Why do I sabotage myself?

eminenz2

eminenz2

Cathlete
I hope I'm not the only one who does this:

Last summer I did WW and Cathe and lost a bunch of weight. Ever since school started back up, I have kept up with the workouts (except lately) but have not been as religious about my food intake as I should be.

With all the record-keeping I have to do as a school-teacher - lesson plans, grades, etc, I think is I had to keep track of one more thing I think I'd go nuts.

BUT! That's no excuse for eating chocolate during the day (taken from the secretary's candy jar on her desk)! Or cheetos and a huge chocolate chip cookie at the after-school staff meeting, you get the picture.

I have only gained back 3 pounds since last September, but I know it's coming, that train's rolling down the track, and it's gonna catch up with me sooner or later...

I've been trying my best "Dr. Phil" on myself - So how's this eating workin' for ya, Susan? Whatta ya gettin'out of it? But I can't think of an answer.

Things had been very stressful at work but not so much now. But that's still no excuse!!

Help?

Why do I keep sabotaging myself?

Thanks for reading my post.

Susan G.
 
Hi, Susan! Thanks for posing the question! The subject of perceived self-sabotage comes up frequently here, and you'll find many answers from people who have gone through the same cycles.

In my humble opinion, there are both emotional and physical arcs to building and maintaining healthy habits, especially when the building process is fairly dramatic: exercising regularly when one did no exercise before; and paying close attention to food choices and quantities when one never did so before. The initial benefits to the building process can be fairly dramatic as well, and then . . . the track levels off a bit, and one realizes all over again that this is a week-in-week-out, daily series of choices rather than a short-term proposition. I have to think that it is at that time when some older behaviors can start to creep back in, at least in part to have the comfort of familiar things.

Maintaining healthy habits is, I believe, even more of a challenge than the initial stages of building these habits, because life lasts a long, long time and it's a marathon rather than a sprint. And it's okay to re-evaluate what works for you in these habits in maintenance mode; what worked last summer might not work for you now, especially with the change in daily schedule due to school back in. And, what worked before in terms of closely-detailed record-keeping about food intake might be "backlashing" on you now.

It also might be that you are due for a change-up in the challenge that your workouts provide. One of the things that can fall by the wayside for people who have implemented an "exercise life" is the need to consistently increase the challenge and intensity of their workouts, both in terms of strength training and cardio. Because of the training effect, one's body adapts to the demands placed on it, and in order to keep the workouts effective AND STIMULATING mentally as well as physically (like those two can be differentiated!), one has to keep adding intensity to keep giving one what she needs.

Just some thoughts. I'd be interested in others' opinions and insights on this. I don't know that I've "seen" you here before; welcome!

A-jock
Philosophical Bald
 
Hey Susan,
I am a teacher too and have recently lost over 20 pounds with Weight Watchers. Since Spring Break I have been struggling with my eating also. I know EXACTLY how you feel and what you are facing. I teach a special education behavior class and we work closely with a regular kindergarten class. The regular kindergarten parents are a little TOO good to us. The week I started WW I turned down homemade cookies, homemade apple pie, Godiva chocolate(I LOVE chocoloate), and the list goes on and on. It was torture.

One key for me is to plan to cheat. Another thing, is that I go by how my clothes feel and fit rather than what the scale says because of all the weight work I now incorporate into my workouts thanks to Cathe. Also, don't be so hard on yourself and know that you can get back on the bandwagon. So you ate some chocolate, be good the rest of the day and don't obsess about it. If you really feel like your eating is getting out of control, journal what you are eating again. It's amazing to me when I know I have to write it down and look at it at the end of the day, what I will not eat or at least will really think about it before popping something unplanned into my mouth. Just some thoughts. For some of us, myself included, making healthy food choices will be a daily struggle. Just know that you seem to have made many more good choices than bad and keep up the great work! I understand about stress at work and I have to fight the urge to turn to eating when I am stressed too. I just got out for the summer, but a couple of months ago I was doing special education paperwork and holding annual review meetings. It is CRAZY and way more paperwork and meetings than when I worked in an office full time! What grade do you teach?
Angela:7
 
Record keeping for your food intake does not have to be complicated and time consuming. I keep a WW paper journal, and it take just minutes to do every day. With my journals, and my Calorie King book, it's NOT a big deal, I promise you.

We can throw all the hints at you that you've read before, but here they are again....

Don't let yourself get hungry, and keep healthier food on hand to eat instead of the chocolate and cheetos. Plan, Plan, Plan.

Don't worry about hurting someone's feelings if you decline the cookies that she/he baked.

Decide that it's more important to keep yourself on track than it is to let yourself give in to the momentary gratification of eating junk.

I know I tend to over-simplify stuff, but it all boils down to this: You have choices, chick, so make smarter ones.

Make exercise an unbreakable appointment with yourself, and let NOTHING and NO ONE get in the way. Tell yourself it's just as important as a diabetic's insulin...this is what you HAVE to do every day, for your health.

Just a suggestion, take it or leave it.
 
Excellent thoughts, Ms. A-nonymous. ;-) Susan's feelings are very familiar to many of us, I'm sure!

If I could answer Susan's question, I could save myself tens of thousands of therapy dollars every year. All I know is, after years of therapy, I still prefer to take two steps forward and one step back rather then taking three steps forward, and it's been this way all my life, and a lot of women seem to be the same way.

I have one story that I think sheds some light on how I operate. When I was a teenager and my parents told me I had to go away to college, I was horrified at the thought of leaving my home. I took the SAT exam and got a very average score. I didn't even think I was college material!! Many years later, I decided I wanted to go to law school, and needed a certain minimum LSAT score to stay in New Jersey and be near my family and boyfriend. I exceeded the score I needed and scored in the 95th percentile in the country!! Same person, two wildly different standardized scores.

The moral of my story: I can achieve anything I want to as long as it meets my emotional needs, and if it doesn't meet my emotional needs, I will screw it up, even if I don't realize it. The only way for me to win is to marry my goals to my gut. At least I think that's the answer, but I'm still working on it.

If you were perfectly fit, what would it mean to you? How do you envision your life? Is your life better if you're not so perfect? Would you expect even MORE from yourself?

Does this help at all? Or is it just what Dr. Phil says?
 
Susan G.

I can understand totally where you're coming from! I spend a lot of time chastising myself for having things that I know are wrecking my good efforts that day! It seems that as soon as I start seeing improvements in my body a few days later I'm eating all those dishes and treats that I should stay away from, with the exception of my cheat day. :( I don't understand why I do it!

Honeybunch - I'm going to print out your "hints" and post copies on the fridge, my workout board and my journal!

I try to envision the body I want to have but it always seems so impossible to attain. Why is this? x(

Thanks for listening to me too!
Angie
 
AquaJock skillfully said:
>It also might be that you are due for a change-up in the
>challenge that your workouts provide. One of the things that
>can fall by the wayside for people who have implemented an
>"exercise life" is the need to consistently increase the
>challenge and intensity of their workouts, both in terms of
>strength training and cardio. Because of the training effect,
>one's body adapts to the demands placed on it, and in order to
>keep the workouts effective AND STIMULATING mentally as well
>as physically (like those two can be differentiated!), one has
>to keep adding intensity to keep giving one what she needs.
>

Aquajock,

I just love the way you put things. What a great take on the subject.

The one thing that really scares me (only almost 1 year in to any steady workout schedule) is the idea of always upping the intensity. Could you get to a point where you are happy with your progress and then do some sort of maintenance schedule? I'm asking because I'm not sure I always want to "kill" myself with IMAX workouts, or once I get up to my limit in lower body (which I am getting close to now in that at some point I won't be able to lift the barbell over my head), can't I just maintain that? I worry especially on the weight side because I don't necessarily want to build up really big. I'm not there yet, and not really worrying about it because it takes a lot. Lets take you for example - have you continued to increase your weights over the years, or are you talking more about jumping from style of workout to style - to shock your body?

I'm probably not explaining my fear as well as you explained your position, but I'm hoping you'll understand.
 
RE: Punky333

Hi, Miss Punkini! (Sorry - I've wanted to say that for weeks! }( )

Thanks for your kind words; just a couple of me-things and opinions:

IMHO, yes you can work up to an intensity level that you feel comfortably challenged with, and stay there. The problem, if a problem it indeed is, is that when you adapt to a given challenging routine physically, that routine becomes . . . well, a tad less challenging. For me, I-Max used to kill me, and now . . . it's a very doable routine even with significant upward modifications in the aerobic, anaerobic, and recovery phases of each interval. So what I had to do for mental entertainment as well as athletic progress is pull together other routines that were as intense but in different modes: hi/lo, circuit and aqua. (I owe a debt of gratitude to Cathe for introducing me to my legs, as well as true interval training, an introduction that has helped me advance in aqua training as well as land training.) I do think that regular exercisers' bodies "hunger" for intensity challenge as much as they do for good food, and the trick is to keep that challenge going through upwardly intensifying a specific mode, OR doing a variety of modes, OR preferably both.

In answer to your question, I'll acknowledge I'm quite different from most Cathe-ites in that I do not follow the same rotation schedules and switcheroos that they do. And my leg strengthening, ab strengthening and upper body strengthening sequences are fairly bread and butter, and I perform the same lower body and upper body routines 2 - 3 times per week. And yes, I simply continue to add weight load as the muscles train up. Because I too developed too much leg strength for safe barbell use, I bought an adjustable weight vest and just keep adding weight to that rather than worry about the barbell over the shoulders. Because 2 of my 4-5 workouts per week are water-based, with changing choreo each and every session, I can keep the variety going for muscle endurance through that, and just keep it simple for the lifting, which is just how I like it.

I don't know if this is of any use to you, but that's where I sit. Another thing that I think helps people plateau out is that as they get stronger muscle-wise, especially through the legs, they sometimes neglect to use that additional strength to add power and upward intensity to their cardio. Strength can assist cardio wonderfully in that way, IMHO.

Thanks again for your kind words!

A-jock
 
Thank you EVERYONE for the kind replies and the no-nonsense, makes perfect sense advice. It's just what I needed.

Honeybunch, I'm taking a line from you "You got choices, chick, start making better ones!" and I'm taping it on everything I look at, from my lunchbox to my fridge!

Nancy, I think I'm like you in that I'd rather take two steps forward and one back rather than just take three step forward. I don't know why. It must be a self-confidence thing, maybe having something to do with what we (I) deserve to have happen to me.

You know, what if I lose all this weight and then gain it back - what if people say "I told you so." What if it's ME saying to myself, "I told you so, I told you you couldn't keep the weight off...," as my evil inner voice has been known to do - LOL!

I am a music teacher in Maryland, I teach kids K-5 in age and I'm mainly a lurker here and on the FIRM Ya-Yas forum. Sometimes I'll post, usually in spurts of three or four posts at a time, and then I slink away. I've been around for about a year now, but try to remain quiet. I learn more from just reading than talking myself.

Thanks again, everyone, for your support!

Susan G.
 
Susan, I wouldn't necessarily call this "self=sabotage" as you are being aided and abetted by others! I'm a teacher, too, and it seems that colleages and secretaries love to bring in the junk food! Good thing that our new secretary isn't a junk food junky like the former one!

Do you have an easily available stash of healthy treats at work? Sounds like that would help somewhat.
 
That is a good idea about keeping a stash of my own healthy foods. That way I would be less likely to wander from my portable and into the main school building in search of munchies. Too bad there aren't more "all you can eat" munchies available that you can easily store in your desk.

Somehow, the amount of food I ate last summer (about 25 pts per day) was enough, but by 10:30 in the morning at school, I'm ready for lunch, and then after school, I can't wait to eat my second apple (I pack two - one for lunch and one for after school when I drive to the horse barn.)

Susan G.
 
Here's one reason I sabotage myself, if it helps shed any light: If I achieve my goal of the perfect weight, then I might have to continue making sacrifices to maintain it. Ewwwww.

I've been down to that just-right weight but sabotage myself whenever I get there...it feels too "Miss Perfect"...I don't know why I can't just be happy and accept it.

Maybe that feeling is there for others too. That, and food just tastes so good! :9 Kath
 
RE: Punky333

>Hi, Miss Punkini! (Sorry - I've wanted to say that for
>weeks! }( )

hehe - that's a good one. My bird is named Punky and I call him punker-man all the time.

>For me, I-Max used to kill me,
>and now . . . it's a very doable routine even with significant
>upward modifications in the aerobic, anaerobic, and recovery
>phases of each interval. So what I had to do for mental
>entertainment as well as athletic progress is pull together
>other routines that were as intense but in different modes:
>hi/lo, circuit and aqua. (I owe a debt of gratitude to Cathe
>for introducing me to my legs, as well as true interval
>training, an introduction that has helped me advance in aqua
>training as well as land training.)

I live for the day when I can whip through Imax, I was telling a friend the other day that I can make it through (with several mods), but need much more time between intervals to recover my breath. I keep plugging away at it, knowing some day I'll master it (I hope!)

I do think that regular
>exercisers' bodies "hunger" for intensity challenge as much as
>they do for good food, and the trick is to keep that challenge
>going through upwardly intensifying a specific mode, OR doing
>a variety of modes, OR preferably both.

That makes sense, and I don't mind switching up on the types of exercise to shock my body. I just don't necessarily want to be squatting 200 lbs one day - I don't think!

>
> And yes, I simply continue to add weight load
>as the muscles train up. Because I too developed too much leg
>strength for safe barbell use, I bought an adjustable weight
>vest and just keep adding weight to that rather than worry
>about the barbell over the shoulders.

I like the vest idea - I'm going down to the States next week, so am going to look for one. Can you just give me an idea - now that you have been working out with weights for years, what kinds of weights do you use for say squats, lunges, shoulder press, front shoulder lifty things? I'm just curious whether a person peaks off somewhere and can't go much higher or what? I notice that Cathe uses only 5-7 lbs in some of the shoulder exercises. Do you max out?

>Strength can assist cardio wonderfully in that way, IMHO.

I've really noticed that as well - a lot of my cardio gain has been because of increased strength in my legs - so the pylos don't kills as much.

Sorry for hijacking the thread! Was just curious.

Punkini!

>
>Thanks again for your kind words!
>
>A-jock
>
 
RE: Punky333

Punkini - you're right - we've almost hijacked this thread!

My weight load for slow squats and lunges is about 70 pounds (45 lb barbell; 25 lbs of weight vest) (that is not the case when I do leg circuit work; then I only use the 45-lb barbell). For anterior delt raises and overhead shoulder presses I use dumbbells that, with little magnetic weight gizmos attached, each weigh 21.25 lbs.

If you have any more "non-self-sabotage" questions, maybe we can e-chat; my e-mail address is: [email protected].

Thanks again for your kind words!

A-jock
:+
 
Me too, Kath. There's something about perfection that doesn't feel right to me. I think maybe I watch too many movies. In the movies, just when everything is going right, disaster strikes. I know it's completely irrational, but some part of my brain is afraid that if things are going too well, it's a set up for the bad stuff that is coming!! It's very funny, but I really think it might hold me back! <sigh>
 
Hey there,

I like the rest can understand exactly what you are saying. I have been doing well for 4 weeks exercising and then I got exhausted!!! I missed a few weeks of exercise because I was too tired or I wanted to finish this or that. My problem isn't fear of failure....it's fear of success. Am I going to be able to get myself to look nice (hair and face) once I get my body where I want it to be. I think I am back though.

I think that we go through cycles in regular life. When life is going too good, we know that someting is about to round the corner and add stress to our lives. Why wouldn't our exercise--eating life be any different.

Like you I am going through the same sabotage (I lost 30 lbs and still have 60+ lbs to get rid of.) I am tired and want to be able to just sit back and relax for a while, but I still want to get healthy.


Just wanted you to know that you are not the only one who is still struggling.

Sheila
 
Have you thought about setting up some type of reward system for yourself? It is something I read about at Pam Brown's site. She follows BFl and had some major life changes. She talks about how she got through each day, each minute, etc. and what helped her stay on track and keep motivated.

Some little things I do when I find myself thinking of cheating is ask myself outloud, "Colleen, do you really want this piece of cake? Do you need this piece of cake? Will you feel better if you turn down the cake and have something else instead?"

Colleen
 
Susan:

there are some useful nuggets of wisdom sprinkled throughout these different posts. A-Jock is right that maybe you could think about reworking your exercise plan so it is more stimulating to you and continues to motivate you to work out regularly now, this Summer, regardless of what motivated you last year.

Honeybunch hits the nail on the head with her pithy, "make smarter choices". And I also like Nancy's insight into the misleading notions of perfection: is that what we really want and is it attainable? Are we doing this to be the body perfect and chisel the most amazing musculature to approximate to someone's idea of female physical perfection as photographed someplace just because? And when you get it, what will it mean to you? What will you do with it? Is it the perfect body just to have it and say that you have it? I ponder this frequently, and ask myself a lot why it is that I spend all this time weight training and pushing to the max my anaerobic and aerobic threshold..

Maybe you could spend some time thinking about what it is you want, what it means to you, what you hope to achieve and maintain, what you will do to make it a reality and how you will change your life to keep it that way. Unless adopting healthier eating patterns and a fitness plan for life means something specific to you, because it enriches your experience of your life in some way, you will probably experience a lot of these set backs... and it is OK to have these things mean something different to you than they do for other people. Some seem to want to atttain the lowest body fat percentage possible and will do anything to get there. But, that's not necessarily a viable goal nor one that really means much either socially or culturally in the span of a lifetime. It means very little to me, for example.

Also maybe the word sabotage is wrong because it seems so final, so drastic, like there's no getting away from it, like the back slide into unhealthy eating patterns and slacking off on your fitness plan is inevitable so just let it happen....... I really want to discourage you from thinking any of these useless thoughts! Forgive yourself, get over it, realize that every day is another chance to be healthy and move forwards, not backwards.

Forget what you did, what you didn't do but should have done, and realize that this is life! Life happens, sometimes it throws you a curve and you don't feel like you have the inner strength to really go for those 5 intense workouts per week and stringent eating patterns. Get real. Implement changes in small doses, plan for them, practice them routinely so they become part of your routine, something you take for granted, before implementing additional changes. You really want to make healthier food choices and establish a regular exercise plan that is maintainable for you. Part of your current dissatisfaction with yourself may well be stemming from the fact that you are judging yourself from another's criteria and hence you find yourself at fault, and lacking. Forget everybody else's criteria: what are yours?

A-Jock is right. You have at some point in the last year or two come to a realization that you want to be healthier and you have the will and drive to make it happen. But as our cyber friend says, it's aint gonna happen over night and the drive doesn't stop once you achieve it: a healthy lifestlye is a lifetime's work. Once you accept that, it's easier also to see that the time in which you may have "screwed up" is way shorter than the time you have in which to improve upon it, i.e. the rest of yuor life!

So what are you waiting for?!?!?! Get ready to get busy! But only because you want to and because you know why you will be doing it.


Best of luck,

Clare
 
Clare and everyone -

I can't say THANK YOU enough! Thank you for all the wisdom and time you spent answering my question! What a great place to post.:7

I have been thinking about everything said on this post a lot. I've even printed it out so I could read it more carefully away from the computer. I guess I have a lot of unanswered question for myself. You have given me a lot to think about.

Susan G.
 
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