kimmie2191
Cathlete
RE: To those who have lost a loved one to illness/cance...
I'm sorry for your loss.
Kim
I'm sorry for your loss.
Kim
To those who have lost a loved one to illness/cancer
- Thread starter naughtoj
- Start date
Miss Lee
Cathlete
RE: To those who have lost a loved one to illness/cance...
Janice, my prayers remain with you and your family. I'm so sorry for your loss but hope you will take comfort in the knowledge that you did everything you could for your dad to make his passing a calm and peaceful event. I know he is smiling upon you now. You have been the best daughter a father could ever want.
Michele
Janice, my prayers remain with you and your family. I'm so sorry for your loss but hope you will take comfort in the knowledge that you did everything you could for your dad to make his passing a calm and peaceful event. I know he is smiling upon you now. You have been the best daughter a father could ever want.
Michele
melodygirl
Cathlete
RE: To those who have lost a loved one to illness/cance...
Janice,
{{{{HUGS}}}}
Janice,
{{{{HUGS}}}}
RE: To those who have lost a loved one to illness/cance...
Janis, I know how you must be feeling. I lost my own mother to cancer three years ago. She didn't want to die, and she fought it all along. But finally, the end came, and my sisters and I felt better when she passed. Mom came to a family friend in a dream and let them know she was at peace now. This happened just after she passed.
You have an ordeal ahead of you...first the funeral, then the shock as you try to digest everything that's happened. If you are hurting at all during this time, please call the hospice nurse. They are there to help, and they've heard it all before.
Hugs to you, my dear. There is nothing like the ordeal you have just completed. If your emotions become overwhelming later, whether it's sadness, numbness, or anything else, remember to ask for help. We are all here for you.
Janis, I know how you must be feeling. I lost my own mother to cancer three years ago. She didn't want to die, and she fought it all along. But finally, the end came, and my sisters and I felt better when she passed. Mom came to a family friend in a dream and let them know she was at peace now. This happened just after she passed.
You have an ordeal ahead of you...first the funeral, then the shock as you try to digest everything that's happened. If you are hurting at all during this time, please call the hospice nurse. They are there to help, and they've heard it all before.
Hugs to you, my dear. There is nothing like the ordeal you have just completed. If your emotions become overwhelming later, whether it's sadness, numbness, or anything else, remember to ask for help. We are all here for you.
naughtoj
Cathlete
RE: To those who have lost a loved one to illness/cance...
Awww, thank you guys and THANK YOU for all of your prayers.
Yes, my Dad had two close friends that showed up at the hospice yesterday morning saying "something told them to come". One lived two hours away!! One had a dream the night before about Dad. Dad did not want to die. He felt he was just turning his life around. He was only 60 years old. He fought hard, but not too long, and I am glad now that he had such an aggressive cancer. He will have lived almost six months to the day since diagnosis. I will forever be thankful for the time that we had those six months to resolve issues and say what we really felt in our hearts. I think my Dad's sould would be in torment if he had never gotten to make peace with others.
I am very, very sad but strangely at peace. I am sure I am still in shock, felt sortof numb yesterday. Lots to do today.....
Awww, thank you guys and THANK YOU for all of your prayers.
Yes, my Dad had two close friends that showed up at the hospice yesterday morning saying "something told them to come". One lived two hours away!! One had a dream the night before about Dad. Dad did not want to die. He felt he was just turning his life around. He was only 60 years old. He fought hard, but not too long, and I am glad now that he had such an aggressive cancer. He will have lived almost six months to the day since diagnosis. I will forever be thankful for the time that we had those six months to resolve issues and say what we really felt in our hearts. I think my Dad's sould would be in torment if he had never gotten to make peace with others.
I am very, very sad but strangely at peace. I am sure I am still in shock, felt sortof numb yesterday. Lots to do today.....
andtckrtoo
Cathlete
RE: To those who have lost a loved one to illness/cance...
Janice - wow, I'm sorry. It's so tough saying goodbye to a parent. I'm glad you had these last six months as well. I know what you mean about being so young, though. My mom passed away at the age of 62. Oddly enough, mom got a surge of energy too - infact, I have the bracelett she ordered from QVC hours before she slipped into a coma.
{{{{HUGS}}}} Janice. This will hit you at the weirdest times. I'm thinking of you and your family, and praying that your father had found peace, and that you will as well. You're a wonderful daughter.
Janice - wow, I'm sorry. It's so tough saying goodbye to a parent. I'm glad you had these last six months as well. I know what you mean about being so young, though. My mom passed away at the age of 62. Oddly enough, mom got a surge of energy too - infact, I have the bracelett she ordered from QVC hours before she slipped into a coma.
{{{{HUGS}}}} Janice. This will hit you at the weirdest times. I'm thinking of you and your family, and praying that your father had found peace, and that you will as well. You're a wonderful daughter.
RE: To those who have lost a loved one to illness/cance...
oh, janice... i SO wish i hadn't let so much time pass since visiting the boards. i cannot explain how similar our situations sound. my father (my hero) was diagnosed at age 70 with lung cancer just last august. he had been healthy as a horse all his life until that point, did fairly well through very aggressive treatment (chemo and radiation), then we discovered the cancer had spread to his brain in january. despite treatment, he died less than two months later. for various reasons, it made the most sense for me to take care of daddy. he stayed with me during treatment and came to live with me during the last weeks of his life. it was extremely painful for me to see him in such a condition, and many times i would just walk by his hospital bed while he was sleeping and have to run upstairs to break down. he was also most worried about leaving my brother, and it was one of the last intelligible comments he made to me. i said, "daddy, i promise i will take care of him." my brother called to talk to him on the phone the next day (the nurse held the phone to his ear). my brother told him how much he loved him. i came home from work that day and stood by his side, held his hand, and told him i knew he was leaving but that we would be okay, and of course, that i loved him more than anything. he died about an hour later with my husband and i at his side. i am convinced that they don't go until they're ready!
i also experienced the peaceful feeling you mentioned at knowing he was no longer suffering. too, i am grateful that i was able to spend so much time with him during the last months of his life, even if he wasn't himself sometimes. the fact that he *let* me help him during that time was a great expression of love, and i try to focus on that. what i pray for more than anything, still, is that i will forget those last few weeks when things got really bad. i still have nightmares about it and wake up crying. i do have faith that in time, only the memories that make me smile will remain. also, (and i know this sounds a little crazy), but i believe that when my husband and i have a child, he or she will be a lot like my dad. it gives me something to look forward to, particularly since i can get very sad thinking about my children never knowing their grandparents.
my point is that all in all, be thankful that you know you did everything you could for your father, and that is all he could have wanted. if you ever want to "talk," please PM or send me an email... seriously. i certainly haven't worked through all this myself and can honestly say that i am not doing too great... but i am trying and would love to share anything about my experiences with you that might help. i think i can safely say that there isn't a question, doubt, or bizarre thought that hasn't crossed my mind these past few months. in the meantime, i will keep you in my prayers!
oh, janice... i SO wish i hadn't let so much time pass since visiting the boards. i cannot explain how similar our situations sound. my father (my hero) was diagnosed at age 70 with lung cancer just last august. he had been healthy as a horse all his life until that point, did fairly well through very aggressive treatment (chemo and radiation), then we discovered the cancer had spread to his brain in january. despite treatment, he died less than two months later. for various reasons, it made the most sense for me to take care of daddy. he stayed with me during treatment and came to live with me during the last weeks of his life. it was extremely painful for me to see him in such a condition, and many times i would just walk by his hospital bed while he was sleeping and have to run upstairs to break down. he was also most worried about leaving my brother, and it was one of the last intelligible comments he made to me. i said, "daddy, i promise i will take care of him." my brother called to talk to him on the phone the next day (the nurse held the phone to his ear). my brother told him how much he loved him. i came home from work that day and stood by his side, held his hand, and told him i knew he was leaving but that we would be okay, and of course, that i loved him more than anything. he died about an hour later with my husband and i at his side. i am convinced that they don't go until they're ready!
i also experienced the peaceful feeling you mentioned at knowing he was no longer suffering. too, i am grateful that i was able to spend so much time with him during the last months of his life, even if he wasn't himself sometimes. the fact that he *let* me help him during that time was a great expression of love, and i try to focus on that. what i pray for more than anything, still, is that i will forget those last few weeks when things got really bad. i still have nightmares about it and wake up crying. i do have faith that in time, only the memories that make me smile will remain. also, (and i know this sounds a little crazy), but i believe that when my husband and i have a child, he or she will be a lot like my dad. it gives me something to look forward to, particularly since i can get very sad thinking about my children never knowing their grandparents.
my point is that all in all, be thankful that you know you did everything you could for your father, and that is all he could have wanted. if you ever want to "talk," please PM or send me an email... seriously. i certainly haven't worked through all this myself and can honestly say that i am not doing too great... but i am trying and would love to share anything about my experiences with you that might help. i think i can safely say that there isn't a question, doubt, or bizarre thought that hasn't crossed my mind these past few months. in the meantime, i will keep you in my prayers!
I have lost both my parents to cancer. I can remember strongly the fear an uncertainty I felt facing both of their deaths. But in retrospect now (10 and 5 years ago) those months were some of the most meaningful in my life even with the tears, anger and fear. They are with me more today than ever. My parents were quite different in how they wanted care. We took our cue from them. My dad was in and out of it and in pain for sometime. His pain blinded him to our tears I think. We did sometimes crawl into his bed. I did tell him once, that even though I loved him and would miss him, he could leave me it that would be. He told me he wasn't ready for that, yet he died peacefully three days later.
My mom was different as well. I moved into her home to care for her, leaving my family for a few monthes. I din't let myself cry this time with her, my sister sort us took all the fear this time. My sis was getting married and starting her family and she really felt abandoned. My sister had some moments with mom where she was not only tearful, she temper-tantrum-throwing-things angry. My mom was supportive even of that. My mom got in an argument with an uncle the day before she died. When I was protective of my mom, she told me she appreciated everyone genuineness (my sis, uncle, and me) so leave it to her to protect herself.
Hospice care workers really helped us by venting with us and creating supportive people to help us. They even helped me care for mom when she didn't want it in ways that mom didn't see.
My mom wanted little if any care at all. She kept to her Weight Watcher's diet. I got sort of mad at her once and told her there's no banking points in heavern. She scolded me that this wasn't about points it was about "eating healthy", and she needed to feel her best even when dying.
So go ahead be his daughter, have your fears, love every minute of your time left and let the hospice workers equip you to do that. He will be your dad for eternity!
My mom was different as well. I moved into her home to care for her, leaving my family for a few monthes. I din't let myself cry this time with her, my sister sort us took all the fear this time. My sis was getting married and starting her family and she really felt abandoned. My sister had some moments with mom where she was not only tearful, she temper-tantrum-throwing-things angry. My mom was supportive even of that. My mom got in an argument with an uncle the day before she died. When I was protective of my mom, she told me she appreciated everyone genuineness (my sis, uncle, and me) so leave it to her to protect herself.
Hospice care workers really helped us by venting with us and creating supportive people to help us. They even helped me care for mom when she didn't want it in ways that mom didn't see.
My mom wanted little if any care at all. She kept to her Weight Watcher's diet. I got sort of mad at her once and told her there's no banking points in heavern. She scolded me that this wasn't about points it was about "eating healthy", and she needed to feel her best even when dying.
So go ahead be his daughter, have your fears, love every minute of your time left and let the hospice workers equip you to do that. He will be your dad for eternity!
DebbieH
Cathlete
Janice, I am so sorry to hear this. I also feel bad I haven't been around to offer my support. Thinking of you during this sad time. God Bless!
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