very O/T: ? about sex drive
- Thread starter mariep
- Start date
RE: Nancy/Trevor.....
Hi Nancy & Trevor,
Joking aside though, my DH is in the same position too, I have recently returned to taking medication which I know will automatically drop my sex drive to zero, yet if I don't take the medication, I go downhill, it is a hard compromise. I also find that fears of pregnancy squashes my sex drive, as it does for my DH. I know for a fact I couldn't cope with any more children, I find it hard enough now with three. DH is having a vasectomy this month, so the fear, hopefully will go. I can't go on the BCP as it makes me feel murderous (no joke).
Anna
Hi Nancy & Trevor,
Joking aside though, my DH is in the same position too, I have recently returned to taking medication which I know will automatically drop my sex drive to zero, yet if I don't take the medication, I go downhill, it is a hard compromise. I also find that fears of pregnancy squashes my sex drive, as it does for my DH. I know for a fact I couldn't cope with any more children, I find it hard enough now with three. DH is having a vasectomy this month, so the fear, hopefully will go. I can't go on the BCP as it makes me feel murderous (no joke).
Anna
I always felt exercise improved my sex drive - as opposed to being a substitute for sex. It increases my energy level and definitely boosts my self-esteem and body image - particularly important for women.
Our problem is one of timing. Seems like when I'm "in the mood," hubby's not and vice versa. Sigh. Funny thing is, when I turn him down, I feel guilty and inadequate. When he turns me down, he rolls over and goes to sleep without giving it another thought.
Angela
Our problem is one of timing. Seems like when I'm "in the mood," hubby's not and vice versa. Sigh. Funny thing is, when I turn him down, I feel guilty and inadequate. When he turns me down, he rolls over and goes to sleep without giving it another thought.
Angela
This is all so interesting. It sounds like so many of you are dealing with a similar situation (which makes me feel a lot better). We need to find a solution! I want to feel like Trevor and my DH (and most men, I suspect)! I'm tempted to try one of those herbal supplements I've seen, but I'm always leery of them because I don't think they have to undergo any FDA testing like medications would. If I find something that works, I'll definitely share it with all of you! In the meantime, I guess I'll make the most of the days when I'm really into it, and try to get myself into it on the days I'm not. Exercise does help, for sure, so I guess Cathe would be glad to hear that she's doing her part to improve our sex lives as well as our health & fitness!
Hi Marie,
Why don't you look into aromatherapy ? Certain oils are natural aphrodisiacs, like Ylang-Ylang, Jasmine and Rose. These can help help to boost libido, whether you are using them in a massage, blended within a carrier oil, or vaporise them using an aromatherapy burner ? Read lots of books on the subject though and/or visit a qualified practising Aromatherapist for advice ?
A book to check out is 'Essential Oils For Lovers' by Maggie Tisserand (available from all good Amazons.) - this book also gives good massage advice too.
Anna
Why don't you look into aromatherapy ? Certain oils are natural aphrodisiacs, like Ylang-Ylang, Jasmine and Rose. These can help help to boost libido, whether you are using them in a massage, blended within a carrier oil, or vaporise them using an aromatherapy burner ? Read lots of books on the subject though and/or visit a qualified practising Aromatherapist for advice ?
A book to check out is 'Essential Oils For Lovers' by Maggie Tisserand (available from all good Amazons.) - this book also gives good massage advice too.
Anna
Hi Marie- everyone,
I am soooooooooooo glad that I am not crazy or the only one with this problem.
I am 35 and I actually have become afraid to go bed at night for fear that my husband might ask for some romance.
I know I can't avoid it for too long but I don't know what to do.
Perhaps I need to get the courage and ask my doctor for help, but I am really embarrased.
Anyways, thanks for posting on this subject.
Emi
I am soooooooooooo glad that I am not crazy or the only one with this problem.
I am 35 and I actually have become afraid to go bed at night for fear that my husband might ask for some romance.
I know I can't avoid it for too long but I don't know what to do.
Perhaps I need to get the courage and ask my doctor for help, but I am really embarrased.
Anyways, thanks for posting on this subject.
Emi
Thanks for starting this Mariep! I'm 37, have two kids and sooooo wish I had a better sex drive. When we get around to it, its typically fine. I like so many of you seem to have zero sex drive. We've tapered off to a couple times per month. OUTRAGEOUS! I know two or three times a week is probably typical. Even when first married 14 years ago, twice a week was pretty norm for us. I haven't been on the pill for 4 years hoping it would boost my sex drive. No luck. Hope someone has some help for us poor unlusty babes.
-Sami
-Sami
Thanks so much for posting this Mariep!
I'm 37, two kids, and haven't been on the pill for four years. We're down to a couple times a month! OUTRAGEOUS! My poor DH. I so wish I had a better sex drive, but it just doesn't seem to be anywhere....must have lost it. I'm to the point of asking my physician. Anyone ask and get any good answers are things to try. Glad to know we're not the only ones.
-Sami
I'm 37, two kids, and haven't been on the pill for four years. We're down to a couple times a month! OUTRAGEOUS! My poor DH. I so wish I had a better sex drive, but it just doesn't seem to be anywhere....must have lost it. I'm to the point of asking my physician. Anyone ask and get any good answers are things to try. Glad to know we're not the only ones.
-Sami
mogambo
Cathlete
Maybe this is a stupid question, but why can't we just accept that sex drive may vary along a Bell curve, like most human attributes? It may be normal for many women to just not care much about sex. I certainly don't. I never have, not in my teens, twenties, thirties or forties.
For many years I felt abnormal and guilty, because our culture and Cosmo and movies make us feel that if you don't lust after sex and multiple orgasms you are a freak, but in Victorian times it was just the opposite. Maybe being a nymphomaniac is just a fashion that is currently in style, or a sacred cow that everyone is afraid of. Or just another thing for women to feel inadequate about in addition to being too short, too fat or whatever.
I am very healthy and fit and I don't like sex. That's just part of who I am.
"Just a suggestion, take it or leave it."
For many years I felt abnormal and guilty, because our culture and Cosmo and movies make us feel that if you don't lust after sex and multiple orgasms you are a freak, but in Victorian times it was just the opposite. Maybe being a nymphomaniac is just a fashion that is currently in style, or a sacred cow that everyone is afraid of. Or just another thing for women to feel inadequate about in addition to being too short, too fat or whatever.
I am very healthy and fit and I don't like sex. That's just part of who I am.
"Just a suggestion, take it or leave it."
joannabeske
Cathlete
Hi!
I used to have a crazy sex drive up until the past 6-9 months( I am 28). I just went off the pill about 4 weeks ago and my sex drive is back! I do notice that my sex drive is stronger in the beginning of my cycle and tapers off towards the end. I think this is normal. I have read about this in many articles. I was wondering if the pill was killing my sex drive because I was on it for so long. I will see how it goes without it!
I used to have a crazy sex drive up until the past 6-9 months( I am 28). I just went off the pill about 4 weeks ago and my sex drive is back! I do notice that my sex drive is stronger in the beginning of my cycle and tapers off towards the end. I think this is normal. I have read about this in many articles. I was wondering if the pill was killing my sex drive because I was on it for so long. I will see how it goes without it!
Hi Everyone,
I have been giving this thread some thought over the day, and really you don't actually have to be having sex to have a sex drive, what about romance, conversation, soothing massage, going to bed early for LOTS of snuggling, cuddling, and kissing, the kind of things you did before children and marraige, having a date once a week with your partner ?
I think too much emphasis is placed on the act of 'doing it', sometimes........
Anna
I have been giving this thread some thought over the day, and really you don't actually have to be having sex to have a sex drive, what about romance, conversation, soothing massage, going to bed early for LOTS of snuggling, cuddling, and kissing, the kind of things you did before children and marraige, having a date once a week with your partner ?
I think too much emphasis is placed on the act of 'doing it', sometimes........
Anna
I know this isn't going to be a popular opinion, so please remember it's just my opinion, please don't blast me.
When we pump artificial hormones into our system, it's going to effect us, I don't care what the doctor's say. Meat is filled with artificial hormones, as is dairy as well. Birth control pills can have incredible side effects on all aspects of health, but most doctor's won't admit to this. I didn't have any drive at all for years, some of that time I was on birth control, pregnant or nursing a baby. I stopped artificial birth control and went vegatarian; it took a couple of weeks and my sex drive returned "in full force". (some nights DH can't get much sleep).
Some bodies are incredibly sensitive to hormonal changes (most in fact). When I'm nursing a baby my drive is gone again and it returns the minute baby quits nursing. Having an increased drive prior to ovulation is normal and it tapers off until next period and then picks up again. I think we were created this way for a reason, but introducing hormones into the system is definitely not natural. There are increasingly more effective methods of natural birth control (unlike the rhythm type methods of the past, "Taking charge of your fertility" is a great book). But, if you want to be on birth control, then you have to live with the consequences and to some this may be more important. Also, again, some are more sensitive to hormonal changes than others, this is just my experience. I will add my dh is completely satisfied with the natural method (MEN!!). Just a thought...take it or leave it.
Briee
When we pump artificial hormones into our system, it's going to effect us, I don't care what the doctor's say. Meat is filled with artificial hormones, as is dairy as well. Birth control pills can have incredible side effects on all aspects of health, but most doctor's won't admit to this. I didn't have any drive at all for years, some of that time I was on birth control, pregnant or nursing a baby. I stopped artificial birth control and went vegatarian; it took a couple of weeks and my sex drive returned "in full force". (some nights DH can't get much sleep).
Some bodies are incredibly sensitive to hormonal changes (most in fact). When I'm nursing a baby my drive is gone again and it returns the minute baby quits nursing. Having an increased drive prior to ovulation is normal and it tapers off until next period and then picks up again. I think we were created this way for a reason, but introducing hormones into the system is definitely not natural. There are increasingly more effective methods of natural birth control (unlike the rhythm type methods of the past, "Taking charge of your fertility" is a great book). But, if you want to be on birth control, then you have to live with the consequences and to some this may be more important. Also, again, some are more sensitive to hormonal changes than others, this is just my experience. I will add my dh is completely satisfied with the natural method (MEN!!). Just a thought...take it or leave it.
Briee
Hi,
That's definitely not a stupid question, and I think that's exactly what's going on. I do think these things come and go in cycles, and I guess that's how women are designed. And I also definitely do not think anyone (including myself!) is a freak or abnormal for not wanting sex all the time. I guess my problem is, there are times during the month when it's practically ALL I think about, and I have to say, I love the way that feels! So I guess for me, I just want to feel that way more often. And it's not even for my husband or anything like that, although I know he'd LOVE it if I felt that way all the time, and I also know that we get along best when we're in that good time when we're having it often. But I'm being purely selfish here! I just really like the way I feel at that time of the month and want it to last!
I also agree with briee about the hormones and not thinking it's a great idea to pump your body full of artificial stuff. I'm actually not on the pill and never have been! My husband and I have wanted kids for a long time, but it never happened. And now I know you'll probably think that's what's putting a damper on things, but believe me, it's not! We're actually both fine with the fact that we don't have kids. We'd be happy if we had them, but we're very happy without them, too (I hope that doesn't sound awful!). But going off the pill wouldn't be a possible solution for me, since I'm not on it!
Anyway, I've been so glad to read all these posts. It really is nice to see that so many people feel the same way. And I am going to do some research into some herbal solutions...if I find anything that works, I'll let everyone know!
That's definitely not a stupid question, and I think that's exactly what's going on. I do think these things come and go in cycles, and I guess that's how women are designed. And I also definitely do not think anyone (including myself!) is a freak or abnormal for not wanting sex all the time. I guess my problem is, there are times during the month when it's practically ALL I think about, and I have to say, I love the way that feels! So I guess for me, I just want to feel that way more often. And it's not even for my husband or anything like that, although I know he'd LOVE it if I felt that way all the time, and I also know that we get along best when we're in that good time when we're having it often. But I'm being purely selfish here! I just really like the way I feel at that time of the month and want it to last!
I also agree with briee about the hormones and not thinking it's a great idea to pump your body full of artificial stuff. I'm actually not on the pill and never have been! My husband and I have wanted kids for a long time, but it never happened. And now I know you'll probably think that's what's putting a damper on things, but believe me, it's not! We're actually both fine with the fact that we don't have kids. We'd be happy if we had them, but we're very happy without them, too (I hope that doesn't sound awful!). But going off the pill wouldn't be a possible solution for me, since I'm not on it!
Anyway, I've been so glad to read all these posts. It really is nice to see that so many people feel the same way. And I am going to do some research into some herbal solutions...if I find anything that works, I'll let everyone know!
Hi MarieP,
This is a subject I've discussed often with my girlfriends. I think everyone that has posted here has a valid point. Trevor, I feel for you. I know that when I was pregnant with my first child I was out of control. Then, as soon as he was born, I sort of lost that feeling. My husband and I had a very satisfying sex life but we didn't make love very frequently. Then I got pregnant with my daughter and we both expected that my hormones would be in high drive again but they weren't. Now, my daughter turned 2 in June, I turned 35 in March and all of the sudden I'm like a teenager again. My DH has trouble keeping up with me. It is the weirdest thing, but it's also very frustrating because now I know what he went through those few years and I feel badly. It is NOT fun to be the one who wants "it" all the time and to fear rejection. I have to tell you, quite honestly, sometimes I feel like a freak. I mean, here I am, mother of 2 children, wanting "it" all the time. I feel like it's written all over my face or like the people at work can read my mind.
One thing that I think really was a factor in my renewed interested in sex was how I thought about myself. I went back to work, was doing Cathe with a vengence, I stopped thinking about myself as just a mother and that really helped. I also thought a lot about how I used to feel in high school. Remember those days? Making out for hours, all that jazz. I made a conscious effort to change thinking about sex as a way to procreate and to start thinking about it as I used to when I was in my teens. I came to the realization that my husband and I never did stuff like "make out" anymore. I'm not talking about foreplay, just play in general, you know?
As others have said, and it's evident from the posts, we are all different. Last year I read Christina Ferarre's book "And I don't really have a headache" or something like that. She talked a lot about the cream that Bobbi uses and said that it helped. She also recommends different supplements and eating soy. I agree with Biree that food/diet plays an enormous role in a person's sex drive.
I don't think there's one right answer for everyone, but I'm glad that we have this forum to talk about it and that we're here for each other. Linda
This is a subject I've discussed often with my girlfriends. I think everyone that has posted here has a valid point. Trevor, I feel for you. I know that when I was pregnant with my first child I was out of control. Then, as soon as he was born, I sort of lost that feeling. My husband and I had a very satisfying sex life but we didn't make love very frequently. Then I got pregnant with my daughter and we both expected that my hormones would be in high drive again but they weren't. Now, my daughter turned 2 in June, I turned 35 in March and all of the sudden I'm like a teenager again. My DH has trouble keeping up with me. It is the weirdest thing, but it's also very frustrating because now I know what he went through those few years and I feel badly. It is NOT fun to be the one who wants "it" all the time and to fear rejection. I have to tell you, quite honestly, sometimes I feel like a freak. I mean, here I am, mother of 2 children, wanting "it" all the time. I feel like it's written all over my face or like the people at work can read my mind.
One thing that I think really was a factor in my renewed interested in sex was how I thought about myself. I went back to work, was doing Cathe with a vengence, I stopped thinking about myself as just a mother and that really helped. I also thought a lot about how I used to feel in high school. Remember those days? Making out for hours, all that jazz. I made a conscious effort to change thinking about sex as a way to procreate and to start thinking about it as I used to when I was in my teens. I came to the realization that my husband and I never did stuff like "make out" anymore. I'm not talking about foreplay, just play in general, you know?
As others have said, and it's evident from the posts, we are all different. Last year I read Christina Ferarre's book "And I don't really have a headache" or something like that. She talked a lot about the cream that Bobbi uses and said that it helped. She also recommends different supplements and eating soy. I agree with Biree that food/diet plays an enormous role in a person's sex drive.
I don't think there's one right answer for everyone, but I'm glad that we have this forum to talk about it and that we're here for each other. Linda
susanz
Cathlete
I don't think it has to do with my cycle as much as my life! I know I should get more sleep, I exercise too hard , my kids run me ragged. I am simply too exhausted! I told mu hubby I'm usually in the mood around 1-2pm however he's never home!!;-) I've been trying to get more sleep and it seems to be helping. Susan