Was just told I'm selfish for working out?!?!?

[Liberty]

I don't post on here much, as I just don't have time. But, I'm so po'd I thought I would vent here.

I have a 5 and 7 yr old that I homeschool. I work 2 businesses from home, and then work an outside job part time opposite shift of my husband so that we don't have to pay child care. We also have a small farm and raise some animals, and are in the process of building our home.

Well I make sure I do not go to bed each day until I get in my hour (or hour and half ) workout. No matter what I make sure to get it in.

I have lost over 50 lbs and kept it off for over two years. I have energy to do all that I need to do now plus keep up with my kids, whereas before I would just sit on my booty and not have energy to play with my boys or take them on walks or whatever else needed to be done.

Okay, so I was sitting in a group that I get together with about once a week (I'm also a recovering alcoholic) and a member from another area showed up - I know this woman and she has often called me selfish for homeschooling and working out. Just usually not to my face.

Anyway, I was talking with another lady who was telling me she's tired all the time and has no energy, I suggested she started working out, and this visitor popped up saying, "Oh ignore her, we all know she's so selfish she workouts out every day for at least an hour!"

OMG!! WTH????? I just turned to her and said, " Actually, I was selfish when I was fat and had no energy to take care of my kids, now I'm doing what I need to do to make sure I"m around to take care of them!" I was LIVID!!

I have often heard this lady (and others) say to new moms, oh make sure you take time for you, get in a long bubble bath, read a book, get in a nap....etc. Well, my workouts are the ONLY time I get to me, and I cherish them, they are the only time that I can focus on myself, and when I'm done I feel more refreshed and energetic than a bubble bath could even think about doing!

I wont give up my workouts, and I wont stop doing all I can for my family, but dang, that was just..........wrong!

Thanks for letting me vent!

I've really enjoyed reading the posts and learning so much from everyone!
Liberty

 

[sparrow13]

Good for you!! Sounds like you have a full and wonderful life!

I'm sure she's envious. People who take care of themselves spark fear in those who don't (assuming this woman doesn't work out etc.)

 

[yelly]

Your reply to her was great! I wouldn't invest too much more emotional energy into her if I were you. Just let it roll off. She's obviously the one with problems, so just breath and ignore her.

Congratulations on your fit life - don't ever give it up for anyone!

Dani

 

[janiejoey]

I have lost over 50 lbs and kept it off for over two years. I have energy to do all that I need to do now plus keep up with my kids, whereas before I would just sit on my booty and not have energy to play with my boys or take them on walks or whatever else needed to be done.

Okay, so I was sitting in a group that I get together with about once a week (I'm also a recovering alcoholic) and a member from another area showed up - I know this woman and she has often called me selfish for homeschooling and working out. Just usually not to my face.

Anyway, I was talking with another lady who was telling me she's tired all the time and has no energy, I suggested she started working out, and this visitor popped up saying, "Oh ignore her, we all know she's so selfish she workouts out every day for at least an hour!"

OMG!! WTH????? I just turned to her and said, " Actually, I was selfish when I was fat and had no energy to take care of my kids, now I'm doing what I need to do to make sure I"m around to take care of them!" I was LIVID!!

I have often heard this lady (and others) say to new moms, oh make sure you take time for you, get in a long bubble bath, read a book, get in a nap....etc. Well, my workouts are the ONLY time I get to me, and I cherish them, they are the only time that I can focus on myself, and when I'm done I feel more refreshed and energetic than a bubble bath could even think about doing!

I wont give up my workouts, and I wont stop doing all I can for my family, but dang, that was just..........wrong!

Thanks for letting me vent!

I've really enjoyed reading the posts and learning so much from everyone!
Liberty

Liberty, I'm so impressed with all the work you do from day to day. I can't even imagine doing so much and surviving. I'm awed! Because you are leading such an active life, You will be the one that will live a longer and healthier one. I'm so proud of you! Congratulations for losing so much weight. That's amazing.

People can say the cruelest things I've ever heard. And I have to agree with you, that was dang wrong of her to say that. Talk about no social skills.

You know you are a better person than that, so spit it out and don't let it bother you. Continue living the way you do (wish it could be easier for you though) and enjoy your family with the energy you have now. That's the best gift any mother can give to her children. And good social skills, as you know is important as well.

Take care and you can come here and vent all you like.

Janie

 

[kathryn]

" Actually, I was selfish when I was fat and had no energy to take care of my kids, now I'm doing what I need to do to make sure I"m around to take care of them!"

I think you said the perfect thing.

And it's very odd that this woman cousels others to take time for themselves, yet considers your working out as selfish. Let me guess: she's not fit herself?

 

[Tamrahan]

Sparrow's right she's probably just envious.

I look at exercise as a way to help me keep fit, healthy and sane. My Dh will ask me how many dvd's and how much equipment do I need. I tell him that these things save may save $$ in the long run. They may keep me from getting sick, save on Dr. bills. It is an investment in me. It is my hobby like he has his model trains which by the way are not cheap! Or his 1,000 CD's. total waste of money IMO, but at least I can put them on my Ipod for free. But those are his hobbies and when I put it like that he's like 'Yeah, I guess it would be boring to do the same workout over and over". So he's happy, I'm happy. All is good.

I'm proud of you for standing up for yourself with the following comment:

Quote OMG!! WTH????? I just turned to her and said, " Actually, I was selfish when I was fat and had no energy to take care of my kids, now I'm doing what I need to do to make sure I"m around to take care of them!" I was LIVID!! Quote

 

[Gayle]

I just turned to her and said, " Actually, I was selfish when I was fat and had no energy to take care of my kids, now I'm doing what I need to do to make sure I"m around to take care of them!" I was LIVID!!

Perfect answer, Liberty!!! ^^^5's

 

[JeanneMarie]

I agree that your response to her was the perfect thing to say.

Her comment was simply a reflection of her own unhappy, unsatisfied self. I wouldn't let it bother me a single second. You have figured out what works to make your life happy and full. It sounds like she might have a long way to go to get there herself.

Congratulations on your sobriety!

 

[pink_fortitude]

Good for you!! Sounds like you have a full and wonderful life!

I'm sure she's envious. People who take care of themselves spark fear in those who don't (assuming this woman doesn't work out etc.)

This I completely agree with! I don't have the jobs that you have - wow, you are incredible! - but I also homeschool along with working out and for some reason that combination puts people who don't really know me who don't do either of these things on the defense when I am around - I just don't understand it. With absolutely no prompting from me, if someone knows that I do either thing I get "I just don't have the time to do that", "I just don't have the patience to be with my kids all day", "I just can't xyz". But when people find out you have time for both it puts you in a whole other class of... whatever it is. It feels strange to me and I hate being put into that category of "whatever it is" because it makes me feel guilty for doing what I think is the right thing. I think that some, especially mothers, think that I think that I am better than them, or am more put together than they are (which you know isn't true!) because I make time for the things most people think are too hard. Please don't take it personally, it is just her insecurity and jealousy speaking. What I have learned is that I get this from the moms who really don't like being with their kids and I think they feel guilty because they have come across someone who likes theirs so much they are willing to give up the things they want to do to be with them all the time. It inadvertently, by the prodding of their own consciences, makes them feel like bad moms and when you pair that up with actually taking care of yourself and losing weight/looking good that is just double jealousy and guilt. It isn't you she is mad at, it's herself I promise! Darkness stays away from the light because of the fear of finding what's in itself, and eventually the light becomes the darkness's worst enemy.

((((((HUGS)))))) and IT ISN'T YOU!

Melissa

 

[janie1234]

What a total snot rag, . . sorry but that was just down right mean of her to say. Vent away, . . you need to be proud of what you have accomplished. Sounds to me like you are a good role model for your kids and others who have struggled with addiction in life. Next time she says anything just give her a flash of your biceps, . . . .you know I think that sometimes when the green eyed monster (jealousy) shows its ugly head it is just easier for people to say something mean and nasty than complimentary and supportive.

 

[Jennifit]

You would be really selfish if you allowed yourself to get out of shape and end up in a hospital bed for awhile.

Good for you for standing up for yourself. She obviously has some guilt issues which extend far beyond what you know!

For you, keep it up! Keep working! That is the greatest thing you can do for yourself and your kids - be healthy!

 

[Liberty]

Thanks everyone! After I posted I realized that by letting it get to me, I was basically letting her have space that I dont have room to give up! LOL

For those that asked, no she's not into fitness at all.

Melissa, we live in MO which is EXTREMELY homeschool friendly, it's the only state I've been in where they ask, do you homeschool or send them to public school? But I have lost friends who decided I thought I was better than them because I decided to homeschool. My 7 yr old has mild Aspergers, which is high functioning Autism, and he's made so much progress since I started homeschooling. Even his specialist is floored at the changes/progress he's made!

I only work so much right now because our main business is hurting with the economical crunch, and we had decided to buy some land and start a farm before it all hit. We are happier now than we've ever been. But we are working together and that is what matters.



Again thank you everyone for all your support.
Hope everyone has a wonderful 4th!!

 

[lori254]

Hi Liberty - I think homeschooling children has got to be one of the most unselfish things a person can do. It amazes me how some people feel at liberty to make the most insulting, inappropriate remarks . Your response was perfect. Way to go!

 

[LaughingWater]

Heh...I'm a homeschooler too, and I agree about the defensive posture some people take upon hearing this. I don't make a big deal out of it, but if someone asks, I answer. *shrug* What I do with my life is not a comment on theirs, yet some take it that way.

I've had a couple of people infer that because I homeschool ~ as in "home all day" ~ that's the only reason I'm able to work out. I have so much "time on my hands." In fact, if I do anything nice...make a quilt, bake a cake, etc...it's because I have it so easy not working outside the home. Never mind that I've been working out since my sophomore year of high school, or that I got up at 4:30 am to workout when I had a full time job, or that I lost my baby weight within 3 months because I busted my butt. Nope. My life is just one big vacation.

I'm glad you answered the way you did, Liberty.

 

[HaveFun]

Liberty, I just had to log on and say you seem like you are a truly balanced person. I am at awe over what you accomplish on a daily basis and commend you. It is disheartening to see how some people prefer to hurt others instead of praise others for what they accomplish in life. You just keep up the good work and hopefully you can find some more time to post Happy 4th to you as well

 

[Liberty]

Heh...I'm a homeschooler too, and I agree about the defensive posture some people take upon hearing this. I don't make a big deal out of it, but if someone asks, I answer. *shrug* What I do with my life is not a comment on theirs, yet some take it that way.

I've had a couple of people infer that because I homeschool ~ as in "home all day" ~ that's the only reason I'm able to work out. I have so much "time on my hands." In fact, if I do anything nice...make a quilt, bake a cake, etc...it's because I have it so easy not working outside the home. Never mind that I've been working out since my sophomore year of high school, or that I got up at 4:30 am to workout when I had a full time job, or that I lost my baby weight within 3 months because I busted my butt. Nope. My life is just one big vacation.

I'm glad you answered the way you did, Liberty.

I know what you mean. I get dirty looks because I knit or tat at a meeting, or somewhere where I"m just sitting, but I can't just sit, it drives me nuts. People think that because I homeschool that I'm free to play all day. I actually had someone tell me you should get a job! WHAT? I barely have time to do all that I need to do anyway. I go to bed between 11 pm and midnight and am often up at 5 am, I am actually grateful that I struggle with insomnia! LOL

When it comes to homeschooling, I ignore others about it, as you said it's none of their business how I choose to educate my children. I often think of a billboard when someone says something about homeschooling, it makes me sad really...it was in Kentucky, it said "The bus driver knows who your child has a crush on, do you?"
I know many parents who send their children to public school and are a part of their children's school and home life, then I know several who might be home in time for dinner. I chose to homeschool because of my son's bright mind, I was so bored in school that it was difficult for me. So I wanted him to be able to learn at his level, and not be held back or pushed ahead. His maturity level is very low, and we are able to work on that every day, so he is making improvements. I'm very grateful for the chance to be able to homeschool him and meet his and our other son's personal needs.

Thanks again, okay time for science, today we are going to go look for some more plants and learn about them! We've only been in this area for a little over a year, so there's all kinds of new plants to learn about!!

 

[syzygy314]

I must say I'm in total agreement with you, Liberty! I couldn't imagine doing all you do in one day! I don't even have kids and I can barely keep up with my fulltime job, my puppies and kitty, husband, all the household chores, etc.! But, by golly, by gosh, I WILL ALWAYS get my workout in!

My DH usually gets home while I'm still at it and if he's really hungry, he'll scrounge, otherwise he waits for me to finish, then I feed the "children," then him! Ha, ha! (Don't suggest he cook, believe me, that would be disastrous!)

Anyway, good for you for standing up for yourself so well! You're doing the right thing! They will all be complaining about some illness or other soon and you'll be out there running circles around them!

Keep it up, Liberty!

Tricia

 

[janie1234]

My 7 yr old has mild Aspergers, which is high functioning Autism, and he's made so much progress since I started homeschooling. Even his specialist is floored at the changes/progress he's made!

My son was diagnoised Aspergers at 2 and I spent all my time at home with him, . .getting certified and attending seminars, . . . on all things that I knew would help him (OT, speech therapy, and behavior managment, IEP laws). He is now what I call a success story. He does extremely well at school, is in the top of his class, reads at a 6th grade level, and our biggest acheivement of all is that he is able to make friends and socialize. My husband and I firmly believe that his success was due to the commitment we made with him at home. I know how important keeping myself healthy and fit during those times helped to get through all those really hard times. My long runs, . . and Cathe DVD's were my time and I needed that time to be able to give my family all of me.

 

[JMFRANE]

Sounds like you handled that situation perfect. Pat yourself on the back!

Joanne

 

[intensityjunkie]

Liberty - We have some things in common. I also homeschool! My oldest is now 11 and has high functioning autism. I took him out of school in 1st grade for the same reasons and he's doing very well now. I also have a 5 year old and a 2 month old baby. My life is anything but free time! ha. I did photography as a home business for a while but with my DH in Iraq now it was too much. I'd LOVE to live on a farm and raise animals! I have family in Missouri. I live in Texas and there are several homeschoolers here also.