Unruly children on Thanksgiving

C

carolyn122162

Cathlete
How does everyone handle unruly, out of control children (relative) at your house?
We invited my parents, 2 brothers, BIL, and my 25 yo nephew with his GF and their 3 yo son over for Thanksgiving. There were 15 of us and he was the only small child. His mom (the GF of my nephew) came in and just plopped down on the sofa and read magazines the whole time. Meanwhile, I feel like crap with the stomach bug and I am trying to stay out of everyone's way. My DH is cooking and my parents are helping.
The child starts grabbing at all the food on the counter and drops turkey on the floor, then after he is forcibly removed by my son and pitches a fit, he goes outside. Meanwhile his parents are clueless. Then the child starts running in and out of the house, slamming into the glass door for all he is worth in both directions. I'm fearing shattered class everywhere and a bloody kid. Parents do nothing. Everyone else tells him to stop. I finally start telling him to stop and then screamed at him to cut it out. His Mom got pissy. She got pissy again when I took away his drink for the 3rd time out of the living room. He then starts running uncontrollably around the house this time slamming into the front glass door. I thought my DH would strangle him. Finally they left!

I feel I had every right to say and do something to stop his behavior. His parents said I need to chill out. WTH! This is my house. I would never ever allow my children to behave this way in anyones house, including ours. Mom got offended that someone was trying to control her kid, but let me tell you, neither one of the parents have any control or a clue on how to handle or even raise a kid.

Any thoughts or was I out of line.
 
I have no explaination, or words of wisdom, as I am totally looking from the outside in on the whole kid thing, but I feel your pain. This is EXACTLY the reason I stay far away from family gatherings any more where young children are present. I know which friends and family have the good, well behaved kids and which ones let their kids run amuck! I plan accordingly when invited to any function. Not having kids myself, I have little tolerance for such unruley behavior. what some parents call "parenting" is merely watching from the sidelines... I truly believe it is because they don't know how to do anything else, but sure doesn't make it any easier that while leaving the task to others they throw attitude when others step up and take that roll. I'm sure being the only kid at your gathering did not help either, as there was no other younger one to take them aside and keep them occupied, and I assume the parents didn't bring anything for the kid to play with or otherwise keep him occupied with something other than getting under foot and into everything either... what are they thinking??? to them it is just a normal day in paridise...

It's a tough situation and you do have every right to make sure that the ones you welcome into your home are safe. running uncontrollably through the house is the reason I have a huge scar on my right wrist (about the size of a silver dollar) because when I was 4 years old, I was chasing my sister through the house, in the back door out the front and the screen never latched... until this one time... BANG!!! blood everywhere and my first trip to the emergency room! 25 stitches later... Patio slider doors are made to take a little more abuse, but still, they aren't complely shatter proof... and should the unthinkable have happened, the parents would probably blamed you for the fact that your glass broke, not the behavior of the child... no win situation here until the parents start taking responsibility... They were probably raised the same way...

I'm sorry your day that was supposed to be filled with joy, good food, friends and family was tarnished a bit by this behavior...
 
Carolyn,

I am with you on this one. First I would never allow my kids to behave this way at home or any where else. But you definitely had the right to speak up in your own home when the parents were doing nothing.

My DH had a cousin like this who was a terror and the parents did nothing. They thought it "would threshold his developement". Well now he is in his twenties and his life is a mess.
 
YOUR house YOUR rules and if the parents cannot handle their own child then they should have been elsewhere. you had every right. what if he did get hurt in your house? what if he damaged something of yours? what if he stained or ruined furniture or carpet in the living room with his drink? he is a young child so we can't totally blame the child but the parents should have handled their situation! mother can get pissy but then she doesn't have to be invited back and you can tell it was b/c she couldn't contain her child and that you have rules for your household. be upfront in this case b/c it seems as you said everybody else was disciplining him except mom and dad, and that's their job.

then again i come from a family of upfront comments when we screw up so my opinion may vary!

kassia
 
I'm with you as well.

My kids are a little older now, but when they were younger, they got very clear instructions regarding how to behave at social functions. In addition, their father and I policed them very carefully.

I cannot stand to watch hands-off parenting.
 
Not that my kids are always well behave in situations like that, but.... we had a friends stay t iwith us for a couple of weeks. They have three kids -- 13, 9, and 5. The 9 year old was out of control and both parents were almost like his servants. It was astonishing! We live in a fairly rural area and safety is always a bigger concern than most people are used to. We have a tractor and every time my husband was trying to do something, that kid would be right there and it was very scary. DH had no qualms about yelling at the kid, and after having to yell at the kid on more than one occasion about it, he finally yelled at the kid's dad. Where safety is concerned (and it sounds like it was a factor), you definitely need to intervene.

Sorry you didn't have a more pleasant thanksgiving!

-Beth
 
I would never let my children behave in that manner at home or especially in someone else’s home. I think you had every right to step in and don’t think the GF or brother had any right to be pissed. They should be embarrassed.
 
Kassia and everyone else,

You are right. I don't blame the kid because he doesn't know any better. I actually feel sorry for him b/c he will end up to be a totally out of control adolescent. The parents are young and very inexperienced and they live with her parents which is a major problem as far as discipline goes. They let him do whatever and take care of the kid so that is why his parents just sat on their bum at my house. My DH and my biggest fear was that he would get hurt and therefore sue the pants off us.

Thanks for the input
 
Just echoing the others!
I have a little one, and I probably err too much on the side of supervision and control for fear of MY kid terrorizing and annoying everyone else!

If the parents aren't going to discipline and correct the kiddo, you definitley get to! And if they don't like it, I would flat out suggest to them that maybe THEY should! Especially when they're family, you get to do that!
 
this is why

I don't have children. People think that there is something wrong with me or that its so sad I don't have someone yet. I'm not sad. And if its wrong, I don't wanna be right! Yikes.

You have every right to keep your holiday to grown ups only btw. And of course you had to tell him to be careful and to keep it down its your house!
 
Carolyn, sorry your Thanksgiving was so crazy. Hope you're feeling better soon!

I agree with everyone else. When the parents won't discipline their kid, and especially when safety is a factor, you have every right to do what you did. And it's not like you were the only one who felt that way! (Heck, you deal with kids every day...you know what you're doing!;))

Worst thing happens is that they will refuse to come to your house again...no big loss! :rolleyes:
 
Jodi,

You said exactly what my mom said, I deal with kids every day and I know how to handle them. The kids I keep would never attempt to run rampant in my house. They know better and plus I have "raised" them right.

Hope you had a good Thanksgiving
 
Sorry your Thanksgiving was ruined by inconsiderate relatives. That boy's parents should be ashamed of themselves. You had every right to intervene in the situation especially since they weren't doing anything about his behavior and it was taking place in your home.

Unruly and disrespectful children are a pet peeve of mine. Even worse though are the parents that stand by and do absolutely nothing to correct their children. I have young children of my own and granted they're not perfect all the time but at least I am aware of their behavior and how it may be affecting the people around us.I strive to do my best to teach them manners and good behavior (especially in other people's homes). Those parents need to get a clue.

Jacque
 
Wow, how awful! I can't believe the mother told you to chill out! She needs a reality check, and unfortunately, it will probably be when her son gets seriously injured when she's "watching" him. Unbelievable...
 
your house, your rules

to echo other's sentiment...as the mother of 2 rather rambunctious boys (5 and 2) I would be ABSOLUELY APPALLED by this behavior from my children. We would have disciplined early and left so fast their heads would spin if they didn't listen the 1st time, never mind 2nd or 3rd chances. It sounds as though you have children...what would they have done if it was YOUR child acting just like this in THEIR home????
don't dwell on this much but don't be afraid to lay down the law before any future invitations...and I agree with others, such a laissez-faire attitude towards parenting doesn't develop independence or creativeness...kids need, deserve and want boundaries and rules
take care
julie
 
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