makes the comments, it's always the couch potatoes or lazy family members that have a comment.
So I guess the phrase, "consider the source" sheds a different light on it :)
Thank you all for your input, I feel a lot less frustrated, and this summer~I'LL HAVE THE LAST LAUGH! :)
Donna
 
Ya know what else too, Donna, People dont like change, it scares them. So when they see this magnificent change in your life you are making, it makes them nervous. You are taking control of your life, which in turn in some ways takes power away from them. Does that make sense?? Another sad fact is I bet there are people who eat what they want and dont exercise and stay a size 2,4 whatever, (Pam Anderson, Heather Locklear) its not fair and I could smack em, but thats life, the general population its not our reality. As for the soaps, would you really watch it if everyone was ugly, overweight, poor?? I bet not. Besides, look how screwed up there lives are even though they have all these so-called great qualities. It's not reality, but fun to watch. For every person that is judging you, maybe there two people you have inspired. Your are certainly an inspiration to me and Ive never even met you!!! Judy
 
Hi Donna! Yes I sure do hear you loud and clear. It's just sooo frustrating to me whenever my husband and I go out for dinner with another couple and the woman ALWAYS asks me "Are you still doing the exercise thing?" Like I would ever stop!! They just don't get it. They think, as you said, that it's just a fad and it's supposed to go away soon. The women also ask me "What do you eat? Give me an example." If I felt for one minute that they were really interested then I'd tell them but I just blow them off and go onto another subject. The only ones that I can talk to about exercise is on this website as well as a very close friend of mine. She too exercises. At least I have one good friend I can talk to. And my DH forget about it! He just keeps trying to encourage me NOT TO WORKOUT and now he has my son doing it too. Well I just blow them off too and do whatever pleases me. I have to laugh because DH said just this morning that my arms are bigger than his LOL! You gotta love that!! Best, Kathy
 
A friend of my sisters said of her, Melody is always on a diet because Mel passes up all the junk food that is all they ever serve at their get togethers. The concept of diet as part of a lifestyle is beyond them. She actually eats whatever she wants but has the good sense to eat sweets in moderation!

Bobbi http://www.plauder-smilies.de/yellows/rotaeye.gif http://www.plauder-smilies.de/love/luxlove.gif http://www.plauder-smilies.de/tiere/popworm.gif http://www.plauder-smilies.de/tiere/sheep.gif http://www.plauder-smilies.de/natur/petals.gif
 
How about another approach

The next time someone ask you what diet your on, tell them something off the wall, like "you get injected with the Urine of a pregnant woman once a month and just eat whatever you want and don't have to exercise".
They will either leave in disgust and never ask again (they won't forget something like that) or they'll ask "really where do you get that done". Then you simply say, "I was just kidding", then you can say that you just changed how you eat and exercise reguarally", but the end result will hopefully be the same and they won't ask again.
Okay, can you tell I'm in a devilous (sp?) mood today }>
Dawn W
 
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