What the heck's wrong with me?!

C

clothesminded

Cathlete
I am hoping that someone else has had this same feeling, and can help this make sense to me. Beware my rambling gets long!

For the past year I haven't been happy. I can't really say why. I have a great, new job (although I'm not happy with the people I work with, I don't really see them much), my husband is incredible, I'm healthy and pretty fit. We recently moved, so that was stressful, and my husband has a new job, which he hates. That creates a certian mood. But overall, there's no drama. I'm a loner by heart, and don't really mind that I'm not connecting with people at work on a personal/friend level. I do feel lonely, yet I like to be alone. Strange, huh?!

When I get home from work, I just want to get on the couch and watch television. I'm typically not really very hungry (and if I am, I've been having this disgust of meat/poultry thing going on), and have no motivation to work out. When I do workout, I remember why I like it so much. But I just can't make myself do it. I know the benefits of working out. I don't need to lose any weight, so besides healthy reasons, I don't really have any reason for working out. I'm a clean eater most of the time, so I'm not turning to junk food.

I guess my question is why do I feel so unhappy??!! I can't seem to figure out a reason why. I just feel like I'm living my life the same every single day- same routine. I enjoy watching television, but I certainly know that watching 5-6 hours a night isn't healthy!

I started taking 25 mg of Zoloft a year ago when all of this started, and could tell a different for about 4 months.

Any thoughts on why someone who has everything going for her would feel so darn unhappy?

Thanks in advance.
 
I’m sorry to hear you’re feeling so unhappy. Do you live in a place where the weather is kind of dreary? That could affect your mood as well – I live in Oregon – it rains here it seems most of the year and I can find myself in a pretty depressive state for long periods due to the weather.

If the Zoloft helped maybe it is chemically related and you could try something else. Truly I think no matter how great life is we can all experience unhappiness from time to time.

Sorry I couldn’t offer any real solutions.

Travis
 
If the Zoloft helped for awhile and is not anymore maybe you could get the dose upped or get a different med. Moving is very stressful and an unhappy spouse could also add to that. Maybe try talking to a therapist. Or as the other poster stated maybe it is seasonal? I thinking talking to someone might help you figure it out. Good luck.
LD
 
Sometimes you can be "functionally depressed." I've been that way for a while as a result of illnesses that have hit family members and all the stress that causes in the day to day existence. You do what you have to do and you may even have some pretty good days but there a lot of times when you just go through the motions and wish you could be a little kid all over again, when mom was in great health and life was simple (and I could eat fish sticks and homemade macaroni cheese guilt free). In short, there doesn't have to be much drama. You may just feel like there's a big cloud over your head and you have no way to tell it to get lost.

Exercise, when I can do it, has been immensely helpful in keeping me from completely withdrawing helping me try to focus on things I enjoy.

Perhaps you might look at exercise as something that will purify your body and soul and help you find your purpose. I also think that it is very important to have friends, outside of work you can connect with and it would certainly not hurt to chat with a counselor. I don't know if that helps much...
 
It sounds like you need to find something that you are passionate about and do it. It seems like you have a great life but you're not really living it. Sometimes you have to go out and make things happen instead of waiting for things to come to you.
 
The weather's been nice here (in Texas), so that should help!!

I just feel like I have no passion for anything. I love what I do (work-wise), but just don't feel like I fit in here, being new and all. I worked hard to establish a great reputation at my last work place, and now have to start over. I know that's stressing me out. That and the people I work with are not welcoming at all. It's like I'm not even here, and am pretty much not included in anything. I made an effort at first, but after not receiving any "open arms" from anyone, I've just started to do my own thing.

I will look into the medicine avenue. I was hoping to eventually get off of it. I was prescribed 50 mg but have always split it in 1/2 and taken 25 mg. Upping it will be easy. Some days I feel like that commercial for that one depression medicine.

Thanks for the responses so far. I'd love to hear more.
 
Gosh, you guys have really put my feelings into words!!

I just don't know HOW to find something I'm passionate about if I don't have the energy (not really physically) to figure it out. This seems like such a "duh" thing! It's also hard when you've been a loner your entire life, and have actually enjoyed that!

Here at work, with a dept. full of women, it's very competitive, especially for someone new, like me, who's getting some recognition. I think making friends here might not be possible! :(
 
Well, give the job time but you may find that you should look elsewhere. You have to spend a good chunk of your time at work and you might as well like (or at least be able to tolerate) the peeps you work with.
 
<<I was prescribed 50 mg but have always split it in 1/2 and taken 25 mg.

NOOOO!! Never mess with your meds! Never! If you were prescribed 50, take it. If if stopped working (which happens, trust me) then maybe you need to switch to something else, but do it with input from your doctor and follow what she says. Over the course of the past 12 years, I've gone from Prozac to Wellbutrin to Lexepro.... It happens; your body changes, you need to change things up.

Also, don't just take meds without getting therapy too. YOu may need to 'shop around' to find someone you click with. But meds alone won't do it. It definately helps, but it's just half the equation. Good luck :)
 
Clothesminded,

govtgirl and runnergirl are 100% right. 25mg zoloft is a very very mild dose and won't really change things up in your head that much. Its really an amount used when introducing the meds to your system or decreasing the meds. The MD prescribed 50 mg take 50. You may need to in time, increase this dose. Many many many people are feeling the same as you! Me too! I'm a professional, paid well, happily married, adore my kids, lifes good. Is it? I went through a really really bad patch too too long a story to go into here, but I've really focussed on not feeling unhappy, because I wanted to be well, wanted to be happy. Its very important to find things in your life that you enjoy doing and really really make the effort to do them. I've worked and worked at it. It takes time. Don't sit around asking yourself "Why do I feel this way, why can't I be bothered." etc... Get up off that couch and DO. MAKE YOURSELF DO. Eventually, you will want to DO. Working out is great because it releases happy endorphins into your body. Regulate the exercise and up the meds would be the first two changes I would make if I were you. You can do it, but you have to WANT to do it!

Andrea
 
You seem depressed. I have medication resistant depression.....

Every antidepressant I've tried has had horrific side effects or pooped out on me.

I suggest seeing a psychiatrist. Perhaps raising the Zoloft mg will help.

I suggest a psychiatrist for med management, not a internist.
 
I have no idea if what you are dealing with is a feeling or a medical condition, but... it might be worth a shot to pray about it. I don't know if you are a believer. Even if you are not a believer, you could ask Him to show you that He is real. And ask for help with what you are dealing with. He may direct you to a doctor, or show you your purpose in life and how to pursue it. Just a thought...

Sandra
 
I'll address the husband hating his job part, since I imagine this contributes. Several years ago, my husband had a job he hated. As much as he tried to keep the work attitude separate from the home attitude, it just wasn't possible. It definitely created a dark cloud over the household - no drama, but a cloud. The day he quit that job was like flipping a light switch on his personality and our household. You might want to talk to your DH about your unhappiness...maybe he's having similar feelings. Just a thought...

Along the lines of purifying the soul, have you thought about doing something like volunteering for an organization/charity that you feel strongly about? It could give you a chance to meet some like-minded people outside of work, and sometimes helping others really helps ourselves more.

HTH
 
It's funny, but your post reminded me just a bit of me. I enjoy my work and I'm appreciated by my co-workers, but I put so much of myself into my job, that when I get home I'm too tired to do anything but watch TV. Is that anything like what's happening with you? I wouldn't actually call myself "unhappy". I just don't have much time or energy for the things I love, like reading and exercise.

How do you feel on weekends? I usually perk up considerably on weekends because, even if I have to work, there's still some "me time". If you're still feeling "unhappy" on weekends, I would see a psychiatrist. The "functional depression" that Beavs is referring to is called "dysthymia" and it's very treatable. With the wonderful medications available today, a really good psychiatrist can have you feeling much better in a matter of weeks, or even days.
 
I agree with several others here and definitely I do not think that you should be splitting the dose in 1/2. Always take medications in the way the doctor prescribed. I would call you doctor, talk to him/her and find out what he/she recommends. Do not try to handle this alone.

You said in your OP that you just don't know what is wrong with you. Well, depression is based in the brain and is a chemical imbalance. It's nothing that you have control over and it isn't based on how much you like you job/husband/life/kids etc. It is a disease (hate to use that word, but it's true) and it is not something that you have the power to fix. The things that you talked about are classic signs of depression (i.e. no longer finding enjoyment in things you once enjoyed). But, if you no longer want to feel this way there is help available. Start by calling you doctor. Then follow his/her advice. Hope this helps. Good luck and you are not alone!
 
As always the advice given on this forum is amazing.

I did some soul-searching yesterday after I posted. I talked to my husband about his feeling about his current job. We both agreed that the past year has been roughl; that we both have allowed ourselves to be consumed by the negative- he- his job, me- the move and in general the changing of every part of my life. So, instead of seeing the move and all the changes that provoked as an opportunity. I saw it as something to be afraid and negative of/about. The two of us agreed last night that we were not going to allow whatever/whomever to take our life away. That somehow this negative feeling has spread to other parts of our lives, the parts we really love!

The medicine part has been tough for me. I'm a "fix it" kinda gal. One of those "suck it and take control of yourself" people. Understanding that depression can be something you can't just pep talk yourself out of has been difficult to grasp.

So, I'm going to check out a book club at my local lib., since I'm an avid reader. And possibly get back into playing tennis, maybe in a league. Those things will connect me with people with the same interests.

Again, thanks for your honest responses. I always like that about this forum, even when it's something that I know, but don't want to hear!
 
Having been diagnosed with dysthymia and having gone through some big depressive episodes, may I add that talk therapy/counseling is also part of treatment for depression, not just talking the medication. Do you think this might also be something worth looking into?

Good Luck!

SUsan L.G.
 
I've been hesitant about getting counseling for many reasons:
1. I remember when my parents forced me to go to one when I was getting a bit wild in my junior high school days. This guy was horrible.

2. It's hard for me to understand how someone who doesn't know me can help me.

3. I guess I just feel like I can somewhat deal with that part on my own. I know what would make me feel better (doing the things I love), and a strange can't get me motivated to do those things.

Yeah, I know. I'm stubborn!
 
Would you indulge me my replies?

Finding the right counselor takes time. You may have to go to few different people and find the one you "click" with.

A counselor is trained to help you deal with your depression. Plus, sometimes and fresh, unbiased guidance can be revealing. A professional can see things you might not be able to see yet because the depression is fogging up your ability to reflect and think about things clearly. The counselor's job is to bring you to a place where you can see things more objectively and begin to help yourself. A counselor will help you uncover the patterns that are driving your behavior.

We get trapped into our same old tape loops that sometimes we need to be jiggled loose!

In response to your last statement:

When I think about my own experience with counseling, I don't think it was the counselor's job to motivate me. I wasn't looking for a 'life coach'. She never forced me to do anything I didn't want to do. She was very patient while she listened to all my excuses as to why I couldn't do this or that, and she just kept at it until I was ready to make a change.

Don't go into counseling with the idea of getting motivated or healed or anything. Go into it with an open mind, "What can I learn about myself?"

But enough from me.
 
I really really agree with the above posters -- you need more than 25 mg of Zoloft. I believe the average does is somewhere between 75 and 150 mg. I would definitely move up to 50 mg, and see how that goes for awhile.

I understand what you are saying about wanting to "fix it" but there are many of us that battle with depression and I truly believe it is not something that can cure yourself of. I have suffered with anxiety and depression my whole life, and I understand that I may have to be on meds for the rest of my life if I want to feel "normal."
 
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