Why do I still care so much about high school?

Clarissa

Clarissa

Cathlete
I was overweight in high school. I was not obese...I was a tight 14 or so, proportioned, hour-glass type shape. Not in sports, tried out for cheerleading, everyone laughed at me in tryouts - I was really good actually, but I was a joke to them, and they let me know...

Sometimes people would whisper about me and call me names to my face AND behind my back. It was really bad, but I don't need to go into the day-to-day detail b/c it still hurts. In fact, I was so depressed about my weight that I had "bad" thoughts if you know what I mean. B/c I didn't overeat...I just had a poor diet and slow metabolism (I guess).

Anyway, you all know the story that I lost all this weight 8 years ago and now I am a certified personal trainer.

My 10 year reunion is next weekend! YEah baby! But why do I want to show off so much? I mean seriously, I am not arrogant as a person - I am always kind and caring and deep down inside I still feel like that chubby girl, but what IS it about me that wants to go in there and show them my size 4 body and toned arms? I have been tanning, over-dieting for a month, trying new hairstyles, and I have bought several dresses, and then I keep returning them for something better. I mean you would think I am trying out for some competition. Why do I care so much what I look like for this reunion? Will I ever get over the hurt feelings that I once experienced?? What I experienced changed my whole life, yes for the better, but am I being too vain about this?? Thanks for listening, Clarissa
 
You're not just showing those morons what you look like now, you're showing them what they missed about you--an inspiring, interesting, kind and wonderful person!! Which is exactly what you were 10 years ago and what you are still today. You go there and show them how foolish they were to judge people based on such shallow standards--maybe at least one of them will be a little nicer to someone else because of it. Then, move on with your life and forget everyone of them and everything they ever said that hurt you. That's my advice for what it's worth. I hope you have fun!

Jonahnah
Chocolate IS the answer, regardless of the question.
 
Clarissa,
I still think about highschool every day. It was the worst experience of my life. Sometimes I think I should never have children because they'll go through highschool--and god forbid they experience what I did.

How funny you wrote this post today because I received a voicemail today from an old highschool friend. It really shook me. I have cut off all contact from my highschool friends and decided long ago that I want nothing to do with them. But apparantely they still want something to do with me. I struggled with my weight all through school-heavy, then severely underweight, then heavy again. It was a daily battle. I am now strong, at a great weight and healthy. I still shutter at the thought of seeing these "highschool friends" again. But I think I am going to overcome these issues and reconnect.

You are going to blow them away at your reunion. You are beautiful, healthy, strong, and happy. Go buy a beautiful dress and show them what you've become. They'll all be eating their words the second you walk through the door. And it's not because you're thin and sexy. It's because you're happy, strong and confident.

Go for it. I can't wait to hear how it goes. I will be thinking of you!!!!!!
 
I just went to my 20th class reunion last month. I was not overweight in high school but gained weight after marriage and kids then lost it about a year ago after a lot of Cathe and Tony. I kind of wanted to go and show off a little, but once I got there....all of that went out the window. It was more about catching up with all my old friends.

High school can be a cruel place, but the people really don't change much. The people you liked in high school you will probably like now and the people you didn't like.....well, chances are, you still won't like them. Go and have a great time and let us know how it goes.

Angie
 
I really appreciate that. I failed to mention that I was also voted "shyest" for my graduating class. It really made me upset. I had to pose for the yearbook with my hands over my mouth and eyes like I was "hiding". Now, I am a Human Resources Director and I want to tell them Ha! I speak in public all the time! I am not the shy girl anymore. I am now confident! I am not shy little "Crissy" that I was in school who let people call her fat and then ran in the bathroom and cry about it...
Venting again...
 
You vent away, girl!! I was chubby (ok, I was fat) in high school too, so it was a BLAST going to my 10 year reunion after having 3 kids and at least 40 lbs lighter than I was then!!!! ;-) Although I still had lots of friends, I was a *band geek*. Oh well, it was fun to see a few guys that used to be my *math partners* to get the answers. ;-) They were sure shocked to see me now!

You're going to BLOW them away and I hope you share some pics of the new you!!! And best of all, I'm glad that you're so much more confident and happy with yourself now!! :)
 
Jess - Yeah, I was a band geek too. French horn. Classical piano. It was the next best thing to cheerleading though, right? yeah, right!
I loved my band days! Miss them sometimes.
 
Band geeks rule! LOL Flute here, and I was performance major. I still play, love it! I miss those high school band days though, so much fun! And hey, I think the band got the crowds pumped up a lot more at football games than those cheerleaders... :p
 
I hated high school, especially my junior and senior years. I went to a small town high school where if you were not a "jock" or dating one, then you weren't "in". I remember walking down the halls and all the popular girls laughing at me (I was really into vintage clothing and that whole look, plus my best friend was a guy, a gay guy, that didn't fly back then.)

I had two very close friends who to this day I still keep in touch with. :) I was a size 12 when I graduated-I am a size 4 or 6 now, so when my 20 year reunion came up, I so wanted to go, just walk in and look freakin amazing just to spite them all.}( But then I realized why am I still letting those old hurts haunt me? I actually ended up not going because I was traveling for business, but my friend sent pics and said everyone was asking about me. It is a strange barrage of emotions I feel regarding alot of my past, so I try to remain in the present day with those I love. Forgive and forget I try to tell myself.
:)

But if you are feeling strong-and you should feel strong and beautiful, there is no reason why you cannot go in and knock their socks off!:7
 
Closure is a beautiful thing and going to the reunion will probably offer you some. You might find out that all of those people who hurt you, were really hurt themselves. It is a kind of a sad thing that when a human is at its most senstitive and hormonal (teenage years) they throw us all together and say, "make it work."

HAVE FUN!!!


KIM
 
My experience was similar to yours Clarissa. I wore a size 18 kilt to Catholic school, had huge breasts so of course it was assumed I was a slut (didn't find out they were whispering that until years after the fact..funny thing is I was one of the last virgins of High School). Individuals liked me but I never fit into the 'cliques' (thank God). Anyway we had our 20th reunion and I was so excited to see everyone and catch up. I wore a size 8 black mini skirt and a beautiful red wool/cashmere sweater. I went with old friends, was fussed over supremely by bald fat guys who used to be 'hunks' and marvelled at the fine looking mature men who were pigeonholed as 'geeks and nerds'. A fascinating and fantastic night of just desserts....hope you have a wonderful time with your fabulous self, you've worked for it now ENJOY!

Take Care
Laurie:)
 
I was a "geek" in high school. I had friends (some I still keep in contact with) but there was this one kid who was always teasing me. He was such an a**hole. Twenty years later he meets me at a party and his mouth just dropped! He couldn't believe I was the same girl he brutalized in high school. He was all over me like a dog in heat. His girlfriend was so upset with him she walked out. He's still an a**hole, but it was sweet justice for me!

Knock 'em over! I bet their jaws will drop!
 
Go blow them out of the water!! Trust me, all of those nasty cheerleaders will be on the losing end of the stick. Popped out a few kids, bodies gone to hell - heck at my 10 year reunion there were several people already working on their first divorces! Go show them what they missed!!
 
I was picked on too. For different reasons--I'm still not clear exactly why--but I remember having those big red "kill" balls hurled at me in gym class. I ended up getting permanently excused from gym. I finally ended up dropping out of HS. And I still wish I'd accidentally run in to one or more of them so they could see me now!

This post has good timing b/c I got a call today from a councilmember I worked for in VA. My boss there treated me terribly & fired me for political reasons. He was always very supportive of me & called me to tell me that SHE got fired this week! Yeah, I considered picking up the phone & leaving a little laughter on her voice mail but thought better of it. That said, to this day I can't get over the way she treated me & still wake up some mornings just FUMING about it!

It's easy to say some things you just have to let go, don't sweat the small stuff, living well is the best revenge, yadda yadda yadda. But when you try to be yourself & do your best, & people hurt you for it anyway, it's a tough thing to get over.
 
What Jonahnah said! Many things that happen in high school are formative and will affect us for many years to come. What you may find is that at your reunion people have matured (usually ;) ) and will now be interested, as was stated before, in you as the person who you were then (when they didn't care) and now. Anyway, I think that the desire to "show off" is normal and go for it! (Tastefull, of course :D ) I hope you enjoy yourself.
 
Go to the reunion knock 'em dead, girl!

I don't know why high school of all things has such a hold over people, including me, although I must say that I experienced a sense of "closure" at my 20 year reunion--finally!

Anyway, your value isn't in your new size 4 and toned arms, but they are something you worked hard for and I think its just fine to show off your hard work. (and I hope some of the mean people got fat....ooops my snarky side is showing....sorry}( )

Go and have a good time.

Maggie:)
 
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