Why do people have more than 2 kids??

naughtoj

naughtoj

Cathlete
I was thinking about this this morning, taling with hubby, we were stumped (we are childless so far).

Usually having your first child is an "oopsie" or a big decision. Sometimes you make the decision not really being 100% confident it is the right one, but once the maternal instinct kicks in, you manage, and find you love your baby more than anything. Agree with this?? Few people regret their first.

Then, maybe, you start thinking that the baby needs a sibling or he/she will get lonely. So you decide to have another.

But what happens with the 3+? I mean, each child you have is more $$ out, more responsibility. You have already experienced having two before. Tell me the reasons why people decide to have 3+ children. I just don't get it. Seems like with 3+ children you would be so busy all the time that you barely have time to catch your breath. And broke, in many cases..Do you just like being pg?

Englighten me. ;)
 
This is just me, and actually I only have two kids but I considered having a third for a very long time. Wanting to be pregnant was not the reason for wanting the child. There is such a bond of love that you develop with your child and it's such a beautiful and life changing experience. I mean there is nothing I wouldn't do for my children. You are no longer absorbed with things that are best for you because now your thinking for that other person. Not that you shouldn't take care of yourself, we all should. I don't know it's hard to describe. They are wonderful and challenging all at the same time. Loving this experience is what made me consider a third child. Oh by the way, my first pregnancy was very difficult and my second was pretty easy going, didn't mind being pregnant the second time. There's more to it than this but here ya go.
 
I only have one child, but I do know friends and family that have 3, 4, even 5 kids. They all say they love kids. They just want lots of happy young 'uns running around. I think that if you really love kids, the whole financial thing, time issues, etc just go out the window. You find a way to get things done, pay the bills and get through life. I'm not going to say its not stressful, but to some people, having children is more important than the stress that comes with them.

Plus most of them say - after three, what's another one? There comes a point where another child simply no longer adds to the chaos. These are the people who have five kids plus five of their kids' freinds over all the time.

Me personally? We talked about having another one, but the timing was never quite right. My husband was starting his own business, then I took a postion that required a lot of traveling, then we wer in the process of selling/buying a new home, getting settled. Next thing you know, our DD is 14. Our DD is a great kid and I wouldn't trade her for the world (although she has her moments) but I wouldn't go back to diapers and night time feedings for anything.

Plus I agree with Mic, until you experience having your own child (adopted or otherwise), it's impossible to comprehend the impact they have on your life. I tried to explain it to my sister when they were deciding to have kids. There are no words for what children do to you. Things that were important are no longer important. Things that weren't important are now critical. Your emotions take on a level of intensity you didn't know was possible. It's life changing.
 
Ok, I have 3 kids, and in our case I wanted more than I grew up with, my brother and I fought like cats and dogs and while that is normal, I thought (naively) that having another one would make things better. My dh came from a family of 5 and since they were Catholic that was normal for them. He didn't want 5, so agreed to have 3. As it turns out I have all boys and having 3 does change the dynamics of your family immensely. The parents are now outnumbered.

But God says that children are a blessing and that we shouldn't feel them as a burden. I was raised that you have as many children as you feel that you can afford to raise. I know people in my church that have 4,5,even 7, and an internet friend that has 12 children so it is all in how you view them.

While having a girl would have been nice I had 3 c-sections and each baby got bigger and bigger so I am satisfied with what God gave me. I wouldn't trade them for the world.

Alot of people that have 2 and get the same sex do go for a 3rd to try and get the opposite sex. In the one case up the road from us the lady ended up with 7 boys.

It really is all a preference to what you feel you can handle and really after 3 adding another makes no difference at all or so I am told,LOL!!
 
Note: I do not have any children.

I have two siblings, as does my husband. My brother and his wife are expecting their third child in August. My mom and dad had an “oops” with their third, but my brother and his wife, from the time they first decided to have children, said they wanted three. My dad is all for three as he said he read somewhere that ‘women who have three children live longer than women who have less or more than that.’ My dad’s also done time in a psych ward, so there’s that, too. I decided about five years ago that children weren’t for me, but up until that point, I always wanted them, and I wanted three. I guess it’s just the ‘magic’ number for my family. (Although my magic number is zero.)

I have a feeling this thread will turn into a flame war. I hope it doesn’t, but I bet it will. Until it does, it’ll be interesting to read others’ responses.
 
Well, we have three kids: 13, 7, and 2. I think the reasons people have more kids are varied. For us, it was a couple reasons: 1. I was one of two kids and didn't like just having one sibling. Personally, I wished we had a bigger family when I was a kid. I think it would be fun to have more than just one sibling to play, hang out with, or just be close to. 2. We do LOVE kids! We love going to their activities, being involved with their lives, playing with them, going on vacations with them, etc. We spaced ours out like we did because we wanted to be able to be involved in activities as long as possible. We are busy most of the time, but we have a supportive marriage that enables us to work it out between us. 3. I want a big family when I'm older. My mom was an only child, and my DH parents are both only children. We have a very small family at gatherings, and for me it's hard at special occasions like baptisms, graduations, etc. to not have very many family members present. Also, I want to visualize all those crazy grandkids running around at Christmas time and I want more than one or two kids to be responsible for taking care of me in my old age! (ha ha) :)

Some of my friends have more than 3 children mainly because of religious reasons.

These are just our own personal reasons, but I hope they helped! Interesting question!
 
"But what happens with the 3+? I mean, each child you have is more $$ out, more responsibility. You have already experienced having two before. Tell me the reasons why people decide to have 3+ children. I just don't get it. Seems like with 3+ children you would be so busy all the time that you barely have time to catch your breath. And broke, in many cases..Do you just like being pg?"


OK, Since you are childless your ignorance on this precious topic is forgiven. I have strong feelings about why I have 4 children and why God made me the yourgest of 8 children. The decision to have children in any number is highly personal. DH and I were thrilled to be able to have 4 childrn and raise them in stable loving environment. It is not up to anyone to judge why or why not people have 1 or any number of children. For us it was just the right thing to do. If I did not have my 4 loving kids and a very special DH to help raise them, I would not know what I was missing. But I do have them, and feel so lucky to be in this position in my life. My love for these five people is imeasurable.

It has been my observation that some people who are childless remain more self centered than those who parent children. We all start out self centered. It is human nature. I'm not saying all childless people are sllfish at all. I would notwant to make blanket statement as such. I have just obvserved it in some cases.

The experience of raising children has taught me much about life in general. Especailly it has helped me see prioritites in a different way. It is an expereience I would not want to miss in my life. JMHO.


Judy "Likes2bfit"


If you fail to plan, then you plan to fail.



http://im1.shutterfly.com/procserv/47b5ce27b3127cce94279e1404fa00000016108AatHLZo3buN

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viola was surprise. and she keeps giving surprises but we have debated more. right now its a no b/c all my time is spent on viola and fighting tooth and nail b/c of her disorder. i have daydreamed about being pregnant again, having another child so viola and the baby have each other. but viola just cannot understand safety and that would put all of us in a not so good situation.

i am not sure about having 3 myself, but for everybody its different. i guess the more you have the more love you can spread around would be a good reason.

kassia

http://www.picturetrail.com/ldy_solana

"And do what thee wilt as long as ye harm none"
 
I don't have any children but hopefully will be able to adopt someday. If and when that day comes, I'd love to adopt as many kids as would be financially and emotionally possible. For me, I just want to show children who are already in this world that they are special and so worth loving. I think the feelings are the same if you want to give birth to your own children. You have a lot of love in you and you want to express that love to as many as you feel you are able to. That number is different for everyone but I think it stems from a place of giving love. Now there are those who may have more kids to keep up with other siblings, friends or who think it's "expected" of them because that's what their parents did. There are other people who continue having children not because they really want more, but who are choosing not to use birth control for whatever their reason is.

Bam
 
I think everyone is different. Some people just want large families. I don't have any kids and I really don't know if I could handle more than 2. Maybe that would change when I have a child, but for now I think two would be the max. My boss on the other hand has 16 (that's right) 16 children ranging in age from 30's to middle school age. Now I know for sure that would kill me.:)
 
I think that is well put Judy. I have two boys, almost 2 and 4. My husband and I definately want to have another in the near future. It is impossible to put into words the joy and blessings these children bring to our life. There are always difficult times, as in any other situation in life, but I always know that all I have to do is look at one of my children, and the worries, and stresses go away. What more could anyone ask for? They just fill my heart with such love and I would do anything for them. I can't imagine my life without them. Even on those days that I need a break, after a few hours I can' t wait to come home and get those hugs and I love you mommy!'s

Who knows, maybe after the third, there might be a fourth?!?!?

As I imagine it wasn't the intention, I was too a little put off when I read this post? It does come across as very judgemental.

Maeghan AKA megadoo

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http://www.picturetrail.com/megadoo2
 
After our first child was born, we decided to have another. I miscarried, and then it took me a long time to get pg again. As a result, there are 4 years between my two children. There were times I longed to have a 3rd... but in the end decided that having my two beautiful girls was just right. Also, the endless news about the increasing destruction of our environment due to the overpopulation of this planet led me to believe I definitely made a good decision. I worry about the kind of world -- environmentally speaking -- that my kids are going to have to deal with in 30, 40 years. Scientists are already predicting massive human suffering because of the environmental woes we're experiencing right now... okay I'll get off my soap box now!
 
It's a very personal thing - I personally would not want more than 2, but that's me. It's NOT responsible to have more than you can financially take care of, IMO.

"It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt." Mark Twain ;-)
 
I have a child and I do understand Janice's question. I had one child and because of our financial situation and an unhappy marriage, did not have another one. I am fine with that.

After having one child and knowing the work and money it takes to raise one...I also wonder why people have more than two. It is my observation that people who have three or more children can afford to have that many and must have a significant other that does at least half the work and provides 100% of the finances. Otherwise, I don't see how it could possibly be a worthwhile endevour.

As far as Judy's comment about self-centeredness without children...I can only speak for myself. I am absolutely more self-centered now that my daughter is grown and has her own life than when I was raising my daughter. While she was growing up, her needs always came first, mine second. I can only imagine how hard it must be to keep one's "self" while having to put several children first.

My hats off to those of you who have multiple children and have been able to raise them in a stable and loving environment.

And, yes, there are some women who just like being pregnant. Over the years, I've even seen that written by them on these boards. There's nothing wrong with that. Some women really like the way their body feels when they're pregnant. I enjoyed pregnancy myself.
 
Janice, I'm sure you don't mean to sound judgmental, but that is really how this post presents. I recall there was a very, very, very long thread (read: controversy) on this topic a while back. You might want to do a search on keywords to find it. It was pages and pages long because obviously this is a sensitive issue.

And with good reason. Why do we as a society feel the need to make judgments on and then endlessly editorialize about other people's decisions regarding family? I am not suggesting anyone should just procreate at will, but I also don't think arguments regarding the expense or the global responsibility or population control issues are as simple as others would make them out to be, because just who then gets to make the rules? To decide what is a reasonable number of children to have, and based on what financial statistics? Is there research somewhere that indicates 2 is the magic number for producing successful offspring who don't end up leading lives of crime? I mean, seriously. How can any of us grant ourselves that power over others? (Granted, if you aren't taking care of the kids you have, that's another issue altogether, but that wasn't the point of this post.)

I don't mean to be inflammatory or antagonistic to anyone. I just wonder why we can't just live and let live. (Or, I should say, live responsibly and let others live responsibly. :) )

Marie
 
Very well put Marie!
I think seeing the precious face of your newborn baby, or child, is definately a worthwhile endeavor, no matter how much money is in your bank account. IMHO

Maeghan AKA megadoo

http://www.3fatchicks.net/img/bar072/slider-but3/lb/203/145/159/.png[/img] [/url]

http://www.picturetrail.com/megadoo2
 
I can't speak to having more than two b/c I only have my 2yo son at this time. For me as well as DH, we just knew we wanted two max, but that is totally personal to us. I think there have been some well put thoughts out there for the 3+ group, and my hat is off to them. It certainly is a big responsibility, but I think that with one kid or more than that. They take a lot of thought and careful attention, but the love in return more than makes up for it. I know with my son, he is the light and joy of our life, and I know all the parents understand what I mean. I am not knocking the ones who choose not to be b/c that is a valiant decision in itself, but I think those who are parents can relate possibly a bit more to the question at hand.


Live with sincerity, love with passion, and dance like you mean it.

Debbie
 
I have 3 children and we dearly wanted to have more. I come from a family of 3 Kids, my husband from 6. Each of our children were a blessing with unique circustances surrounding the conception of each. Our first child was the next natural progression of a happy marriage and the undeniable call of Mother nature, the 'urge to breed' if you will;-) After that we knew we wanted more Kids but had no set plan (as if life would really care what our 'plans' were;-) ). Three Kids is what happened but if circumstances had been different there would have been more, no reason it's what was right for us in our circumstances. I have talked to so many people about this and have come to the conclusion that there is no 'right' time and no 'right' number. There is no rationalizing matters of the heart and soul, the decision to have children is so deeply personal it goes beyond mere words.

Take Care
Laurie:)
 
Janice,

I don't have any kids and about a year ago I thought I
would have two and end with that. I was also thinking this
way because of financial reasons. Getting pregnant is not
as easy as it seems for some people. I've been trying to conceive
for the past six months now, thinking that it I would conceive in
a certain month so it could go hand in hand with my job etc.

After seeing that it isn't so easy, my perception of having
a baby has changed very much. I no longer care if I conceive
on the worst month (that will interfere with my job) and
I no longer care about the finances.

My mom always told me that all a baby needs is love and rest
will come later. I also don't think that anybody just likes
to be pregnant. Morning sickness, swolen legs, back pain .....etc???

Kathy
 
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