I feel this way to alot of the time- people feel guilty about not working out themselves so they make you look bad for committing time on a daily basis to do it- I just wanted to say that from the sounds of it alot of people on these boards work a full time job and also fit in workouts daily and they make it a priority-I admire you all for doing that-my SIL and I got into it a couple of months ago because I was talking about making exercise a "priority" and she ripped into me about how she has a job and kids and this and that and shes too busy, etc. well I thought that was a cop out and later I thought of all you people with your busy lives making it a priority (I wish I had told her) so I don't think she has an argument- I mean reading here about people that get up at 4 am to fit it in or at 9 at night when most people are watching TV--thats awesome-you know you can't reap the benefits if you don't do the work-I'm sick of people complaining about not being in shape and then doing nothing about it-heck even if its just 10 minutes a day--MOVE AROUND!!-sorry for sounding so opiniated about it--LOL--deb
Why don't people get it???
- Thread starter Fit_mommy
- Start date
FiddleFit
Cathlete
I loved reading this thread. I can relate to what everyone here has said.
Wendy, Blow it off. He just really wanted you to come run interference and was completely thinking about himself. If you'd told the guy you were going to get your hair cut, he'd have asked you if you'd already gotten it cut this year. I doubt this was specifically about your workouts. Have a great sweat this morning! And stop feeling guilty about it - the cortisol released in your system will make you fat!
And if he realistically expected you to come, then he should have consulted you ahead of time about doing this on a day/time that works for you, as well as for them.
Shelley, As usual, you crack me up. LMAO! I inadvertently have taken the same approach. Now if I can only get my mother to stop calling me...
Cheers,
Sandra
Wendy, Blow it off. He just really wanted you to come run interference and was completely thinking about himself. If you'd told the guy you were going to get your hair cut, he'd have asked you if you'd already gotten it cut this year. I doubt this was specifically about your workouts. Have a great sweat this morning! And stop feeling guilty about it - the cortisol released in your system will make you fat!
And if he realistically expected you to come, then he should have consulted you ahead of time about doing this on a day/time that works for you, as well as for them.Shelley, As usual, you crack me up. LMAO! I inadvertently have taken the same approach. Now if I can only get my mother to stop calling me...
Cheers,
Sandra
seeking_guns
Cathlete
*lol* Hilarious!
>I get around this awkward situation by not actually having
>any friends, so nobody ever asks me to interrupt my schedule
>or gives me flak about working out.
>
>I get around this awkward situation by not actually having
>any friends, so nobody ever asks me to interrupt my schedule
>or gives me flak about working out.
>
DebbieH
Cathlete
I sooo understand Wendy! My MIL will call and if I am not home, she will leave a message saying, "I know your working out in the basement, call me back!" Some poeple think ALL I do is workout even though it's only an hour or so a day/6X/week. I also have some past students who will actually avoid me in a store kind of with a guilty look on their face because they know they are NOT working out. I just go up and say, "Hey, how are you!" If they don't want to workout, that is fine with me. I've also learned not to talk fitness to certain people or family members as they just don't want to hear it. Another reason why this place is sooo great! (THANKS CATHE!!!) Sooo, don't feel guilty and keep on doing what you are doing...you look amazing. BTW, Shelley, I'll be your friend! Can you skip your workout today and go to lunch with me??? http://bestsmileys.com/happy/1.gif
http://www.PictureTrail.com/gid8692709
Your-Friend-In-Fitness, DebbieH (AKA "Den Mother Debbie") http://www.clicksmilies.com/s0105/aktion/action-smiley-066.gif[/img] If You Get The Choice To Sit It Out Or Dance...I Hope You DANCE!!!
http://www.PictureTrail.com/gid8692709
Your-Friend-In-Fitness, DebbieH (AKA "Den Mother Debbie") http://www.clicksmilies.com/s0105/aktion/action-smiley-066.gif[/img] If You Get The Choice To Sit It Out Or Dance...I Hope You DANCE!!!
dorothyrd
Cathlete
Honestly, that is why I work out at 5am. Not too many people demanding my time at that time. I get my work-out over, no interuptions, feel great for the day, and am ready for the tug of life.
However, I have learned to be very flexible and creative with my work-outs. With two busy kids, there is no other choice. I have also learned the world will not end if I miss a work-out one day. There are many more days, and hopefully many, many more years.
However, I have learned to be very flexible and creative with my work-outs. With two busy kids, there is no other choice. I have also learned the world will not end if I miss a work-out one day. There are many more days, and hopefully many, many more years.
Aquajock
Cathlete
When you're a bald broad with b*tchin' deltoids, AND have a voice like a foghorn after years of teaching aqua aerobics over loud music unmiked, people tend to leave you alone. I never get any pressure from anyone to change my workout plans; maybe I just don't know enough anyones. All of my friends have their own workout programs, some more intense than others, and some of my favorite friends are Twin Citians with whom I bonded from this forum. So they understand that I work out because I enjoy it as well as for its health benefits.
I've learned, however, not to talk too much about the workouts that I enjoy the most and not to describe them in too much detail; when you get all foaming at the mouth at how much you enjoy doing Da Drill Max Thang, with that absolute nosebleed cardio blast #5 (you know - the kangaroo jumps and the skipping/bounding jumps), OR 75-second intervals of aquatic airborne jacks and tuck jumps, people start calling for the crisis ambulance.
A-Jock
I've learned, however, not to talk too much about the workouts that I enjoy the most and not to describe them in too much detail; when you get all foaming at the mouth at how much you enjoy doing Da Drill Max Thang, with that absolute nosebleed cardio blast #5 (you know - the kangaroo jumps and the skipping/bounding jumps), OR 75-second intervals of aquatic airborne jacks and tuck jumps, people start calling for the crisis ambulance.
A-Jock
they just dont get it and wont ever get it. they cant see we enjoy it, and it isnt being done because we have to do it. they think it is a chore. my dear friend is very overweight. i have tried everything to get her to walk around the park with me. in this area, we are total opposites. otherwise, we love to shop, eat out, etc.
anyway, when we schedule things i see her face, or if on the phone, her tone of voice changes. this is when i give her a time that i will be ready after my workout. if it is a nite thing and it is one of my tkd training nites, i ask to switch. mondays is not an option as i love forms. she doesnt get it. besides working out, i am there to help instruct, as my master counts on me.
bottom line is that if i went along with everyone and their plans, i would never be working out. i have done things for others, then i get upset that i missed my workout and angry at them. not good for either of you. so, i am flexible as often as i can be. if people cant agree to be as flexible, then you need to be firm for what you want. otherwise, you lose out and then you will be annoyed at them. all we are really asking for is a little time for ourselves.
suri
anyway, when we schedule things i see her face, or if on the phone, her tone of voice changes. this is when i give her a time that i will be ready after my workout. if it is a nite thing and it is one of my tkd training nites, i ask to switch. mondays is not an option as i love forms. she doesnt get it. besides working out, i am there to help instruct, as my master counts on me.
bottom line is that if i went along with everyone and their plans, i would never be working out. i have done things for others, then i get upset that i missed my workout and angry at them. not good for either of you. so, i am flexible as often as i can be. if people cant agree to be as flexible, then you need to be firm for what you want. otherwise, you lose out and then you will be annoyed at them. all we are really asking for is a little time for ourselves.
suri
nancy324
Cathlete
Okay, Wendy, I have a confession. I understand where your friends are coming from, so you can use me as a sounding board.
I'm just putting myself in their place. If I called a friend to do something with me on a Saturday, and she said "I haven't had much time to work out, and that's my only time", I would understand. But if she told me she had worked out 5 days that week, and this was her 6th day, I would feel rejected. I agree that working out can be a hobby like golfing or bowling. But if you had a friend who golfed 5 days that week, and wanted to blow you off for one more day, how would you feel?
I admire your commitment, and I'm not trying to make you angrier. I just thought it might be helpful if you could see the other side. I would honestly feel a bit hurt.
Nancy
I'm just putting myself in their place. If I called a friend to do something with me on a Saturday, and she said "I haven't had much time to work out, and that's my only time", I would understand. But if she told me she had worked out 5 days that week, and this was her 6th day, I would feel rejected. I agree that working out can be a hobby like golfing or bowling. But if you had a friend who golfed 5 days that week, and wanted to blow you off for one more day, how would you feel?
I admire your commitment, and I'm not trying to make you angrier. I just thought it might be helpful if you could see the other side. I would honestly feel a bit hurt.
Nancy
shakeubooty
Cathlete
I think most of us on the forum can understand putting your workouts first but there are an awful lot of people out there (most Americans in fact) who don't workout at all and see exercise as a "luxury".
Yes, a luxury. That's what a co-worker said to me the other day when we were talking about a new employee starting in a few weeks who asked to change his work hours to accomodate his workout schedule. To me, it's no big deal. But my co-worker thought it was funny and a bit odd. "It's not like he's asking to change his schedule because of daycare. It's for working out - that's a luxury!" I honestly didn't know what to say at that point. Of course I can think of a dozen things now but she caught me off guard.
My co-worker surprised me with her attitude because she's very smart and health conscious as far as eating, not smoking, etc. BUT . . . she doesn't like to exercise (no surprise there). She has 2 young sons so her schedule is very busy and that's her excuse. Of course, I'm even busier and have a longer commute and still find time to exercise but I don't tell her that. The point is that she's not alone with that attitude and we can talk to others until we're blue in the face and they still won't get it.
I think you have to do what feels right for you but remember to be flexible, too. Sometimes friendships should come before workouts and sometimes friends just need to understand what's important to you.
Sue
Yes, a luxury. That's what a co-worker said to me the other day when we were talking about a new employee starting in a few weeks who asked to change his work hours to accomodate his workout schedule. To me, it's no big deal. But my co-worker thought it was funny and a bit odd. "It's not like he's asking to change his schedule because of daycare. It's for working out - that's a luxury!" I honestly didn't know what to say at that point. Of course I can think of a dozen things now but she caught me off guard.
My co-worker surprised me with her attitude because she's very smart and health conscious as far as eating, not smoking, etc. BUT . . . she doesn't like to exercise (no surprise there). She has 2 young sons so her schedule is very busy and that's her excuse. Of course, I'm even busier and have a longer commute and still find time to exercise but I don't tell her that. The point is that she's not alone with that attitude and we can talk to others until we're blue in the face and they still won't get it.
I think you have to do what feels right for you but remember to be flexible, too. Sometimes friendships should come before workouts and sometimes friends just need to understand what's important to you.
Sue
onedayatatime
Cathlete
Nancy--for me (and my Situation) your comments are helpful.
I realize that there is one friend I have in particular who "I never have time to see" and truthfully, I'm not that crazy about her. So I can see how in her mind she might be more judgemental of my exercise or see exercise as a rival, like the inanimate buddy I pick to spend time with at 4 a.m. -- whereas I am often "too busy" to get together with her.
Sue- Also, the idea of exercise as a luxury is a good point. I do think many people think of it that way.
So good observations. Thank you. It's always good to think of things from different angles.
-Barb
I realize that there is one friend I have in particular who "I never have time to see" and truthfully, I'm not that crazy about her. So I can see how in her mind she might be more judgemental of my exercise or see exercise as a rival, like the inanimate buddy I pick to spend time with at 4 a.m. -- whereas I am often "too busy" to get together with her.
Sue- Also, the idea of exercise as a luxury is a good point. I do think many people think of it that way.
So good observations. Thank you. It's always good to think of things from different angles.
-Barb
andtckrtoo
Cathlete
I'm another 5AMer so I don't have this issue as much either, but I absolutely understand. I certainly would not skip a workout to play referee to a house hunting couple who cannot agree. Are you supposed to move in with them to keep them from arguing about the house forever? I also think that you neglected to mention something. You're a SAHM. You're time is not your own for the most part and the only time you have to yourself is you workout time. Without that workout time, you're not the same kind of mom. I sooo understand that one.
I have a question - does anyone else have friends who feel that they have to confess to you how bad they've been with exercise or eating? It cracks me up when a friend will come up to me glancing around as if they are going to confess that they murdered their husband, only to hear them say, "You know, I haven't been exercising and I really need to get back on the bandwagon." Like I'm an exercise priestess and by confessing to me they will somehow be "saved".
I have a question - does anyone else have friends who feel that they have to confess to you how bad they've been with exercise or eating? It cracks me up when a friend will come up to me glancing around as if they are going to confess that they murdered their husband, only to hear them say, "You know, I haven't been exercising and I really need to get back on the bandwagon." Like I'm an exercise priestess and by confessing to me they will somehow be "saved".
endorphin_junkie
Cathlete
There's been a lot of talk about 'The Secret' here but there is another 'secret' that we know that folks who don't workout just can't wrap their heads around. By expending energy intensely we accumulate even MORE energy to do all of the other things that are required of us, it's a beautiful thing!! Having said that, using that accumulated energy to look at houses with a couple wouldn't be high on my list. In the end the decision is their's no matter what you think so; no harm, no foul.
Take Care
Laurie
Take Care
Laurie
Fit_mommy
Cathlete
>There's been a lot of talk about 'The Secret' here but there
>is another 'secret' that we know that folks who don't workout
>just can't wrap their heads around. By expending energy
>intensely we accumulate even MORE energy to do all of the
>other things that are required of us, it's a beautiful thing!!
> Having said that, using that accumulated energy to look at
>houses with a couple wouldn't be high on my list. In the end
>the decision is their's no matter what you think so; no harm,
>no foul.
"Energy makes energy"...that's what my grandma always used to say! I firmly believe it too. Great post Laurie!
I actually would have enjoyed looking at houses just cause it can be a fun thing to do however, as another poster had stated...if it was really important to him that I come along, he should have spoken to me further in advance about this. It was definately a last minute idea.
>is another 'secret' that we know that folks who don't workout
>just can't wrap their heads around. By expending energy
>intensely we accumulate even MORE energy to do all of the
>other things that are required of us, it's a beautiful thing!!
> Having said that, using that accumulated energy to look at
>houses with a couple wouldn't be high on my list. In the end
>the decision is their's no matter what you think so; no harm,
>no foul.
"Energy makes energy"...that's what my grandma always used to say!
I firmly believe it too. Great post Laurie! I actually would have enjoyed looking at houses just cause it can be a fun thing to do however, as another poster had stated...if it was really important to him that I come along, he should have spoken to me further in advance about this. It was definately a last minute idea.
Fit_mommy
Cathlete
>I'm another 5AMer so I don't have this issue as much either,
>but I absolutely understand. I certainly would not skip a
>workout to play referee to a house hunting couple who cannot
>agree. Are you supposed to move in with them to keep them
>from arguing about the house forever?
LOL Christine, you are too funny!:7 DH and I plan to be house-hunting ourselves at some point this year and will undoubtedly have our arguments...it's par for the course.
>I also think that you
>neglected to mention something. You're a SAHM. You're time
>is not your own for the most part and the only time you have
>to yourself is you workout time. Without that workout time,
>you're not the same kind of mom. I sooo understand that one.
That is a good point. The time I carve out for exercise is even more important to me because just like those of you who work outside of the home, I do not have all of the time in the world to get it done. I currently am not one who can get up before dawn to work out (I wish I was), so for now I do it when life with my son allows and that could change at any minute.
>I have a question - does anyone else have friends who feel
>that they have to confess to you how bad they've been with
>exercise or eating? It cracks me up when a friend will come
>up to me glancing around as if they are going to confess that
>they murdered their husband, only to hear them say, "You know,
>I haven't been exercising and I really need to get back on the
>bandwagon." Like I'm an exercise priestess and by confessing
>to me they will somehow be "saved".
People don't do that to me but that's pretty funny.
>but I absolutely understand. I certainly would not skip a
>workout to play referee to a house hunting couple who cannot
>agree. Are you supposed to move in with them to keep them
>from arguing about the house forever?
LOL Christine, you are too funny!:7 DH and I plan to be house-hunting ourselves at some point this year and will undoubtedly have our arguments...it's par for the course.
>I also think that you
>neglected to mention something. You're a SAHM. You're time
>is not your own for the most part and the only time you have
>to yourself is you workout time. Without that workout time,
>you're not the same kind of mom. I sooo understand that one.
That is a good point. The time I carve out for exercise is even more important to me because just like those of you who work outside of the home, I do not have all of the time in the world to get it done. I currently am not one who can get up before dawn to work out (I wish I was), so for now I do it when life with my son allows and that could change at any minute.
>I have a question - does anyone else have friends who feel
>that they have to confess to you how bad they've been with
>exercise or eating? It cracks me up when a friend will come
>up to me glancing around as if they are going to confess that
>they murdered their husband, only to hear them say, "You know,
>I haven't been exercising and I really need to get back on the
>bandwagon." Like I'm an exercise priestess and by confessing
>to me they will somehow be "saved".
People don't do that to me but that's pretty funny.
Fit_mommy
Cathlete
So I was talking to DH about this very topic last night on the way home from that couple's house. The guy even mentioned to my DH when they went to the store to get something after we got there that he thinks I exercise too much. My DH said himself (w/o me prompting him) that comments such as those probably stem from jealousy. DH himself is amazed at my motivation and says that anyone who reacts negatively to what I do is probably just jealous...
onedayatatime
Cathlete
Your DH is a keeper, Wendy!!
-Barb
-Barb
JeanneMarie
Cathlete
Very interesting thread. Thanks to all of you for the different perspectives.
I don't get any flack for my exercising... mostly just awe and admiration that I'm so dedicated. I will admit that a lot of people don't understand committment to something that they see as painful and "not fun". That's where all of our (the good folks here) thought processes are different than the average person's.
I try my best to schedule my workouts around my daily obligations. For those that work outside the home, I know that it's more difficult than those of us (like myself) who don't go out to a job every day. Even though I have daily obligations (caring for an elderly father for one thing), it's pretty easy to slip that workout in at some point.
The other day I discussing a recent trip to Vegas with a friend who was planning his own trip and wanted advice on where to stay, and what wing of a particular hotel was best, etc. I told him my preference for room location, and my main reason being that it was close to the spa/fitness facilities. His remark, "I think that I could manage to skip working out when I'm on vacation." This was said in a slightly derogatory tone, as if my working out on vacation was just plain weird. I just didn't react or reply to his statement. But you see, he doesn't work out in the first place, so his statement came from a place of total ignorance. He doesn't understand that I consider working out a fun and enjoyable thing... and isn't that what you strive for on vacation?
Most people will just never understand!
I don't get any flack for my exercising... mostly just awe and admiration that I'm so dedicated. I will admit that a lot of people don't understand committment to something that they see as painful and "not fun". That's where all of our (the good folks here) thought processes are different than the average person's.
I try my best to schedule my workouts around my daily obligations. For those that work outside the home, I know that it's more difficult than those of us (like myself) who don't go out to a job every day. Even though I have daily obligations (caring for an elderly father for one thing), it's pretty easy to slip that workout in at some point.
The other day I discussing a recent trip to Vegas with a friend who was planning his own trip and wanted advice on where to stay, and what wing of a particular hotel was best, etc. I told him my preference for room location, and my main reason being that it was close to the spa/fitness facilities. His remark, "I think that I could manage to skip working out when I'm on vacation." This was said in a slightly derogatory tone, as if my working out on vacation was just plain weird. I just didn't react or reply to his statement. But you see, he doesn't work out in the first place, so his statement came from a place of total ignorance. He doesn't understand that I consider working out a fun and enjoyable thing... and isn't that what you strive for on vacation?
Most people will just never understand!
Jeanne Marie, you brought up many good points-
>I don't get any flack for my exercising... mostly just awe and
>admiration that I'm so dedicated.
I get the same reaction too.
>Even though I have daily obligations it's
>pretty easy to slip that workout in at some point.
And that's probably what most people think. To Wendy, you had valid reasons not to go house-hunting with this couple - who wants to be referee! They probably think you have all the time in the world to exercise, and wonder why you wouldn't break your schedule to be with them? But maybe next time it best to say you're busy, and not get into details that they can pick apart. KWIM?
>I told him my preference for room location, and my main
>reason being that it was close to the spa/fitness facilities.
>His remark, "I think that I could manage to skip working out
>when I'm on vacation." This was said in a slightly derogatory
>tone, as if my working out on vacation was just plain weird.
>I just didn't react or reply to his statement. But you see,
>he doesn't work out in the first place, so his statement came
>from a place of total ignorance. He doesn't understand that I
>consider working out a fun and enjoyable thing... and isn't
>that what you strive for on vacation?
And if he was a golfer, you know it would be important to him to be near a golfcourse!
Diane
>I don't get any flack for my exercising... mostly just awe and
>admiration that I'm so dedicated.
I get the same reaction too.
>Even though I have daily obligations it's
>pretty easy to slip that workout in at some point.
And that's probably what most people think. To Wendy, you had valid reasons not to go house-hunting with this couple - who wants to be referee! They probably think you have all the time in the world to exercise, and wonder why you wouldn't break your schedule to be with them? But maybe next time it best to say you're busy, and not get into details that they can pick apart. KWIM?
>I told him my preference for room location, and my main
>reason being that it was close to the spa/fitness facilities.
>His remark, "I think that I could manage to skip working out
>when I'm on vacation." This was said in a slightly derogatory
>tone, as if my working out on vacation was just plain weird.
>I just didn't react or reply to his statement. But you see,
>he doesn't work out in the first place, so his statement came
>from a place of total ignorance. He doesn't understand that I
>consider working out a fun and enjoyable thing... and isn't
>that what you strive for on vacation?
And if he was a golfer, you know it would be important to him to be near a golfcourse!
Diane
Aquajock
Cathlete
Another point can be made here:
When you are asked to do something and your answer is "no", you owe the asker precisely zero explanation or apology as to why you are saying "no". Certainly you can decline politely, even humorously, but you do not need to follow it up with a justification, regardless of what that justification might be. And the asker has no right to demand one. Only self-centered people feel they are owed one by friends.
A-Jock
When you are asked to do something and your answer is "no", you owe the asker precisely zero explanation or apology as to why you are saying "no". Certainly you can decline politely, even humorously, but you do not need to follow it up with a justification, regardless of what that justification might be. And the asker has no right to demand one. Only self-centered people feel they are owed one by friends.
A-Jock