Why do I have guilt?

Jennifit

Jennifit

Cathlete
Help me, Moms!! I am actually having guilt when my twins go and play with each other, laughing, make-believing, having a great time. I STILL feel like I am not doing enough - as if I should be with them. I know, intellectually, I am nuts...but, I need some encouragement from you guys. I have guilt when they are here and I am doing other stuff...

I am a stay at home mom who teaches workout classes a few times per week, but I still have guilt. What is wrong with me :00!?!?

Thank you!!!!

jen
 
Jennifit said:
Help me, Moms!! I am actually having guilt when my twins go and play with each other, laughing, make-believing, having a great time. I STILL feel like I am not doing enough - as if I should be with them. I know, intellectually, I am nuts...but, I need some encouragement from you guys. I have guilt when they are here and I am doing other stuff...

I am a stay at home mom who teaches workout classes a few times per week, but I still have guilt. What is wrong with me :00!?!?

Thank you!!!!

jen
Click to expand...

Not a mom here, but from what you've described, the fact that you can let your twins go out and happily play with each other (which helps them develop much-needed peer socialization skills) and also teach workout classes each week, tells me that you are a mother rather than a smother. Trust me - far more damage is done by parents who helicopter over their kids 24/7/365 than by parents who have interests in addition to their children.

Let go of your guilt.

A-Jock
 
DO NOT FEEL GUILTY!!!!!!

Are your kids happy? Are you happy? Don't worry so much!
It sounds to me like you have the perfect set up. Don't feel guilty. I too am the mother of twins ( although they are 16 now). I remember when they wer little and I was a SAHM. They would laugh and play together all the time. This definitely made my job easier because I was able to get things done. I loved every minute of being at home with them because I wasn't overwhelmed. I do understand what you mean about feeling like you're not doing enough. I remember making the decision to stay home, I think when you stay home with the kids you feel the responsibility of it being your"job" to be supermom. Don't be so hard on yourself, enjoy this time with your children. It goes sooooo fast-we're looking at colleges this weekend. I really miss those days
ETA- I was looking at your profile and it was freaky-could've been me, I gained 34lbs.and exercised to the end, although not the day before delivery :)
went to 39 weeks and the babies were 6.7 and 6.14 and look at the screen names!!
 
I am a mom and ITA w/ Ajock's post. Your kids need more playtime interaction w/ same or similarly aged kids as they get older. Adults tend to run the show when they play, even if they don't mean to.

A huge part of parenting is teaching your kids how to be independent and function w/o you. It sounds like your kids are developing well so pat yourself on the back. :)
 
Just remember that when you take time for yourself like that, that it makes you a better mom!
We all need balance and to pay some attention to ourselves. Your kids are fine, as you've said. Then when you go back to them, you're revved up and ready to play. You're doing a good thing for both them and you. Well done!
 
Jennifit said:
Help me, Moms!! I am actually having guilt when my twins go and play with each other, laughing, make-believing, having a great time. I STILL feel like I am not doing enough - as if I should be with them. I know, intellectually, I am nuts...but, I need some encouragement from you guys. I have guilt when they are here and I am doing other stuff...

I am a stay at home mom who teaches workout classes a few times per week, but I still have guilt. What is wrong with me :00!?!?

Thank you!!!!

jen
Click to expand...

I wanted to tell you I feel EXACTLY the same way, you're not alone. I only have 1 child, a 2 year old son, and I started him at a little preschool in September for 9 hours a week so he could have some play time and interaction with other kids. Now I know this is really good for him (b/c we just moved to a new state and don't know many people yet), but I feel guilty all the time. And I feel guilty when I'm at home with him and I'm cleaning or doing something else and not playing with him 24/7. It's not like a debilitating guilt or anything crazy like that, but it's just kinda nagging.

So when you figure out how to stop feeling like that, let me know! :eek:
 
I knew I could count on you guys for support!! THANK YOU! (Seriously...thank you!!!)
And, Jennifur - this is CRAZY!!!! Are you MY twin??? That is so weird!! Good luck with looking at schools - that is fun! I seriously am in shock at the "coincidence" between you and I.

A-Jock - you are right! Those helimoms are nuts!! I use to teach and they would drive me nuts. Thanks for bringing me back to rationality!

Thank you!!

jen
 
My one friend was asmother rather than a mother when her kids were young. Did absolutly EVERYTHING w/and for them. Now they are young adults and can't seem to think for themselves. I have 3 children and felt guilty when they started pre-school, but deep down knew they needed the time away from me and vise-versa. I felt I was a better mom/wife/person, when I had even an hour for myself. If they are happy well-adjusted kids, then you are doing a great job! In the long run, you want them to be independent people.
 
I'm the complete opposite of you. I'm always telling my two oldest boys, "Go play!!!" I wanted them to learn to entertain themselves AND lean on one another. And they have. Don't feel guilty!!! :) Enjoy the time when they are playing to do some stuff around the house or sit down and read a magazine. It's a win-win situation for all of you.

Plus, when they're older, you'll find that they really have developed a friendship if you allow them time alone. My oldest boys share a room and at night, I like to eavesdrop (just a little) to hear them talk to each other. Sometimes they even talk about ME!! :eek:

You're not ignoring your kids. You're encouraging a stronger relationship between them. :)
 
You shouldn't feel guilty. Kids need to learn how to play on their own. It is not like you are setting them in front of the TV all day and ignoring them. I was a stay at home mom for about 15 months. I went back to work and I think I am a better mom because of it. Because I know that I have less time with them I spend it with them much more productively/wisely. We play together just as much as when I stayed home. They "help" me with things around the house and love to play with each other. They will grow up to be responsible kids who can think for themselves and entertain themselves.
 
I feel guilty too. If I'm cleaning the house I feel guilty for not playing with my children. But if I'm playing with my children I feel guilty because I'm not cleaning. I just have guilt. That's just me.
 
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