What someone actually said to me at work...

JT- I know, I should have. But since it was lunch, I thought about it and even though we were at work, it was "her personal time". If she said something weird like that again I would probably talk to her supervisor.
 
umm, gotta be honest- i'm a little creeped out for you.
was it at all possible that this woman was in some VERY weird way hitting on you? she clearly meant to compliment you.

cristina
 
My MIL and SIL are always telling me I'm so skinny and my SIL says I'm a "rack of bones". They are unhappy with their bodies though (they've made comments) and I think it makes them feel better if they tell themselves (and me) that I'm too skinny. My other SIL is just like me, runs daily and is actually disciplined about her eating because she doesn't want to look like my MIL (her mom). They tell her the same stuff and it's funny because she just laughs!

I once heard some good advice: Don't commment (positive or negative) on permanent features (body type!).

;) Alison
 
yeah, I bet you were embrassed! Why didn't you give her a uppercut?:) ;)
I was at the grocery store the other day with DH and we were stood there talking to another couple and while the guys were chatting I showed her the massive fly bites I had on my legs. I had no clue why they were there cause I didn't feel anything biting me and they were in a pattern...anyway, I didn't want her to think i was scratching at myself for no reason, so I showed her my bites.
She says "My God...your legs are big" I know I have big calves so I tried not to take offense to it, but it was hard. Then she said "thats it when you run all the time and have muscle" But at this point I was paranoid! LOL and I wondered if she just said this to cover up what she had said in the first place:)
Anyway, I kind of forgot about it after. For a long time I wanted my legs to be smaller but I know its in my build and thats never going to happen. Instead I think about what my legs do for me and the hard work they put in everyday:)
That was weird what that lady said to you though...very strange. I wouldn't pay much attention to someone as weird as that!

Lori:)
 
Clarissa,

I think you would do well to just let it go and not internalize one person's bizarre comments. It probably would have bugged me, too, but I think many of us probably need to get a little bit better at caring less about what other people think and say about us. Especially when you consider the source. Who is this woman? Is she anyone to you besides an employee? Does she know anything about fitness? I'm guessing no.

Some people speak without thinking (using words like "big" or "skinny" without considering the connotations of such words) and others have no filters and will say anything to anybody, regardless of age. This, I think, is especially true of some people as they get older ~ they may feel a sense of freedom to say whatever they wish.

Don't give one person's words the power to make you feel bad about yourself. You work hard, and I bet you look fit and strong. Listen to your own voice and tune out the rest! :)

[font face="heather" font color=brick red size=+2]~Cathy [/font face] http://us.i1.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/i/mesg/emoticons7/4.gif
"Out on the roads there is fitness and self-discovery and the persons we were destined to be." -George Sheehan
 
Clarissa ~

I haven't read what the other said yet, but I do like what Cathy said right above me!

Regardless, for any uncomfortable/inappopriate comment, if it pisses you off badly enough or touches you in a weird way, just look at the person straight in the eye with no forced expression. Sort of give them a neutral look (not rude look unless they deserve it) to let them know you are thinking, and you know where it came from. Sometimes the most powerful thing is to speak with your body language and eye contact. I realize some people don't know their words can hurt (and sometimes they mean to complement), but regardless of age, they DO need to be more aware of what they are saying.

I don't like ANY comments about my body, and sometimes people don't realize that even a "flattering" comment isn't always welcome. So, last time a "thin" comment flew to me at the gym, I just smiled (genuinely) and nodded but didn't offer to go into the diet/thin/fat conversation. My body and it's growing/changing/evolving is my business, and people need to start realizing that. The person took the hint when I acknowledged the comment with a half smile and didn't say much.

Okay, I'm off my soapbox!
Take care -

Caroline
 
>I don't know if I should put this here. But I have the
>opposite problem. My MIL EVERY time I see her talks about how
>"SKINNY" I am. And I absolutely hate it x( I hate the word
>skinny!!

I hate that word as well, and it feels like an insult when people use it to describe me. I could excuse my grandmother (rest her soul), because she meant it compared to overweight relatives on her side of the family, but when a colleague of mine (who really WAS skinny, as in 'scrawny,' 'lacking muscle tone') asked me how I stay so 'skinny,' I wanted to give her a live demo of kickboxing form!

Though it seems that 'skinny' doesn't have a negative connotation for many people.
 
> If she said something weird like that again I would
>probably talk to her supervisor.

I wouldn't go to her supervisor without talking to her first. She obviously doesn't think that her comments are inappropriate. If she makes similar comments in the future, first tell her that they make you uncomfortable and are inappropriate. If she does it again after that, then is the time to go to a supervisor about it.
 
Hi all! You are probably all going to be disappointed in me, but I failed to leave out one sentence that she did say because i was truly embarrassed to post it...but this is the reason I would go to her supervisor next time...She said also, "I'll bet your husband has fun with you in bed." OMG, yes I swear on my life, she said that right before she said "you know how men love those big legs". Listen, I just can't wait until I am a personal trainer and build up enough clientele so I can just resign. I am too nice to be an HR person. Again, I just didn't know how to react to her, you know? Okay, please don't yell at me for being a pushover!!! I already know I am! :) Clarissa
 
What she said to you was totally inappropriate - even what you originally posted. Co-workers should not comment on each other's bodies whether you think it is a positive or negative comment. I think that it should be addressed and brought to her attention immediately so that she does not continue to make such errors in judgement.

Monica
 
>Hi all! You are probably all going to be disappointed in me,
>but I failed to leave out one sentence that she did say
>because i was truly embarrassed to post it...but this is the
>reason I would go to her supervisor next time...She said also,
>"I'll bet your husband has fun with you in bed." OMG, yes I
>swear on my life, she said that right before she said "you
>know how men love those big legs". Listen, I just can't wait
>until I am a personal trainer and build up enough clientele so
>I can just resign. I am too nice to be an HR person. Again, I
>just didn't know how to react to her, you know? Okay, please
>don't yell at me for being a pushover!!! I already know I am!
>:) Clarissa

OMG!!!! That is just way over the top! It's bad enough that she would make a comment like this to anyone, but what I can't believe is that she would even dare to say this to "THE HR person."

I would be really bothered.

Namita
 
Clarissa, now you know why you're a managerial professional and she's a housekeeper. Because you know how to deal with other humans and she knows how to sweep floors after everyone has gone home. :+ :+ :+

I'm sure you look awesome.
 
Clarissa, when people have to make snide comments, it's directly reflective of what's going on inside of them. What she said has nothing to do with you and everything to do with her. I think this is important to remember in life that when people have to make rude or slanted statements, they're dealing with a lot of discourse inside and generally don't recognize it so they attempt to pass their frustration onto others. Don't take it on. It's THEIR stuff and NEVER yours. I've been thankful in that I've never allowed other people's words to hurt me. Perhaps in my 20's I was a bit more sensitive but I've developed more of an understanding of human nature as I've gotten older. It's actually quite freeing when you are able to feel deep down inside of you that the only person's opinion that EVER really matters in life is your own. Please know that you are a beautiful person inside and out in every way possible. I think this woman's comments were totally inappropriate and if you need to handle it as you would any other HR issue, please do so but do not receive her comments with any merit. You haven't come this far in your life to allow anyone else's "stuff" to obliterate your incredible accomplishments! Keep on rockin'!

Bam
 
I'm going to be the voice of dissent here. I think there is some overreacting a little bit here. Yes, what she said was inappropriate (especially the bed reference). NO she was not hitting on you! Keep in mind, if she's a housekeeper, it's not because she graduated Summa Cume Laude (I totally spelled that wrong) from Columbia. I guarantee she did not mean to offend and probably didn't even realize she was being inappropriate. They don't generally give sensitivity and professionalism training to these folks. Culturally she was paying you a HUGE compliment. There are only a couple of cultures that prize stick-figures. The others like a curvier shape, particularly on the bottom half. I used to be very self-concious of my curvy backside, until I started hanging around with "other" folks. Suddenly my "weakness" became a big "asset" (pardon the pun). Now I'm proud of my curves as you should be of yours. I would just let this slide. Be glad she whispered this rather than said it loudly in front of others (which would be an issue). If she does it again, you're the professional, kindly mention to her that she is being inappropriate or making you feel uncomfortable, and move on. No reason to get someone who does make much money to begin with in trouble or create an uncomfortable situation for you both going forward. Again, if she does it again, then say something.
 
Hey, at least you didn't get the comment that I've gotten not once, not twice, but THREE times...

"Hey, when are you due?"

"How far along are you?"

"What were you doing riding a horse... aren't you pregnant?"


Talk about a comment that totally ruins your day... especially when you're trying so hard to lose weight, just kinda makes you feel like you're a total failure.

(Not to hijack your thread, sorry...)
 
You all have made me laugh quite a bit here. Great comments from everyone. I am sure she won't say it again. She is a dear woman, like I said. I just am insecure about my legs. Always have been, always will be... Have a great week ladies! :)
 
Shree,

I agree with you. That's the sort of comment that would even be difficult for me to accept from a close friend. It is just too weird! There are boundaries that shouldn't be crossed in the work environment, or at all!

:)
 
Lack of education does not give anyone a free pass for lack of manners. Ya don't learn manners in school. There are lots of rude, thoughtless people out there who are highly educated.
 
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