Was just told I'm selfish for working out?!?!?

[melanalyus]

Jealousy is the root of all sorts of evil. Kuddos to you & all you do....keep up the good work!

 

[BarbaraP]

I agree that your response to her was the perfect thing to say.

Her comment was simply a reflection of her own unhappy, unsatisfied self. I wouldn't let it bother me a single second. You have figured out what works to make your life happy and full. It sounds like she might have a long way to go to get there herself.

Congratulations on your sobriety!

Totally agree. It also sounds like it is an excuse for her not to workout. I have found over nearly 30 years of working out that sometimes people who don't feel guilty, and try to rain on your working out parade.
That's why I rarely talk about it except among like-minded people, or unless asked. It is a reflection of her, not you.
barbara P

 

[ldy_solana]

wow ppl have some nerve! you are right though, not being healthy and being able to function and be present is more selfish then taking an hour a day(i assume before you children get up or after they go to bed) to better your health.

btw my daughter is autistic i don't home school b/c she loves ppl and wants to be around them. we have a great program at our city schools for kids on all sides of the spectrum(big reason why we moved to this city although i hate it LOL). plus dh is on special education advisory committee and principal's committee so we stay active within the system. i,personally for me, don't think i could hack it myself so i give a hats off to homeschooling moms. that is a lot to put on your plate on top of the regular things every mom does. you are far from a selfish person.

kassia

 

[Aquajock]

I don't post on here much, as I just don't have time. But, I'm so po'd I thought I would vent here.

I have a 5 and 7 yr old that I homeschool. I work 2 businesses from home, and then work an outside job part time opposite shift of my husband so that we don't have to pay child care. We also have a small farm and raise some animals, and are in the process of building our home.

Well I make sure I do not go to bed each day until I get in my hour (or hour and half ) workout. No matter what I make sure to get it in.

I have lost over 50 lbs and kept it off for over two years. I have energy to do all that I need to do now plus keep up with my kids, whereas before I would just sit on my booty and not have energy to play with my boys or take them on walks or whatever else needed to be done.

Okay, so I was sitting in a group that I get together with about once a week (I'm also a recovering alcoholic) and a member from another area showed up - I know this woman and she has often called me selfish for homeschooling and working out. Just usually not to my face.

Anyway, I was talking with another lady who was telling me she's tired all the time and has no energy, I suggested she started working out, and this visitor popped up saying, "Oh ignore her, we all know she's so selfish she workouts out every day for at least an hour!"

OMG!! WTH????? I just turned to her and said, " Actually, I was selfish when I was fat and had no energy to take care of my kids, now I'm doing what I need to do to make sure I"m around to take care of them!" I was LIVID!!

I have often heard this lady (and others) say to new moms, oh make sure you take time for you, get in a long bubble bath, read a book, get in a nap....etc. Well, my workouts are the ONLY time I get to me, and I cherish them, they are the only time that I can focus on myself, and when I'm done I feel more refreshed and energetic than a bubble bath could even think about doing!

I wont give up my workouts, and I wont stop doing all I can for my family, but dang, that was just..........wrong!

Thanks for letting me vent!

I've really enjoyed reading the posts and learning so much from everyone!
Liberty

Liberty, like the others, I think you came up with the beyond-perfect comeback to this harridan. You are also setting an excellent example to your sons beyond the homeschooling to which you are clearly devoted,the running of your businesses and the outside work to sustain the family, AND the attention to your recovery: you are showing them how many healthy ways a woman can take care of herself, and you better know that will affect their choice of mates in their adulthood.

Although I have chosen not to have children, you and I have sobriety in common (aside: YOU GO, GIRL!); in fact, later this month I'll be putting up a post here bleating about my 22-year sobriety anniversary. It's funny - I went to sobriety support groups early in the game, and came across an extraordinary number of people who were just organically messed up and distasteful. Not always (although frequently enough) in the meeting or fellowship context, but ya just knew that once they got outside the church basement all hell would break loose. Lo these many years later, I have to say that a good kick-ass workout does me more good than five meetings combined ever did. Just goes to show you: just because she's sober doesn't mean she's not a bitch!

Keep on keepin' on, sister!

A-Jock

 

[Liberty]

My son was diagnoised Aspergers at 2 and I spent all my time at home with him, . .getting certified and attending seminars, . . . on all things that I knew would help him (OT, speech therapy, and behavior managment, IEP laws). He is now what I call a success story. He does extremely well at school, is in the top of his class, reads at a 6th grade level, and our biggest acheivement of all is that he is able to make friends and socialize. My husband and I firmly believe that his success was due to the commitment we made with him at home. I know how important keeping myself healthy and fit during those times helped to get through all those really hard times. My long runs, . . and Cathe DVD's were my time and I needed that time to be able to give my family all of me.

I know what you mean. He's supposed to be finishing 1st grade now, but doing mostly 3rd and 4th grade stuff. We have a large group of homeschoolers who get together regularly, aging from 2 to 52, and it has helped him tremendously.
I agree about needing that workout to be a better mom to my boys, there are times where I know I have to get an extra kickboxing in, and it may be after they go to bed, but I sure feel better after!
My boys are amazing, my youngest does yoga with me every Sunday, my oldest does about 10 mins of it, then he is done. They both love ab work, and don't understand how I can do so many squats and "up steps " as they put it (MM) "they hurt mommy!"
My hats off to you and your family, it takes so much to go through all that and there are days where..............well you know.
I still remember the first time he ever hugged me! He was almost 4. I cried for over an hour. He told me he loves me the first time at 5 yrs old. It was incredible. He's come a long way.

 

[Liberty]

Liberty - We have some things in common. I also homeschool! My oldest is now 11 and has high functioning autism. I took him out of school in 1st grade for the same reasons and he's doing very well now. I also have a 5 year old and a 2 month old baby. My life is anything but free time! ha. I did photography as a home business for a while but with my DH in Iraq now it was too much. I'd LOVE to live on a farm and raise animals! I have family in Missouri. I live in Texas and there are several homeschoolers here also.

My boys were born in Texas, my in laws live there still.
My hats off to you with your hubby gone in Iraq, how scary. Hugs to you girl!
If you want, you are more than welcome to come for a visit, of course we may enlist you to help build the pig pen, or a fence for the garden LOL

 

[Liberty]

Thanks all!! I'm pretty new and was a little nervous about venting here, but am glad I did.

A-Jock, congrats on your sobriety! 22 yrs is amazing!
I left the group this lady was in, and didnt attend a meeting for over 6 months because of exactly what you are talking about. I am trying to go once a week right now to this other meeting, but, with this newest job I can't go as I had been, so we will see how it works out.

Kassia, sounds like a wonderful school you have her in! You are very lucky.
I usually do the workout before or after they get up, but not always, depends on the day, and what else is going on, about 40% of the time I am able to do it while they are doing seat work (the book work of lessons) and it works out pretty well.


again, thanks all!
Lib

 

[Jaffas]

First I think that woman was totally out of line making a comment like that. I was once told the same thing by a friend who no matter how many times I told her what time I worked out always seemed to call me right when I was about to start. I finally stopped answering the phone. We both worked it the same place but she was always calling in sick. She couldn't get her behind out of the house to get to work but she always seemed to make it to the mall when she wanted something (can you tell she's an ex-friend?) Second, so what if you were selfish? Not the I think you are at all. I could never do all the things you do. I don't have kids and I set my own work hours. I can't even imagine how you manage to juggle everything you have on your plate. But even if you were the most selfish person in the world, what's it to her? With people like that it's best to follow one of my favorite rules - what other people think of me is none of my business!

 

[Janis]

With people like that it's best to follow one of my favorite rules - what other people think of me is none of my business!

This is by far the best line I have heard all month! Maybe all year!

I am writing it down and putting it where I can read it several times a day!

 

[Janis]

Hi Liberty

I enjoyed reading your post and your responses. With your busy life, I completely understand why you don't have time to post very often on the forum, but I was wondering if you would consider starting a blog?

I would find your daily or weekly updates interesting, inspiring, and insightful, I think others would too. You have so much to draw upon and share.

Well, think about it, in the meantime congrats on your sobriety, your weight loss, your journey with you son, juggling two jobs to make it work, and buying your farm.

Best wishes

 

[RapidBreath]

What an idiot she is!!!! Selfish? For wanting to live long enough to take care of your own kids? Give me a break!

I think this is a case of someone being actually jealous of your energy and ability to do something worthwhile. Forget all about her. She is a nutter.

 

[Vee]

Even if you did not do all you did at your job, farm and raising children, you would be wise to exercise and take care of yourself - most certainly not selfish. To exercise is to respect the gift nature gave you of a working body.

I feel the opposite as this lady and very strongly so. I feel people who neglect their health by abusing their diets and not making an effort to to be active (no need to be super fit), do not realize the consequences that their loved ones could potentially suffer from their self-neglect. Unlike this person however, I dont judge such people as selfish because there are so many reasons why this happens. I would either mind my own business or try to be encouraging, gentle and positive if I decided to talk to them.

I agree with all posts that say that this refelects poorly on her and her alone and it is not worth wasting any emotions over. I would try to appear suprememly indifferent and unflappable to her opinion on exercise and maintain my distance if I were to encounter the same situation.

 

[Liberty]

Hi Liberty

I enjoyed reading your post and your responses. With your busy life, I completely understand why you don't have time to post very often on the forum, but I was wondering if you would consider starting a blog?

I actually keep one, as I have family all over. I try to post once a week on it, but don't always, will pm you the addy.

Jaffas- Love it!!! I will have to remember that one!

thank you Vee and all, I have let it go now. Not worth my time, but I have gotten a chance to speak with some of y'all and look forward to getting to know you better!

 

[Skyy2]

, but if someone asks, I answer. *shrug* What I do with my life is not a comment on theirs, yet some take it that way.

I love that saying!! It is odd how some people want to bring chaos into others life by trying to bring them down.

Liberty.... you responded so well..that lady has issues and probably doesn't know it.

I work fulltime... have two teenagers, 1 infant, 2 dogs, 1 husband (not counting my ex-husband), a small messy house- and I showed a co-worker a picture of something that I had sewn and a blanket that I knitted for the baby---and she said... you have way too much time on your hands.

Liberty....when you seem balanced... sometimes it makes others nervous. I will never understand it..

 

[cakebaker]

Good for you with a perfect comeback!

Miz Liberty -

Good for you with the comeback & for not holding your tongue! One of the latest ACE professional magazine had an article about how exercise helps addiction - can't find it right now on their site - but we all know exercise helps just about everything including depression. If there ever was a "magic pill", exercise is the closest.

That mouthy b...h is just jealous, we all know that!

 

[Liberty]

Skyy2
Teenagers AND an infant! Man I thought I was busy!! I bow to you! I like how you put the appearing balanced.


cakebaker-yes, I agree it does help. A lot.

 

[intensityjunkie]

My boys were born in Texas, my in laws live there still.
My hats off to you with your hubby gone in Iraq, how scary. Hugs to you girl!
If you want, you are more than welcome to come for a visit, of course we may enlist you to help build the pig pen, or a fence for the garden LOL

Hey I'm up for it. I do have a little experience. My grandparents had a farm in Missouri and we'd visit for the summer. When I was little we were in Oklahoma a while and had 5 acres. We got to grow a huge garden and raise chickens. Some of my best memories there. I miss it. would you PM me your blog also?

 

[susandean]

Good for you for sticking to your routine, it will pay off big time when you are older. One of my highlights was when I went to the doctor and he said "you look fabulous" and I kind of looked surprised and he said "no really, I know". I was feeling old (I am 65) and that was the best pill he could have given me. I owe that to staying active, doing my own yard work, house cleaning, etc and working out. I see so many women younger than me that are so out of shape from just taking a relaxing bubble bath.

 

[JanetP1507]

Wow, what a nasty and bitter woman she must be....good for you for speaking up! I don't think I could have been well...as nice as you about it...my response probably would have included a couple of four letter words

 

[Liberty]

Hey I'm up for it. I do have a little experience. My grandparents had a farm in Missouri and we'd visit for the summer. When I was little we were in Oklahoma a while and had 5 acres. We got to grow a huge garden and raise chickens. Some of my best memories there. I miss it. would you PM me your blog also?

Cool, we can lay a foundation while you are here too! Shall I expect you tomorrow??? a day in town for the kids, and fireworks, then MM and KM after, and then up at 5 am to start on the pen for the pigs! Bring some of your workouts so we can try them too! You can stay as long as you like!!!!