Wedding Gift Help and a General Crabby Comment

sparrow13

sparrow13

Cathlete
We've been invited to a wedding by one of DH's cousin's kids. I've never met the kid OR the cousin. DH has not seen nor talked to this cousin in years. It's a distance from us so we don't plan to go. But now I need to figure out what to purchase for a present. The happy couple have no registry listed and my MIL has not been able to ferret one out. Any suggestions on gifts that are impersonal but not highly lame?

OK here's the crabby comment: why do people do this? Surely they have enough people to invite who aren't perfect strangers? I'm trying to be spiritual about it but the real me feels like it's just another gift grab. I don't want to spend my money on gifts for people I don't know. Color me cheap, but that's how I feel. x(

Sparrow


"The winds of grace are always blowing but it's you who must raise your sail." - Sri Ramakrishna
 
some ppl call me "cash". honestly really that is all i do when i go to non-immediate family member weddings. a nice pretty card with a check or cash!!! surely they kind find what they like with that LOL.

i won't color you cheap b/c i know how you feel. i swore my cousin's wife only invited us "white trash"(long story behind why she feels this way about some of us) b/c she wanted gifts and money otherwise she never even drops on email line to us.

kassia

http://www.picturetrail.com/ldy_solana

http://jtjulian2003.tripod.com

YOU CAN'T HAVE EVERYTHING,WHERE WOULD YOU PUT IT??

http://pic20.picturetrail.com/VOL1307/4842454/16585805/255246443.jpg
 
I would feel the same way about it.

As for gifts, not sure, but maybe a magazine subscription of some sort. Pretty cheap (money wise) but different. I would love a gift like that :) You might have to figure out what they would like though.

Mary
 
My question is, why do you even have to send a gift if you are not attending the wedding? Is this a required section of social etiquette? I don't get it. I'd send a card and be done with it. Neither of you knows this person really, what's the deal?

Clare
 
I hate it too! We get all sorts of invites from people in the company who we barely know, my hubby is a partner in the company, so I feel like either they are trying to be polite, or they want a big gift-which in turn pisses me off! I give freely to those close to us of course, but why do you have to send a gift to someone you do not know.

Is there an RSVP card? If so, decline and call it a day. Send a card to appease your guilt and thats it.
 
I agree with Clare. Also, just wanted to add a thought. You might be invited just so you don't feel left out when you hear about it from someone else. Some people will invite everyone in the family, even knowing some won't attend, just so they cover all the bases and don't tick anyone off by leaving them out. Maybe you could just assume this is their deal. I'm sure I invited people I hardly knew to my own wedding, but I blame those invites on my mom who insisted on inviting the large extended family. We weren't at all offended if someone didn't come or send a gift. I really don't get why people don't register.

One more thought--if you really feel you must send a gift, you could consider something like giving to a charity in their name--something they'd be ignoble to complain about. Just pick a charity that's not controversial or something.

[font face="comic sans ms" font color=green]***Lainie***
fitness blog: http://fitnessfig.blogspot.com
http://bestsmileys.com/exercising/7.gif
If you want to give God a good laugh, tell Her your plans.[/font]
 
Thanks everyone! I appreciate the thoughts.

Kassia, to the cousin's wife who thinks you're white trash:

http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b39/Batgirl_1969/whack.gif

And I had thought of sending money - what do you think, maybe a fiver? :p Seriously though, I thought it might be weird since I don't know them.

Mary, I love magazine gifts too! But again, not knowing them, what would I choose?

Kate, Clare, and Tneah, thanks for the reality check. The honest truth is the only reason I'd send something would be out of random etiquette guilt, which is what is annoying me more than spending the money. I'm leaning more towards not sending anything, now. THANKS!

However, if DH is adamant about sending something - since it's his family - I'll have him pick a charity and we'll make a donation. GREAT idea Lainie!

Sparrow



"The winds of grace are always blowing but it's you who must raise your sail." - Sri Ramakrishna
 
My thoughts on the charity donation...

A member of our family began a few years ago donating to a charity in other family members' names as Christmas gifts. This has not been well received, as it is a charity that most of us would not otherwise support. It's not controversial -- it's just not a charity of our choice. This has caused some resentment and hard feelings.

So, just a perspective from the other side of that gift-giving coin to consider.
 
Maybe I'm naive, but it's hard for me to imagine anyone inviting people to a wedding just to get a gift. I mean, a wedding is your day, and once you invite someone, they may show up, eat all the shellfish and not even send a gift. It's a risk to invite someone to your wedding. I think it's more what Lainie said, about not wanting to leave anyone out or something like that. I don't think it's necessary to send a gift. A card is good enough.
 
>Maybe I'm naive, but it's hard for me to imagine anyone
>inviting people to a wedding just to get a gift. I mean, a
>wedding is your day, and once you invite someone, they may
>show up, eat all the shellfish and not even send a gift. It's
>a risk to invite someone to your wedding. I think it's more
>what Lainie said, about not wanting to leave anyone out or
>something like that. I don't think it's necessary to send a
>gift. A card is good enough.

Nancy:

Check out etiquettehell.com for stories of people inviting others just for the gifts. I didn't think of it either until I started reading the stories on this website. They are hair-raising!

Apparently it's a trend now too to register at an expensive store just so you can return the gifts for cash!

Sparrow

"The winds of grace are always blowing but it's you who must raise your sail." - Sri Ramakrishna
 
If you have to send a gift...what about a gift card to Home Depot or Lowes in a denomination you decide. It's always useful!
Ellen
 
I would not send a gift to someone that neither me or my husband know. That said, my standby I don't know you very well gift is Thank You notes. Even if they hate them, they come in useful. HTH
 
>I would not send a gift to someone that neither me or my
>husband know. That said, my standby I don't know you very
>well gift is Thank You notes. Even if they hate them, they
>come in useful. HTH


Oh I LOVE the idea of giving them a box of Thank You notes -- LMAO!!! Maybe it will give the bride and groom a clue that they're supposed to send them. I frankly don't remember the last time I got a thank you note for a wedding gift :eek: x( . Now THAT is tacky!
 
I agree with everyone who says don't give them a gift. If you don't even know them, I do not think you are under any obligation to give a gift. Although I do like the box of Thank You notes idea. Alternatively, a copy of Emily Post's Etiquette would be an appropriate gift as well. ;)
 
I agree with everyone who says just send a card. If they only invited you to be polite they won't be offended. If they only invited you to get more gifts then who cares what they think. If you husband feels obligated to get them something let him figure out what to get them.
 
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