Ugh! why do in-laws have to be so difficult?

Alana_as

Cathlete
Ok first off I am white my husband is black...parents have an issue with me being his wife. That's A WHOLE different situation in it's self....however.

My husband and his parents never had good communication almost their whole lives and ever since I told my husband's mom that his sister could not live with us, she's on her RIGHTEOUS horse about how the family needs to start communicating!

Ugh...this can me SUCH a novel by the time I'm done, but I'm not going there.

Why, oh why!...Do my in-laws have to make it so damn difficult for me?!??! ugh!:mad:
 

rb38

Member
Sorry I can't help you there. I have the best in laws in the world. My mother on the other hand... I have reached the conclusion that although I am a 45 year old professional woman, my mother will always see me as that 7 year old child with the dirty face.

Good luck. :)
 

Connie07

Cathlete
hummm, why can't the sister live with her mother? I have no answers but keep your chin up. Marriage is a challenge and in-laws can make things even worse if you let it. What's your husband say about the situation?
 

janie1234

Cathlete
I have the best mother in law in the universe of the world. She just passed away last month, . .she was my best friend. With that said it was not always that way. I'm a pacific islander, . .my husband is Swedish and German. We're also 15 years apart so my family as well as his family were not all together very supportive of the idea. Well, almost 10 years later we've managed to prove everyone wrong. I think that the minute my MIL realized how much I loved her son and the minute she laid her eyes on her grand kids we just became the best of friends. I wish I could say the same for my own family but they are like a boil on the surface of my skin that irritates. I like to refer to them as emotional vampires draining me of my life force anytime I have to get together with them. Hey we're grown up now. Make decisions and do what is best for you and your family don't sweat the rest.
 

NRG Woman

Cathlete
I have to let you know you are not alone. I know it doesn't fix the situation, but at least knowing you are not alone may help.

I have been with DH since 1988, we got married in 1992. I was definitely not what they wanted in a wife for DH. My MIL and I have had a very rocky road for our entire relationship. We come from different worlds and don't see eye to eye on just about every topic. DH has finally (and I mean) finally realized that I am his wife and at the end of the day he has to be in my house and not his mothers. He is a grown man (42 yo) and can not let his mother control his entire life. We have all reached an uneasy truce over the last couple of years because I have been very sick.

I know it is very frustrating. The more clear you can keep the lines of communication with DH the better.

Good luck,

Shayne
 

jnka825

Cathlete
my two cents

because they are in-laws and that is a synonym for meddling, belittling, mean-spirited, demanding and even cruel, lol. Okay, not for everyone, but for me it TOTALLY is, lol. I feel your pain. Remember that you and your husband are a unit. He is coming back to you soon and that is the most important thing (I have read your other posts). She can "communicate" all she wants, but that does not mean she gets her way. Hang in there!

Kristin
 

Alana_as

Cathlete
My husband has told his parents and me that if they can't get over this issue of me not letting his sister live with us then that's their problem.

My husband does NOT like the fact that his father was dissapointed in him for not marrying a black girl. He told him that he's in love with me, I married her for who she is and not what she is and if he doesn't like it, he needs to keep his opinions to himself.

They wanted his sister to live with me for a few months while she waited to get a room in reno job corps...which I was happy to do...but not for MONTHS!....I gave them alot of reasons as so why I didnt' want her to live with me...they didn't like it...

they said I hurt their feelings...so be it. I don't want to have bad grounds with my in-laws but I'm not about to bend over backwards evertime his family wants something from us..

OM goodness...I've typed way too long, sorry ladies...thsi is just a sensitive subject and them being "dissappointed" in who he married...helps NO situation

PAST, PRESENT, OR FUTURE....ugh
 

jackie7

Cathlete
It is sooo hard when family comes to live with you; some never want to leave! My sil let her sister live with her, but she never wanted to leave. So, eventually the move in sil went to live with her parents. However, there were hard feelings after the split.

Stick to your guns; there must be another solution!
 

tobermory

Cathlete
Don't think it is the color of your skin that is the problem -- even if you were of the exact same background as your husband's family, they would still have problems with you -- that is the kind of family they. Technically, I am exactly what my in laws claim they wanted -- same religion, age, education, family, etc. -- and yet they can't stand me and the feeling is mutual. Sometimes, that is just how a family is -- they are so insecure that they have to feel that it is such an honor and privilege to marry into it that no one can ever deserve it.

Tobermory
 

meowracer

Cathlete
I am looking for the positive here...

Your husband is standing up for YOU. That is awesome. He is not giving into his parents. You are standing up for you. That is great too. Sometimes it is easier to give in, and you are not going there.

Don't let (and I don't think you will) the sister move in just to please the difficult MIL. My MIL is amazing - the very best. I was married before and that MIL, well, she is lucky to be alive... It is not your responsibility to have the sister live there, and if anything, like the other poster said, the sister should live with the mom, or the mom should at least help. Good grief - I am sorry you have to deal with this just after your man is back.
 

Alana_as

Cathlete
Thanks ladies for all your input. It is hard. And I actually talk to my MIL earlier today, and she said a couple of things that bolsters the fact EVEN more than me being my husband's wife is "dissapointing".

I told my husband those things and he's pissed. I just want this crap to be over with.

ANd yes, OF COURSE the daughter should live with the mother, but she wanted her to be here in job corps so she could be close to her brother (my husband)...which is TOTALLY FINE! I just didn't want her to live with me for months as she waited for a room in the job corps school.

Ugfh...anyway, this is just an overblown situation that shouldn't have excalated to where it's at now....

No matter WHAT my reasons are for me not wanting her to stay here should be good enough! Hell, if I didn't want her here because I didn't like her using my SHOWER should be reason enough!

This was not a "earth crashing" situation that she HAD (!!!) to live with me.

ANyway, sorry again for the looooong response...helps to get it off my chest though, hehe:eek::)
 

gettingfitmom

Cathlete
My in-laws are very set in their ways and when DH and I do something they don't agree w/, it's MYfault. Situations have come up that upset me, but my DH ALWAYS sides w/ me. As long as your husband is sticking up and with you, you are lucky. Stick to your guns...good luck!
 

groovy

Active Member
Same here; black woman married to a white guy. Two bi-racial children & one very racist & ignorant mother-in-law.
Your husband appears to be very supportive. Just ignore them!

Olga
 

handels

Cathlete
How long have you two been together? Since they don't like the idea that you married into the family, they will just nitpick on everything you do. But it's totally possible that over time they will learn to love you and that will extend to them respecting your decisions.

My grandmother was super racist (not having really known any non-white people growing up in pre-war Italy) and used to yell at me for having black friends as a child. Now, my sister and my cousin both married black men which I thought would kill the old lady.

But she accepted it, is happy that they are happy and says "I know I'm wrong to feel the way I do, it's how I grew up" and tries really hard to get along with the husbands.

If that cranky old bitch can change, there's a chance your in-laws may come around too!
 

Alana_as

Cathlete
LOL!!! you are too funny Hannah! well, I agree with all you said, especially them loving and respecting me the longer my husband and I are together....oh! my husband and I have been married for just over a year BUT! we've been dating for 5 years!!! and the parents met me IN THE VERY BEGINNING! ; )
 

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